Dealing with new attention from the opposite sex

Now that I've lost significant weight and have become active I am getting attention from women that wasn't there before. I'm a very out-going until I start talking to someone, then after 1 exchange I'm lost. I'm not used to the woman hanging around or approaching me. It's like I'm having to learn stuff I never got to learn at age 12, girls never crushed on me, or gave me goo goo eyes. But I'm seeing it now "Hey Don! I'm trying to say hi!!" "Hi! Your name is Don isn't it?" I'm sooo lost.

I've been married and I've been in a couple of relationships but this is different. I have way way way more going for me this time... I wish I could just enjoy it.

Well Don. I am new to this myself. I have not lost a significant amount, yet! But I have always been a flirty type of gal. I have noticed less attention since I have gotten a good bit bigger than I used to be. I think that may have been one reason I let it go this far. I didn't WANT the attention from other people. Only from my hubby. Well, that's stopping now, I love him and he loves me no matter what I weigh. However, I am curious to see how I handle things when I start slimming down and people take notice. I remember years ago it happened and there was a lot of attention. Personally I loved it! I really hope you can learn to love it too! Just remember how hard you have worked to get to where you are and understand that you are being appreciated and admired. And maybe oogled too LOL ;-)

Oh, I'm enjoying being lost, don't misunderstand my whining

Consider this training wheels...just relax and enjoy yourself knowing that even if you do screw things up completely there will always be another 5-10 women interested in you in a few weeks after you've gotten over whatever embarrassing moment you've found yourself in.  Whatever you do, just be yourself and honest.

If you're really concerned, try going out in a neighboring community where you won't be faced with the same people if you really embarrass yourself before going out at home.

BTW, most people did not have the idyllic family experience growing up so they're just as lost as you are until they find their balance.

Congrats! This is a good thing!!! You'll start to develop more confidence as you notice more and more women showing interest in you. You're a stud - now YOU have to believe it!!!

Good job on the weight loss :)

I'm shy by nature too. It's something I have to consciously work on all the time. Now I'm 43 and I'm pretty good at making conversation. Here are some things that help me:

> Small talk - its a great starting point for conversations with people you don't know.  Talk about whatever's going on around you at the time - it doesn't have to be grand or impressive.  Keep it light and it'll flow.

> Remember that people like to talk about themselves so "put the ball in their court".

> Relax and be yourself - it's easier to talk when you're not trying to act like you're someone you're not.

> Think of the other person as your equal - don't let yourself feel intimidated.

I hope some of this helps - it has helped me.  I'm far from being a Toastmaster but I can keep a conversation going.

It's great that you're getting noticed - you deserve it for all the hard work you've done.  Be proud of yourself and let that confidence show through.

I totally relate to this! I am the female equivalent to you.

I have lost over 130 pounds- and have been single for over 4 years. I am not used to the increased male attention, and am **** at flirting/chatting with men. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of male friends, and always have but I was always the 'bubbly fat friend' who was safe/no-one was interested in.

I would like to get out there and confidently talk to people but I also feel as if I am starting from scratch, and need to build up my self esteem. It's as though the 'fat girl' is engrained in my brain even now I'm much much lighter.

I'm sure, like most things all it takes is time....

Some people can add challenges to this quest.  A lot of obese people were also abused as children, quite often, sexually.  I was one.  A defense to this, in the child's mind, is to internalize this..."I can't go____, I have a stomach ache", (children often relate their pain to their stomach).   In my case, I deliberately became obese, hoping the offender would find me unattractive and leave me alone.  Now, as a muture woman, having lost 90 pounds, I still struggle with male attention.  I surely understand it better but don't always feel comfortable being an object of anyone's desires.  It is true that people are more accepting of someone else if they fit that person's ideal picture of being a "normal" weight and size.  This is going to attract more people to you for conversation/interest/intimacy.  You have to "dig deep" inside yourself to discover what the barrier is that keeps you from accepting that attention.  I still struggle, now within 25 pounds of goal weight and have "stalled".  For me, it's about allowing myself to have what I want/need without fear. I'm wishing everyone with this problem great success and myself, too.  One day at a time....

((((Hugs))))

congrats on the weight loss!!!!
for myself, i've been so used to just assuming nobody's into me because of my weight that i can't even recognize when people are checking me out or hitting on me until my friends point it out to me... regardless of the weight i think we should all hold our heads high...it's amazing how many wonderful people you meet when you don't stare at their shoes all the time.

Awww. Some problems are "good" ones to have.

I think you'll do great! Just take it slow. Don't pressure yourself! Of course you'll be nervous but when you find a person that's a good fit for you things will work out!

In the mean time. . .play, have fun, don't take the flirting so seriously that you don't enjoy it.

And CONGRATULATIONS!!!!