My daughter...

Hello... My name is Michelle and I'm 35 years old.  I've been on and off of "diets" since I was about 17 and have been on this site on again and off again.  My last attempt at losing weight was about a year ago.  Here I am, back again, to get rid of this extra 110 pounds that I've been lugging around forever.  The reason I'm posting is this....  my daughter, who is soon to be 12, has now got her own weight problems.  This is my own fault I know.  She's about 40 pounds overweight, and her new doctor recently advised us that we need to do something about it.  Not necessarily put her on a "diet", but to better manage what she puts in her mouth (which is why I'm back to calorie counting myself so that I can better monitor what I put into my mouth, therefore, better monitoring what goes into her mouth).  I'm not a very active person - prefer sitting and reading or watching the TV vs. outside playing - and my daughter has developed the same habits.  While I remember how difficult it was growing up being the "fat kid" - I don't want my daughter to go through the same embarassments.  When I mention to my daughter that we are going to start watching what we're eating... she tends to get upset because she doesn't want to be on a "diet".  Now, I've heard several different things from several different people - "let her just be a kid" or "she's really close to getting her monthly, maybe that's why she's chubbed out" - things of that nature.  But, I also know that if I don't get her into good eating and exercising habits now - then she will have a heck of a time as an adult developing them (trust me on this one).  Does anyone have an advice on how I can teach her these better habits while learning them myself?  I don't want her to think that I am depriving her either.  Also, I"m confused, as I did see a post where they were stating that children should have MORE calories because their bodies are growing/developing still.

Any advice would be appreciated!  Thanks! 

Hi Meshie,

You can visit http://www.kidsnutrition.org/bodycomp/bmiz2.h tml and put in your daughter's stats.  It will tell you what weight range she is in as well as how many calories she needs a day. 

Instead of "dieting" tell her that you both are going to be changing your eating habits for the better. 

Do you cook?  And if so, does she eat the meals that you cook or eat on her own? 

The two of you could designate one day of the week to be the menu planning and grocery shopping day.  You can sit down together and go through recipes (in books or online) and come up with a meal plan for the week.  Once you have your meals planned out, you can then compile your grocery list.  When you are grocery shopping, you can also get items for snacks as well as snacks/sandwich bags.  When you get home, be sure to pre-package the snacks into 100/200/300 or however many calorie servings so that when either of you are wanting a snack, you can just grab a bag and go.  This will make it easier and more convenient as well as give you guys time together. 

If you have breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks planned out... Then it won't be difficult to make sure she is getting the right amount of calories for her without having to count for her or have her count. 

As for becoming more active, maybe you guys could start off with a walk after dinner?  Again, this will give you guys bonding time as well as exercise time.  Each weekend or so you can plan an activity together such as tennis, hiking, swimming, or bike riding.  Becoming active after a sedentary lifestyle is the hardest part but once you start doing it, you will learn that you enjoy it and want to be active.  The key is to find something that you both enjoy doing so it doesn't feel like a chore rather a pastime.

Good Luck and I think it is great that you are wanting the both of you to get healthier!

My best friends daughter has been slightly over weight for 3 or 4 years.  She is only 8 now.  The Dr told my friend last year that he didn't want her daughter to gain any weight in the next year.  Can you imagine?  Anyway, my friend just told her daughters and Husband that they were going to start eating better.  If they go out to eat they choose healthier places to go.  They go on walks everyday and they limit the amount of TV they watch.   Her daughter had choices of what to eat for dinner each night but none of it was fried food and portions were limited.  They could have an apple or other fruit if they were still hungry but they had to wait 20 minutes after dinner.  They could also have dessert every night but had to wait 45 minutes after dinner.  It worked, she only gained about 3 pounds that year and grew taller.  She loved the way her clothes started fitting loser.  Never did my friend use the word diet or watch what we eat. 

By walking I mean just a walk around the neighborhood.  Or they would all go for a bike ride, just to do something outside in the fresh air.

I am sure u will get more advice from others here. 

