How to deal with "skinny moms".

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has gone through this but at an average weight 118 pounds at 5'4 I too can be a little down when it comes to shopping for clothes. I had a child nearly 3 years ago and I've finally realized I will never be my pre-pregnacy weight and I'll never have the sexy body shape I used to have.

For one thing. it's hard to find shirts that fit because my breasts are large.

Yet I am young enough (I'm 23) to shop in the Juniors department.

Now nothing makes me more depressed than to go shopping only to see older moms that are in their 40's trying on size 0 pants in the Junior's section and looking fabulous. Ouch. And to top it off, they have not one but 3 or 4 children. It makes me wonder if they sold their soul to be that skinny and beautiful. With my tail in between my legs I don't buy anything because nothing would fit right-everything was too tight or too loose.

To make matters worse I take my 2 year old to the musuem and play ground every Tuesday only to run into more stick thin moms with perfect bodies and fashionable clothing. It's frustrating to say the least. I exercise and eat healthy but I gain a lot of muscel and I look thick in clothes even though when I take them off I'm usually more ripped than the average man. I used to joke with my husband that I was the manly one with all the strength : )

So ladies, do you ever have to go through something similar? Do you work your butt off (literally!) only to encounter other moms that are effortlessly skinny?

How do you deal with it?

im 47 and ive had 3 kids. i buy my jeans in the juniors dept because im tall and i dont like mom jeans. my 19yo daughter and i wear the same size but she is 5" shorter so we cant share jeans.

i work hard for the money body! and i learned a long time ago to not compare myself to others. there will always be prettier skinnier younger smarter... whatever. thats a slippery negative slope. i accept that and work what i got! i choose confidence!

Original Post by urzahlah:

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has gone through this but at an average weight 118 pounds at 5'4

Is that accurate?  Are you saying that you weigh only 118 pounds at 5'4" and are dissatisfied?  You are at an excellent weight with a BMI of 20.3, which is perfect.  What you need to do is stop looking at other people and be the best you can be.  Yes, having babies changes your figure - it's supposed to.  It's natural for our body shapes change.  Be proud of yourself.

But why should you listen to me.  I'm just a 67 year old, mother of 3 grown children.  What could I possibly know.

I don't know if this helps, but here's my experience.

After having my first child I had stretches of being very unhappy with my body and clothes that were really only partly about my body and clothes. It was much more about figuring out how to merge my sense of self as a person with the new situation and demands of being a parent.

When I was discontent, looking at other people really didn't help me, especially because I lived in a city crawling with weight-and-fashion-obsessed people. Plus, who knows what goes on in other people's minds and bodies no matter how they look?

In the end, two things really helped. First, finding other moms to hang out with, women who became real friends, meant that I was happily engaged with other people instead of staring at strangers. And these were friendships not only about our kids. We also talked about everything else going on in our lives and heads. Second, I decided that one of the reasons I was feeling discontent was that, even though I spent all day with my daughter, I was also oddly disconnected from her because of my own need for a little mental space of my own. But that was taking over our days together. So I made a habit of really being with her, actively playing, etc.  It was great. Of course, kids need to have their own space, too, so I didn't hover. But if I wasn't actively with her, I'd have something of my own, something pleasurable or productive, to do, even as I kept an eye on her from a distance at the playground.   

As a friend of mine likes to say, what do you want on your tombstone? "She was skinny"? "She dressed well"? "She kept a clean house"? Or something else? Me, I'm aiming for other stuff.

Good luck!

I totally understand!

I'm only 5'3"-ish and currently weigh 130 pounds (10 months PP and 2 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight). I weighed 107 pounds before I was pregnant with my first child and quickly realized I wouldn't see that number again (it was too thin, anyway!). I was very happy around 118 with a medium frame.

I have a bit of a tummy left but my biggest issue is seriously my boobs. I wear a 32-34 DD (currently breastfeeding) and they're not all perky like they should be on someone who is 26 years old. I think my large breasts make me look bigger than I am partly because of having to buy bigger shirts to compensate.

I have a friend who is one of those "skinny moms." She loses baby weight effortlessly. Seriously, she eats what she wants and doesn't do hardcore workouts. It's just how her body is. I've accepted that I will have to WORK to be smaller just because that's how my body works. Sure, it still frustrates me to see all these teeny tiny moms with kids younger than mine.

I do, however, have some body-image issues. When I look at myself in the mirror, I think I look much heavier than I am. The only way I can get a good idea about how I really look is by seeing myself in photos. When I was at 118 pounds between pregnancies, I thought I was still huge. Looking back at photos of myself, I can't believe I thought I was overweight then when I was actually very slim.

As a side note, I haven't considered shopping in the juniors department for years now. I have some curves and find that those clothes just aren't made for my body type.

