Cruel things people say AFTER you lose weight.

Has anyone had this problem? I am at a very healthy weight and monitored by my doctor. I eat a lot of vegetables as I'm a  vegetarian. I supplement it with beans and veggie burgers, whole wheat bread etc.

Notice how I felt obligated to say that I eat and what I eat. Why? I'm down to 103lbs at 5 foot. (my scale says 98 the doctors says 103) and people now call me anorexic, bean pole, too thin etc. How am I anorexic when I eat? How am I too thin when I'm at a normal weight for my height? Do they not understand calling someone too thin is like calling someone too fat. I get comments that I don't eat. They don't live with me, they don't see what I eat. Just cause I don't want to order pizza every day with you doesn't mean I don't eat.

It's scarey. I've been able to handle it so far but people need to think before they speak. We have a hard time losing the weight (35lbs for me!) and then we get cruel comments from people after we have.

I tell them they are jealous. Next time I hear "you don't eat" I swear I'm going to say "you eat like a cow". When I hear I'm anorexic I'm going to call them a name back. When I hear I'm too thin I'm going to say they are too fat.

Don't people understand that words hurt? I did a great job losing the weight, I think I look good. Why are people so cruel?

People's cruelty could be fueled by either their own insecurity and jealousy over your look and healthy diet or it could be that they are concerned and just express it very poorly. I've found that in this life no one will torment you like the people who have convinced themselves they're doing it for your own good. Could it be that whoever you've been getting those thoughtless comments from just worries that you're not eating enough?

When someone makes an intruding remark about your body, do they sound hostile and spiteful like they're out to hurt your feelings? If so, I recommend just keeping your chin up and forgetting about it, maybe responding with something calm and sarcastic to shut them up, but try not to sink to their level. If you get the impression someone suspects you have a full-blown eating disorder, you could try explaining that they needn't worry, your diet is your business and it's all under control.

Either way, don't let the jerks get to you! In the end no one can offend you unless you take offense. It can be tricky trying to ignore the comments if you get them frequently, but don't waste your time and energy on thinking about it. Good luck and congratulations on achieving your current weight!

Congratulations on your weight loss! I also have never understood why people who wouldn't dream of commenting on a fat person's size have no problem commenting on a thin person's size. Do you also get "I hate you ,you're so skinny", and comments like that? WTF are people thinking?

i lost 56lbs last diet to 126 (im 5'4'') and the comments i got were ridiculous. your too thin, you need to eat more..... my uni mates, bless them, staged an intervention and sat me down and made me keep a food diary of everything i ate for a week just so they could ssee what i was eating. of course, i was eating tons!!! iv been forced to eat cheesecake a multitude of times. i think its worse being thin than being obese. people are used to overweight people, but its the skinny ones they interfere with!

Totally understand. I am 4'10" or 4'11 :) and weight between 90-92. I was 130 7 years ago and it has been a very slow process. I now eat clean and am in pretty good shape. My family and friends make comments all the time about me being anorexic. At first I would laugh it off but now it just pisses me off. I am sick of hearing it. I am very tone and have good muscle definition. I lift 3 days a week cardio 6 and sprint sessions 2 so I am visible tone. Anyway, if you are anorexic the first thing that happens is you loose your muscle tone because  your body is starving and uses anything it can as fuel. So obviously I am not anorexic. I eat clean which means lots of lean proteins, complex carbs, veggies, fruit, good fats. Stay away from processed foods, simple carbs, sugars, fried foods, artificial sweeteners. No fast food and not much junk so of course I am going to be lean. I think people don't  understand people like us who work VERY hard to stay in shape and get fit and tone. For me it is a lifestyle. I like looking and feeling good. I don't push it on other people so they should not push it on me. Sometimes I am nice about it and try to explain how I eat and workout to stay this way, other times I just walk away because it gets old.