You 2 can do this together.  If one thing doesn't work try something else.  You will find something that will work

Good Luck!

Yeah, growing kids do need more calories, especially at her age. Would it be possible to work with a nutritionist?

Anyway, I think you should definitely try to instill positive, healthy eating habits in her now. The earlier the better, imo. If my parents had done that for me, I wouldn't need to be on this site right now haha.

Now, I'm definitely not saying ONLY allow her to eat fruits & veggies & all, she IS a kid & should be able to enjoy pizza & chips with her friends, but at least give her education. have her only eat 2 pieces of pizza instead of 3, & a small milkshake instead of a large. She's probably not too thrilled with her weight either, & you may find she embraces the knowledge. Again, make sure you're not too strict & drive her to the point of obsession & other unhealthy habits.

P.S. you really don't have to call it a "diet." That word has a negative connotation & may cause her to go running in the other direction. Just start replacing your white bread with whole grains, or your whole milk with skim [or even 2%]. if she seems to have a problem with it, tell her that YOU'RE trying to be healthier. If it's the only thing available to her, she'll have to try it. Experiment with healthy recipes, show her that healthy doesn't mean nasty.
Also, get her involved in the kitchen if you can. I always LOVED chopping veggies & all, & kids are much more likely to eat if they took part in the cooking- we all wanna see if we were successful! haha Plus, you'll get to spend quality time with her.

Good luck!

Hi Michelle :)

I was in a similar situation when I was much younger (i'm 20 now). My mother and father were both overweight, and at the age of 13, and a height of 5', I ended up gaining a lot of weight due to depression and inactivity. I wasn't just the fat girl in school. I had two blonde, thin, tall beautiful little sisters. I guess I took up all the short, stubby, and dark genes... In a single summer, I went from being 120lbs to 150lbs. I was so upset about how I looked, but I felt like I couldn't change it. I'd always been a really active little kid, involved in dance and softball, so I had been able to eat whatever I wanted. Suddenly, all of my activity was gone and the weight was there to stay. Every time my mom would approach me about my weight, i'd just become more upset and depressed and I hated it...

Finally, my sophomore year of highschool my mom threw all of the junkfood out of the house. We began the Atkins Diet and I could only bear it for about 2 weeks... but that two weeks was enough for me to lose 10lbs! Between having grown an inch or two and losing that weight, I was beginning to feel healthier again. My junior year of highschool, I decided to join highschool colorguard and the constant practices and spinning helped me drop another 10lbs back down to 130! I continued to grow in height up to 5'4''ish, and I was feeling so much better.

I think that perhaps the best thing to do would be to get her involved in something physical. Think about joining the YMCA and let her bring friends to swim with while you go into the next room and work out or, heck, swim with them! I wish I'd stayed active when I look back at that part of my life. I think it's important to try and fix healthier foods and to get the junk out of the house or keep little snacks in managable portions. (Pre-packaged are best!) Would she have any interest in dance? Maybe you two could take a yoga class together?

I think that the idea of doing something repetitive is just completely hell for most kids... its so much more fun to do something that you're engaged in. Don't allow her to give up, and always be positive with her. If she wants to quit one thing, tell her she has to pick something else. One of my more recently discovered passions is rock climbing... the weirdest stuff can be so much fun!! Just get her out there, and try to be sensitive to her feelings. Middle school is an awkward time for any child, and their self-image can be extremely delicate. Best of luck! I really hope things work out for you both :)

Can you two spend more quality time together doing (more) active things?  Can you shift most of the focus to exercise (while still eating & tracking healthy meals)?  You could also get her involved in the planning, shopping and cooking of the meals.  Some of my best memories are of those times.  Maybe you two could start with taking walks together around the block or the mall and then build on that. 

I won't lie, I really wished my parents hadn't allowed me to eat so much garbage when I was little.

I'm 16 now. I don't think it's necessary to impose a diet and excercise regime on this girl yet, it could lead to an eating disorder either. And I'm sorry that you grew up being the "fat girl" and the pain it caused you, and I'm proud that you are taking action and don't want your daughter to go through the same painful times. In my opinion, it's best not to really make any mention of eating healthy foods suddenly. Kids will freak out when you say "No more of this" suddenly and "More of this" suddenly. They don't know, they're kids.

