Ever date someone that was already taken?

I hadn't in all my 27 years until recently.  I was never that girl and had no desire to be that girl.  About four months ago I met the most amazing person.  However, his girlfriend was 6 months prego.  They made a decision long before I met him that he would quit his job and be a stay at home dad.  He wants to be there for his daughter and to be there for his girlfriend and doesn't want to just up and leave her with a baby to take care of (she wouldn't be able to do it financially without him) which I think is honorable and, ulitmately, the right thing to do.  We always talk about the "I wish I met you two years ago, I wish it was you, etc, etc".   I don't know.  They sleep in separate bedrooms, but they are together and she is extremely jealous of me (my sister told her that we are sleeping together).   No one I know has ever been in a situation like this.  At first, our friends thought it was a fling and would pass, then they got mad that we were still seeing each other and pretty much kicked us out the group, now they are okay again because they see that we are madly in love with each other.   I'm trying to be patient and let him take care of his duties as a father, but, honestly, it's extremely painful.  He said that we can just have an emotional relationship, but that's still painful.  I really think that he is the "one".  Sometimes I wish I never met him so I would have never known what I can't have (for now at least).  Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?  No, negative comments please.  I've heard enough of those in my real life.

FallingStars I was just reading over a post you made on the 6th of this month.
It said that you have fallen for a sex-obsessed guy. Is this the same guy that you speak of in this thread? If so that adds so more insight into why this guy choose to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend. And if this is the same guy, he probably does not really want to marry you, he will say and do anything to get a girl to sleep with him and stick around even tho he lives with his pregnant girlfriend.

 

Aside from that why do girls allow themselves to fall for such traps and old lies? Back in the day I knew a guy that was never faithful. He had 6 girlfriends, half were pregnant, and they all knew about each and still continued to be with him. One girl ,a friend, even married the guy knowing he had never been faithful to her or anyone else and had kids with the loser. Its a mind set that I have never understood.

Heh.  Even more evidence that Fallingstars just starts up threads every now and then to get a reaction.

That is a horrible thing to do to someone. And like everyone else said were you really expecting anything positive to come from this? If he is doing it to her, he will do it to you when he knocks you up.

 

I think it is sad that people would rather cheat, the just realize you are not happy and to break it off before further hurting someone. And with a baby on the way. That is a bad situation for all invloved and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Original Post by fallingstars27:

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?  No, negative comments please. 

I would venture to say that anyone who has been your situation would probably not be able to provide anything but negative comments, unless they're one of the few people who have dated unfaithful men and it actually worked out because there was no regard for the feelings of other people.

You mentioned you think he's doing an honorable thing by sticking by his girlfriend and the baby financially, which is better than most cheating boyfriends, I guess. 

You obviously know him better than I, but you really need to ask yourself: Do truly honorable people cheat on their pregnant girlfriends, put a baby in the middle of a contentious triangle, and play with the emotions of another person by dividing their loyalities while still professing their love? 

For your sake,  I hope you come up with the right answer and make a mature and responsible choice you can live with.

Sorry all I can say is eww.

but, honestly, it's extremely painful. <-- Are you serious? What about her...

If I was her I would punch your light out...sorry.. just the truth.

Edits to add:  I am not a violent person, never have punched anyone.. but If I was carrying a child and the as*hole who got me pregnant was cheating on me.. my fist would be throwing the minute I gave birth... WOW.

I will also add- The girl that is pregnant is a FRICKIN IDIOT too for allowing you too to see eachother and SLEEP together and then have him coming home to the same house... Why are they still living together?

I feel bad now for saying what i said but seriously....horrible

Looking at your story, it seems to me that either: 1) He's giving you lines to keep you hooked in, but doesn't intend to change the situation or 2) He may actually have feelings towards you and his girlfriend both, but has more attachment to her -more history, potential baby, etc., and doesn't intend to change the situation.

Either way, one thing is clear--he doesn't likely intend to change the situation. Is it a situation you want, or even see lasting long term?

It takes two to tango, but you only have control over your part in it. Ask yourself some questions--are you morally comfortable with what you two are doing? Would you be bothered if he then did something similar to you? Are you willing to accept that this is something others will disapprove of? How, if at all, do you intend to interact with his future child? How comfortable are you with knowing the pain it causes his current girlfriend? These are some of the things you have to consider for yourself.

I'm not trying to pass judgement on you, just trying to be realistic about what you've written on here. You ask if anyone else has been in this situation -short answer is yes, and it was wrong. You can PM me if you want to talk more about it.