I wouldn't say they are hostile and spiteful, some are very snide like one person said "You don't eat that's how you stay thin." And I so wanted to say something back, something about her weight but I didn't. If I would have told her the truth she would have been upset.  It is coming to the point that I am going to. The second one hires a personal trainer and eats a lot of food (so many calories every couple of hours, it's supposed to keep her metabolism up and make her burn fat faster) but when I slimmed down and was thinner then her (minus the special diet and personal trainer) she said she wasn't going to tell me I looked good that I lost it the wrong way.

My daughter said it when we were at Pizza Hut because I complained about the smell (greasey places make me sick). After not eating grease for years (it's been almost 5 years since I ate meat), when I'm at a fast food restaurant or a pizza place I can't stand the smell.

A guy friend said if I lost any more weight I'd look like Nicole Richie. I got upset and he said he was "teasing" (sure).

Normally people who don't know me don't say a word. My daughter uses it as she knows she can harp on it and it will bother me.  My sister has never said anything (she'd be the first to say if I were too thin). My mother just says wow look at the weight you loss.  My cousin hasn't said a word to me about it. My relatives, when we were at a funeral, hadn't seen me in awhile and a lot didn't recognize me and they all kept saying "Do I know you" and I'd say my name an they'd say "Omg! I can't believe you're different... somehow. What did you change." And they'd look and stare and then they'd say "Wow you've lost weight!" Nothing negative just wow you look good, what a difference etc. (Then again I have a very supportive family so I'm blessed).

I'm certainly no where near that kind of weight now, but once upon a time (sigh), I was 108 pounds at 5'2".  I got told I was skinny all the time.  My favorite from my geeky friends was that I was of 'negligible mass'. 

But somehow, it didn't bother me.  And really, I hadn't done anything to 'deserve' that weight - I was 18 with the attendant fast metabolism, did marching band and dance classes, and then went to college with all of that hiking around campus.

 

I think if I get down to my goal weight, I'll mind it even less with all the work I've done to get there at the age of 31 and no forced exercise.

So, I don't know how much it'll help you, but I guess my advice is to just ignore them.  Maybe leave some literature on appropriate weights and healthy eating around. ;)

I had some guys I know tell me to stop losing weight because I was "getting too skinny".  That didn't bother me.  What did is that, while making the comment, they held their hands up to mimick my boobs getting smaller.  Thanks, jerks.

People like this are usually jealous because they want to lose weight too and are pissed that you have done it and they haven't. Thats why they will make comments and try to sabbotage your efforts... just focus on staying healthy and ignore those trying to bring you down.

I just posted about this on another thread. Basically people asking me if I had an ED or telling others the same. It wasn't that though, I did go through a phase of having no appetite after a breakdown, but mostly I just changed my eating habits and excercised more.

People seem to think its a compliment when they call people too skinny.

Last fall when school started one of my best friends noticed how I looked after I'd lost another 10 lbs and ran 3-4 times a week all summer which made me firm up a fair bit. Her compliment? 'Oh wow! You look totally bulimic! way to go!'

WTF? It was obviously meant as a compliment, and she didn't mean I looked underweight, and I don't. but... wth?

I get this all the time, at 5'5'' and 116 lbs (small frame). I'm starting to think that people have no idea what a healthy weight actually looks like.

Some people are just clods!

You could just smile and say " I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full." There's really nothing anyone can say to that.

Hmm, I gave this some thought while I was away and I want to add one more thought: I think that this goes back to the idea I've seen that people have forgotten what a correct weight looks like because of the trends toward being overweight.

Think of it this way: we live in a society where people are aware enough of EDs that this happens. Ten, fifteen years ago, a conversation like that never would have happened. Having known that other world and seen it's ravages, I'm not that upset we've overswung in the other direction.

i know! just now during dinner, my friend offered me some of his prawn noodles, which i declined, and i told him that it's because i'm vegetarian.

he immediately replied that 'tsk. you anorexic people are always in denial.'