Puberty is tough, but it's extremely important that you eat healthy during puberty, as it sets the bar for how healthy you can be when you grow up. I suggest just having healthy alternatives, and building on it slowly. For one night, have some fresh fruit for dessert and not cookies. For another, have non-breaded chicken instead of hamburgers. Kids are stubborn, but try and have her taste things on her own. If you give it to her at a natural and steady pace, eating healthy will come natural to her.

As for excercise, maybe you can try and interest her in joining a rec league for sports? If she has a friend who places soccer, why not suggest she join her friend and play soccer too? Maybe try a little miracle called Dance Dance Revolution, if you have a gaming system. Go biking or walking with her. Anything helps. Every little bit will help.

Thank you all for your suggestions - I'm excited to report that my first week's weight loss is 6 pounds (water weight, I'm sure, but still exciting to see on the scale!)!!

As for my daughter, well, she's in CT with her father for the next 5 weeks, and he and his wife are aware of her weight problem and are trying to curb it while she's with them.  They actually have her going swimming every day (for hours) which is a really good start.  And they don't really eat fast food - maybe once a week - so that's another really good start.  Her step-mom cooks almost every night too.  I have a feeling that by the time my daughter comes back from her dad's, that she'll be on the road to a healthier lifestyle. 

While she's away, I'm working on my eating habits, so that I'll have a decent habit going by the time she gets back.  I'm also looking to see if they have a swim team that she can try out for here (we just moved to this area about a year ago), as she loves to swim.  I'm just sorry I didn't look into it sooner.

Again, thank you all for your suggestions and well wishes!  With a little perserverance, we can do this! 

Original Post by meshie2006:

 Also, I"m confused, as I did see a post where they were stating that children should have MORE calories because their bodies are growing/developing still.

Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!

well, i am no mother nor doctor for sure (!!) - but you stated above that your daughter is 12, yes? i stopped growing vertically at age 11- i'm not sure if that's maybe been your daughter's case..? and i'm also not sure whether or not this matters in the above highlighted statement - but something to consider, perhaps?

Hey =)
My advice would be not to TELL her that you're going on a diet.. I can imagine that that might hurt her self esteem.. It always hurts to have peopel saying you need to lose weight.

I think it's definitely an important issue to address though, before she gets into her teen years.. I was never overweight as a child (I'm only 15 now... haha) but felt fat and was on and off diets.. Consequently, I've been suffering an eating disorder for the last four years. I'm not saying that I think yoru daughter will end up like me.. Rather that if I had have learnt to deal with weight loss in a healthy way I might not have gotten so sick.

Habbits are hard to change but they do change ^_^ You could go for a walk in the afternoons.. She could walk home from school. Get her involved in a team sport! They're all so fun and after the exercise those lovely endorphins will kick in!

You don't NEED to count calories in order to lose weight. Generally you can tell what's good for you. Try having vegetables for every meal, switching to diet soda (if you drink regular).. Wholemeal bread.. Snacking is huge too. Lots of people consume so many uneeded calories in snacks!

You cuold go to a nutritionist =D

Ok. I know I'm young so sorry for ranting at you! I know you know best =D
GOOD LUCK!

Well first of all you are her mother and you have already influenced her to have your habits so why not do the exact same thing but for healthy eating and workouts. You can go for maybe three days a week and bring your daughter along with you, and stock up your house with healthy foods, fruits, veges, whole grain breads etc. But please don't tell her to go on a diet or tell her you are on a diet, thats way to much, just tell her you want to eat healthier and get fit, gain some muscle. Telling her to go on a diet and that you are to decreases her self image of "im overweight so now i need to go on a diet with strict rules and such." definitely an image you do not want to put into her head. This exercising plan and healthy eating is not only a great way to socialize with your daughter but to give her a better self image. Good luck!!