Cute "diet tips"

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
7. Cookie pieces contain no fat-- the process of breaking causes fat leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.
11. Foods eaten while watching a major event on television do not count. Major events include: Super bowl, Hockey Finals, Indy 500, Jerry Springer show.
12. Power bars and other type energy bars make you thinner. In all my years of exercising (at least three times a year) I have only seen thin people eating energy bars. Therefore they must make you thin.
13. Snickers is the same as an energy bar (see #12)
14. Tasting other people's food does not add to your calorie count.
15. Containers of food that list the number of servings as greater than one are lying. Every container includes one serving. Half gallon of ice cream, box of cereal, bottle of soda, bag of chips are all one serving.

food eaten standing up over the kitchen sink has no calories

not to sound rude, but these sound more like excuses to me. LOL but they are funny. ;)

Those are hilarious.  I love the very first one (the most important) - if no one sees you eat it, it doesn't have any calories!  So supermodels eat entire Sara Lee cheesecakes ... they just eat them in their hall closets!! 

But actually, #13 COULD be true, depending on the energy bar.

Items consumed in your car don't have calories because of some sort of calorie/intertia law. Also, fries dropped in the seat cushions have negative calories.

hahahahaha! I'm guilty of many.  Also - foods that you cannot find and cannot log on CC do not count towards your daily food intake calorie count.  =)

Did Kevin Tredaeu sell that list to you?

HA HA HA HA I love it! I'm very guilty of #8 when baking!

and if you break off and eat the edges and corners of something (for example, brownies or bars) in the process of making all the edges perfectly straight, those don't count either :-)

Free food also has no calories. Eg work cookie jar or if someone buys you dinner etc.....

invisible calories don't count ;) if you can't SEE it...

ex: butter, margarine, oil :P

XD That's awesome!

And they are excuses- that's why "tips" was in quotes. : P

I also have to add: if you don't record it, it doesn't count.

If you eat close to the floor,, its "LOW" cal

Heh. These are all totally true. :P

these are hilarious... I like mel66's..."LOW" cal..lol.

when i was younger, there was something like this in a magazine i used to read. it said if you drank diet soda with a large pizza...it cancels it out (joking of course...but i was too young to get it) so, for the longest time, id drink diet coke with something fattening...thinking i was doing good lol. i think its why i am the person who orders a diet soda with her big mac lol.