I have to say, I am madly in love with someone who has a girlfriend and their son is a little over a year, I will never tell him that he has to leave her though. thats his decision to make and i can be patient because I do love him and if he decides to stay with her than I will accept it but he will always be my best friend, no matter what happens. And also to everyone who is yelling at you because she is pregnant... You should NEVER stay together just for the child... thats not fair to anyone. The parents are miserable because at least one of them doesnt want to be together and that reflects on your children. You can still be a good parent and not be with your childs mother/father. Just because they are not together doesnt mean he is just leaving her with a baby and not taking responsibility. It does worry me though that he wants to be a stay at home dad, if he still does that are you prepared to support him? And is the girlfriend still going to completely support the baby? I mean if he is going to stay home than she would be doing it financially without him.  and most importantly... is he still going to live with her? thats the only thing unacceptable if he really wants to be with you, Everything else can be worked through. I think I said everything i wanted to. I would love to talk to you if you want someone nonjudgemental, not everyone is so shortsighted

Thank Gawd this one got resurrected. :)

Original Post by fallingstars27:

I hadn't in all my 27 years until recently.  I was never that girl and had no desire to be that girl.  About four months ago I met the most amazing person.  However, his girlfriend was 6 months prego.  They made a decision long before I met him that he would quit his job and be a stay at home dad.  He wants to be there for his daughter and to be there for his girlfriend and doesn't want to just up and leave her with a baby to take care of (she wouldn't be able to do it financially without him) which I think is honorable and, ulitmately, the right thing to do.  We always talk about the "I wish I met you two years ago, I wish it was you, etc, etc".   I don't know.  They sleep in separate bedrooms, but they are together and she is extremely jealous of me (my sister told her that we are sleeping together).   No one I know has ever been in a situation like this.  At first, our friends thought it was a fling and would pass, then they got mad that we were still seeing each other and pretty much kicked us out the group, now they are okay again because they see that we are madly in love with each other.   I'm trying to be patient and let him take care of his duties as a father, but, honestly, it's extremely painful.  He said that we can just have an emotional relationship, but that's still painful.  I really think that he is the "one".  Sometimes I wish I never met him so I would have never known what I can't have (for now at least).  Has anyone ever been in a situation like this?  No, negative comments please.  I've heard enough of those in my real life.

 

    I realize this is an old thread so won't post more advice,Lol.

There seems to be plenty of advice here. A lot of which the OP may see as negative. The situation created between you is negative. Period.  However, there is always something enlightening to be found in the truth. I hope that you were open to the negative feedback,even if it goes against what you wanted to hear.

 I'm curious about what course of action was taken by you?... After reading the advice given, ect. Anybody know how things worked out for the OP? I hope the OP updates everyone.

If he'd do this to her, what makes you think he wouldn't do this to you?

If you think 'I'm special", you're wrong. You are special, and so was she, and so will be the girls after you.

He's not someone that you should even have any sort of contact with, and anyone who tells you that this situation is 'ok' because you're 'madly in love' isn't seeing all sides of the argument.

And neither are you, because that 6 month old still in the process of being grown in his mother's stomach baby can't speak up for himself, can he?

Original Post by nasuoni:

If he'd do this to her, what makes you think he wouldn't do this to you?

If you think 'I'm special", you're wrong. You are special, and so was she, and so will be the girls after you.

He's not someone that you should even have any sort of contact with, and anyone who tells you that this situation is 'ok' because you're 'madly in love' isn't seeing all sides of the argument.

And neither are you, because that 6 month old still in the process of being grown in his mother's stomach baby can't speak up for himself, can he?

 That's actually very good advice. "What would Jr. say?"

it would appear that my responce has been removed! :o

Original Post by enchantingimage:

 That's actually very good advice. "What would Jr. say?"

I really doubt it would be "Nah, it's totally cool to keep boning my Dad, my Mom is totally fine with it, really, and I don't need him around at all, so don't worry about us, think only of your own happiness, please"

Of course, sometimes you have to because having a boyfriend is commonplace for most females.

Original Post by andie-joe:

it would appear that my responce has been removed! :o

 Perhaps Andie, but I've noticed a lot of people mentioning today that CC has "eaten" their responses.  I lost a couple of mine, too.  If you log out, and then back in, you might have better luck.  :)

Original Post by nasuoni:

Original Post by enchantingimage:

 That's actually very good advice. "What would Jr. say?"

I really doubt it would be "Nah, it's totally cool to keep boning my Dad, my Mom is totally fine with it, really, and I don't need him around at all, so don't worry about us, think only of your own happiness, please"

 I know, right. Poor Jr. ;-; There's always someone selfish enough out there to do the unthinkable. It's sad. They always manage to ruin special occassions too. I hope this triangle  doesn't cause a strain on the mom. Some people bring the drama all the way to the delivery room. They make it a hassel for the man to be there while his newborn is being born. Or create drama so he has to leave right away, ect. Or they have to insert themselves into the equation making the mother uncomfortable.  It's all about them!

It's such an emotional time for a woman without the drama of a love triangle. I can't imagine how the woman must feel.

Original Post by purespark:

Original Post by andie-joe:

it would appear that my responce has been removed! :o

 Perhaps Andie, but I've noticed a lot of people mentioning today that CC has "eaten" their responses.  I lost a couple of mine, too.  If you log out, and then back in, you might have better luck.  :)

Oh OK I'll try that :)

ohhhh.. fallingstars27 is stupid... didnt she post like a month ago that some other guy was wanting to marry her but he was some sex obsessed guy and she didnt know if she should marry him just for sexual attraction?

Sounds like someone needs attention

 

  >_< That makes this whole thread even more negative, imho. It seems to be about the same dishonorable situation. It doesn't matter how many ways you phrase it... It's still the same thing in everyone else's eyes.