criticism of perceived "fatness"

OK has anyone ever had this happen...

Yesterday my mom and I were sitting in the car and this girl walked by. She was wearing an exercise bra/tank and a pair of running shorts that were really low on her hips. She was fairly tall, and skinny, except for this teeny bit of belly sticking over the waistband of her shorts. I was thinking to myself how cute she was, when my mom commented that "that girl should not be wearing those shorts." I asked her why and she said, "well, maybe she could if she lost 10 lbs."

This made me really angry.  First, I thought she was hot. Second, does the presence of a rounded belly make someone fat? I suppose a better question would be, does it make them unattractive? Is it a flaw?  I don't mean "is being fat equal to being unattractive," since she was *not* fat at all, but rather "does having an obvious small bit of fat detract from one's appearance?"

The 3rd thing that bothered me about this was that if this girl cannot wear those shorts, then I sure as hell can't wear a bikini. And here I was just thinking that I was starting to look good in one... and I certainly have more to lose than that girl!

And if a little bit of belly is a public no-no, what about stretch marks? Because if one isn't supposed to show stretch marks in public, i'm doomed to wear a burka for the rest of my life.

Am I overreacting to this? Is my mom nuts? I must say I'm confused... while I am about 10 lbs overweight, my mom is about 60 lbs overweight... I would have thought she would see a skinny girl and think, "oh, I wish I looked like that" rather than "look how fat that girl is!" At least that would be my reaction.

And how close to goal would you guys want to be before you'd be willing to wear a bikini on the beach?  How much of a sticking-out belly is acceptable to show? What about stretch marks on the hips (I have lots of those!)?

sounds like a *rrreowr-fft!* moment to me... could your mom be catty?

I don't think you're overreacting, sounds like you have a healthier attitude than she does.  love your body and the way it looks!  seriously, don't let your mom's negative attitude toward a total stranger she's probably jealous of anyway undermine your self-confidence.

I just can't stand the thought of her thinking those things about *me*.  :(  I know I shouldn't need it, but I do want her approval.  I mean, she's my mom and all.  Sigh.

If Mom was a MILF with an awesome body and a great rack and the whole nine, then fine, alright.. She's still out of line, but it makes it slightly less.. Eh, immoral for lack of a better term. But WTF Mom, sounds like you don't look too hot yourself there, honeymuffin, and about the ten pound loss thing, what the hell is she running for then?
Haha, sorry, I got the Italian temper going on.

I don't think a bit of pudge is unattractive at all - What I think is unattractive is hardcore washboard, almost concave stomachs but we live in an extremely judgemental society.

Everyone has stretch marks. Don't worry about it, love. What's most important is that YOU think YOU'RE hot. F*@% what everyone else says. High five! :)

In my mind I can be like your mother in the fact that I over analys [sic?] pretty much everyone, but I know that those flaws don't make a person "ugly" or that they "shouldn't wear something" (well to a point about the wearing thing, I mean some people wear things they really shouldn't... it's great some people feel uber comfy in their skin- but why not wear something that actually compliments them...) but anyways, you are not overreacting at all, and my over-analysis of people comes from the medias harshness.

As for me, I don't even know what my true goal is I'm just losing weight until I'm comforatble. As for how much belly- I think it depends on what type of stomach you have. All of my skinny friends have stretch marks on their hips and they all wear bikinis so don't let that stop you... me on the other hand, I'm 17 and look like I've had a kid, like my entire body is a stretch mark hahaha

Take Care

mommy is always like that....when she sees that. For many skiinny girls, no matter how skinny they are, there always seems some extra flesh around the wasit, especially when they wear BIKINO or Sports Shorts. Well.....I think a little extra flesh is okay with me if I look good on BIKINI or short shorts.haaaaa~~

my goal is to lose 10 lbs by august 14th ( when I'm going to the beach..!) i already have tons and tons of stretch marks since I've been up and down on the scale since I was in 6th grade..i wish i would have known about the miracle of cocoa butter when your stretch marks are in their first stages...now mine are here to stay.  they don't really bother me anymore..its kind of like a sign that I am losing or have lost ya know.

but i hear ya about the moms and the criticism...my mother is a good 75 lbs overweight yet she seems to comment on everyones appearance..those mostly being overweight people ( who, mind you look better than she..) its probably an insecurity thing but..it still gets me thinking..wow..if she thinks this way about this stranger..what does she think of me..and herself?!

There is a type of oil that you can massage into your skin which is said to soothe the skin and reduce the appearance of scars (which is all that stretch marks are). Think it might be birch tree oil, but don't quote me on that.

I also think your mum was out of line, and I know that I've got friends who are similar to that. Heck, when I see a scally girl in the street in a "sexy" pink top with her wobbles spilling out, I sometimes have to sit back and admire. Still, it is not okay to say "she shouldn't be wearing that". These things fit right in with the way that society is heading at the moment, all concentrating on women becoming clothes hangers. It's the whole look that counts, not the tiny bit of belly.

Anyways, if you are worried about showing off your body in a bikini but you want to have the experience, maybe you could try a tankini to see how you cope? I wear one, and I'm 60lbs away from my goal - doesn't matter, I know I'm a good swimmer and I know it looks better and gives me more shape than my swimsuit used to. It's how you wear the size that counts, not what size you wear.     

Your mom was out of line!!  It is kind of like "crabs in a bucket"  There is always one or two trying to get out, but the rest just keep pulling them back in.