And I was just like O_O?!, but i just tried to ignore the comment and go back to eating my plate of rice, vege, tofu, beancurd and fried egg. bleah.

I'm going to play devil's advocate for a minute, not to upset you or anyone else, but I've said that to someone before who recently lost a ton of weight and the reason was: They never ate in front of us. I'm talking a family or friend, if I'm worried they're not eating healthy and doing their body damage, I'm going to mention it to them. My close friend went from 180 to 120 very quickly and suddenly stopped eating in front of people entirely, or when they did, it wouldn't be enough to fill a bug. Maybe it was rooted in poor self esteem, or other issues, but the first thing she did was get hostile and defensive to me a well. "Why can't you be happy for me? Why are you so mean? You're just jealous." All you need to do is give a calm, rational answer which is, "I'm watching my weight, I'm very healthy and monitered by my doctor. I appreciate your concern, and would be happy to discuss some of the methods I use to lose weight."

You need to remember that not everything is a personal attack. Sometimes it's just good old fashioned concern for a loved one.

My neighbor recently lost 40 lbs and I asked her about it, and told her she looked great. She said, "I was fat before, huh?" And I was like,"no, you work out and you are athletic and I was shocked seeing you for the first time in three months, because you look like a different person." I still felt like I hurt her feelings by complimenting her. I even said, "this is not a backhanded compliment, and I understand because my brain works that way too." I'm guess I'm a bit off topic, but I hope you're getting lots of compliments to break up the weird, worrisome ones.

It's interesting. Most people would never stage this kind of intervention with overweight people. Can you imagine the roommates of a borderline obese person throwing away her chips and Ben&Jerry? Even if the health risks of obesity are well known, most people tread very carefully. Yes, a few boors will comment 'should you have that burger?', but most won't. But they don't think twice about messing with you once you start loosing weight. While sometimes it's real concern, mostly, I suspect, is about being uncomfortable with change. My chubby friend/sister/significant other getting healthy and fit? Oh my! What does it say about *me* and my bad habits? A lot of people think of other people's choices as an insult to themselves. If you are coloring your hair, it means that you think there's something wrong with my grey hair. If you are going to college, it means there's something wrong with my not going. If you are loosing weight and exercising, that means there's something wrong with my being in not so good shape.
Yes, I am aware of ED. I am also aware that people don't intervene with you when you are gaining a lot of weight. So, I suspect many of these interventions are more about being uncomfortable with change than anything else. Think about it, people. If it's OK to mess with 'skinny' people out of concern, then why is it not OK to mess with overweight people?

First off Gunner, I am living proof that fat people get taunted as much as skinny people, if not more-so. Friend's, family, strangers that think their opinion matters, told me my entire life that, "If you keeo eating like that, you're going to be as fat as a house." At first it hurts, but then when you face the truth that perhaps you are taking it a little far, the reality sinks in. Secondly, 40 pounds overweight might put a bit of strain on your heart, 40 pounds underweight and you will probably die. End of story. Starving yourself WILL kill you, overeating MIGHT kill you. That's the difference. If I'm afraid my sister/ friend/ whatever is starving themselves, I'm going to intervene. It's a matter of life and death. I don't mind being the bad guy if it means I've saved the life of someone I love.

To those wondering why it seems people think it's ok to intervene when they think someone is too thin, but not when they are gaining weight:

I think it's because we live in such a thin-obsessed society (despite the growing average weight) that fat is seen as a very negative thing to be so  no one would imagine that a person was gaining weight on purpose, becoming fat to look good....but someone who is losing weight must be doing it to look good and be more attractive. So if we perceive them to be too thin, we think they have lost their perspective and are going overboard and jeopardizing their health in an attempt to become thinner and more attractive. You can thank Hollywood for that.

Anyway that's just my thoughts on this. I have seen a lot of posts wondering this very thing, and I can't help but think, man if anyone ever told me I looked too thin I would kiss them smack on the mouth :)