Ever date someone that was already taken?

I hadn't in all my 27 years until recently.  I was never that girl and had no desire to be that girl.  About four months ago I met the most amazing person.  However, his girlfriend was 6 months prego.  They made a decision long before I met him that he would quit his job and be a stay at home dad.  He wants to be there for his daughter and to be there for his girlfriend and doesn't want to just up and leave her with a baby to take care of (she wouldn't be able to do it financially without him) which I think is honorable and, ulitmately, the right thing to do.  We always talk about the "I wish I met you two years ago, I wish it was you, etc, etc".   I don't know.  They sleep in separate bedrooms, but they are together and she is extremely jealous of me (my sister told her that we are sleeping together).   No one I know has ever been in a situation like this.  At first, our friends thought it was a fling and would pass, then they got mad that we were still seeing each other and pretty much kicked us out the group, now they are okay again because they see that we are madly in love with each other.   I'm trying to be patient and let him take care of his duties as a father, but, honestly, it's extremely painful.  He said that we can just have an emotional relationship, but that's still painful.  I really think that he is the "one".  Sometimes I wish I never met him so I would have never known what I can't have (for now at least).  Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?  No, negative comments please.  I've heard enough of those in my real life.

put yourself in the other chicks shoes.....youre 6 months along, your bf is sleeping around with some random chick that hes "in love with"...how devastating...maybe he should have thought about these things BEFORE he knocked her up.

sounds like he has his cake (+1) and eating it too....

Cut your losses.  Taken guys with preggo GFs do not = the one.

Plus, if he does end up breaking up with her, are you ready to be the mean nasty step mom who broke up baby's parents?

btw...you're prolly gonna get flamed all the hell...i tried to be nice.

ETA: no I've never been in this situation, I don't date attached guys.

No negative comments?  What, you only want to hear people that "side" with you? 

Frankly, it seems like you're causing much more harm than good, given that the parents need to figure out what they're doing regarding the kid, especially when the father has now decided to pursue you.  What a mess, and I question anyone's judgment who would get involved with someone whose partner is pregnant (and the judgment of someone who's about to have a kid to pursue someone else while the mother's pregnant)...to the point where I think this post is made up...I mean, this is the kind of situation Jerry Springer is made of. 

I agree with davefiredancer19.  Get out.  Get out now.  There are many other, unattached, fish in the sea.  The father and mother now have to do a lot of repair work to keep the best interests of the child in mind, and, as davefiredancer said, no matter what happens, you'll be seen as the person that busted up the kids' parents, and the father will probably be seen as of highly questionable character.

That said, it is nice to reminded of what the dregs of society are made of every once in a while.

All I'm saying is if he is so apt to leave his PREGNANT girlfriend for another woman and strayed on her in the first place, what makes you think that he won't do it to you or anyone else he gets involved with in the future? It's a good warning sign there right now....

I know this will hurt..but you don't need this drama in your life and let this guy go....it's not worth it.

If you feel the push and the pull right now...imagine how things are going to feel when the baby is born. His first loyalty should be to the baby, not you. You are creating a rift in this child's life before she is even born. She is already in the middle of a stupid "love triangle". Ugh. There are zillions of guys out there whom you can date. This "love" you are feeling is infatuation...which in not too long, will turn into resentment and betrayal. Get over yourself and stop being selfish.

I don't understand how you can expect positive comments or support.

My best friend just found out that her newly born baby's father(and fiance) has been seeing someone else.

I have never seen anyone in so much pain in my entire life. I have never heard someone so broken hearted and ripped apart.

I am sorry my comments were negative..but if you stay in this relationship, there isn't going to be much positive. You are already feeling the hurt...and the longer you stick with it and wait for it to change, the worse you are going to feel. If he is still living with this girl, they have a new baby...he has made his choice. Financial issues non withstanding...when someone feels strongly enough about something..they find a way. He obviously has already made a choice and a commitment. He needs to man-up and stick with it, and you need to walk away. He is really showing a major character flaw..and you are ignoring it because he "loves" you. I am sure he told the mother of his child the same stories...and now he is telling them to you. Could you ever really trust him even IF he moved out and in with you? I have the feeling he is the kind that is always looking past the one he is with at the moment and looking for the next big romance. Save yourself is all we are saying, get out now !

I was in a very similar situations when I was about your age.  It ended horribly for everyone involved.  I cannot believe how self-centered I was, I thought of only myself, and it effected way too many people that I did not want to hurt.  Cut your losses, and be the bigger person.  You will find someone else that you are meant to be with. You can think about what would have happened if you had met 2 years ago, well what about 2 years from now when he "falls in love" with someone else, while you are 6 months pregnant?

i've never "dated" someone who was taken, but i did sleep with a married man once.  well, twice.  we had a real attraction, but almost as soon as we started having sex, i lost respect for him.  go figure. 

who wants to be with a man who's already shown himself to be unfaithful?  not me.

First off I agree with PG is post 9. Can you really trust a guy who has already proven himself to be unfaithful?

Everything this guy has already told you every guy says when he wants to get a little on the side. So I will just tell you know: He will never leave in the girlfriend, he will never be with you forever, and chances are if you ever get pregnant by this guy he will do the same to you. Cut ties and get out now.

BTW I am surprised the girlfriend is still with this loser if she knows he is sleeping with you. Kid or not pregnant or not my guy would be booted if he even attempted that.