I have decided that it's not all about looks, it's about health. I'm at a healthy weight now and as long as I eat correctly and stay physically active, that's the most important thing to myself and my kids.

thank-you, 5,4 and 118 is awesome....i wish! i just had my second and would love to weigh 118 again. i am 143 at 5,3. i agree that you shouldn't comp[are yourself as someone is always skinnier and prittier than we are and we will go nuts. just kloveyourself, you are beautiful and skinny!!!

5"1 and stuck at 135.  you know what?  it's my body and I won't insult it.  I was 118 when I got preggo. May never see that again.  But ya know what?  I'm healthy, my Julia's healthy; and as long as I stay concious and focused of what I put into my body-  and how I TREAT my body; that's all I can do.

Life's too short to think you're fat in every picture and mammoth in every mirror.  Take the time to buy clothes that fit well; not by the tag-  who sees that anyway??

Life could be much worse.  I could be sick; I could lose someone I love-  but that's not the case.  So I'll take my HIPS and I'll take my BUDDA and LOVE LIFE.

AMEN!

Hey There- I just wanted to chime in here - being one of those "Skinny" moms. I often feel like I'm left out or treated unfairly because of this. And the comments that I get are sometimes nice, sometimes rude, but mostly make me feel uncomfortable. and just because I'm a size 0 doesn't mean that I'm lacking in the flab/pudge departments - i couldn't model for Victoria's Secret right now. i wish my stomach were flat and toned, or that i didn't have the love handles and that my bras weren't so tight right now. I could never join in a conversation about feeling badly about one's body image, because my friends and family would simply roll their eyes at me and say that "you can't say anything because you don't have an ounce of fat on you" orand that "you're already wearing normal clothes so soon after pregnancy", or "your weight at 9 months pregnant is what I weigh all the time" or a slew of 100 other comments that I'm sure they were saying to be nice, but made me feel awful.

I think that it does take hard work, but as a new mom, I think that no matter what your size or weight, we're judging ourselves and being to harsh. After all, look at what you sacrifised for your child and think of your body as an amazing machine - you just need to get into a positive state of mind about it and try not to harp on the negative (after all, according to your weight and height, you're not overweight and probably look fantastic).

With that being said, even I, as little as I might seem, have been struggling with the same feelings that you do, but I've adopted a new outlook and learned that I need to trust my body and treat it right. I'm 5'2" and had 3 children, most recently a baby girl 2 months ago. I tipped the scale at 128 lbs. with all 3 pregnancies, and was able to pretty much bounce right back to my pre-preggers weight (108 lbs.), thanks to healthy eating habits, a little exercise and good genetics, I guess.

However this time around, it's been more difficult to lose the stubborn belly fat and I started to compare myself to others and was getting really hung up on my body image (being that it's swimsuit season, I was anxious about wearing a bikini at the beach, or even at my In-laws house at their pool parties). I'm 115 lbs right not and am probably the heaviest I've ever been in my life (other than during pregnancy) - but I've accepted the fact that I'm caring for my children, breastfeeding a baby, working full time and right now I don't want to spend every minute obsessing over it. I'm enjoying this time in my life right now and I trust that I'll be able to get back into shape as soon as I start trying :) You must start to see yourself as the beautiful, sexy and powerful women that you are and just know that even us "skinny moms" struggle.

Ladies!!!  We've had BABIES!!!!!  Some here have had more than one!!!  We went through the ups and downs of hormones and breast-feeding and taking care of little ones and taking care of husbands and taking care of our homes; and well-  what else haven't we taken care of??!!!! 

you know; i'm just starting to re-aquaint myself with....ME; b'c all my focus has been on Julia; and Work; and House; and DH.  I would LOVE to get into the gym for a hardcore workout for hours a day-  not to get a rockin' bikini body-  becuase-  hey=   NOT GONNA HAPPEN-  but just to knock some STRESS out!

i think we are way to hard on ourselves and what we look like.  Just look what we're surrounded by though.  So much love.  So much moving us forward throughout the day.  People (little and big) leaning on us. 

Just take one day at a time.  It's all you can do. 

Original Post by liposuctioned:

why hasn't anyone said this yet?

YOU ARE 118 POUNDS AND 5'4". YOU ARE A SKINNY MOM!

 Yep - I agree!! If I were at the Tuesday museum thing you would be one of the people I would be comparing myself to and wishing I were that thin!! lol. But I get it -- the grass is always greener. Just try not to compare yourself to these other women. You are obviously a hot tamale, you are a young hot mom and enjoy it!!! As long as you are healthy, who cares what these other ladies look like. They may be miserable for all we know, right? :)

And if there are things you dislike about your own body, work on them. With healthy goals in mind, of course. Realistic, healthy goals.

