Dating a non-vegetarian?

How many of you who are vegetarian/vegan would or are be in a relationship with a non-vegetarian? I have been vegetarian since I was 11, and have casually dated meat eaters, but was only ever in 1 serious relationship-with a vegetarian.

Im now a vegan, and was single for awhile, and am just starting to get interested in someone new. I've been getting to know him and was delighted to find out he was a vegetarian- but horrified at my reaction somewhat, knowing i would be somewhat dissapointed/turned off by a meat eater.

Any experiences/thoughts you have on the subject?

I find it hard not to be turned off when sharing meals with people eating meat- gnawing on a chicken leg or cracking open a lobster.   I try to focus on the conversation and remember I like the people I'm with.  I think of Buddhist beggers who eat what is offered.  I was vegetarian when I met my husband.  He eats things like chicken chimichanga which doesn't look like he's eating an animal.   He cooks chicken at home about 5 times a year.  But I leave the room when he does.   We've been married for years and are not going to change each other- or try.

Original Post by leekaa:

not going to change each other- or try.

That is the key I believe. I am on a flip side. I enjoy variety of foods, and would date Vegeratian/Vegan, as long as they don't start to try to change me.

UD

I have been a pescitarian for about 2.5 years and I am in a serious relationship with a meat-eater.  We knew of each others situations when we met.  We have lived together for almost a year now and it has worked out just fine.  At home we mainly stick to fish and veggies.  He will sometimes have a corndog or chicken patty, usually only when I am at work or school.  When we go out to eat, he will usually get meat since he doesn't eat it too much at home.  Sometimes he will order fish so we can share meals.  I haven't had any issues with it, and his diet is much healthier than before I met him.

I think the holier than thou mentality when dating a meat eater can cause serious strain but if you accept your differences prior to getting serious then it's not a problem. if it's a big deal for you then you'd realize it before you became heavily invested in the relationship so i don't really see a problem.

Who knows maybe if you don't make a big deal about it, he'll forgive your eating disorder. j/k

About the holier than thou mentality:

It is easy to interpret it this way; in a sense, it IS a 'holier than thou' attitude, simply because a lot of vegetarians/vegans choose to eat that way for moral, spiritual and ethical reasons, in addition to just health reasons.

For those of us who are vegan or vegetarian because we don't support the unecessary killing of another being, it is difficult to just accept a prospective partner's viewpoint as a simple 'difference'. It is actually a completely different world view in that case, and thus may not be able to be reconciled. It's a lot bigger of an issue than it seems to the outsider, especially if you don't understand the moral/ethical/spiritual component.

Look up Ahimsa as a spiritual path; you'll see why it would be difficult to fall in love and make it work long term with someone who is not on that path with you. Sure, we can be friends with meat eaters without judgement, we can have family members who aren't meat eaters and be okay with that, but when looking for a life partner, it's a different story. You kind of have to feel as if you're on the same page about some things, and if you ahve made the decision to be a vegan or vegetarian from the vantage point of Ahimsa, I'd think that's one of the 'pages' you'd want your prospective partner to be on.

I'm just explaining why a vegetarian might feel 'holier than thou' or at least as if he or she would prefer a life-partner with the same views on animal rights.

I wasn't saying that someone can't have the preference to be with someone who lives a similar lifestyle but if you're in a relationship then you have to have accepted the difference. someone with Ahimsa approach to life would obviously not be in a relationship with a meat eater if they feel "holier than thou" so it wouldn't apply. 

Given someone is in a relationship with someone who chooses to eat meat then they can't constantly impose their lifestyle on the other person or make the other person feel inferior because of their lifestyle choice. 

I agree that some things can not be compromised on and this varies from individual to individual. For some people food preferences and the way an individual conceives of life (human and animal) is one of those irreconcilable differences. 

Original Post by neanderthin:

Who knows maybe if you don't make a big deal about it, he'll forgive your eating disorder. j/k

 That what my boyfriend always (jokingly) calls it as well: my eating disorder.

someones diet is such a small part of who they are as a person. so i dont judge. but you can always plant a seed ;)

Original Post by chrissy1988:

Given someone is in a relationship with someone who chooses to eat meat then they can't constantly impose their lifestyle on the other person or make the other person feel inferior because of their lifestyle choice. 

 

Well they can constantly impose their views , but it aint gonna be a happy relationship.

Actually, the acid test of any relationship is how you'd raise the kids.  (Bit of an awkward subject to raise in a new relationship, admittedly )   I've seen quite a lot of examples where 'live and let live'  and 'respecting each others differences' works fine when a couple are relaxed individuals ....  but the arguments really fly when baby turns up and there has to be decision made on what to feed it.   LOL!  Like religion, money and other fundamental matters.... it's good to have a consensus before that point arrives.

When I was a vegetarian I had 3 serious relationships, 2 meat eaters (including the one I'm about to marry) and 1 vegan.  Different diets were never an issue since I didn't like other people telling me what to eat I figured it would be pretty hypocritical for me to tell others what to eat.

Well, since we were talking about dating prospective partners in the Original Post, I brought up why someone might not select a prospective partner who eats meat, even though to some, deselecting a prospective partner based on something as 'simple as diet' would seem weird. As one poster just said, 'what someone eats is such a small part of them...' My argument was that it is not necessarily a small part, and it is not necessarily just about what they are eating, so much as the whole lifestyle, ethics and morals involved.

