Daily changes - exciting and scary

My mother passed away two years ago, and I'd been in a deep unmoving funk ever since. Father had passed away four years prior to that, a sibling died, my dog died, a friend died - it was just one string of death after another. My job had been a constant land of the opposite of support - the kind of place where if you were happy, they wanted to tear you down off your high horse, and if you were unhappy they wanted you to shut up. Be a zombie. I got fired/quit a year ago and went back to school, supporting myself by scrimping and saving and living on savings - was doing really well and started feeling hopeful again (even losing a little as I got more active), and then another death hit, and everything went into a tailspin. Everytime I looked in the mirror, I'd see less and less of my face and more and more fat and I just didn't care.

Money started running out, and I started looking for work - trying to fake my old personality - and got hit with rejection after rejection. I'd get as far as a third interview, and something would happen to pull it away. Then at the beginning of October, I happened to look in the mirror and realized I could NOT SEE the girl I used to be, no matter what I did. I'd smile a sparkly smile and it looked like a desperate, crazy woman. I'd hold a normal face and it looked like I was bitter and lazy. No. No, no, no, no, no. So I lumbered off for a walk and kept track of everything I ate that day - which was probably the first day in months (maybe years) that I hadn't binged, because I knew I was tracking it. Didn't count the calories, just kept track.

Next day, I felt better. So then I walked farther, and did some neck rolls, and consciously tried to eat much less garbage. Lather, rinse, repeat. And so on. Everyday I started doing a little more to get myself out of this situation. And now - it's been five weeks. Every DAY there have been little changes to see in the mirror. First, I got my face back. Then clothes started fitting much looser - to the point of falling off. I started noticing the beginning of muscle definition appearing separate from the fat. The sea of fat is getting smaller! Every day! My skin is drastically improved, my energy level is high, and holy moly I have no desire to eat anything except healthy foods. Not even tempted by junk - it looks gross.

I have a bunch of interviews lined up for this week and next and even though I have a lonnnnnnng way to go, I think I'll present a much better image. More importantly (though maybe not as urgently), I think I'm actually going to get down to a healthy me. I'm anticipating that the whole process will take a year, but right now I'm so heavy that the changes are drastically noticeable. Not stepping on scales, but keeping calorie counts and I'm going to pick up a tape measure today. I'm sure I won't keep changing at the rate I presently am - but right now, it is exactly the motivation I needed.

This is exciting - this is scary. I think I'm going to get all the way to goal.

Wow!!! Way to go!

You are headed in the best direction possible... congratulations!

I know you can do it =) Keep up all the positive energy