OP, it's all genetics, and there's really nothing you (or they) can do about it.

My wife is one of those "skinny b-words": 5'10" size 0-2 all boobs and booty.

Our third is 3 weeks old, she's already back down to a size 4 and her sister f'n HATES her as they got opposite sides of the family genetics.

If it makes you feel any better, at least you don't immediately garner the ire of 95% of the other moms just because you walked in the door. She regularly vents in near tears to me how all the other mom's hate her.

And though I know it's not entirely true, I do see the jealousy in some of their looks and I'm sure some of them are trying to make her feel as bad as they feel about themselves when they see her.

TLDR version: That's genetics, we're not all the same. Focus on your diet (as it's 10x more important than how much you exercise) for weight loss and exercise for your health.

Original Post by urzahlah:

For one thing. it's hard to find shirts that fit because my breasts are large.

So ladies, do you ever have to go through something similar? Do you work your butt off (literally!) only to encounter other moms that are effortlessly skinny?

How do you deal with it?

I know your post was well intended, but don't assume those ladies are effortlessly skinny. People say that to me and I am offended. I work hard to keep in shape and for me to be called "lucky" is a slap in the face. Some are naturally thin and others just don't take care of themselves.

As for what I do; I worry about me. That's all that matters! You are 118 and 5'4" which is phenominal. Plus, you got to keep your boobs. I wasn't so lucky. LOL! I can't fill out any tops or a bra of any size for that matter. I'm an A-! I'm 5'3", 112 and also find myself slinking through the juniors department at the age of 29. I do feel your pain there. I can't complain though...I feel great, I work with what I have and don't have and appreciate that I was blessed with two beautiful daughters.

Breathe...

Oh how I relate to being both the skinny mom and the chubby mom.  I was 112 when I got pregnant 13 years ago.  Not underweight, I have a very teeny frame, but very slender.  Until my son was 3 I was chubby, in the 135 range.  Then magically I got  down to the 120-125 range.  Then evil magic made me 145!  Yuck!  Now I'm 125ish.  Here's what happened for me.  Whenever I was consumed with nothing but the responsibilities of motherhood and working, I got fat.  When I somehow learned to balance my life and enjoy time with old and new friends and do many other things along with motherhood, the pounds dropped off!  This last bit weight drop was intentional and kind of difficult.  Was the first time I ever dieted for real but I lost about 20 pounds.

The sad thing is is that I felt judged and snubbed by other women when I was both chubby and thin.  Those skinny bi*ches were too good for me when I was fat and now the chubbier ones give me the cold shoulder.  So sad. 

Well, I'm a new mom too and I get called skinny all the time but I gained 68lbs while pregnant and lost most of it quickly but pre-pregnancy I was 125lbs, I'm just a hair shy of being 5'10"..but 7 months after baby arrived, I am 140lbs and I feel FAT, I feel huge...I still have loose skin, stretchmarks, and (if that isn't awful enough) jiggly thighs. But I also see ladies out shopping with their children who are fit and in good shape and it makes me sigh to myself and wish I wasn't such a wreck right now. I was running three times a week and doing core strengthening in between runs but haven't been out in three weeks because my DH just switched jobs and he works long hours and I wouldn't dream of leaving my daughter with a babysitter (just my preference)...with that and my LOVE of an iced coffee with a generous dose of heavy cream...I managed to add an extra pound and a half to my already girthy 140lbs. in the last three weeks.

But I've ordered a jogging stroller and do at least 20min of core strengthening exercises and butt/leg exercises four times a week and take my daughter on lengthy walks at the park at least once a week in addition to cutting calories where I can (I breastfeed so I don't go crazy with calorie cuts, but try instead to stay within a 2,000-2,2000 range and choose healthier options like raw fruit and veg or completely home made foods).

As far as feeling bad about weight gain.. I refuse to let it depress or bother me too much because first, going back to those other ladies with children who look so fit...mostly their children are at least 3 yrs of age or older that I see and I just figure that it will probably take that long for things to really settle back into place, as nearly as possible (as long as I keep working hard). But, I know a lot of people would say I don't need to lose weight. As such it really isn't about pounds, I think, for me or anyone else. For me, it is feeling comfortable and I am not obsessed about reaching a certain weight, it's not about a number, but getting as closely as I can back into the physical condition I was in before. It is sometimes frustrating to see skinny women, but I often feel envy more over women who don't have children...because I'm more worried about these damn stretch marks! Oh, and the fact that my already big feet got half a size bigger.

Ok I'm sorry I have to chime in here. I am a mom! I have an 18 month old little boy and I am 120 pounds. I am also 23 years old and 5'4", just like you.

