Death to the insurgents.

That's it. I'm tired of negotiating, I'll no longer feign compassion.  They overstepped their bounds.  They shyt in my Kashi.

DEATH TO THE INSURGENTS! 

I'm buying mouse traps tomorrow - and not the "humane" ones either - I want to hear those thieving bastards scream as their little spines snap. 

I may impale their tiny little skulls on toothpicks just to scare off future vermin.

Tomorrow? So not even 24 hours to get in there, scoop up the mice and set them free.  Ive pursued this before - 24 hours isnt nearly enough. Lets be reasonable!

You're dealing with a tyrant here.  No apologies.

Fine! Dont be surprised to discover youve caught some raw carrots.  Rebels have tactics too!

get one of the covered traps, they snap the little spines real nice but you dont have to look at it.

my sort of tyrant initiated death: quick, bloody, and invisible.

i've killed them before

with the regular old death contraptions mouse traps

i felt bad for them

but if they would just stay outside nobody would have to die!

same goes for spiders, who either get stomped on if they're small enough or sprayed with hair spray if they're not

*there goes my karma*

I keep four-legged predators in my house for this very reason. The insurgents don't stand a chance. Every once in a while, some insane kamakazis will try. The evidence of their folly is presented to me with fanfare.

Original Post by moonikins:

I keep four-legged predators in my house for this very reason. .

 We have a cat.

A cat who should likely be updating her resume about now.

Oh split. You need a new predator. Maybe you need to explain to her about her raison d'etre.

Original Post by splitrail:

Original Post by moonikins:

I keep four-legged predators in my house for this very reason. .

 We have a cat.

A cat who should likely be updating her resume about now.

I have TWO cats who should be thinking about looking for a new home since I saw a mouse in the trash the other day.  And one of the cats was in the kitchen at that moment.  Useless, overfed, spoiled rotten cats!

I got THESE snap traps at Walmart.  You still see the mouse, but at least you don't have to touch it.   And I caught that little bugger within 2 hours of putting down the trap.

Original Post by splitrail:

Original Post by moonikins:

I keep four-legged predators in my house for this very reason. .

 We have a cat.

A cat who should likely be updating her resume about now.

 A lot of folks don't realize that cats have to be taught by another cat how to hunt.  They don't necessarily just automatically turn into mousers.  Too bad your cat has sympathies toward the enemy.  Sleep with one eye open, my friend!

I bought a pair of plastic tongs at the dollar store and wrote on them with a black sharpie "mouse tongs"

That's what I used to pick up the dead mice

I was hopeful that nobody would read that and think they should use them to serve tossed salad or corn on the cob or something.  (And as I was the only adult in the house, I figured it was a safe bet that I'd remember not to use them for anything but carrying away dead mice)

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

I bought a pair of plastic tongs at the dollar store and wrote on them with a black sharpie "mouse tongs"

 Certain family functions - I'd use those tongs!

Here's what seems to be working in other parts of the world against insurgents: send them exploding gift cheese.

We set the old school mouse traps in the kitchen on the floor in the space between the oven and cabinets...  overnight we caught one... but he must've been a quick mouse because it didn't catch him on his neck and kill him.

Came out in the morning to discover an alive mouse trying to run in circles around the kitchen floor with a mouse trap squishing crushing his skull and face sideways. He was slow - so he must have been brain damaged or just tired from running with a mousetrap stuck to his head. It was sad.

Had to try several times to crush him with a boot (not me - I couldn't watch). It was just not cool.

However I do think that its time to take offensive action if they are leaving you presents in your food. Even if it requires a booting.

I just pick em up by the tail and drop em in the trash. I be a real woman.

our opposable thumbs, our larger brains, our extensive use of tools, and our ability to get grossed out are what make us human

The only thing worse than finding a mouse in a trap is finding half a mouse in a trap.

ew.

in that case, is the four-legged predator implicated in any way?

Even worse is finding hacked up remains of fur and bones from other half of mouse.

Original Post by nomoreexcuses:

ew.

in that case, is the four-legged predator implicated in any way?

 The only way to find out is to snatch the cat in the middle of the night, fly it to Guantanimo Bay and start the interrogation process. Water-spritzing is particularly effective.