Date 1, who pays?

So, I've always let the man pay for dates, cuz i'm a woman and insist on being treated like a  lady. However, today an acquaintance texted me asking me to take him to dinner. That's an interesting way of putting it. So am I expected to pay?

Money is tight right now and I  have been laid off for a few weeks. I don't want to sound cheap and tell him this, but I also cannot afford a night out, especially since last weekend we took a friend out for her birthday. Thanks for any help!

I say guy pays.  I have never paid for a date.  Times may have changes while I have been married, but if you asked for the pleasure of my company (sarcasm) then you pay, and i put out when i feel comfortable doing so. 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i think if there's a definite inviter (rather than a general kind-of let's get together for dinner sort-of dynamic), the inviter pays. 

as the invitee, i would then make some decisions: if i was romantically inclined, i let him pay.  that doesn't mean that he always pays because he's the guy, but because he invited me, i give him that.

but if i'm not romantically inclined, i insist on splitting the tab.  letting him pay for dinner if i'm not genuinely interested is leading him on.

that's assuming that he doesn't owe me a favour or something.  if i looked after his dog or watered his plants for a week, i'll let him pay ;)

 This is interesting.

Original Post by jules817:

Original Post by andie-joe:

Cool! lobster please and you can feel one boob :)

 would surf and turf get him both?? ;P

hee hee totally :)

man should pay, it just seems awkward if its any other way.

Original Post by osainto:

man should pay, it just seems awkward if its any other way.

 what happens if its 2 men?!

Yuck! I hope it was just a mistake and he meant take you out for dinner. Tackola.

Original Post by jules817:

Original Post by andie-joe:

Cool! lobster please and you can feel one boob :)

 would surf and turf get him both?? ;P

 What if I bought ALL of you surf and turf?  That's a lot of boobies!!!!

The age reference is just because I'm "new" to this chatting stuff and it makes me feel like a tennie bopper.  There are a lot of twenty somethings here too (that includes you andie-joe...you're like 28 aren't you ;)).  I hope that none of the "senior" members aren't offended that I consider myself old...and you know what...if you are, tough ****.  Just got back from the gym and I don't feel a day over 70!

Original Post by kathygator:

You realize you are only 37 right? You aren't even the oldest person in this thread, let alone the oldest person in the lounge. ;)

 omg!  You guys will never believe this!  I only realized now that my profile was wrong.  I have a big (huge) typo in there.  Sorry if I've mislead you guys.

And here I thought everyone was going to rail on her for expecting the guy to always pay.

I pay for my own stuff, simple enough. I guess if he offers to pay the entire bill that's cool, but I find that awkward (heck I felt weird when my friend paid for my slurpee) and I certainly don't expect it...

but alas, I would just tell him your situation. He can decide if he wants to pay or not then.

I think the guy should pay rule is stupid.  How about the one with the most money pays?  Or whoever makes more money?  

Original Post by figurethefat:

I think the guy should pay rule is stupid.  How about the one with the most money pays?  Or whoever makes more money?  

 

Lol that wouldn't be awkward...at the end of the dinner (or whatever):

"Soo...how we gonna do this?  What's your annual income?"

Personally, I always go expecting to pay for myself, and am pleasantly surprised if he offers to buy.  I would never pay for a guy, though!  Unless I owed him, or he bought last time :).

I let my boyfriend pay on the first date, but after that we took turns. I hate splitting bills - it seems so petty - so it worked for both of us. I really don't see why guys should have to pay all the time. It's not like I don't earn my own money. Does having a penis turn a guy into a walking chequebook? Personally I would feel totally embarrassed if a guy was always shelling out for me while I was taking a free ride.

Sooo how long did you frickin wait before you replied to this poor guy???

I like the whole cute flirty response idea and all... but may lose something if you waited 2 days? ya know

If I were dating a woman that constantly let me pay without offering or picking up the tab once in a while...i would start to question the relationship. Sure a date or two to see how things work out is fine...but after that it makes me think she doesnt want a boyfriend, she is just hungry.

Original Post by loriklorik:

Original Post by osainto:

man should pay, it just seems awkward if its any other way.

 what happens if its 2 men?!

 I dunno, but the restaurant's hooped if it's two women!

Original Post by susiecue:

Original Post by loriklorik:

Original Post by osainto:

man should pay, it just seems awkward if its any other way.

what happens if its 2 men?!

I dunno, but the restaurant's hooped if it's two women!

The more manly one pays I guess.

Wow, lots of replies now. So, I did send him that text, he didn't reply, though, so I had to call him to find out directions to get to his place. He seemed totally fine, and tried to direct me.

His direction-giving skills totally suck, though, and I ended up driving around the city lost for 2 hours. His phone died, so I stopped to get directions from an EMT, and found out I was an hour from the destination. At that point, it was late, I was tired, and just decided to get directions to get myself home. Not my idea of a good time, and my legs were aching from sitting for so long.

I was a little peeved that he refused to just meet me where I was (Copley Sq.) the second time I drove around it and asked him to please just come meet me cuz I was tired of driving around. Anyway, total disaster, and I think I'm finished trying to see this guy.

Thanks for all the replies, though! (I have another date with a different guy on Sunday, and this one always picks me up and doesn't get me lost :))

EDIT: Oh, and if I asked a guy out, I would pay, and I would also have the power to decide what we do (i.e., not go to an expensive place and order every appetizer on the menu - WTF?). It's just that everytime a guy takes me out, he insists on eating out, which I hate to do cos of my allergies anyway - it's always so stressful finding safe food, and orders so much and such expensive food that I can't afford to split it. I wouldn't mind paying for my own (usually cheap since I only order one thing) sometimes, or after a few first dates. If the guy is always asking, though and always choosing the place - I don't let myself feel obligated. I'm a women and insist on being treated as such. besides, with so many men around here who insist on paying and treating women right, there is no need to waste time with cheap ones - esp after they tell you they just took a killer job offer that is paying for their moving and living expenses, jeez!

now I'm confused101111111 :):)  I think my head spun around trying to follow that last paragraph ;):)

Original Post by confused10111111:

I was a little peeved that he refused to just meet me where I was (Copley Sq.) the second time I drove around it and asked him to please just come meet me cuz I was tired of driving around. Anyway, total disaster, and I think I'm finished trying to see this guy.

 Where the heck did he live that you were an hour from it in Copley Sq?? couldn't have been anywhere in the city...wow his direction giving skills must have REALLY sucked.

glad you've decided not to bother with the guy!