I AM SKINNY. YOU ARE SKINNY AS WELL! I can't believe you would even think for a second at 118 pounds that you are not skinny. If you are not skinny then what does that make me? Seriously...?

Second off yes I do know what it is like to be jealous of skinny moms but guess what that was because I was fat and wasn't doing anything about it at the time. Now that I have been working at it after 25 pounds lost I am very happy with my body.

Also how do you know that these moms are effortlessly skinny? I can tell you I know no one who is effortlessly skinny unless they have a medical condition. They probably work their butts off to stay that thin. And yes some people do have a smaller frame that’s just the way life is. It all has to do with genetics. I am bigger up top with really skinny legs. That’s just the way I am shaped and I can't change that. If people are skinny right after they had their baby it’s either because A. they were very careful to eat well during their pregnancy. B. They have something medically wrong with them. You don’t know what their eating habits are like. They may not eat at all for all you know. Breast feeding also has a major affect on some women and helps them burn off calories really fast.

 I remember when I moved to the place I am now over a year ago, a girl my age was in my church who also had a baby about my age and she was 118 pounds just like you. At the time I was 150 pounds and SO JEALOUS OF HER. Well guess what. I ended up becoming friends with this girl and I got to know her really well. She showed me pictures of when she first had her baby and it turns out that I judged her unfairly because she had lost a whooping 45 pounds after her pregnancy. She was huge before she decided to do something about it and here I was thinking she was effortlessly skinny when she really worked hard to lose all the baby weight. I'm glad she never knew I was jealous or I would have been really embarrassed.

I'm really not trying to offend you but I think you may have serious body issues if you are still dissatisfied with yourself at 118 pounds. Maybe you should talk to someone about that because you are completely fine.

At 23 years old you should be shopping in the women's department. You are no longer a junior. There is no reason to be jealous of people in size 0's at the age of 40. I would be concerned because they most likely have something wrong with them maybe some kind of medical condition that makes them that thin. I know a woman like that... anyway.

The last time I was a size 0 was probably when I was 12. I have been a size 2 to 3 ever since I was 14 and I am very happy with that. BECAUSE I AM THIN.

Face it you are one of those skinny moms and people are probably jealous of you for looking the way you do. Just think about that. :)

I'd suggest that you NOT shop in the Junior's department. Those clothes aren't meant for grown women... and most of the time, they're poor quality anyway. Like Stacy and Clinton say, buy the clothes that fit your body, and you will look good! Don't try to squeeze your body into clothes you wish fit, because then you WILL look like a sausage in a casing. The jeans for women have evolved beyond the awful "Mom" jeans look. Give it a whirl - it may help you feel better about your current body.

Original Post by urzahlah:

So ladies, do you ever have to go through something similar? Do you work your butt off (literally!) only to encounter other moms that are effortlessly skinny?

How do you deal with it?

No matter what weight/age you are, you are judging people you don't even know.

I continued to exercise, do yoga and go hiking well into my 7th month of pregnancy with both children.  I continued my daily walks until delivery day.  I didn't eat for two.  I ate for a healthy baby.  I did lots of reading and found that odd pregnancy cravings are mostly because the body is craving something it lacks.  So I tried to avoid that by eating lots of fruits, vegetables and whole grains.  I ate lots of protein rich foods.  Sure, I still craved a piece of fried chicken from time to time and would happily eat A piece (as in one).  I went home in pre-pregnancy pants.  I did the same with my second pregnancy.  I don't call that effortless. 

I get really tired of hearing other mom's in our play groups talk about me and how lucky I am.  It's not luck.  It's called getting off my rear and doing something.  It makes me especially angry when the comments are made at snack times when I'm having yogurt and they opt for bagged chips.

 I lost all of my baby weight before my daughters first birthday. There was nothing lucky about it though. My baby weight didn't just melt right off... ( Regardless of everyone suggesting that was the case. ) It took effort to get back to my previous self. Quite frankly: I have a healthier lifestyle than some other mothers. I'm far more active than them by comparison. The truth is that I workout/eat in a healthier manner. A couple of friends of mine that are also mothers have filed this same complaint/rant towards me.  It's offensive.

 .....

 Someone should remind you that you're 5'4 and 118lbs though. That's a totally healthy weight for your height. Seriously. In honesty this is a counter productive rant,imo. I think you're being far too hard on yourself. Or: Looking for a pick me up from strangers. The best thing you can possibly do is strive to be the best you... Not emulate other mothers and/or juniors. There is no reason you should fear the women's department. Try it out for a change because you may find that you like it. :)

my friend whose your age just had a baby, and she's already skinny agian, like super thin, thinner than me!!!! it's not your fault, i think it;'s in the genes.... your fine the way you are don't compare your self to skinny moms