How do you deal with new friends and unwanted "before" weight loss pictures?

So I've lost 60 lbs over the past 1.5 years, and in the process,  I've changed a lot, and almost don't feel like the same person I was when I was heavier -- I exercise every day now, a total lifestyle change, leading to new interests.  Exercise has also taken away the depression I struggled with for years, making me happier and more positive, and a very different person in the process. 

So, I've started doing some social networking and re-establishing old friendships while beginning to make new friends, getting out there more, and having a lot of fun.  I don't talk much about my weight loss and the old me with new friends and dates, as it's kind of a dark period in my life and doesn't really reflect who I am anymore.  But recently one of my friends posted some old photos of us together on a website and they are of me at my absolute heaviest.  He linked the photos to my profile on the same website so anyone can see them.  I'm uncomfortable with it, and have gotten a comment about it from a new friend.  I'm not sure what to do about it (if anything) - ask my friend to take the photos down, or live with it.  It's not like I'm hiding anything, but the photos also put it much more out in the open, and take away my control over sharing my history with new friends.  Let's face it, we all have our struggles, but this kind of history is not the most attractive thing, and I'm trying so hard not to go backward, the reminder is not particularly helpful.

Any thoughts on this question? 

You could ask them to take it down...if it is facebook you are talking about you can untag yourself by going to the picture and clicking on untag. This way it won't show when people look at your pics :-)

Or you could just embrace it. You've lost a lot of weight! Be proud of that!! 

Do not be ashamed.  You are not defined by your exterior, but by what's inside.  On your tombstone, what will the epitaph read?  "Here lies a former fat person"  Or "here lies a beautiful, warm-hearted woman who accomplished much in her life"? 

Your friends love you for who you are, not how you look.  If someone new in your life is going to make judgements on you based on how you used to look, do you really want that kind of person in your life?  Or do you want the type of person who would look at those pictures and say, "wow!  Look at what you've accomplished!" ?

Original Post by shandykat:

Do not be ashamed.  You are not defined by your exterior, but by what's inside.  On your tombstone, what will the epitaph read?  "Here lies a former fat person"  Or "here lies a beautiful, warm-hearted woman who accomplished much in her life"? 

Your friends love you for who you are, not how you look.  If someone new in your life is going to make judgements on you based on how you used to look, do you really want that kind of person in your life?  Or do you want the type of person who would look at those pictures and say, "wow!  Look at what you've accomplished!" ?

ITA. You said it perfectly.

A friend would surely take the photo down if you asked. Or I bet he'd put a "new you" photo up with it if you have one to share with him. He probably is trying to display your success. I don't know about anyone else, but I LOVE to see before and after pics. I just love it when someone succeeds at something I know is very difficult. You're an inspiration to others. When I reach my goal, I'll have lost about 60 lbs too and I'll be happy to put up some before and after pics to celebrate. I admit, I don't feel as you do about being a whole different person--at least not yet. I've always been pretty happy and up, even when I see those awful pics of me and I just cringe. Do what makes you feel best. You've worked hard to get where you are.

It's such an interesting subject - on the one hand everyone that's known you longer than a year and a half knows what you have accomplished and they're impressed/proud, on the other hand, it's also kind of like the friend is telling your secrets. 

I'd contact him and say that you're proud of yourself, but that when new friends see the pictures they are learning something about you that you haven't felt comfortable sharing with them yet and could he please remove the links and/or take them down. 

If I felt like you do, I would ask the friend to get rid of the pic. You have nothing to be ashamed of, of course, but it should be your decision. People ask other people not to post particular shots of them all the time. It shouldn't be a big deal.

I don't see what the big deal is to be honest... you can't rewrite the past and undo your former body size, and it's nothing to be ashamed of or to hide away from anyway. Do you think your new friends will think less of you because of it? If they do, then they're not worth bothering with! If you don't want to talk about it all you have to do is to say 'yeah, I lost a bunch of weight' and that's the end of that conversation.

I was really big in high school and when Facebook came around a few years ago, I had already lost 60 lbs and I couldn't wait to post new pictures of myself as a non-fatty! Be proud of your weight loss. You might inspire someone who didn't know about your past.

To be honest, I'd be more embarassed if people were posting old pictures of me if I had GAINED a lot of weight, not lost it.

