My Daughter is overweight - Looking for suggestions

I was never "thin" as a child and blossomed when I hit high school.  I am now overweight and trying to change that. 

My concern is for my 13 year old daughter.  She is active in sports, but she hit puberty early (11) and keeps getting bigger.  I don't know how to help her. We keep healthy snacks in the house, we promote good eating.  I make sure we all sit down to a meal every night.  We do very little take out.  I let her buy her lunch at school but am considering packing her lunch instead.  I can't control what she eats when she is with her friends or when I am not around. I would like her to learn to do that on her own.  On the other hand I don't want her to get caught up in the "thin is in" trap and be unhealthy in that direction. 

My daughter is an honor student who understands the social and health implications of being overweight.  I would like to introduce her to this sight, does anyone think that is not a good idea?  I was hoping that if we did this together it would help her.   I don't want her to have to deal with the issues of being overweight as an adult.

Thanks.

My daughter and I had a discussion about healthy eating verus unhealthy eating.  We also discussed packing her lunch rather than buying at school.  She was very open to the suggestions.  This weekend while making lunch she asked me why I was eating the type of bread I was eating (Natures valley Lite Honey Wheat) vs. the sandwich rolls that they were eating.  I explained that by eating the bread I was increasing my fiber intake, lowering my fat content, and allowing myself the option to have something else later.  She asked what the the something else would be and I told her I would like to have popcorn and some of the low fat/low sugar ice cream we had.  She thought it was a pretty good trade off.  For dinner she added salad to her plate.  Yesterday she was with my parents so not sure what the choices were.  We shall see. 

I was pleased that she didn't take offense to the conversation. She also asked what she could do at home for exercise, since she isn't playing winter soccer.  (she usually plays in the spring and fall, this takes up about 8 months of the year, she was going to join and indoor soccer league but the team was full).  I am going to give her the Leslie Sansone (sp) indoor walking CD.  She can do it when no one is home to bother her (namely her younger brother)

Thank you for the update Theresa! it is certainly encouraging to hear your daughter taking an interest in healthier eating and exercising.. I am sure it will make a huge difference! Best of luck!

Wow, I'm glad that your talk went so well! I'm not a parent, but I just think it would not be fun to be 13 (I remember being miserable at 13) AND overweight AND thinking that your parents would love you more if you were skinny.

Also, as someone mentioned above, she's probably still growing, might well get to a height that matches up her weight properly, and restrictively dieting could stunt her growth.

Another thing I might try is making it seem like going for a walk is a favour to you - ie, "I'm going to be walking for my exercise, it would be so much more fun if I had someone to keep me company along the way."

It has been a month and I must say my daughter is doing quite well.  She has lost 6 pounds.  She is walking and making healthier choices.  Her improvement in food choices has also cleared up some of her teenage acne issues.

She had a doctors appoinment today and the doctor didn't comment on the weight loss just the fact that she was tired.  hello she is an Winter Break and stays up until 2:00 am and the appointment was at 8:30, of course she is tired.  Anyway that was completely off topic. 

Good to hear she is doing better!

Wonderful news, Theresa.  I think everyone gave you the right advice.  Leading by example is the best way.  Sounds like you did well by not singling her out and also by letting her make the choice to follow you in your new eating habits.  :)

I'm really glad she's doign so well! :) I'd say plan trips on weekends if you can as rewards for getting healthier, like camping trips, or trips to national parks nearby! Obviously not a once a month thing...but maybe as a once or twice a year thing to really keep her excited about MOVING :)

Thanks everyone.  She is such a great kid that I don't want her to lose sight of who she is by dealing with an unhealthy outlook at eating.

Quote: I'd be leary of showing her this site. The teenager section and health section is a den of anorexic behavior. Sorry folks, but it is.

Please. Don't. Introduce. Her. To. The. Site. Not that young. CC is a fantastic tool to people that aren't here to abuse it or could become abused by it. 

