How do you deal with other people's comments on your weight?

I'm a college student and have a healthy normal BMI, but I've put on 8 pounds during my sophmore year. I never was really concerned about my wieght until I went home and every women in my family commented on my recently 8 gained pounds. My mom even went so far as to crab my belly while I was hunched over and said "mmm getting a lil' belly on you arent you?" What am I suppose to say to that? My best friend tells me it's not that they think I look bad but I've always been so small they noticed the little weight I gained. Even if this is the case I want to prevent future comments without seeming over defensive, but how?

I would appreciate any thoughts.

 

Another thing. Since I am a college student with no kitchen I eat alot of cafeteria food. I'm picking out things like salads, specail k, and fruit, but i'm just guessing at the measurements. Any good ideas on to make sure I'm accounting for the right amount of calories?

This might be a little dramatic in your case but when my family wouldn't leave me alone about my weight I finally just said "Why am I not good enough for you the way that I am?" They thought they were being helpful but they needed to know how much it was hurting me.

take a measuring cup with you to the cafeteria?

i guess that makes sense....i might have to get over the wierd stares i'm sure i'll get!

 

You gained 8 pounds, and people are commenting on it? Jeez, you'd think they were the Weight Loss Police or something. What's so wrong with being fat, anyway? I've been fat all my life, and I'm always amazed at how people say "You've gained weight" with the same tone they'd use to say, "You've killed a newborn infant"!

 Chill out, people. It's just fat. 

oh wow... this was tough ... the thing is my family was saying things behind my back when i put on a bit over 20 pounds my first yr of grad school.  my dad was actually the first one to say something to my face, and that's when i took notice, cuz my dad doesn't notice ANYTHING!!  and my mom was trying to be nice about it...kind of saying things like "oh, your body changes with age, things start to spread out...blah blah blah" but then she would kind of look at my in a very scrutinizing way, and say stuff like "hmm that shirt is tight on you now?"  it was so hurtful.  she is not exactly obese but she is overweight.  and i felt like saying something snippy back.

my brother used to tell my mom how much weight i had gained behind my back.  he was an overweight kid, and only got super skinny in his twenties.  what gave him the right to talk smack about my weight ???

to be honest, as hard as it is, i think you should just ignore the comments.  keep doing what you are doing...if you want to lose the 8 pounds, go ahead and do it, and then you'll hear comments about how you lost 8 pounds...and you can just shrug it off.  my mom has been constantly raving about how much weight i have lost, and i kind of ignore it.  i guess i just choose to ignore all the comments!!

families are annoying about these things. i lost weight and suddenly i was anorexic and having cakes shoved in my face. i gained weight and suddenly it's weird looks and comments. there's no winning. last summer i was at a family event and was distraught enough that i realized NONE of my summer clothes from last year fit and was stuck in something crappy that was the only thing i could fit in and my grandfather has to point out in front of EVERYONE how it looked like i'd gained about 10 pounds, "did i?" and how wonderful that was...... UGH.  so know you are definately not alone!!!!!!!  there's no winning .... i try to ignore it.  i get enough comments because i don't eat meat either (hmmm when i lose weight it's cuz i'm an unhealthy vegetarian right? when i gain weight is' because...?  again, no winning). 

OMG! that same thing used to happen to me! all my family was always saying something about my weight, and I wasnt really fat, I was kinda chubby!!, but my bigger sister was very skinny and they compared me to her! it was sooo painful! it gave me self steem problems till I was 16!!!

I am not good at this I tend to make snarky mean comments if people criticise my weight.

So if someone said "Putting on a little weight aren't you?"

I would probably respond with "You are as Couth as you are beautiful"

or "Well you know people change over the years, some of us put on weight, others make thoughtless, stupid comments. "

You probably should not use those.... but seriously, I think you will be fine, most people's metabolism drops when they go to college and you put on a little weight and later you adjust to your new lifestyle and metabolism and lean out again.

My mother has made me self-conscious about my weight since I was little-in fifth grade!!!-even though I was petite back then. She always makes comments on my body, and the worst part is that she is so skinny and can eat anything she wants. Two years ago I lost a lot of weight and gave her my clothing, but I eventually gained it back and needed to take my "big" (not actually big) clothing back from her. I never felt so humiliated in my entire life. She still says things like-"when that gets too big on you can I please have it?" I can never enjoy anything unhealthy, even a piece of cake on my birthday, because I know she is judging me. But then sometimes I try to look at the whole situation optimistically. My mother wants me to be skinny because she loves me and wants me to be healthy. She makes comments because she wants me to be careful. She wants me to live my life to its fullest potential. Although she makes me feel worse about myself-I am sure that is not her intention. So when you hear those comments try to absorb them like a sponge like I try to do-without taking them to heart and know that if they are coming from the people who love you, they probably have good intentions at heart. As hurtful and probably unnecessary as they may be, ultimately it is your special body they are talking about. What you would like to do with your body is entirely up to you.  

 

Ignore all comments about your weight--positive or negative. Find the weight where you're healthy, and decide not to care what people say about it. I know my ideal weight is 150--which, at a height of 5'3", is considered slightly overweight. Large frame, family tendency to be big, and slow metabolism combine to make a natural weight that's bigger than the BMI says it should be. But at lower weights, I'm literally starving, and that means risking depression--which I've already dealt with, and don't plan to do so again.

 I'm at 208 right  now, and I'm losing weight because I want to, because the extra weight is getting in the way of moving freely, because I get more tired carrying it around. It's not because my family is getting on my case because "they worry about my health" or because my co-workers compliment me on my figure and say I shouldn't lose any more--they've been doing that all my life, one way or the other.

