Dealing with Self Loathing

I have a binge eating disorder and have gained 57 pounds in the last 2 years. I have tried self help books, therapists, medications, dieting, excersise, support groups, OA...etc. Ever since I started gaining weight I have had a very negative self image. I really hate myself and what I look like. I hate myself because I am never able to change my habits and lose weight and I hate the way I look more and more every day.

My boyfriend is very sweet and always tells me I am beautiful and special etc. but I don't know what to say. I have said thank you in the past but he knows that I don't believe what he says. The same ges for my family. They all say there is nothing wrong with me....but I am about 50 pounds overweight! I just feel at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do to emain motivated or to change how I act, feel etc. Advice???

If you don't think you're beautiful or worthy, no-one is going to convince you that you are.  So if you wait until you feel good about yourself to get started it's a bit of a dead-end approach.  I must admit that once I stopped getting bogged down in the emotional/psychological reasons why my weight was so high and looked at practical ways to bring it down instead, I was a lot more successful.  Also felt better about myself at the same time...

I'll probably get shot down for this but, if you think about it, not many people go to therapist or a support group to learn how to drive a car.  We don't practice driving by reading a self-help book.   No.... we go to an expert, sign up for a course, and then keep at it until it gets easier ... making embarrassing mistakes along the way!!   

The bottom line for being a healthy weight is that it's something that takes a little application, thought, practice and consistency.  It's not a complicated thing.... moving around more, eating better food, eating smaller portions.... and, if you approach it right, it can be quite fun and rewarding at the same time.  It's something you learn.... it's a skill, in other words.  

You can change your eating habits much more easily if you approach it gently and systematically.  I see from your profile that you're Type I diabetic... so you should have access to plenty of expert info on the types of foods to choose, the importance of eating regularly and taking daily exercise.  Make full use of that expertise.   You can't afford to crash your calorie-intake... a small reduction (500 cal deficit) may be all you can get away with.  But, with a little creativity, you can make that work well for you.  Don't set yourself challenging targets because they can add pressure and stress to the situation that it doesn't deserve.  Look no further ahead than tomorrow... how can you make 1500-1600 cals work best for you?

Better food affects mood... You might find this link to a 'depression relief diet' interesting. 

This sounds deeper then weight and food since you have such a negatice self view. You are more then your weight and I wonder what else makes you? Can you focus on being healthy and goals you have in life in general? Do you think you could see a therapist? On the meal plan front what do you feel are some problem times and areas? How can you set yourself up for better? There will be ups and downs but if you slip then try to get back on track at the next meal and or snack. No restricting to make up as that can just keep the cycle going.

I've dealt with low self esteem for a long time myself and being overweight always makes the problem worse. I try to find successes in other places so that I'm not always looking for self-worth in my physical appearance. And when I'm not so focused on my weight, I can be more forgiving and have more patience with myself as I diet. This may sound kind of silly but I look for any opportunity to feel better about myself... the other day a lost kitten turned up at my house and I felt really good about myself for taking care of him and finding his family so I patted myself on the back. Things like that have nothing to do with weight and make you realize there is more to who you are. It takes practice and sometimes you'll still endup wallowing in self doubt but it gets better over time. Also, even though you and you're family know you don't believe the compliments you get doesn't mean you shouldn't accept them graciously. You may not think you're beautiful but they do... they are not lying to you just to make you feel better... they see a whole "you" and love you, so naturally you are beautiful to them... accepting that they think a lot of you may help you feel the same way.