How do you deal with people who push food on to your plate?

I get so frustrated because I tell myself I'm not going to eat certain things and then my parents will be like have some more of this or this and its usually unhealthy and they ask me more than once. It gets me so frustrated. They know I'm trying to watch what I eat but they can't just go without pushing foods. Ughhhh I'm so fed up with this I can't stand this anymore.

same thing happened to me today, parent cooked me a big beef dinner, i suppose just demand a smaller portion and put up with it not much you can do really. but it doesnt happen too often for me though.

Plain and simple, they just need to respect your answer when you (politely) refuse. I hate people that keep pushing, and since I have a short temper I'll really fly off the handle if they keep doing it after I've said no. lol It's so annoying. But they're not gonna tie you down and force feed you against your will, so just get your NO across as strong as possible the first time.

If it helps any, my mother made a roast not too long ago, and after I had already told her I would cut my own slices, she slices some up and puts it on my plate. Whooo! Look out, my fuse just went out! LOL I snapped at her, dumped it back on the platter and recut my own pieces. Everything has to be weighed, I am very anal about it.

Original Post by ezzied:

Plain and simple, they just need to respect your answer when you (politely) refuse. I hate people that keep pushing, and since I have a short temper I'll really fly off the handle if they keep doing it after I've said no. lol It's so annoying.

I agree that others should respect a polite refusal, but I think the OP is asking what one should do when polite refusals are rejected.  I don't know if "flying off the handle" is really a sustainable strategy, although your story does give me warm memories of living at home. ;)

Anyway, I say this because the situations I find myself in where food is pushed on me tend to be the types of situations where having a fit would be heavily frowned upon: I'm thinking of dinner with in-laws, lunch with the boss, drinks with colleagues, etc.  In those cases I will use a variety of excuses (already full, feeling unwell, too dehydrated/hot to eat, food intolerance, doctor's orders, etc.) to back up my case.  If I am up against a determined opponent, i.e. one who won't take no for an answer, I only commit to a small portion and then see how little of an amount I can get away with eating without someone taking offense. 

Geez, a simple "no, thanks" usually works

Original Post by spirochete:

Geez, a simple "no, thanks" usually works

Have you ever dealt with a person who is constantly trying to force you to overeat? Because seriously, no matter how many times you tell them "no thanks" or explain that you're on a diet.. they will continue the cycle. It sucks the life out of you. I was raised by a mother that endlessly desired me to be unhealthy. I am now 20 years old and have moved to a different state for college.. and I am as healthy as I have ever been. I can't be around her without gaining weight. It never fails.

It's really difficult, because if you end up with more on your plate than you want to eat, and leave some of it, then you get those 'ah, a fat girl on a diet!' looks, the ones that you know means they think it won't last long. Plus, you'd have to explain yourself and even if it's your parents and you've already told them and they know about it, it's obvious that they don't think about it unless you remind them over and over.

This is something I have to do with my mother. I put my own food on the plate, so I've got no one to blame for the size of the portion but myself, but she's so used to me eating that she tends to just assume I'm going to continue to eat the left overs and this and that and oh that too, just so she either won't have to eat it herself or so she won't have to throw it out.

It's an ongoing battle for me with her about it, so I'm afraid I've got no helpful tips, but I'd say just remind them to stop. Remind them they're not helping and keep on doing it until they're as fed up hearing about it as you are of them trying to push food on you.

And say that if they want to keep pushing food on you, at least make it veggies or fruit, or something else you can and should eat a lot of.

Yep this always happens to me when I’m eating with my mum and no matter what I say about not wanting more she continues to offer extra portions for the entire duration of the meal - she’s just relentless!! Last time that we dined together she actually went that extra step further and put another fishcake on my plate whilst I was eating my meal! Luckily I have a willpower of steel and just pushed the fishcake to the side of my plate and continued eating the rest of my meal as usual. At the end of the meal I put the fishcake back in the main dish. It is a difficult situation and I don’t want ever be in the position whereby I either stop dining with my mum or end up arguing with her over such a petty issue. Hopefully she will get the point eventually!!

This is my life!   My mother always tried to get me to eat more....she doesn't hear the "no" (her old fashioned belief a good mother is defined as one who is always giving and feeding...even if is 100% unwanted)  Actually, I think I had eating issues because her...but that for another thread.

The only way I have found to get her to stop force feeding is to yell at her....sad that we can't communicate normally, but...

