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Hi - I was just wondering whether anyone else feels a little self-conscious about trying to jump into the dating pool while being quite a bit overweight.
I held back for a long time because I was afraid of rejection based on my size. And I think there were some occasions where, when I did get brave enough to try online dating, the guy was disappointed when he met me in person and saw how big I really was.
However, I'm giving online dating another try, and I'm actually finding some guys who seem unfazed by my being overweight, and who have actually told me how good I look. I guess some guys actually prefer a woman who is a little overweight. And I look better now than I did in the past, having shed forty pounds (though I still have a long way to go if I want to get down near my ideal weight).
So... I guess the moral of the story is not to be too afraid of guys' reaction. If they react negatively, then they're not your type anyway. There are also some "Big, beautiful women" dating sites where it is actually a PLUS to be overweight. So you do have options...
Cmucker0- I'm young too, 23, and I know my drive shouldn't be so low and my bf is hot with a pretty muscular bod! 
I definitely have to work on myself and my view of myself. Any suggestions?
Hi,
Love yourself first and foremost! No matter what we look like if you don't like you it will be hard for anyone else to.
I'm closing in on 50 and have had no shortage of men to date -- but I have always liked who I am -- no matter what I look like.
Like you and others will too 
Brenda
Hi, I'm Ari, and I've been with my (totally fit and in the perfect weight bracket) husband for almost 2 years now, and I can say honestly that my weight has never fazed him. When I asked him, honestly, what do you prefer in a woman, he said, "Yes, I am more sexually attracted to thin women, but I am the MOST sexually attracted to YOU."
He thinks I'm beautiful because I have a pretty face and lovely hands and ankles, and a "cute nose". And trust me, he's never turned down seeing me naked, flabby and stretchmarks be damned. He's very supportive of me losing weight and we've talked about how much hotter I'm going to be and all of that kind of stuff to motivate me, but when I put on my "date dress", it turns his head even with the tummy roll.
Oh, yeah, and we met online. I told him "I'm heavier than you think." and then when I sent him pictures, "I look fatter naked." And then when he saw me naked finally, "Well, I look worse in person." and then when we met in person, "My clothes hide a lot of it." Well, you can imagine where this is going -- I finally ran out of excuses, and he still thought I was beautiful.
It's not your body that makes you beautiful; your body makes you 'sexy' and 'hot' by society's standards, but it's YOU that makes you beautiful. You can be heavy and wear lingerie and still look sexy to your significant other - I made a rule on our honeymoon: No Mirrors. As long as he said that I was beautiful, I was, and that's all that mattered. I'm critical, he sees me through love's eyes.
I guess the moral is, don't be worried about dating, online or off, because the Right One won't care. ^_^
xoxo ari
i always feel that way ive only had one boyfriend my whole life and he was horrible. i can relate to that and i will try again but i still dont trust
Just keep in mind that you might date like, 20 different guys before you find a keeper. I've always been heavy and all my relationships were lukewarm at best until I met my current boyfriend.
In an unexpected twist, I've actually lost around 20lbs since we met and he has put on 20lbs! I'm finding it really awkward and difficult to tell him I want his old body back. Don't get me wrong, he still turns me on like no one else ever can or ever will, but he has A cup man boobs now! I've given him the P90X workout videos and encouraged him to work out. He has mentioned that he needs to start eating better and eating less, but I don't think he is motivated enough yet. I guess it's something he needs to decide for himself to do, but I wish I knew how to help motivate him without crushing his fragile ego.
you know i read this somewhere i guess on calorie count itself that people are always trying to find negatives in others.... and everyone has negatives... its just that the weight as a negative is really easy to find out, u just need to look at the person whereas in the case of most other negatives, it would take you some time to find out.... so if a person can accept you by knowing what probably is ur biggest negative, id say keep him... :)
as far as the question of whether you should date or not, yes u should..... dont people with addictions other than food date???
What a great topic! I know it was posted quite some time ago, but I'd like to offer my two cents as I have quite a history when it comes to internet dating.
When it comes to internet dating, honesty is the best policy. Make sure your pictures depict your true weight, because you don't want to deceive anyone. Then you won't have to worry about any fat-related rejections!
It's true, you will meet a lot of duds before you come across the right guy. I've met all sorts of ill-fits and weirdos, but I've come across some really great guys as well, including my current boyfriend of one year.
Another bit of advice is that the pay sites ARE better. The simple reason is that people who are willing to pay to find a mate are less likely to be scouting for a piece of ***, if you know what I mean.
There are a lot of guys out there who don't care how much their girlfriend weighs, they're just looking for the right match. Confidence is everything!
I'm not dating (I have been married for 8 years), but here's my 2 cents... there is no one definition of beauty. Some men will look at a very thin woman and think she's sexy, while other men will see a bag of bones. My husband is more apt to find thicker girls attractive (they have boobs- his fav body part). You can be outwardly hot, but if you are ugly on the inside then people will eventually see that. I used to be friends with a girl who was very overweight but she had a sister who was very thin. Well my friend would comment that her sister was so pretty when in reality her sister wasn't nearly as pretty as she was... she might not have felt pretty because of her size but she was one of those girls who you would say "She has a really pretty face" and it was true. Btw- the thin one didn't have a boyfriend but the chubby one did.
To quote a friend of mine who had been told by a guy that he would date her if she lost 50 lbs.... "If you don't want me when I am fat - you don't deserve me when I am skinny". A year later she was still heavy, but met/married a wonderful (different) man....a year after that she lost 50 lbs.
Being overweight has not stopped me I have always had some extra meat on my bones. I was with my ex for three years, and he was in the Navy and when he was gone overseas for 6 months I ate my pain away and got to my top weight of 192. So now that I am so fed up with my weight I am single, but I am taking a break for now from daiting. But my ex stayed with me when I was heavy and NEVER said anything about it, and I don't think the outside matters it's what is inside that counts.
I met a guy four years ago on a website, back when I was 300+ pounds...
... That guy is now my fiance. :P
The weight IS an issue, but more for health and practicality reasons than him not being attracted to me.
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