daycare

Any moms here who decided to go back to work after having their baby?  How did you do it without feeling so guilty leaving your baby with someone else?  I know some have no choice, but in my case, I do.  This is something I have been battling now for a while...I just don't know what to do.

I stayed home with my kids for four years - by choice. I found that I lost a part of who I was - for me I needed something more then just cooking, cleaning and entertaining others. I was beginning to be very unhappy. I have now been working for 2 years and of all things I am a Daycare teacher (I have a business degree). None of my children are in the daycare (they are all older now), but I see parents have to make this kind of decision all the time. All I can say is, if I had the choice to do it all over again, I would most definitely put my kids in daycare even if I were to stay at home. If you find the right daycare for you and your child - There are sooooo many benefits. Start by just checking into some daycares first, there are many different types. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I could also provide you with some good questions to ask all daycare facilities that are important to know - i.e are the staff members certified, do they utilize a curriculum etc. We all love our children, but if returning to work is something that you need to do (as in my case) for yourself, then by no means should you feel guilty. Your happiness is important for their happiness. I hope this has been a little help! Take care!

I went back to work after 12 weeks maternity leave on both my boys, and with my first, it was heart wrenching.  I cried the entire drive to work, and had to take 15 minutes in the car to gather myself before going in.  While I felt torn with my second, it wasn't as heart wrenching because I had done it before.

I think it may have been easier on me than others because I didn't specifically put him in daycare, he was at home with my MIL, who did, and continues to, provide great care for both my boys (although not as frequent since I've been laid off).  It's not just a stranger who doesn't know anything about my life or my children, it's their grandmother who would do anything for them.

I did put them in daycare for a couple of years before kindergarten just so they could have exposure to and interaction with other kids, but that didn't work out like I had hoped, even though we did exhaustive research and prep work.  My oldest fared okay at best, and my youngest didn't get anything out of it at all.  My youngest didn't interact with anybody, and when I went to pick him up, he was always by himself playing in the corner.  A little while after we pulled him out, he was diagnosed with autism, so it was just as well we took him out.

However, there were some financial considerations with me going back to work.  If you have a choice, and a preference, then go with what is comfortable and will be in the best interests of your family.  If you have concerns as to staying home all the time, maybe you could consider a part time type of thing.  Maybe work only 15-20 hours a week to give you the adult time you need, but still be there the majority of the time for your baby.

Take care, and good luck!

I have been at home with my 2 year old since his birth and have loved every moment of it. I used to teach and often feel desperate to get back to it, but i know this is precious time and nothing compares to sharing all of my son's 'firsts' and educating him myself. I get to do everything with him the way I want to and to be honest, work is always there. There's plenty of time once they are in full-time school.

My husband is self employed and at the time of having our son, so was I.

I had a nice shop but was changing over to a shop nearer my home to make it easier when small was born, so not only did I 'go back' to work when small was born, I worked whilst small was being born! On the morning of my C section, I called work to check all was Ok. I had small on the Tuesday late afternoon and on the Thurs morn, I asked the nurse to wheel me outside so I could call the bank from my cell to authorise the wages checks.

I took a WHOLE week when I got home (although I did make the odd work call) and I had a minder come to the house whilst I worked.

After about 2 1/2 years I woke up and smelled the diaper.

The minder saw my son more than I did.

I was incredibly lucky to be there for his first words/steps/teeth and the day I realised I was missing out was a massive day for me. By the end of the week, I'd closed the shop and am still a stay home Mummy now small is nearly 6 and at full time school.

I am also lucky in that I don't have to work.

Seriously, when they are at full time school, the teacher see's your child (awake) more than you and makes decisions, so grab every single second you can. Its a blessing and I am ashamed that I wasted my opportunities so easily.

xx

When my first son was a year old, I really struggled about going back to work.  I was a civil engineer and really moving up in my company.  I had a lot of guilt about spending my parent's money by getting a college degree, then "wasting" it by staying home.  I went back for one day, but quickly realized I was giving up something, my baby.  I didn't have to work for money reasons.  I thought about all the reasons to stay home and made that choice.

If you stay home, look for play groups, babysitting co-ops, moms groups.  Sometimes they are advertised at your church, ymca, local paper, neighborhood.  I have found plenty of places to socialize with adults.  When your kids start school, that is another opportunity to meet other adults.

If you feel the need to expand your brain, volunteer projects are plentiful, but not as time consuming and more forgiving than a money job.  Some of the things I've done are planned a sit down fund raising dinner at the Houston Museum of Natural History.  We ate among the dinosaur skeletons.  PTO president.  Bot Scout "popcorn kernal".  I've seen volunteer ads for recording reading for the blind, docent at the Wild life park, endless things at school.  You can stay busy, but say no when you have to so that you are not too busy that you miss out on your kids, and not even get paid.