Encourage healthy eating and get her a bit more active (I say a bit as you mention she is active already) but not so much calorie counting. D;

I just want to say that I think you dealt with the situation beautifully, and it made me so happy to see a mom being careful about what she says to her daughter about her weight. :) 

starrkate - I figure kids have enough to deal with at this age.  I don't want her to feel that I love her any less or feel that she should only be valued on her outer appearance.  Self esteem is such a fragile thing. I struggle, even today, with making sure I like me, big or small.

It's great that you've been dealing with this in such a productive manner. It sounds like you're making terrific progress! It's wonderful that you took your daughters feelings into consideration. It's refreshing when parents take time to consider the best tactics to handle the situations that arise with their children.

I haven't updated on this in a while, but my little munchkin has dropped 9 pounds.  I am so happy.  She has been making great food choices and walking with me.  I know 9 pounds doesn't seem like a lot to those of us that are bigger than she is but for her this was great.  She has gone about this with a positive attitude and great outlook.  She want to drop about 7 more pounds.  I am fine with that.  She has no unrealistic goals or reasons for doing this. 

That's great!

Although I'm sure you know this already, just make sure that she doesn't start to associate losing weight (just the number on the scale) and praise ("If I lose more, mom will be even MORE proud of me! I must keep losing!")

Amethystgirl - I don't think she will.  She was happy that she had more energy/stamina at her soccer game this weekend.  She said she thought it had something to do with the walking that we were doing.  She never mentioned the weight loss. She did ask for new pants.  It is summer so shorts and swimsuits are on the list.  She is happy that not eating the junk is keeping her face clear.  Right now she has so many positives (academically as well) that she seems pretty well grounded with the weight.  Not sure if that makes sense.

It definitely makes sense, and it sounds great - how I wish I had seen it that clearly when I was young.

That's just wonderful news! I remember following this forum since I was an overweight youngin' too, and I know my mom had concerns. I'm so glad it's working so well. But pray tell- how are your own weightloss and health goals going? It would be nice for an update from the proud mama as well :)

My daughter plays soccer and it has been great exercise for her.  Did you know that an average mid-fielder can run 6 miles in a match!  WOW!  She also runs track so I can't even begin to guess how many miles she is running in a week! 

We also switched from school lunches to her taking hers.  It made a big difference.  Every day her school offers some sort of cheesy pizza like item.  She asked if she could take lunch and after looking at the school menu, I couldn't say no! 

One thing that bothers me, is that the clothes these girls want to wear are made so small.  Hollister is one of the popular stores here.  My daughter can wear the stuff now, but if her chest gets any bigger, she won't be able to.  I worry that she will "diet" so that she can continue to wear the clothes.  The largest size they carry is a large, and it is soooo tiny!  My daughter is 13, 5'8" and weighs about 130.  She just doesn't understand that she is going to be a tall girl and eventually will "out grow" those stores!  

Vron082 -  Proud mama is kidna at a standstill.  I have lost 20 pounds and gone down in suit sizes (from an 18w to a regular 16).  I have been at a standstill for the last month.  Gained back two pounds but have taken them off.  I completed a 10K last week (I walked but my goal was to finish, which I did).  I am back on track and doing well. Doing this the slow healthy way does leave room for standstills.  I don't stress over them because I don't want to negatively impact my daughter.  Hoping to drop 10-15 pounds before July 18. 

Ellek - my daughters chest long ago outgrew hollister.  Right now she is anti-Hollister so no worries.  She is an academic (read proud mom not calling her a geek) and feels that worrying about clothes and styles is better left to the "preps" of the world.  She has been playing soccer for about 6 years and I agree they run off a lot of calories.  She plays on a coed team and the couch treats them all the same.  Pushups, situps and running a mile before each practice.  They are also required to run during the week outside of practice. 

Wish mine was anti-Hollister!!  Could save some money that way. 

Wow-Co-ed!  Very impressive.  Mine has only played for a couple years and she isn't really that good.  But she loves it and that is all that matters to me