How do you deal with skinny friends?

All my friends are skinny and have no weight problems whatsoever (either because they are smokers or extreme athlets or just lucky). They love to go out for social dinners, hang out at local pubs and jazzclubs or throw parties at home with tons of food and alcohol, sometimes 2 - 3 times a week.  

I just started my diet 3 weeks ago (55 pounds to lose - a long long way to go) and I find it extremely hard to be around them and in situations where I'm always expected to eat and drink.

Since they never experienced how much willpower it takes to lose weight they don't quite understand what I'm going through and call me party-pooper when I say 'no thanks' to alcohol or when I don't want to go out to a fancy (and expensive!) "all-you-can-eat" Brazilian steakhouse or have a Sunday brunch at a family pancake house...

Unfortunately, it's still too cold here in Chicago to enjoy the outdoors together with my friends (in summer we go sailing, play golf or go to open-air concerts).

What should I do? Any thoughts? I don't want to be lonely...

Thanks, Anke

chicago!!!  i love this area! (i'm in aurora.. a western burb)  but it's getting warmer!  :)  anyway.. just tell em you're trying to live healthier.. and if they have a problem with it still.. are they really your friends if they don't want you to get and stay healthy?  i actually have the opposite problem.. my fat friends seem to want me to stay fat. but i just tell them i'm not making them do this and i don't want them to try and convince me to do otherwise.  that shuts them up!  hehe..  

I agree also! Real friends are supportive and will also do what they can to make things easier on you when your trying to change or improve yourself!

Tell me how twisted this is, I was always petite until I had my kids my friends are all skinny and they are baby machines. My parents are constantly making comments of pretty my friends are and how skinny they are. My daughters are beautiful and petite, and my parents have commented on how they "know it didn't come from me".

I was really hurt and gave up on myself for a long time (big mistake) now I have to lose 83lb's. I figured out that my husband loves me regardless and so do my children. And I love myself so I am going to do what I have to do to be a healthier me.

If friends/family/parents/co-workers can't be happy and supportive then I say to heck with them!

Melanie

Anke your friends will respect you for your efforts and envy you when you've reached your goal.

OBI awww your friends are afraid to lose you. Maybe your success will motivate them to eat more healthier. I say take 50lbs of lard to them and say... no thanks, you can have it... Only kidding, but Damn thats alot of weight you have lost!!!

I can relate... SInce I started my lifesyle change I feel a bit less social.  It was a lot harder in the beginning but its getting a bit better I guess.  Weekends are the hardest and I have to say NO alot.  I am finding the hardest part is going to someone elses house to eat.  Restaraunts are hard but not as bad.   Most of my friends are skinny or either just have a few pounds to lose.  Meanwhile I have about 68 of them waiting to come off.    I did decide to give myself 1 "free" evening or maintenece evening a week (I stay with in 500 to 600 calories during the day.  Usually we are at our house anyway for these evenings so I still choose healthier alternatives I just may allow myself a bit more lowfat cheese, Baked doritos or something else I may otherwise crave during the week.  that night is Saturday and most of my friends know that I am really trying to lose the weight and most are pretty supportive... even my hubby's male friends.   One of the reasons I look forward to the warm weather is most weekends will be spent out camping w/friends.. but we have our own little camper and I will stock it with healthy alternatives, plus we will be alot more active with all of our Hiking and swimming and rafting!!  Now I need the weather to cooperate!

Anke-

I used to be one of your skinny friends.... now I'm here :/  The worm will turn, eventually.

Anyway, they're your friends.  They're not going to freak out if you eat less, take a doggie bag home, get the salad, whatever.  I suspect they're calling you a party pooper cause they miss having you around.  If they say, Go for it, have a dessert, your response is "I don't want a whole one, want to split it with me?"  I understand the bit about all-you-can-eat.  Since it stopped being a "good deal" I stopped going, too.  I mean, if all I can eat is less than a plate of food, what's the point in paying for a plate and a half minimum on the assumption that I'll eat three?   Curse you, all you can eat buffets!

