Debate?

I posted this debate in another community that I am involved in and received some great feedback. I think that it would be fun to talk about it here and see what others think!

My question is... What do you think after a divorce should the husband be responsible for paying- in terms of child support?  What do you think the child support should be determined on?

Our situation as an example- My husband has two children from a previous marriage and he is currently required to pay a total of 1200/month with child support and health care costs included. Currently he brings home 3200/month. We have one son together. They based his CS on the fact that when they were married he brought in 78% of the income and she brought in 22% of the income. So he is required to pay 78% of child care costs, medical bills, and any other misc. stuff on top of the CS. She works two days a week at Party City for 5 hours at a time. I personally think he was screwed.  According to the child support enforcement website for Colorado he should be paying 627/month plus healthcare costs.

We have a lawyer currently looking at our situation. We obtained them in April and they have tried to get his ex to setup a mediation with my husband. She refused and continued to push the date out. About a month ago our lawyer called and advised us to fill out this form and send it the child support enforcement agency. This could take 3-6 months. All the while we had a retainer of 2500 in the beginning with only 425.00 and NOTHING was done. I don't understand why they didn't have us complete this form at the beginning before taking all of our money (my husbands grandma's money).

I personally think things should be more 50/50. I want to add that his ex lives in a beautiful 400,000 house and drives an Audi. No big deal but she isn't hurting for money. We are struggling financially and nobody seems to want to help. Oh, and I work full time as a quality assurance specialist! I don't want anyone to think I am not pitching in. My frusteration is, if we were to pay all of the bills we have 50/50 my money would technically be going to pay for some of the child support.

What do you think?

Im wouldnt touch this subject with a ten foot pole

Oh come on.... it will be fun. I am not asking to debate my situation. Just asking what you think they should be responsible for paying. I was only giving my situation as an example.

In my state, state law determines how child support is calculated.  There is no room for negotiation.

In my state, state law determines how child support is calculated.  There is no room for negotiation.

I understand that... So does my state. I want to know what you think not what the state thinks. According to our calculator things have changed therefore changing the amount of CS. That is why we are taking it back to court. If there is a substantial change in income or family status amounting to 10% it is able to be reviewed. Both income and family status have changed in our situation. Anyway, I want to know what people think the father or mother should be responsible for paying? Do you think that the ex should be required to get a full time job? I do!

It sounds like your state is very generous.  My state does not allow for any type of alimony/maintenance payment to ex-spouses.  I don't that it's any business of the states whether your husband's ex has a job or not but if she is able to support herself and their children on child support alone something is wrong with the formula.

On the other hand, reading back to the OP, it sounds to me like the formula is fair.

On the other hand, reading back to the OP, it sounds to me like the formula is fair.

Ok, I get that. A lot of people do. What I take into account is if you factor in bills for him and our son together plus the child care costs that he has for the other two boys. We also have rent, a car payment, utilities, etc... My thought is that the courts don't factor in that we also have to pay our bills and have a roof over our heads.

You right, they don't factor that in and they are not going to factor that in.  Your husband, like everyone else, has to live within his means and his child support is a financial obligation that he brought with him into your marriage and it is not going to change because the two of you decides to have children or buy a house or a new car, etc.

Oh, I got you! We don't live outside of our means. We have one car and rent a townhome. Nothing fancy. I understand he brought this with him. Do not get me wrong. His income has actually dropped since the original determination was made. He used to net close to 4000 and bring home around 3500 -before I met him. Now he nets 3200 and brings home around 2800. That is the 10 % substantial change that we are asking for a review. It isn't because we bought a fancy car or bought a house. Yes, we do have a child together but I do think that should be factored in. He is also responsible for our child. He is no less important than the other two.

I can understand a recalculation because on income changes, especially in this economy, but I can't understand how having additional children would change his obligation to his previous children. 

A lot of people said that on the other board. I agree to an extent. My theory is, had they stayed together and had more children it would be the same. The first two aren't any more important than the last or the first isn't any more important than the second. Just my opinion though. They are all children and I don't think any should suffer.