I've been home for almost 17 years now.  When I think I might want to get a regular job, one of the kids will get sick, or something else will happen that I would have to take time off work to handle.  It is easier to have my days belong to me so I can do the unexpected.

And,  it has been a lot of fun!

I appreciate every one of your replies.  I guess I should have added that I was a SAHM and still technically am (minus being in college part-time).  Sophia is 2 1/2 and I didn't actually go back to campus until this semester.  I am a member of two mommy groups, have Sophia in activities (reading, gymnastics) and volunteer.  I still feel like I am missing something though...hence my reason to go back to school. 

Before we got pg with our second (only a few weeks ago), I started applying for jobs...and was actually very excited and motivated about this.  I only wanted a part-time job...that's all I could handle with school.  Sophia LOVES LOVES being with other kids!  She thrives when she is around them...and I almost feel like I am cheating her out if I don't put her in care for that little amount of time.  Then again, preschool is just as good (just not as long of a day). 

But as soon as I found out we were expecting I started to change my mind again.  Maybe I could just stay in school and be an active SAHM.  The last thing I want is to be home here worrying about work, or be at work and worry about my children.  It's bad enough when I have to do my homework and feel like that is all I am thinking about when I am spending time with Sophia. 

SO my point is...I guess I will figure out what is best for me.  I know in my heart I couldn't drop my infant off at a daycare (I have no family to watch her).  But I also know that I need to find more of a balance for me....even if I am in mommies groups, volunteering, etc.  It's just hard when I know I want to be there for my children, but also work and feel like I am fulfilling my dream too....not that being a mom isn't....but you know what I mean :)

Original Post by lunger0514:

Any moms here who decided to go back to work after having their baby?  How did you do it without feeling so guilty leaving your baby with someone else?  I know some have no choice, but in my case, I do.  This is something I have been battling now for a while...I just don't know what to do.

I also had no choice, so I feel you! I breast fed my baby almost completely for the first 3 months, so I would hop on over there during my lunch break and spend about 30 minutes with the little guy. It's actually a lot easier to leave them with the day care "ladies" when they are younger, because they don't realize that you are leaving and they don't cry so hard. There is no rule anywhere that says you can't stop by for a few minutes to see your child. If you can't get away during the day, then make a point to leave a few minuets early a couple days a week so that you can go pick them up, or just observe your child in a different enviroment.

It's going to be hard for the first couple of weeks, no doubt about it. I cried the first time I dropped him off. I was able to make it to the stop sign at the end of the street, but then I started bawling and thinking I was the worst mother ever. But, now he loves the "ladies", the toys and the kids. He's been in the same class as one little boy since they were both 8 weeks old. (I like to think that they are best friends!) It is a wonderful experience for a child to be among other babies and new experiencese. I would LOVE to stay home and take care of the children, and only have them in daycare one or two days a week, but I'm in the military so no can do!

If I didn't go back to work, things would have been REALLLLY tight.  So, I decided to go back.  And, I think for all of the right reasons.

1st-  If I didn't go back, money would be an ultimate struggle b/c I live in an area where taxes are over 10k a year -  plus a mortgage, bills and whatnot. 

2nd-  I LOVE what I do and frankly would miss it.  I cut back on hours-  I don't go part time exactly; I have 1 day off during the week extra with her as so long as I check in on vm and e-mail.

3rd-  I wanted her to grow up with someone who could teach her balance and independance.  She will one day need to support herself and I don't want her to fear the fierceness of getting ahead in life. I want her to embrace it and have fun.

But, leading up to that point was so so so hard.  I went to visit a daycare and I had a PANIC attack.  I had to leave, I couldn't breathe-  I just couldn't see my little Julia there day and day out.  I made some calls and was recommended to this wonderful woman who watched my girlfreind's daughter.  I went to visit her and even though she wouldn't be with ME all day, at least I knew she would be with people I know. 

Sometimes I sit in my car and cry still (I've been doing this for 6 months) becuase the thought of not seeing her every minute of the day is heart wrenching.  But she's so HAPPY when I pick her up and she's never even CRIED when I dropped her off!!!

bottom line is that if you find a job that allows you some flexibility; I forsee the golden word "Balance" happening in your life.  But those scales can easily tip and life can get complicated.

One other thing to think about which is slightly daunting is that if you do go back to work, you'll have to think about, and plan, your schedule around day care prep.  Bottles the night before; labeling everything-  it's a task in itself.  I don't know how much help you get from your significant other-  but my DH does not help me at all-  refuses to take her the sitter in the AM or pick up after work (says he just can't do it due to work-  i pick my battles).  It's a whole life change.  I can't even imagine w/ 2!!!  Julia's so easygoing I've been blessed with a very happy baby who doesn't mind when her schedule changes.  As long as she's in bed by 8:30 my world is a very beautiful place. 