That doesn't help the OP, but I do understand the siutation

I think most mothers are like this. Mine feels very hurt if you dont have triple helping of everything she cooks (and she is a brilliant cook so triple helpings are very very tempting!). I can really identify with ezzied as I have a very short fuse too and my moms tendency to pile food really drives me mad. There have been numerous occasions when I have just dumped everything straight into the dustbin just to teach her that I wont eat if she serves me. She is much more understanding now but its a constant battle....give an inch and you are done for!

Original Post by hippiecat:

This is my life!   My mother always tried to get me to eat more....she doesn't hear the "no" (her old fashioned belief a good mother is defined as one who is always giving and feeding...even if is 100% unwanted)  Actually, I think I had eating issues because her...but that for another thread.

The only way I have found to get her to stop force feeding is to yell at her....sad that we can't communicate normally, but...

That doesn't help the OP, but I do understand the siutation

 OMG!!!! My lifes story in a nutshell!!

Original Post by spirochete:

Geez, a simple "no, thanks" usually works

Sometimes, it doesnt. Depends on the culture. Certain people in my family will keep forcing food on you no matter what. If you say no, they think you're being shy. If you say yes, they think you are absolutely in love with the food, or you're starved, and therefore force more food onto you. When you don't take anything, you're the one they consider rude, or they think you're starving yourself, or they think you're too polite. It can never cross their minds that you don't want it.

Original Post by spirochete:

Geez, a simple "no, thanks" usually works

Sometimes, it doesnt. Depends on the culture. Certain people in my family will keep forcing food on you no matter what. If you say no, they think you're being shy. If you say yes, they think you are absolutely in love with the food, or you're starved, and therefore force more food onto you. When you don't take anything, you're the one they consider rude, or they think you're starving yourself, or they think you're too polite. It can never cross their minds that you don't want it.

Try saying you're on a doctor-ordered diet. Many parents respect a doctor's wishes.

You can also try "oohing and aahing" over their food (which is what some of them want anyway) and begging for some to take home. Then you can ditch it or give it away.

I know you've probably heard this from a bunch of other members on here, but weightloss isn't all about fitting into smaller clothes and looking better. It's about self control too. As soon as the work stops and you're at your ideal weight, you will slowly start to revert back to your old eating habits because you never worked on self control.

Just because it's on your plate doesn't mean you have to eat it. Everyone can say it, but not everyone can follow through.

Good luck! :)

Hello,

Parents worry, I am a father of 4, all under the age of 8.  Simply ask you parents why they want you to eat so much, understand their rational, their problem.  Let your paretns know that you heard them.  Then tell them why this is a problem for you.  See what happens, build a solution, the solution may be simple, such as showing them how you are counting your calories, and why you are limiting yourself to a certain amount.  respect their soultions, empathy is your tool, vailadating, hearing, and understanding their soultions will help them vaildate, hear, and understand your solutions.

Thankfully my bf' parents aren't force-feeders....just ate there and was able to keep my portion control (though they did think it was funny we refused the wine since both the boy and I are dieting)

This is rough.  I didn't realize what a food pusher my mother could be until I moved out.  Instead of gaining the typical freshman 15, I promptly took 15 off without really trying.  Most people who do this I think are trying to justify their own food choices or portion sizes by having someone else join in with them.  At least this was the case with my mother.  She was always "trying to diet", but would starve herself for a bit and then adamantly "know" that I wanted McDonald's on the way home - so she could eat without as much guilt.

Now, if I'm faced with the same situation, I'll offer something else.  Say no thanks, but I'd love some fruit!  Sometimes just offering an alternative helps with the pressure, especially if people believe your just not eating enough.  I don't know if I could have done this when I was younger though.  Good luck!

According to a post of the OP's on August 11th they are 15 years old,  5'7.5" and 140lbs... a BMI of 21-22.  Aim is to lose 5-15lbs and they originally went for a calorie intake of 1600...   As was pointed out at the teim, losing 15lbs would be far too much and 1600 cals a day would be far too little... 1900-2000 would be much more appropriate.

So what the parents are faced with is a slim, healthy girl who is on quite a severe diet (if nothing changed) for a teenager who does 2 hours volleyball practice a day and has decided not to eat 'certain things'.  This is going to ring alarm bells for many a caring parent.    Of course, they're going to be anxious that she's simply not eating enough... not getting the right nutrition... a candidate for disordered eating, even.   'Pushing food' is an emotive term and I don't think it's accurate in this case.

