D

you sound like you really want to be married to someone... o.O

ring or not you can still get your heart broken.  marriage is about true love, not the dress, the plans, or the date. 

current b/f and i have been together for 4 years and have no intention of being engaged until we can afford it/do it comfortably.  we have no doubt we're going to be together forever.. so why rush? 

Plan like "someday, when we are married, we'll have kids and a house and we'll live in this state" yes.

Plan like "I want 'Wind Beneath My Wings' for our first dance" no.

But I was never one of those girls who has been thinking about the wedding since I was 5.

I'm a little confused about guy #2 - you set a date and bought a dress... but you weren't engaged? People define engaged different ways (it doesn't have to be a ring and a knee). But if neither or only one of you thought that you were engaged, then that seems like it probably moved too fast.

Before we had finally decided, yes we are getting married for sure, there were no plans for anything.

After we talked about it and he talked to my dad (which happened the same day) but before I had a ring on my finger we talked a little about where we would live (he worked about 40 miles from where I worked so we decided to live in the middle) and a little about finances (which didn't do us much good because we were both laid off a month later).  We also came up with a range of dates: mid February to mid March.

I told him that nothing would actually be planned and no one would be officially told until I had a ring on my finger, which gave him some motivation to go buy a ring and properly propose (use the words "will you marry me?").

Original Post by loriklorik:

you sound like you really want to be married to someone... o.O

 i have to agree with lorik here.

you're a year younger than me (making you 22 or 23)...and you've been engaged twice, and are now considering a third engagement? 

to each their own...and i know some people who were engaged young, and it worked out great...but it does seem like you're rushing things.  why do you want to be married?  you may want to ask yourself that before you think about being engaged again.  does he seem like the right guy? or do you just want to be married?

oh, and discussing the future? totally normal.  vague wedding details before being engaged, i would think was also pretty normal... (since that was your question and i'm bumping in about the rest).

I need to get a ring on my finger first so I dont get hurt.

sweetie, you can get hurt with or without a ring...sucks, but you know it's true.

It does sound like you want to be married.  Perhaps for you that's the natural next step to any serious relationship.  Each to his/her own.  At least you got out before getting married and divorced.  A dress and a date counts as engaged in my books, the dress must be perfect for you to want to use it for the current one.

Not planning before there's a ring on the finger makes sense.  It would really be awkward to go through it a third time.  It does sound good that you're completely comfortable talking.

It sounds to me like you should just be straightforward with your guy.  Perhaps next time the conversation comes up you could share a little about your uneasiness and say something like "sometimes I get nervous talking about the future because X and Y and Z happened to me before"??  Not expecting a response or anything, just so he knows where you're coming from....  Maybe even dropping a hint of "I'm not going to make any formal plans until there's a ring on my finger"??  I don't know.

You don't mention in your post how long you have been together, but if he is marriage material, there is no reason that a conversation like that should freak him out--well, at least not a guy I'd like to marry  :)  (I'm already married to a guy who's not freaked out by talking about feelings, though, and I've always been the type to talk about things...) 

To me, if you two are to be married, you should always be honest with one another - about your plans for the future, your dreams and even your fears. 

Getting engaged 3 times is not "lame." What is lame is marrying a guy who isn't right for you. If a guy really cared about you, even if you were pushing him to marry you, he should have sat down and talked it through rather than just running off. A guy who wants to be with you would have said something like, "I want to marry you some day, but I am not ready because -insert reason- (want to be more financially stable, want to get to know you better, etc.)

I would wait to plan. Marriage is usually a big step for men, so be understanding. He is probably nervous, so don't rush him.

I don't understand what shiny metal and rocks have to do with getting engaged.

When you get excited and are thinking about your wedding, what is it that you think about/picture in your head? Do you think about your dress, your decorations, the cake.... or do you think of being with your husband for the rest of your life, enjoying your wedding with him and making that commitment to each other? That should be a good indication whether you want to marry HIM, or if you just want to have a wedding...

I know from experience, I started planning my wedding earlier this year, but after a few days realized I was just excited for the pretty dress and flowers... it wasn't really about being married. So we called it off. And still happily together :] We'll get married some day, but we just aren't there yet...

We're planning our wedding now - and I can't wait to be done with the planning. I want the party (and to wear my pretty dress) but at the end of the day, what's important is that I get to spend the rest of my life with my guy. Wedding or not. Marriage or not.

I agree with cc31 - if this guy is right for you, you should be able to talk to him, and tell him how you are feeling and why.

And honestly, if you are worried that you are moving too fast... you probably are.

"Mostly with my original post I wanted to hear about stories from people if they made wedding plans before they had a proposal?"

There's absolutely nothing wrong in planning your wedding long before you are engaged.  Many people start making those plans before they even pick out the groom!  Some women start planning their daughters weddings from birth.  I think you keep right on planning, have fun with it, and talk to your guy about it so he can share in the fun.  Talk to your friends and family  about it so they can share in the fun, too. Part of the fun is dreaming over the dress, veil , etc.  Good luck to you, sweetie.  If this guy is the one, it will work out just fine.

If you guys have set a date and put deposit money down on a place, then you're engaged imo.  The ring is merely a nicety at this point.

Holy crap you've been engaged 3 times and you're 23!? You must have been very young for your first engagement.

I'm just the type of person who doesn't see what the rush is. Fantasizing about the future is something I'll do, but setting a wedding date..........ehhhh....I can wait.

Well, my engagement went like this:

H:  I think we should get married.

Me:  Ok.

No engagement ring or anything like that.  And several months went by before we finally set a date.  I pretty much made my mom plan it all, and she did a fantastic job with the 6 weeks' notice we gave her.

Obviously, the wedding was not as big a deal to me as it is to you.  The marriage, on the other hand, has turned out to be quite a big deal to me.    Everybody's relationshp is different, and you are in the best position to know whether this guy is serious or just stringing you along.

Original Post by priceless7:

Lori - haha yeah. Im mormon and a 23 year old college graduate. I want to get married pretty bad but more importantly I want it to be to the right person. :)

 ohhhh .... do you believe in no sex before marriage?.....

Because...well..... that can be a strong motivator LOL

You've been dating a guy for four months. For some, that's enough time. I'd prefer at least a couple of years. But what ever rocks your boat. 

I know you were thinking about future, getting old together, having kids.. but have you thought about other aspects of life that's not just sweet, fun? Does he pay his bills on time or do you need to nag him a little to get it done? Would he help you with household chores or rather watch TV? Do you guys have similar beliefs when it comes to rearing children?

Personally, I think that if you are going to spend a life time with this guy for sure, there's no real hurry to get married.