And as for the clubs... I had a friend last year who started dieting and didn't drink any more (too many calories- wish I'd listened to her!)... we LOOOOOVED having a designated driver all the time!

When I moved from Germany to Chicago, I didn't know anyone here and got into this vicious circle of working 24/7, traveling 3 days a week and eating all this very "convenient" food out of the freezer or from a take-away, gained 30lb over 2 years and was overworked, depressed and lonely.  

Finally, I got out of my workaholic lifestyle, was lucky to find new friends, and started to enjoy social life just to gain another 15lb...

But you're right, if my friends don't help me in my efforts to lose those 50lb, they're not worth to be called friends.

Thank you all for your morale support!

Anke

nope.. you're right.. to be successful you can't avoid all temptation.. it's what you do with that temptation that shows you how strong you are!  go out have fun.. but it can be done with out fatty fried foods or foods with sugar in them.. or without food at all.. and without alcohol.. i was quite frequently the designated driver in college cuz i didn't like to drink all that much.. it's no big deal and it's so fun to make fun of the drunks.. :)

Skinny friends..I usually cover them in BBQ sauce bake at 350 for 3 hours and enjoy..I have been known to eat 3 or 4 at a time.. ;)

*falls off chair laughing at bethy*

XD

Have you tried filling up on healthy foods before you go out with them?  Then you can honestly say you're not hungry.  Or if they insist you try what they're having, you can stop after having a bite for a taste.

Thanks for your great advice, Bethy!! Will try next time...

Naia_zifu - did try that strategy before but ended up eating a second full dinner although I wasn't hungry, just felt too strange sitting in a cool restaurant and watch my friends eat all this wonderful, tasty food..... too many temptations....

But I WILL be strong from now on, I WILL reach my goal and NOBODY can stop me!   

Same boat here. I'll go over my friend's house and she'll offer all this junk food and I say no so she calls me anorexic... she's skinny, her "weight problems" is gaining 5 lbs... There's nothing you can really do. They haven't been there so they just can't comprehend it. They can sympathise but never empathise, nothing you can really do. Just remember it's your life, don't let others dictate how you feel. If you want to be happy, well gosh-darn, you be happy :D

Take Care.

Hi Anke
A few suggestions for you:
Go out to the restaurants and just have an entree instead of a main course.
Tell them you don't need alcohol to get in the happy zone.
When you're out with them get up and dance instead of sitting there wishing you were out of temptations way.
You said some were athletes? Get them to help you train, this will motivate them to think of you differently.
Tell your friends that you are not doing this for them, that you're doing it for your ride into the future, if they don't buy a ticket (invest in you) they can step off the ride.

You just do for you, ok,  becausethey won't be bandaging your knees when your too big to hold your weight with them.  If you're their friend they will see how important you are and change their ways.

At my new job the woman I work with the most is so skinny...I overheard her say she was up to 111 pounds. HA! She is not much shorter than me, so 111 is skinny, skinny, skinny. She tried to get me to eat a banana twinkie..."I cant eat a TWINKIE" "Well, today you are going to...just skip eating something later" Okay - if I could just skip eating something later, I would not have this problem. LOL. I did not eat a twinkie that day!

My sister is one of those skinny people. She's about an inch shorter than me and skinny as a rail. She's always been that way, just has a very high metabolism combined with being a picky eater. I don't think I could get away with Barbequing her now. I might have considered it when I was a teenager though. *shifty eyes*

I try not to think about what they think of me.. If they are small so what. I have to focus on me. I worry about my friends that are big the most in the group. Kerri told me one day, you are just going to leave me behind.. A! Yeah.. I can't live like this..You have to live for yourself. Don't even think about them or what they think. Just do what you need to do to be happy with yourself. That is what i do. I do what i feel is right and safe for me.. 

They just don't understand that you are real about this weight loss.