*sighs*  yes...I have been in this situation and please know this.....nothing comes of it besides PAIN to all involved.  Once the baby comes you will be number #3 in his life and don't you think you are worth more than to be ANYBODY'S #3?  You deserve to be #1 in your mans life girl!!!!

im not sure what you want to hear. i guess experience teaches best. the 2nd guy i ever slept with when i was 18 had a girlfriend, luckily i only wasted 1 month or maybe even less, before we both woke up.  its hard enough some times to find/work on a good relationship let alone with all these extra problems. how can you know he's the one if your emotions are all twisted up like this. and from what it sounds like you'll never be his one if he's entangled already & is not really free.  the odds just aint good & well... he doesn't sound that appealing. i think you need a clean break even though it would be very painful.

You are kidding yourself if you think this guy really loves you. He's having a baby with another woman, and they still live together. If he was serious about having a relationship with you, he'd move out. Is it really the "honorable" thing to sleep around on his pregnant girlfriend? If he was so unhappy, and she was so desperate for money, he could move out and pay child support.

You've known this person for four months, but he's going to have a relationship with his baby and the mother for the rest of his life. You are being incredibly selfish and short-sighted. Please grow up and get out of that situation.

i dunno.  he might love her.  i think that's irrelevant.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

i dunno.  he might love her.  i think that's irrelevant.

I agree that it's irrelevant, but the OP has clearly built some fairy-tale fantasy love story in her mind, and she needs a dose of reality. Whether or not he loves her, he's clearly not "relationship material."

Now, I can kind of see where you're coming from. I was dating a guy for almost two years when my fiance entered the picture and stole me away. However, it's not like my boyfriend at the time was pregnant. (Obv. not possible, but you know what I mean.)

I think the baby really complicates things. She might feel like they had a chance and then you came in and destroyed the last remenants of that.

But honestly, he has to choose. Either he's going to be there for her and that probably can't involve you, or he's going to have to move out and have a relationship with you. Five years down the line do you really not want to be able to marry this guy because he's still living with his ex girlfriend?

I really admire his commitment to his child, but he can't ride the line like this. =/ It's just not going to work in the long run.

The closest thing to a positive comment that I can make is that you should be honest with yourself about the choices you are making.

I have been in several triangle relationships, though it has been awhile. There was always someone who was being lied to (sometimes it was me, not always). If the truth comes out, everyone gets hurt. That's why we lie. We don't really want to hurt anyone. We just want what we want even though we know it is not the right thing to do. When we choose satisfying our wants over doing what we know to be the right or ethical thing to do, we are making the selfish choice. Believe me, I make selfish choices all the time, so don't think that I am looking down on you. I do think you and he should be honest about what you're doing though. Since there is a child involved, I believe your decisions have greater moral significance then romantic decisions usually do.

You say that he wants to be there for both his child and his girlfriend which you seem to think is the honorable thing to do. If that is so, then why are you putting yourself in the position of screwing it up? You claim to love this guy and yet you want him to go against what you both believe is honorable.  Is that a loving thing to do? Forget that "I was never that girl and had no desire to be that girl" garbage. This is exactly the kind of girl you are choosing to be. Those madly passionate in love feelings are so great that you and he are willing to hurt both the woman he is living with and the child they are expecting together. 

You're trying to "be patient and let him take care of his duties as a father"? Wouldn't his number one duty be to try to make the relationship work with the mother? The kid isn't even born and he is willing to sleep with you while he is still living with her and if he is not working she is going to support the three of them? You say that you think this guy is the "one". Girl, you sure don't set your sights very high.

It is one thing if you are going into this with your eyes open admitting that you just really want him and nothing else matters. It is another when you rationalize that those passionate feelings somehow indicate some pure form of love that is above consequence and reason. Trying to fool yourself like that will only bring you heartache and shame. So just be honest. Face the consequences of your choices. You don't give a damn about the girlfriend or the kid. So what if he is a jerk to them, he makes you feel wonderful. You are willing to choose selfishness over common sense because you've got an itch and you want it scratched. If he ends up attracted to someone else after the rush wears off with you, so what. At least you will have had a nice ride.

I was dealt the same hand as that poor pregnant girlfriend.  My husband left me and my 14 month old son for a young girl.  She was a friend and had been a dinner guest in my home, and that's how she repaid my kindness and hospitality.  The two of them seemed to think it was fine because of their overwhelming "love" and thought that I should just accept it. Their friends were like yours, and since they were also my friends, I lost them too.  If not for my wonderful extended family and my own close friends I don't know what I would have done.  My little boy had to deal with having no father because he really did abandon him.  I had to struggle to get even minimal child support. 

However, she got her come uppance when he did the same thing to her.  I, and my entire family and all my true friends still hate her and hope she is suffering and that she dies a horrible, painful death from cancer or something.  He got his punishment when she sued him for everything he had and he lost his job because of the huge scene she created.  What a horrible pair!

Is that what you want out of life?  Do you want someone hating you for all eternity?  Can you really live with that?

Meanwhile, I'm doing just fine thank you.  Living well and thriving is the best revenge.

I think that neither of you want this relationship as much as you think you do. You are clinging to a 'safe' man. You know you can't really have him so you are risking nothing. He is scared to death of becoming a father and clinging to the notion that he can somehow have his old life back. Perhaps he is flaunting you trying (in a feeble way) to get rid of her. You claim to be in love, but neither of you is committed in any way to the other. Drop him before someone kicks your a** on behalf of this poor girl. Let them move on and grow up and realize what responsiblity they have taken on for their carelessness. Trust me, when he lays eyes on that baby, he will most likely 'man up' and then YOU will be the only bad guy, and everyone she knows that loves her will defend her against you. Including him.

It's a little telling that fallingstars hasn't responded to this thread since posting it.