I'd be careful of something that I notice in myself and in what you are saying. You say that you're a totally new person now, which isn't a good thing if you mean it too literally. I have made changes in different areas of my life over the years, for the better usually, and I know that feeling when you get reminded of the pre-changes you and your ears turn red and you want to disown that past self. Don't forget, that person is still you! A life with ups and downs is a beautiful thing that brings you wisdom. Don't disown your downs just because you like your current situation better. Love yourself, now and then. It's a lot easier in the long run than pretending that the you you are now is the whole story.

 

I personally wouldnt post a "fat" pic of my friend after they lost a lot of weight. I would keep em on hand so I can look through them, but to put them up for the world seems a little inconsiderate. For example when I was younger I had no idea how to do my hair, it was soooo jacked up. Well I took some stupid pics with my friends and then a year later she put them up everywhere. Now, come on she knew the pics bothered me cause I scribbled out my face in another one to which she got pissed about. I would talk to your friend and say hey, since Im not that big anymore lets take some new pics :), if their your friend I dont see why there would be an issue

Well first of all, it's a guy friend who posted the pictures on his site, and most guys don't think in the same terms as we women do when it comes to things like our weight.  It was probably a picture that is meaningful to him in some way so it's not exactly fair to accuse him of being inconsiderate when all he's doing is posting pictures of him and his friends doing fun things together. 

Is he supposed to forget his past because she was fat then and she wants to forget hers?  That's not fair either, is it?

Now, it is fair if she doesn't want any of her pictures posted.  If it's strictly an issue of privacy over the internet then that's a different, but if she wants to pick and choose HIS pictures for him, then no, that's not really fair.

I wish I could find more "fat" pictures of me. I like taking similar shots and photoshopping before/after snaps in similar poses. OK, that's just me.

Don't be ashamed of who you once were. (S)he who forgets the mistakes of teh past is doomed to repeat them.

You've come a long way baby.

This is a really good topic!  I have some similar issues myself having met a lot of new people who didn't know the bigger me.

First, congratulations on making so many positive changes in your life.  You should really be proud of yourself.

If the internet photos are bothering you, I'd definitely ask your friend to take them down.  But maybe this could be an exercise in getting comfortable with your old self still being out there.  Like others said, you can't erase the past.

My own experience is with photos I have in my living room.  My friends' weddings from a couple of years back, photos from college, and pictures with my family.  I'm not going to hide them because they're memories of my life!  When new people come over, they ask "who's that?"  Its me, and they didn't even realize it.  I feel a little ashamed of how I used to look, but you know what, its a testament to how hard I've worked and I usually end up with compliments and encouragement from the new friends, rather than reactions of embarrassment.  (I feel especially uncomfortable when it comes to men seeing them for the first time, because I think he's going to think "she was fat before, she'll get fat again."  But if he thinks that, screw him!)

But really, if its making you feel bad and if you think having a photo connection with the past is going to make you revert to your old ways, then by all means, speak up and have those photos removed!

The advice within this thread is sound advice and there's not much to add. I agree that sooner or later you need to embrace the fact that you had the courage to change and better yourself and while the old pics may be embarrassing they also are a solid reminder of how strong you really are.

If you don't feel comfortable confronting your friend asking to take the picture down, you could explain your discomfort and ask them to post an additional picture of you -- or maybe the two of you -- at your new weight. It takes a lot of courage, dedication and patience to do what you've done (lose the weight). Be proud of it! I even think that the before pictures may encourage others to help better themselves seeing what a fantastic job you've done at it.

My friend would of course take them down if I asked, but you know men, oblivious.  I don't think he's noticed the weight loss, and I didn't want to point it out.  He has made several random compliments about my appearance recently, the way men do when they're not really sure what's different, lol.

And my friend who noticed the pic was super-supportive, telling me all about how much respect she has for how strong I am, etc., so it wasn't actually a bad reaction, just uncomfortable.  In a lot of ways, it was a bit of a breakthrough for our friendship, as she's opened up to me about some things in her life since, and we seem to be getting closer.

But the "untag" button was right there on Facebook and worked like a charm.  So the picture's still there if I want to point it out to anyone (I've burned all of my own), but not so obvious.  Great solution!

Thanks for your help!