I'll give ya news: Being overweight isn't a health risk, not directly. If you eat an unbalanced diet and don't exercise enough, you'll be unhealthy and overweight and your life expectancy will drop... but if you look at people who are eating healthy diets, exercising, and are overweight, you see normal life expectancies. Only if you're also living an unhealthy lifestyle is being overweight a health risk.

 Point being: Lose weight because you want to, because you want to be healthy, your best self, and don't stress about what people say. And if you can't--maybe your body's naturally big--then live a healthy lifestyle, stay out of the obese range, and it's just as good, health-wise.

In a pinch make a fist lokk at it..that is about a cup.

Look at the tip of your thumb from knuckle up, that is about a Tbsp

Tip of index finger about a tsp.

These are not exact obviously but in a pinch they help keep you in check.

My mom made a few comments about my weight that really hurt. The thing is that my mom is 50 heavier than my heaviest weight AND she's 3 inches shorter!

She gave me a pair of pajamas that were three sizes too big and said she knew they would be snug but she hoped they weren't too terribly small.

She also bought me a blouse in the size I told her but she made a point to let me know she felt I was lying about the size I needed. 

I made a big point to wear the shirt in front of her and let her see that it was even a little loose! The first visit I made I took the pajamas and let her see them hanging on me then I kept making comments about them being so large that they were about to fall off. Later I found out she gave me the pajamas because they no longer fit her-she had outgrown them!

When she first starting making comments I kept my mouth shut. All it did was make me feel worse. After a while I got tired of getting my feelings hurt so I started making comments (not after she made them) about people making comments about my weight and how much it hurt. She didn't make any for a while but the next time she made one I felt like she should be perfectly aware of how much she was hurting me so I asked her, "How did it feel when you started gaining weight and people made comments?" That ended it. . . .SO FAR!

I think you need to say a quick "Wow that hurt my feelings" then leave it at that. Then they should know that it hurts. If they keep it up tell them how it makes you feel. It's hard to talk to people about these things some times but it's important to stick up for ourselves!!

My Mum's favorite is, "You don't really want that..."  I feel like yelling, "How the he** would you know?!"  Obviously not the best solution.  I know she's just trying to get me to think before I eat, but I'm well aware of the situation.  Now that I'm counting calories, I can say things like, "Well, seeing as I'm 328 cal under my BMR today, I'm pretty sure this XXXXX is exactly what I want."  Of course, you can say it less sarcastically than that ("Thanks for looking out for me, but I'm actually under my necessary calorie intake today."), but telling them that you're working on it tends to make people back off - especially if you sound truly educated about it!  :)

a lot of times it can be really effective to just look someone in the eye when they make a rude comment and tell them "that was a very rude thing to say" or "that was a mean comment"

chaotic idealism, i totally know what you mean..I've been fat all my life and I've always felt close family, mum and dad included, have commented pretty nastily on my weight all life..when two years ago I dropped down to 60 kilos (pretty dramatic considering I'm 5-7 and have a large frame), through starvation and bulimia I must add,  people seemed a lot nicer and treated me like I had won the nobel prize..I've done some much cooler things than losing 30 kilos..I've gained about 5 kilos since and the nastiness and mean comments have returned..I've beaten myself up a lot over body issues thanks to my family and friends but there is a point when you just shut out these people completely..my husband, my personal trainer and my boxing coach are the only 3 people I discuss food, exercise and progress with now and only because I run marathons now and need to watch exercise and nutrition. If i dont look like my anoerexic sisters or cousins that can't really run a mile on a slow treadmill, then I guess I'm really happy with that!

 

Hmm sensitive issue, for sure. My mother was a skinny minnie all her life, and had no clue how to deal with a hefty daughter. I would also get the You-don't-really-want-that comments and the Look...in retrospect she was trying to help but had no idea how. I was very sensitive and would cry about some rude comments I got that day at school...and she would tell me she'd help me lose weight rather than tell me I was beautiful the way I was, which was what I really needed to hear! I was definately bigger than average but within a normal range....now, twenty years, 150 extra lbs, an eating dissorder and endless diets later, I can say i wish i had not taken it all so deeply to heart.

I too got the 'do you really need that' look and felt as though every bite that went into my mouth was scrutinized, as well as always being hounded to get up/take a walk/do something. I know my mom did it because she's struggled with weight her whole life, too, and because I was all skin and bones until I hit puberty, so my weight gain concerned her. She wanted me to get it under control while I was young and didn't have a lot to lose before I got to middle age and had 50+ pounds to lose, like she does. It still messes with your mind, especially since now that I dropped from about 150 to 134, I don't get those looks/comments anymore. She also tells me that I 'don't need to lose anymore weight'--I feel like she thinks I'm not doing it in a healthy way, which frustrates/annoys me, because I *am*. I eat about 1600 calories a day, lots of veggies, almost all whole grain breads, and I exercise almost daily.

For me, though, it was worse when friends would assume I would fit into their clothing. i remember junior year of high school a well-meaning friend offering to lend me a pair of jeans because we were going to a park, and I was wearing a skirt. She was a size 5, I was a size 11, and I had to repeatively tell her that there was NO WAY i was going to fit into her pants. She kept insisting that I would, and the whole thing was really, really embarrassing.

I always got the, you have such a pretty face, if you would just loose weight..That made me feel like I would never be pretty if i was big...So my entire life I was big, and thought I was ugly....I have a very loving husband that tells me all the time how beautiful I am, but for the 1st time I am starting to believe it!!

 

Jen

the longer you let the opinions of others define you, the longer you take to learn that their opinions don't matter. please yourself.