Now, if we are going to talk about an extended relationship, that is very different. I met my husband before I was vegetarian or vegan, and he is in no way remotely vegetarian. There are a lot of us who have married before we became vegetarians and/or vegans, and that's quite another thing entirely. Then we get into the 'live and let live' stuff, and the accepting the differences...that's when forcing one's beleifs is annoying and not right.

Vegetarians and vegans always annoyed me before I was one, ESPECIALLY those who had made the decision based on more than just health reasons. I just hadn't felt the feeling yet. I know how that is. So, when dealing with the general public, if they haven't made the decision for themselves, I don't force it, and I don't offer information unless asked, because those who are curious will ask, and those who aren't will see vegans as even more annoying and obnoxious when I'm done.

 When children are involved the whole family on both sides has something to say and advice to give.  Before our son was born we decided to raise him vegetarian.  What surprised me most were the concerns I heard from my mother and sister - both decades long vegetarians.  They were worried he would not get enough protein and suggested we feed him eggs.  Eggs are not a part of his regular diet.  He is now 10 years old and 5' 1" (tall for his age) and a very strong advocate for a vegetarian life.   My in-laws family has a tradition of eating vegetarian meals several days a week so that's probably made it easier for us all to get along.  In most cases I think it would be hard to date and marry a non-vegetarian.

I've been a vegetarian for over 4 years now, and i've been dating my fiance for about two and a half years.  He can definitely be considered a "meat eater".  Since we both already had these eating habits since before we started dating, it has never been an issue.  If anything he finds it attractive that i can commit to something i believe in, even when surrounded by opposing values.  He always tries new vegetarian (even vegan) food with me, and if he does happen to eat meat around me, he makes it a point to brush his teeth before he kisses me.  We respect each other's life choices, and that's what's important.

My preference would be to date someone with a similar diet and tastes, but mainly for convenience's sake.  I really enjoy food and cooking and it would be a bummer if my partner wanted meat and potatoes every night.  

I wouldn't put up with someone constantly mentioning loving steak every time I ordered tofu either.  That just gets annoying. 

But either way, whoever I'm with must be willing to eat whatever I cook or make their own meal, as I won't ever be cooking meat.  lol.

Haha vegans annoyed me too before I became one! I just didn't understand it. You really have to seek the understanding for it to make sense. I remember saying I would rather die than be vegan. In fact, my boyfriend said (semi-jokingly) he would break up with me if I ever "went crazy" and decided to go vegan!

When we started dating, we ate the same diet...fast food and alcohol. We've been together six years now. I've been sober for over two, and mostly-vegan for two, and have adopted an all-together healthier and more spiritual lifestyle. Nope, he didn't break up with me. He still eats meat, drinks, and lacks any kind of spiritual awareness, but we have managed to stay together some how. We truly love each other and respect each others lifestyles, although we do have our struggles meeting half way. I do not condone all of the things he does, and he does not understand all the things I do. And of course, we are slowly growing apart in many ways. But for now, there is a deeper connection holding us together and we are going to enjoy it.

But if I were to become single, I know I would prefer a vegetarian or vegan future-boyfriend. It's just so much easier when you are with someone who not only supports your good habits, but lives them WITH you! While my boyfriend doesn't make me feel guilty about my "new" lifestyle, it can be tempting to be "like him" again. It would be so nice to be with someone who was on the same life-path as I, who saw things the same way, who understood my lifestyle, who reinforced my good habits and helped me stay away from bad habits.

Then again, how could you learn from someone exactly like yourself?

Anyhow, there's my two cents.

Original Post by chrissy1988:

I think the holier than thou mentality when dating a meat eater can cause serious strain but if you accept your differences prior to getting serious then it's not a problem. if it's a big deal for you then you'd realize it before you became heavily invested in the relationship so i don't really see a problem.

This-- my bf lives with me and is still an omnivore.

I refuse to prepare him anything but vegetarian food (with myself eating the Vegan version)-

He doesn't cook actual meat in the house. But he keeps deli meats in the fridge.

All about balance and open minded ness

Wow, I never saw this as the same argument as the one I've had about religion countless times, but it is.  I think some people believe the that the only way to truly believe in something is to make others believe it too.  One can believe that Christianity is the only way to live or that vegetarianism is the only way to live.  Where it gets tricky is when one begins to talk about what's "kadosh" or "sacred."  So, if one is Christian, the only way to truly be a Christian is to separate oneself from anyone who isn't or to convert them.  Now we're talking about food or diet, and not religion.   Or are we.  Several people have brought up the morality of vegetarianism.  Is it inherent in your vegetarianism to make me be a vegetarian too?  I can see the case that it's easier to date a vegetarian.   But isn't it also easier to date someone who is of your same religion?  Yet if someone told me, "I only date people who are Christian, just because it's easier," I really wouldn't respect that person or their opinion.  I say, live and let live.  I live by my principles, and I don't mind sharing where my principles come from when someone wants to know.  Somehow, I just think it's wrong to consider ones-self as kadosh for any reason -- what they believe in or what they eat. 

By the way, I chose Christianity as it is the most popular religion in my area.  However this concepts to any faith that has an element of Kadosh or "holier than thou" traits.

My fiance is a "meat-a-tarian."  We've resolved it very simply - he gets his fill of meat during the work day, and whenever we go out to dinner.  When we eat together at home - it's all vegetarian.  When I travel for work, he fries his bacon, grills his steak, whatever.  We found a balance that enables us both to eat what we want, with him being a little healthier and getting more vegetables in. 

(Oh - he also needs to brush his teeth after eating meat before kissing me with an open mouth, and he knows that certain foods make his sweat stink, so he'll try to avoid them when he wants to get romantic later)