And, since I do work during the day; all my errands have to be done After she goes to sleep.  DH doesn't get hom until 9/10PMish; so I'm pumping gas and grocery shopping until 10:30/11PM at night.  

I am currently pregnant with our first.  I have no choice but to work.  It is way to expensive where we live and I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck.  We all know emergencies come up.  Luckily, as a nurse, i don't work everyday.  Irregardless, as someone else on here pointed out, I also need to work for me.  I love what I do and find fulfillment in it.  I have those friends who are SAHMs and they drive me nuts.  They were professionals before they had their kids, but they seem to have lost their own identity.  I was planning an outing with one friend and all she could talk about was what snacks she would pack for her toddler, what outfit she would put her in, blah blah blah.  I wanted to plan what time we would meet up, what we would do that day, etc.  We never did do that and by the end of the phone call, I wanted to scream, "I don't care!" I don't want to be the person who can't even plan an outing because I am so concerned about my kid. 

That being said, i am tossing around the idea of a nanny vs daycare.  It is tough as a nurse, because your schedul is ever changing and you need someone who can work around that to a certain extent.  Luckily, hubby said he will drop kiddo off.  Hope it all works out.  I will be happier if I can work! 

I have been working nights since my oldest was 3 months old.  That was almost 11 years ago!  One of the reasons I did this was to save money on daycare and so that only family took care of the kids.  I have nothing against daycare professionals...they have more patience then me I imagine!!!!  It's just that I grew up with a religious cult worth of family (insert sarcastic overtone on that one)members but when I had my own children I was relocated and barely had any family around.  So we clung to the ones who were here.

I love working nights.  It has it's drawbacks...sleep isn't as easily aquired  so coffee becomes  a necessity and my husband and I not having as much time together.  But the perk of spending all day with my kids all day while only missing a few hours of time with them before they go to sleep is golden!  If I worked days I would only get 3-4 hours time with them during the weekday.

Working nights isn't for everyone, though.  I arrive at work between 4 - 5:30 and can work as late as 3am.  If you can find a part-time (I am full time) job that doesn't last as long as my shifts it might owrk for you!

Good luck!

I am currently pregnant with my first one as well. I am due in around 3 weeks and can't wait to be with my baby.

Unfortunately I won't have that much time with him though. After 1 month I have to go back to work in the office and even during the 30 days at home I will have to work from there somewhat.

My husband is a freelancer and although we are doing okay financially we absolutely need the steady, secure monthly income my job provides since we never actually know how much he will be able to bring in every month.

This summer my husband has a 4 month contract with somebody so during this time we will have to give our just 4 weeks old baby into daycare.
I am really glad we found a great one provided by a woman whom we liked instantly at our first meeting... but it still feels weird to me to think about bringing my baby there every morning because I have to go to work.

I can't imagine how I am going to feel like once the little guy is actually here... :/

I work in a daycare and I have for about 8 months now. If you are going to leave your baby in a daycare, please be aware that as much as we love your baby, the baby is likely not going to get held and cuddled with as much as it would if you were at home with him or her. Secondly, please do not be one of those parents who leaves thier kid extra hours so they can have a drink or hang out with your friends after work. Just be ready to bond with your baby from the second you get off work, and in reality, it might be better for you both.

I'm grateful for this post.  I'm not a parent, or expecting just yet, but my brand new husband & I talk about the stay at home or work/daycare thing quite a bit.  I never realized the guilt factor... we are sort of hung up on the COST of daycare.  It's soo expensive.  So it's like do we put the babies in daycare and I work to afford that?  Or not have the expense and make it on one income?

Ahhhh so confusing.  It's good to see all the experiences people have had & get some opinions.  So thanks!

Original Post by mandakatz:

I work in a daycare and I have for about 8 months now. If you are going to leave your baby in a daycare, please be aware that as much as we love your baby, the baby is likely not going to get held and cuddled with as much as it would if you were at home with him or her. Secondly, please do not be one of those parents who leaves thier kid extra hours so they can have a drink or hang out with your friends after work. Just be ready to bond with your baby from the second you get off work, and in reality, it might be better for you both.

 my social life went from 360 to 0.  I no longer really have the freinds at work; and I leave promptly to catch a 5PM train.   There is no option of running late.  If I do; I call my MIL to pick her up by 5 so she can have time w/ Nana.  This is a concious choice b/c as much as I love my work; I love Julia more.  But the reality is is that I need to provide for her.

I am very lucky to have found a woman who will watch her in her home, and the woman has two daughters in their 20's that play w/ Julia all the time.  I am well aware of the fact that she doesn't get snuggled and cuddled w/-  but she is getting socialized with the two other toddlers the woman watches.  Never has she cried dropping her off and when I pick her up she's always laughing.  ANd when we get home; it's me and her until bed time.  We'll go shopping; we laugh, we play, and it's so great.  It's OUR time.