Dating a Non-Vegan

Original Post by jessicawu:

Quick Question: Is it impossible to be dating someone who isn't vegan? I keep finding that I am the odd man out at family dinners and I feel like his family thinks I am to picky. Or they will ask me if I ever eat. I say yes ( and all the while in my head I am thinking, I just dont eat the nightmare you guys do). Anywayz, it seems to be causing fights with me and my man cuz I never want to go to his family's house anymore. They eat beef every night and load things with butter and cheese. Besides being vegan, their dinners are diet diasters.....

What to do?

 Moved from "Introduce Yourself"

I only became vegan (mostly) after me and hubby married and my kids were teens - but none the less... I dont think it matters as long as you and BF respect each other - and repsect each others decisions including regarding what  you eat as long as it is not grossly unhealthful. This is going to go a long way in showing you the character of who you are dating - remember that you are dating a man not his family and if by chance his family is out of line or making you uncomfortable and you have made a polite attempt that did not work to fix the situation - it is his job to do it - because if he is not going to tell his family to lay off when you are his girlfriend and the issue is your healthy diet - do you think that he will tell his family to lay off when you are his wife and the issue is your kids? Your finanaces? something else that is really completely bigger and none of their business?  So as long as you dont take moral issue with the vegan stance, I think the bigger issue is really how the guy deals not only with you - but with his family - and if you came from a family of vegans and decided to date an omni - I'd be saying the same exact thing to him .  Say something to him - see what happens - they may be unaware that this bothers you - maybe a well placed word on his part will rectify the situation - if he is unwilling to do this and sides with them, it may give pause for thought. 

Perhaps they can come up with a pasta dish and veggies or something you can eat (and you could offer to bring "real world friendly" vegan side dish - I do this all the time - or two so I know I can eat!)  and not bother you about what you pass up and you over look what you pass up and call it family bonding over one guy you all really like?

Good luck - the more I figure out life is hard - the harder it gets - like that is fair!

Chel

It's possible to date a non-vegan, but it can be very hard, on many different levels.  It's too bad your BF's parents are more understanding, but maybe you can make it into an activity to get to know his parents better and give them the opportunity to understand your lifestyle better.  Next time, either bring your own dish to share, like the above post stated, or, better yet, ask if you can prepare a dish there: bring the ingredients, and then make it with his mom so that she can ask questions, and you can explain your reasonings.  Even if they don't "get it", maybe they can at least accept it a little more.

Side note: For me, it was really hard to stay vegan dating a non-vegan.  I hadn't been vegan very long when I started dating my omni-BF, and though he would eat anything I made, it was hard for me to resist the cheese and dairy-laden dishes he loved.  If this sounds like you (though, your letter makes it seem like it's not too big of an issue), stick with your guns!  You'll feel so much better if you do.

my vegetarian lifestyle began at age 14... i told myself then i would never date a meat-eater. luckily for me, i met the love of my life at age 17, and he was vegetarian when i met him. his vegetarianism definitely made things easier when attending his family dinners. his mom would always make sure there was food for us to eat... not necessarily anything that would taste good or be specially prepared... sometimes just a veggie burger or faux sausage option... still, the thought was definitely appreciated.

it's not easy for most people to think of a diet without meat... eliminate dairy and eggs and that just confuses them. last year i went to my fiance's family's thanksgiving dinner. his mom made separate stuffing and mashed potatoes...such a thoughtful lady. i made a tofu-seitan loaf.

his mom is totally supportive, but the rest of the family made me really uncomfortable... they've always been nice to me, but after they learned what being vegan meant, i felt like an outcast....they just kept asking questions and then giving me strange looks... very awkward dinner... i've attended family functions since, but we strategically arrive after everyone has eaten. it's just easier for everyone that way.

As others have said, I think it's all a matter of respecting each other, and if he really cares about how you feel - He'll talk to his family about it.

I always thought it'd be difficult to be vegan and date a non-vegan, but I got lucky. My guy fully supports my choice in every way, and has even helped me make vegan meals numerous times, he's thinking about going vegan himself.

But if your guy is constantly teasing you, or doing things on purpose just to piss you off when it comes to something like this, you deserve better.