For me, I am a pretty shy, ultra conservative, party pooper (as my dh likes to call me :) ).  I don't think I would wear a bikini if I had Pamela Andersons body.  I am just not into showing alot of skin.  But if you like what you see in the mirror and are comfortable, then go for it.  Don't let others negativity pull you back down.  :)

ok.. here's my question to you then.. if your mom thinks a gal like that is over weight and stuff.. what does she say about people who have more than 5-10 pounds to lose?   if she doesn't make comments about them then my guess is that she is jealous of those thinner women.. because people say things like that, usually, when they want to feel better than someone else... especially people they want to be like.. i know that sounds weird.. but it's true

Alright, that comment really upsets me. It's comments like that that tear down people's self-respect and makes them start doing stupid things in the hopes of meeting this unattainable goal of "Beautiful".

It's especially bullsh** coming from a woman as overweight as she is. My girlfriend's mother makes similar remarks about my girlfriend (who is within a healthy range, according to her BMI whereas her mom is obese) and we just don't get it.

Chances are, your mother is a catty little b**** who is ashamed of her own looks and so takes it out by dressing beautiful women down so that she can look better in comparison to them.

If I were you, I'd tell her that. But I'm not you and you aren't me, so don't worry about it :)

 I can't even venture a guess as to what her problem is, but if she feels the need to pick at little superficial flaws in other people while ignoring her own, then I'd say, your mother has a problem.  Don't let it become yours. 

There are a lot of mean remarks you could make to your mom when she says these things, but what would that accomplish?

That's sad that she said that....especially when your mom of all people should know how you would take a comment like that. Unfortunately, that is the world in which we live. Just think of it this way, you are a much better person than most because you judge people by what they show you inside....not by what they look like outside.

Ok - I am not not not agreeing with your mom - so no one throw things!  But, I have seen super skinny girls wearing clothes that were a size or two too small, and it makes whatever 'looseness' they have on them sort of pudge out.  Again, please don't misinterpret this!!!  I am not not not saying these girls need to lose weight!!  But, some of them need to learn to buy size 2's instead of 0's, so the clothes flatter their skinny figures more. 

Hope that makes sense.  I would never say a skinny girl needs to lose weight, but I have said someone shouldn't be wearing the particular article of clothing they are wearing at the time, 99% of the time because it is too small for them.

hkellick- in no way am  I trying to defend you gf's mother, or think it's right for parents to  critize their children, or anyone for that matter- but when I first read it I thought about the grandmother on Rosanne, how she's always so harsh to Jackie (one of her daughters if you haven't seen the show) and one episode saying she. the grandmother, is always so harsh to Jackie is because she knows she can be doing so much more than what she is, that she had such high faith in her that she didn't want to half-a__ her life.
So one possibility could be that her mother doesn't want her slacking off with her weight, or possible to lose a little more weight because she knows how stunning she could look (not that she doesn't at all look pretty). Hopefully that came out right

Another possibility could be that she knows how overweight she is and how much she hates it that she doesn't want her daughter to end up like she, the mother, is so she, the mother, wants the daughter aware of her weight now so she, the daughter, doesn't gain weight in the future.

Or possibly she is " catty little b**** who is ashamed of her own looks" Again please don't think I'm at all defending her mother, I just like to explore the possibilities as to why people do things.


pandajenn19- I know what you're saying and I totally agree, I don't know why people put so much into clothing numbers and now how they actually look...

Hopefully it all came out right,
Take Care

I tell my daughter all the time to just wear the proper SIZE!!  Because she is perfectly lovely but when she wears those darn tight pants....it LOOKS like she has extra because it is too tight.  So I just took her shopping and we bought her pants that fit - she is a size 5 - and I told her how great she looks in clothes that fit and told her to get rid of all size 3 pants!! :)  I don't allow my girls to "diet"  I tell them to get rid of the empy calorie foods if they are worried and be active!! 

As for the mother here.  My Mom is the same and it used to upset me too.  One time she pointed...and yes she actually pointed...to a large woman and told me that if I was not careful I was going to end up like that.  First of all I was devastated that she could be so cruel to a stranger she knows nothing about and secondly...I was 5'4" and 130ish at the time.  She is on me all the time about this - it used to make me so upset!  But I just thought about it and figured that my Mom is a very unhappy person (she is anorexic I think - 4'9" and 82 pounds!) she has all this unhappiness in her and spews out like a poisonous river.  All I can do, is accept her limitations and love her because she is my Mom and because she does love me, she just isn't good at showing it and isn't that sad for her??  Thank goodness I don't have to be that way!!  I put my foot down as far as somethings go with her - but we have to realize our parents are damaged souls, victims of their experiences just like us - just feel blessed that you are stronger than her and chose not go her path - be healthy, wear the bikini with pride and don't LOOK for those who would critisize you - be above it all. 

I actually find girls to be MORE attractive when they have a little bit of fat...isn't what makes them different from boys that little bit of curve? I know some people love the washboard abs, but as far as I'm concerned, a little bit of a soft belly is sexy and endearing.

I hope some other people feel this way, too, because Lord knows I have one myself! :)

LOL.  As you thought the girl looked hot, mom is also entitled to her opinion.  When I was much younger, I did not have the extra fat on my stomach, but I do now. :(  But my opinion is that way too many girls should not wear low cuts when their belly hangs over.  I hate to say it and it is just my opinion, thin girls can look great in these pants, shorts and skirts with a little stomach showing but belly fat....just doesn't work.  Just because it is in fashion, does not mean everyone can wear it!   

Oh man, I'm totally busting out the e-high five to hkellick. Well said. :)

How'd ya like to be a guy with stretch marks? Personally, it's the really skinny people that are unattractive to me. It just doesn't look natural. If it was, Ethiopia would be crawling with talent scouts.

I agree with fattypants.....Those pants that alot of girls wear that start at their hips MAKE some girls look fatter than they are.  I find myself watching thin women and wonder why  some of them wear clothes that make them look so fat.