I'd suggest to the OP to take her parents into her confidence and explains clearly and intelligently what the situation is.  Why she's unhappy with her current, slim body, for example, would be a good place to start.   Muscular types that do 2 hours volleyball practice are going to be naturally heavier than people who don't..... doesn't mean they're fat.   And specifically, how she would like to eat more healthily or watch portion-sizes.  'Watching what I eat' isn't specific enough... especially if the targets are unrealistic. 

Original Post by gi-jane:

According to a post of the OP's on August 11th they are 15 years old,  5'7.5" and 140lbs... a BMI of 21-22.  Aim is to lose 5-15lbs and they originally went for a calorie intake of 1600...   As was pointed out at the teim, losing 15lbs would be far too much and 1600 cals a day would be far too little... 1900-2000 would be much more appropriate.

So what the parents are faced with is a slim, healthy girl who is on quite a severe diet (if nothing changed) for a teenager who does 2 hours volleyball practice a day and has decided not to eat 'certain things'.  This is going to ring alarm bells for many a caring parent.    Of course, they're going to be anxious that she's simply not eating enough... not getting the right nutrition... a candidate for disordered eating, even.   'Pushing food' is an emotive term and I don't think it's accurate in this case.

I'd suggest to the OP to take her parents into her confidence and explains clearly and intelligently what the situation is.  Why she's unhappy with her current, slim body, for example, would be a good place to start.   Muscular types that do 2 hours volleyball practice are going to be naturally heavier than people who don't..... doesn't mean they're fat.   And specifically, how she would like to eat more healthily or watch portion-sizes.  'Watching what I eat' isn't specific enough... especially if the targets are unrelistica. 

 

 

 

Ok, so maybe when I said that I wanted to lose so much weight I was pushing it too much but I've changed my goals and now I'm just working on eating healthy and not over doing it on sweets and things of that nature. When I am pushed to eat food its not because I'm not eating properly. I eat vegetables, fruits, grains, dairy, etc. I get my necessary nutrients and in no way have an eating disorder. What I was referring to in this post was that I hate when I have adequate portions of food on my plate and I'm full and my mother will put more food on my plate and get angry if I tell her I don't want it. I am perfectly capable of getting food if I'm hungry. Also, that day my mother offered me ice cream and I politely declined. She asked me again and I refused. Then she took a spoon and scooped out a scoop of ice cream and handed it to me. How can anyone not get frustrated by this. It's not like she was offering vegetables or fruit because she was concerned of my well being. She was offering me junk food when I told her I didn't want it. And regarding the posters comment on my calorie intake, I believe that 2000 calories would be an excessive amount to eat in a day and 1600 to 1700 would suffice. Yesterday I ate around 2000 calories and that was from eating lots and lots of junk (candy, greasy food, etc). If I were to eat three 500 calorie meals and one or two 100 calorie snacks why would I not be able to get my necessary nutrients?

 

Original Post by imkindahungrywbu:

I believe that 2000 calories would be an excessive amount to eat in a day and 1600 to 1700 would suffice. Yesterday I ate around 2000 calories and that was from eating lots and lots of junk (candy, greasy food, etc). If I were to eat three 500 calorie meals and one or two 100 calorie snacks why would I not be able to get my necessary nutrients?

 

See that's not normal thinking for a slim, healthy, active 15 year-old.... And it's also not particularly accurate either.  Check out this link and enter your current stats...  http://www.bcm.edu/cnrc/bodycomp/bmiz2.html

You'll find that because you're a 'very active' (more than 1 hour a day of activity) young teenager your body needs 3170 cals a day to be in good health and to have the energy to function & develop properly.  See how 1600-1700 is not even coming close?  'Nutrients' isn't the full picture....  Sure, you could get all your 'nutrients' from a few big vitamin pills but you wouldn't be healthy unless you were getting the right amount of energy at the same time.   Calories in other words are just as important as nutrients when it comes to eating properly and being well-nourished.   There are higher-calorie nutritious foods you can choose .... you don't need chocolates and greasy foods.  Nuts & nut butters, for example.  Very nutritious and very rich in energy.   Olive oil ditto.  And even the icecream you turned down is a perfectly valid part of a healthy, balanced diet.  

I can see why your mother would be worried.   If you can't see why then it could very easily be because lack of food can start to affect your ability to think and behave rationally.   Innocent diets can easily turn into disordered eating this way.....  People with EDs often think everyone else is trying to 'keep them fat', for example, and they resent anyone who wants to make them eat more.   Not saying you're in that boat yet, but it's a slippery slope.

Next time your mother offers you a scoop of ice-cream or a little extra food on your plate take it happily.  Because, by my reckoning, you could afford to eat 2000-2500 cals a day and you'd still be losing weight.