Date 1, who pays?

So, I've always let the man pay for dates, cuz i'm a woman and insist on being treated like a  lady. However, today an acquaintance texted me asking me to take him to dinner. That's an interesting way of putting it. So am I expected to pay?

Money is tight right now and I  have been laid off for a few weeks. I don't want to sound cheap and tell him this, but I also cannot afford a night out, especially since last weekend we took a friend out for her birthday. Thanks for any help!

he TEXTED you asking YOU to take him out to dinner?  weird..

ok, I am getting old...that is just odd!

for a first date, I would go with money to pay for myself, but would actually expect the guy to pay...granted, I have been out of the dating game for a LONG LONG LONG LONG time.

But that is what my 16 year old does.

text him back:

Sure! your treat! thx!

I think he's moreso asking you out to dinner than asking, "Hey, buy me food."

Suggest a fun, but cheaper place. Chili's, Pollo Tropical, etc. They have items on the menu for under $10. When the check comes, ask if he wants to split it. Either he'll agree or insist he pays. I don't think any man in their right mind would ask you to pay. Have fun! :)

Really?  Like, "how bout taking me out to dinner?"

I'd be like, "Okay, I'll buy dinner if you pay for the flight to Paris.  Sound good?"

I pretty much agree w/ what kae said. If he is serious, that would annoy me and I would personally not agree to that. However it may just be his way of asking you out and he doesn't actually expect you to take him out and pay.

I think whoever does the asking should pay.  At least in the beginning phase of dating, which I think is what you're asking about.  (I personally have never asked a guy out in the beginning phase of dating, so for me usually the guy pays because he does the asking. If the girl does the asking, I think it's up to her to pay for both. After the first few dates or once you're in a relationship, I think it's different though....)

um...the guy pays on the first date. i might be old fashioned, but i don't care. i'm not interested in dating a guy who wouldn't feel the same way. i don't NEED a guy to take care of me or pay for me, but i want the type of guy who wants to.  

if a guy texted me and said "take me out to dinner" he wouldn't be getting a date with me.

maybe the guy thought he was being cute/funny? otherwise i just don't get it. don't pay for his dinner! i'd probably respond with something like "i don't take men out to dinner, they take me!"

i think if there's a definite inviter (rather than a general kind-of let's get together for dinner sort-of dynamic), the inviter pays. 

as the invitee, i would then make some decisions: if i was romantically inclined, i let him pay.  that doesn't mean that he always pays because he's the guy, but because he invited me, i give him that.

but if i'm not romantically inclined, i insist on splitting the tab.  letting him pay for dinner if i'm not genuinely interested is leading him on.

that's assuming that he doesn't owe me a favour or something.  if i looked after his dog or watered his plants for a week, i'll let him pay ;)

Thanks for the replies, everyone! Yes, he definitely called me the first time and invited me out. I told him I was busy moving into a new place, but would let him know when I might be free. I then texted him a few times that would work, and he replied with that. So now I'm feeling like I was tricked or something.

I like the idea of saying that "No, but You can take me out" and add a wink? I don't know, with all the stress I've been through I'm not sure I can take a weird situation now on top of it all. GAH!

Thanks again, though! :)

Original Post by confused10111111:

I like the idea of saying that "No, but You can take me out" and add a wink?

 i think you should do that and see how he responds! i mean, do you really want to date this guy if he expects you to pay on the first date? feel free to update us with his response :p 

Reply: 'Can't.  Am broke-ass broke. Sorry!"

And then let him frame his intent correctly.

There is no shame in stating you got no dough, whether employed or not.

I agree....the man should pay for the first date....

As long as the woman realizes that she owes him some kind of sex for it <3

Original Post by loriklorik:

I agree....the man should pay for the first date....

As long as the woman realizes that she owes him some kind of sex for it <3

Lol! Makes sense to me!

I'm w pgeorgian, who ever asks should pay. He's just got a stupid sense of humor. hmmm. Do you want to go out w someone w a stupid sense of humor?

I sort of paid for my 1st date w my DH. I had a gift certificate to a restuarant, told him so and invited him. We could talk to each other well enough that in the future, he paid, I paid or we spit it depending on how the funds were running. We were much more interested in doing things together than accounting.

If you are old fashioned enough to expect a man to pay, shouldn't you also be old fashioned enough to expect that the invitation be extended by voice rather than text message?

;)

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

text him back:

Sure! your treat! thx!

ha ha ha i'm taking note of that one...

I have always been treated to be honest never had to pay although i have offered on more than one occasion.

I actually think that that text is a bit cheeky.

Original Post by loriklorik:

I agree....the man should pay for the first date....

As long as the woman realizes that she owes him some kind of sex for it <3

 I had to quote this just because it's so f'in funny!  Takes grapefruits lorik...and apparently you've got em!

To add my $0.02.  I must be really old fashioned (key word "old).  I have no issues with women being leaders and women having a voice and women being able to do anything a man can do (well maybe except Football).  I realize too that most of the women on here probably make more money than I do...but I'm still buying!  Don't take it as sexist, don't take it as "Me Tarzan, You Jane".  Take it as a gesture of my appreciation for going out on a date with me.  For making me smile and laugh.  I would never expect  a woman to pay.  Would I accept it after a while?  Sure, but I would never leave the house without enough money to pay for it if she didn't offer.  So I don't care if it's the 1st date or the 10th date or the 10th anniversary, I will still be prepared to "pick up the tab".  I'm opening the damn door too...deal with it!

Oh, as long as I get some sort of sex...I love that!!!!!!!

You realize you are only 37 right? You aren't even the oldest person in this thread, let alone the oldest person in the lounge. ;)

Original Post by kathygator:

You realize you are only 37 right? You aren't even the oldest person in this thread, let alone the oldest person in the lounge. ;)

 hehe joe seems to think he is some kind of old fogie at 37!

i've dated a guy your age who acted younger than me half the time! he also always picked up the tab...

Original Post by bigbearjoe:

Original Post by loriklorik:

I agree....the man should pay for the first date....

As long as the woman realizes that she owes him some kind of sex for it <3

 I had to quote this just because it's so f'in funny!  Takes grapefruits lorik...and apparently you've got em!

To add my $0.02.  I must be really old fashioned (key word "old).  I have no issues with women being leaders and women having a voice and women being able to do anything a man can do (well maybe except Football).  I realize too that most of the women on here probably make more money than I do...but I'm still buying!  Don't take it as sexist, don't take it as "Me Tarzan, You Jane".  Take it as a gesture of my appreciation for going out on a date with me.  For making me smile and laugh.  I would never expect  a woman to pay.  Would I accept it after a while?  Sure, but I would never leave the house without enough money to pay for it if she didn't offer.  So I don't care if it's the 1st date or the 10th date or the 10th anniversary, I will still be prepared to "pick up the tab".  I'm opening the damn door too...deal with it!

Oh, as long as I get some sort of sex...I love that!!!!!!!

 

Cool! lobster please and you can feel one boob :)

Original Post by andie-joe:

Cool! lobster please and you can feel one boob :)

 would surf and turf get him both?? ;P

Hee hee - now there's an excellent idea for a thread...

'What would you do for a lobster?'

(Especially given what girls will do for cheap plastic beads :) )