Date #3?

I've gone on a couple dates with this guy. I have decided that I'm not physically or mentally attracted to him, but I don't mind his company, and welcome the excuse to get out of the house. He just asked me on date #3. Do I go? I don't want to lead him on, but I also have a hard time rejecting people.

Not to mention that soon the pressure will be on for puttin' out...

to go would be leading him on, and not fair to him. if you like the guy, even as just a friend, the right thing to do is to tell him you don't see it going anywhere.

I gotta say to tell him how you feel.

I had a situation like that....and I didn't end up telling him until after some awkward groping and kissing and I really valued his friendship. Needless to say he was really hurt cuz I let it go too long.

Gah...I seriously hate telling people that. So much so that I would almost avoid dating altogether to avoid having to reject the ones I don't like.

It's actually kinder to tell him sooner rather than later.  I'd put it something like, hey, I'd love to go hang out with you again, but I'm really not seeing us as having the chemistry for dating.  I do understand if you don't want to given what I've just told you.  It's actually mean imo to send the mixed signals of "I like you...but...um...I like you".

I agree with Sarah.  Let him know that you enjoy hanging out with him, but that you only feel a friendship with him.  Then maybe suggest that you two go grab a bite to eat and offer to go "Dutch".  That way he doesn't think you are just trying to get dinner from him, but that he knows that you are sincere about wanting to remain friends.

From a guys perspective...

I would say....just come out and say it...he would prefer to know that he has a friend with limits...and not with benefits...

Be honest, if it was me...I would say that I really miss having a male/best friend. I feel that I have found that in this relationship. I really hope that you can accept a relationship based on being best buddies & not boyfriend/girlfriend. Who knows....you guys might be hanging out & run into a female friend of yours & they really hit it off.

1) to go will be putting on. if you want to be friends with this guy then you can offer that but most times this is hurtful to the guy.. because you will just be a reminder that he was rejected etc. 2) if you are being pressured to put out in the beginning stages of any relationship then it is NOT the right guy!!

Only from my perspective (a guy)...I would prefer you tell me this isnt working for you but you are nice to hang out with than to lead me on thinking you are spending time with me because there is something there...bottomline tell him you think he's nice but....trust me he would rather know than to be lead on.

Dave

OK, IMO going out with him isn't leading him on as long as you aren't doing any of the following: lying, "acting like you want more," being a tease, doing anything you don't want to, just for a free meal.

Also if YOU feel guilty then let him know exactly what you told us, you don't see it going anywhere but you do enjoy his company.

Is that the standard for putting out these days, 4th date?

I ended up telling him. We communicate by text and don't see each other except on dates, so I responded to his text date request by saying something like, "I'd love to, but you should know that I'm not looking to get involved with anyone right now." Which I'm not...although if the right person came along, I might make an exception...but that doesn't need to be said. I apologized for not being more clear about that earlier. He was really nice about it, and texted back that he's not looking for anything either, and we're still going to the movie. He also said that I shouldn't be freaked out if he still wants to pay for things. I'm pretty strapped for money, so I'm not complaining.

I should note that I'm aware that texting is NOT the best method for communicating these types of things, but it would have been strange for both of us to do it over the phone, when we've never had a phone conversation.

Thanks so much for all the great advice!

LOL I completely understand about the texting thing. That's the main way I communicate w someone, unless it's in person!

And hey, if he still wants to pay for stuff, let him share the wealth! hahah My friends and I (I have a lot of guy friends) go back and forth w paying, just depends on who's 'ballin' at the momentlol. He sounds like a nice guy, though really. Maybe he'll have some nice guy friends that you WILL click with!

I also hate rejecting people.  Almost as much as I hate being rejected myself.  Just think about how you would want to be treated by someone else.

Original Post by laschndr:

I also hate rejecting people.  Almost as much as I hate being rejected myself.  Just think about how you would want to be treated by someone else.

 Haha, I think I might rather have someone drop off the face of the earth than let me down easy. It's never easy.

well emily, i gotta say he's probably still going to think he has a chance of something more than friendship here, but at least you put it out there, so if he makes a move or gets too clingy you can just say "WHOA buddy, i said i wasn't looking for anything!"

nicely done i say :p

emily,  Let him take you out and pay for a nice meal! I know money is tight and most men like doing this for a woman. I seriously doubt he will think you are leading him on as long as you are upfront about your feelings.

don't go out with him. third date is veering on attachment for a dude, as far as i know. if you go out with him then and you still don't like him, when do you finally say no? date 4? 7? the engagement? don't string this guy along. this is how people become bitter.

edit: i just read what happened. he's trying to trick you into dating him! clever guy. so how was date #3? i hope you know, the next time you guys are hanging out and just enjoying each other's company, he's gonna try to kiss you when he thinks the time's right. slippery slope....