I think it is and should be worked out on how much he earns and how many kids are involved, and he should only contribute to the KIDS nothing else.

Also and I know this is the case here, I think the law should be looked at because many dads here do pay their maintenance faithfully but hardly get to see their kids. So I think it should be that if the mother repeatedly misses times, dates, etc and has only lame excuses for doing so then the payments should be adjusted accordingly or even stopped, why should anyone be made to pay for something they never see! After all they are his kids too.

I think it is and should be worked out on how much he earns and how many kids are involved, and he should only contribute to the KIDS nothing else.

Also and I know this is the case here, I think the law should be looked at because many dads here do pay their maintenance faithfully but hardly get to see their kids. So I think it should be that if the mother repeatedly misses times, dates, etc and has only lame excuses for doing so then the payments should be adjusted accordingly or even stopped, why should anyone be made to pay for something they never see! After all they are his kids too.

Oh that is another thing. He will call the boys night after night after night. She will NEVER answer his call. Then... Come payday she is blowing his phone up. She won't negotiate times to see them. She totally tries to cut him out of their life. Oh, and she has been dating this guy for about 4 years now. He is nice enough. She asks the kids to call him dad. My husband feels like all he is, is a paycheck. That is really the cherry on the cake.

Original Post by hannahriedel:

I think it is and should be worked out on how much he earns and how many kids are involved, and he should only contribute to the KIDS nothing else.

Also and I know this is the case here, I think the law should be looked at because many dads here do pay their maintenance faithfully but hardly get to see their kids. So I think it should be that if the mother repeatedly misses times, dates, etc and has only lame excuses for doing so then the payments should be adjusted accordingly or even stopped, why should anyone be made to pay for something they never see! After all they are his kids too.

 

Oh that is another thing. He will call the boys night after night after night. She will NEVER answer his call. Then... Come payday she is blowing his phone up. She won't negotiate times to see them. She totally tries to cut him out of their life. Oh, and she has been dating this guy for about 4 years now. He is nice enough. She asks the kids to call him dad. My husband feels like all he is, is a paycheck. That is really the cherry on the cake.

 He gets them every other weekend but on her terms. If we want an extra night or if we want them early because of plans, forget about it. I didn't want people to think he doesn't see them at all. He does! Just not as much as he would like. He is supposed to get them two weeks out of the summer and she went on freaking vacation this summer during our two weeks that we had scheduled off.

Hannah - No offense intended, but it would appear that the only debate going on is between you and the reality of the situation.  In my experience, reality has the upper hand.

Been there still there. Altho they weren't married on this end. She got her money on time and he was suppose to have his son every other weekend but it was always we have plans blah blah or get got to see him when she had something to do, you know the lines. When he started school we would buy what she couldnt get. We got married and had our first 2 children. She decided that it wasnt enough and took him back to court. My husband told the judge he isnt even getting the court ordered visits he was given and that we helped out with school things etc. The judge more or less told her with him now having 2 other children there was no way he was raising it and as a matter of fact since she was working that he was lowering it. That it is 50/50 and not 90/10. And told her she should think twice before letting jealousy and greed take over.

And of course as he got older my step son had questions that we let go for the longest time because we didnt want make his mother look bad. Like how come we never got him, how come we never bought him things etc. We finally got tired of it and just had to sit him down at 15 and explained to him that they things his mother buys him that his dad has part in it because of the child support and we have also helped out with things. He had no clue about it and lemme tell you his mother was not happy that we did that but it got to the point to were we was tired of her looking like the good guy and his dad the bad.

You know I find it really sad that there are men out there that want to be a part of their childrens lives but the mothers are just to bitter. And then you have the men who could care less and the mothers are beggin them to have something to do with their kids. Your husbands day will come and Im not sure how the laws are where you live but if the judge has any sense he or she will see what shes doing..

The only one she is hurting in the long run is those two babies and it will turn around and bite her in the ***!

