Dealing With Creeps Now?

For the longest time, I was the hide in an oversized t-shirt, care less about how I looked type of person. Now I've lost 35 pounds, am in the athletic body fat %, am quite fit with just a little left to lose and tone. Anyhow, lately, now that I've been wearing clothes that actually fit me (nothing slutty, just normal girls' clothes), and actually try to look decent when I'm out and about, it seems I am constantly getting hit on by guys, in a creepy way. I don't mind compliments or glances my way. But it's men who will get in your personal space, look you up and down like you're a piece of meat, and comment, or say something lewd about you just inches away from you so you can overhear. It always catches me by surprise, because I still see myself as I used to be. I never thought I was attractive, and honestly, I don't know what to do in such situations. I was by myself waiting by the men's bathroom for my kid brother to get out after a Houston Dynamo game last night (near a men's bathroom is not the best place, I know), and in about 8 minutes had four creepy guys say stuff and eye me weird. How have any of you dealt with this type of stuff? I want to stay safe, so I don't know if I should just ignore this behavior or confront it. Like I said, I'm still just taken aback and it's always unexpected just because I'm not used to being the girl that's hit on. Anyone else have similar things happen and good ways to deal with it?

I deal with this stuff all the time, but that is partly because I live in Italy.  Italian men can be very forward.  In any case, the best thing you can do is ignore them, especially if they are just looking at you.  Also, if they say something but do nothing more, I would also ignore them....they are likely looking for some sort of reaction.  However, if they EVER invade your personal space, I would definitely take some action.  You could politely ask them to step away, and if that doesn't work, try walking away.  I would hope that no one would ever actually try to stop you, but if they do, I honestly don't think screaming would be out of order.  I have had to yell at men who grab my arm, and luckily in public that works well. 

Congratulations on your weight loss!

i think i kind of experience the same thing. unfortinately the grose greasey pervy looking guys are the ones that stare or say something, not the cute guys. it really digusts me to be hit on such poor excuses for"men". its been discouraging me from wearing anything mildly revealing, unless im hanging out with my gay friend whom people think we're a couple for some reason i usually try to hide myself

I don't condone violence in any way, shape, or form - however, I was recently in a pool hall and a very tipsy guy waltzes up to me, grabs me around the waist and wrist, and proceeds to twirl me and try to yank me into a dance with him. 

First I told him to let me go, then I tried to pull away twice and he still didn't stop - following that, I wrenched his arm backwards over his head until he got the idea.  I didn't hurt anything but his pride, however.

The moral of this story: take a self-defense class or two, they never see it coming. :)

kaetlynm, I went to Italy for a month a couple of years ago (back in my oversized t-shirt days even), and I know what you mean! I had some sleazy old man try to feel me up on a crowded bus. Italian men. Ugggh! I totally empathize with you.

And it is ridiculous that we should feel like we have to cover up our whole bodies just so we don't get those reactions, ESPECIALLY when not wearing anything bad. I have been wanting to take Krav Maga. I guess that could come in handy. It's just frustrating you know, that people can get away with that type of behavior. I'm tired of it. And like I said before, it's not the nice second glances or compliments that I have a problem with, but the nasty, grimy, 40 year old men in the grocery store type.

So if it was a guy that was attractive in your eyes you wouldn't mind the attention?

I am in my forties, the only guys that I get on anymore are guys in their sixties.  If I don't feel threatened by them I flirt back and it goes no further then that, just a nice conversation.
If I feel threatened by them I just tell them things to make me seem like I am psycho.

You need to learn some skills to handle them.  Learn some comeback lines that are firm but lets them know that you are not interested.  Self defence classes are always good to take just in case.

I had the same problem when I was in my 20's.  If the infraction was a mild one, I would simply look away or walk away.  But a couple of times, I had genuine "dirty old men" get into my personal space and/or grab me.  On those occasions, I would just surprise them by suddenly turning and shouting, directly in their face, "F-OFF!" They, unfailingly, backed off.  Men don't expect a young woman to be so "ballsy" OR to use such language. Short of marial arts, I think it's the best defense. 

I've always had big boobs and have had to put up with stuff like this since I was really young. I get people honking their horns, shouting out their car windows, building sites are horrible to walk past, people say stuff as I pass in the street etc.

I hate it, it's not complimentary, it's degrading and embarrassing. I generally ignore it, I have in the past sworn at builders but it makes things a million times worse. I find cold aloofness works best, however if someone actually touches you then you have every right to draw as much attention to them as possible and do whatever necessary to get them away.

And congrats on your weight loss :)

ETA: I agree about the clothes that you're wearing thing as well. If you were all tarted up in a mini with your boobs out, ok it's still not acceptable but would be more understandable, but if you're just wearing normal, non-revealing clothes then it's so much more frustrating.

spoiled_candy, if a guy is attractive and he's acting like that, I still don't want that attention. I'm engaged, and my fiance's the only guy whos attention I care about. I guess it kind of irks me a bit more because, I guess really it's just that it bothers me how many guys out there think it's okay to do that. Too, just watching movies like 28 Days Later or even hearing reports of some of the things even our soldiers do to women, it gives me the creeps about what humans are capable of. I dunno, I guess when guys act like that it just makes me question how dark people can be and that's what makes me uncomfortable.

Don't be friendly / open, if you sense they are getting into your space; ANY type of kindness becomes misconstrued by true creepsters.

I am of the EFF OFF! school of thought as well; don't even think about being polite. Explain - very, very loudly - that they are foul, you are married, and they best step the eff off before you effing mace them. Follow through as threatened if they continue.

Krav Maga is an awesome idea - great exercise and it puts your money where your mouth is when you make it clear you are more then capable of MAKING him leave you alone.

One of the most effective ways to get a guy to back off when he is in your space is to invade his.  Give him a cold stare, put your hands in front of your chest like you are going to push and then step forward.  I guarantee the guy will back off.  Most guys do not expect you to take a defensive action.  When you do it scares the poop out of them. 

Hey

I deal with this too, and i'm quite young. (14 years old.) I look a lot older than I am, most people think i'm 16 - 21, so I get hit on by people my age, and also much older men. Usually guys in their early 20s, but sometimes I get harassed by a genuine creepy old guy too. :( I usually just don't act shy or accepting of it, and get in their face. This won't apply to those of you with different ages, but for me I usually just say "I'm 14 you **** pervert! Back the **** off!" That usually does it. Of course, this isn't just when guys are hitting on me. This is when It's over sexual and demeaning. That's when I just give them the finger, and if they keep bugging me, i'm a black belt. :) 

My first thought when I read your post was, "Kick them in the nuts," however that is not advisable unless he touches you first and doesn't let go after you ask him to.  I agree that those creepier guys are not expecting you to fight back, so that might be your best bet.  Be loud, be up front, be threatening.  lol learn how to look like you're going to hit them, but you stop just before you do...that'll frighten the hell out of them I'm sure.

I'm with everyone else. If someone invades your personal space, just get right in their face and say loudly, "Get out of me FACE!" or "Back Off, Looser!". If they still try something kick them where it counts.

When it comes to unwanted attention, acting extremely aloof, by which I mean literally pretending you can't see or hear it, really does work almost all of the time. If you can train yourself to do this well, you can actually learn not to 'take it in' and it won't bother you much. I think that acting confrontational makes it much more likely that they'll get aggressive, when actually it is usually harmless albeit extremely annoying.

do the grab, twist, and pull.