Good luck to you.

I personally think that amount sounds a bit ridiculous. If she is healthy, she should be working more (the ex-wife). And there's no reason she should be spending the child support money on herself.

I have a friend who does this. She milks her ex for all he's worth and then she only works part-time... and she has a college degree and has had no problems getting jobs. She's just lazy. And I'm pretty sure the state pays her childcare costs...

I don't know. My step-dad paided his ex wife so much money that he couldn't afford to rent an apartment and had to live out of someone else's house while his ex wife got to keep her house and not have to work.

What the HECK was the point of her divorcing him, then, if she was just going to eat all this money?

Personally, I think the whole thing is a CLUSTERF***. The way men are treated in this country when it comes to children are ridiculous. Many of them take no responsibility at all and therefore it leads to the idea that none of them will take responsibility. Which screws over the men who actually care about their children, want to see them, and would spend money on them anyway without being forced.

For a man to get custody, at least in Georgia, the woman basically has to have a joint weed/prostitution business out of her house and beat the kids with her rolling pin. Even then, the woman might still win.

It makes me so mad.

I don't understand why men aren't allowed, at least in your husband's case where he cares and taking into consideration that he must live close enough and this is possible, to have the kids one week and women the next? Kid's aren't 90% hers and 10% his. They're 50%/50%.

Well..

On the other hand of this debate was MY Family. My father and mother divorced. My father paid $600 a month per child (until the child was 18 and out of the house). My father was a pharmacist and my mom was a housewife (once a teacher) who jumped into substitute teaching once the separation happened.

We NEEDED that $1800 a month for the first few years to stay afloat.

I read your situation and it sounds like they calculated things as fairly as possible. He bought in 78% of the money. She got the kids, thus.. he pays 78% of the fees. Honestly, this sounds fair.

I'm sorry, but I guess I think things are, in general, fine as they are. Are there situations where the system is abused and being taken advantage of? Clearly. There usually are. But in most cases, I think you'd find that Divorced Mom NEEDS the money to stay afloat, that she isn't a wealthy heiress or whatever.

Good luck.

Oh don't get me started. I pay out the *** for child support. I have two kids (ex just took me back again and it got raised). I make a good living so does my wife don't get me wrong, but my ex doesn't have to work. Her hubby brings in a good six figures. They live in a way bigger house than I do have 3 cars and yet I have to pay out the butt, because she works only part time and they don't even consider his income. So with her only working part time, that is what they go on. I also have to cover insurance and anything over and above normal cost. I am glad I only have 3 years left total for child support. My daughter falls off in June and it will be cut in half no questions asked just in half. I cannot wait for that day. She still complains they have no money. I am driving my truck that has 120,000 miles on it to the ground cause I cannot afford to get anything new at the moment. We just have enough to cover our normal costs, plus I have a son that is in daycare at $215.00 a week and I think that is way over priced, and that is another topic. I know they changed the law years ago to favor the wife because before then the wife would get the short end of the stick, but now I feel it is the other way around. I know the state determines what is paid out, but they need to look at the whole picture not just who makes what...

I get along pretty well with my ex we just don't talk about the support because that will just piss me off, we just let it go. I get my son once a week and every other weekend. He needs to get his home work done and other stuff if it wasn't for that I would probably get him more often, but school work comes first. I don't live too far, but not close either so drive time is an issue. By the time I get him bring him over feed him dinner he hardly has enough time to get his home work started before I have to pack him up to go back. Over night on a school night doesn't work been there done that. I do what I can.

She does cover the cost for meds for them, and co-pays because she has to part of the orders, but that is why I pay support. I know it doesn't all have to go for clothes and shoes, it also covers daily items they need like, house, cars, extras like band fees and such. She doesn't ask for that too often, except for this year, since they both are in band. I paid for one she covered the other, but still over all I pay out the butt if they went on his income I guess they would have to count my wife too and it would probably even out in the end, but who knows that will never happen.