decision made

after a long day its finally decided i will be staying at home for the moment , they had another admisson that beat me to it. so here i am trying not to beat myself up about it. so nows the time for me to stop putting things in the way like hospital or home and start to work on the important things not the place. im scared but determined not to dwell on this my first aim is to reach the 2500 for my diet plan as ive been way off it wish me luck hope i can do it h xx

Good Luck Helen!  We all know that you'll be able to pull through this.  I think it is important to focus on achieving your nutritional plan and the day-to-day activites of your recovery, despite where you are.  So you will be staying home, but that does not mean you can't make huge improvements to your well-being :)

{{{Helen}}}

You can do this, sweetie.  Just take it one hour, one decision at a time.  Make each one as best as you can, and don't worry about the past or the future ones.

Sorry to hear that you were not able to be admitted at this time. Maybe it was just not ment to be and is for the better. I bet this means that God and everyone else knows that you can do this, whether it be at home or not. Helen, you give great advice and you are a very strong woman. You can get through this. Just try not to worry about anything and focuse on what matters most - your health and well being. Stay postive and strong. Wishing you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk, I'm a message away.

No point beating yourself up. None at all. You can do this at home. I did. It's not easy, but neither is IP! NOTHING about ED is easy. I can't believe you're not up to 2500 calories yet though... This is a bit alarming in itself and makes me question your doing this at home. If you really want to, you can do it. Please prove it to us (if it helps to make yourself accountable) but more importantly to yourself.

thanks guys and nina i take on board what you are saying the hard work starts here , wondered if any of you had any ideas for a 2500 plan ive seen others but im a bit of a boring eater beans on toast , porrage milkshake chicken and veg i dont have many of your ingredients in the house h x

It's all about calories babe, doesn't matter too much what they consist of at this point (though that being said, try to eat in a balanced manner and follow the 80% nutritional, 20% fun rule). But what doesn't matter is having any fancy ingredients and such. Oats and beans are great healthy fillers - milkshakes are wonderful for weight gain, and even your standard bit of meat with 3 veg is good. Just make sure you're getting ENOUGH of everything. That's what the calorie counter tools can help you out with :)

You don't need to follow any fancy meal plan to make this work babe *hugs*

Ok, Helen, you didn't paint a rosey picture of IP in your area so I'm going to side with you on this and hope and pray you're doing it. Don't beat yourself up - why bother??? Part of you didn't want to go at all. Go out to the store. Buy yourself lots of good food. I don't just mean junk, because I think all people who have restricted calories for a long period or overexercised or had only "safe" foods know: after a while, a good meal - whole wheat french toast breakfast; whole wheat scones with jam (yum!); bagels with cream cheese and fruit; thick, creamy yogurt parfaits with granola and fruit; a GOOD sandwich with cheese and thick rye bread and meat with a nice spread; marinated chicken and potatoes; etc. - ALL OF THAT starts to look good.

So you don't need to binge on junk - though I recommend you have some - which is how I always viewed "recovery".... no way. So there won't be anything about which to feel "guilty", so you won't go into that guilt related restrictive cycle we all know so much about.

Nope. You're going to go buy those good meals.

You're going to eat them.

You're going to get better and look healthy and be healthy.

That message I sent you - all the things I could see you doing? I MEAN IT, Helen. Do it. You can do it. Please do it. For everyone here who is rooting you on, but primarily... for beautiful Helen.

Well Helen I think you have the right attitude, theres no point in sitting dwelling on the fact that the bed has gone, you have to focus on the important things and at the minute thats getting your health back.

You can do this yourself at home, it just takes determination which you definately in you, I know you can do this and we are all here to help you along the way!

Just work your hardest to get your intake up, you dont need to eat fancy foods or create wonderful menus, I've said it before my menu is boring and I eat the same types of foods most days but for now its what works and thats the most important thing just do whatever works for you. I love beans on toast btw

I`m really hoping this works out for you, Id love nothing more than to see you get better. xox

Thinking of you.

helen, i didnt read most the other posts... but i gotta say im really shocked that you're not up to 2500. you asked all about possible meal plans - to the point where they were coming out your ears.

you get better for you but its a bit frustrating that you seek all this help, and post all these posts especially about bloody hunger. HUNGER. so if you're saying you're having trouble gettn the cals in then thats total Bull. absolute bull.

honestly. you post tonnes of posts. you offer great advice and yet to me it almost seems you're being deceptive to yourself and even to us i feel. that you wont take that leap and actually eat a weight gain amount.

i think you know you need ip treatment. i think you were secretely happy to let the opportunity today pass you by and i think no matter what any of us post - you're prob going to do whatever you want anyway.

i like you. so i know this'll seem real tough. but i had to say it exactly as i see it today. for me to say anything else would make me a liar

:(

no no no.... dont be sad. specially after your nice facebook msg. i wouldn say it if i didnt care. but you need to hear it.

in ip you woulda ben up to 2500 first day. you are delaying health and life and i think you're great for surviving as far as you have. but u and only you can take the step. you have won the heart and affections of the whole forum. you have all our support. but you need to take this step helen......

((((helen))))

im so sorry fidget  h x

dont be remotely sorry. dont.

this is not about sorry. its about hope helen. there is hope for you. there is life waiting for you. there is happiness to be had, dreams to be followed and ambitions to be conquered. these are all ahead of you and for the sake of kilos and calories, all these things are being put on hold for you.

you're not letting me or anyone else down. so you dont need to apologise. its frustrating - because i know you can do it. but you are stopping yourself.

its like me in kayaking. we go into this big mass of really fast water called the sluice. ther's a huge terrifying flow of water wher you can do loads of tricks if u are brave enough to go in. i often get really close to going in, but allow the water to flush me away for fear that i might suceed. you are so so close to getting into the sluice - but i think you are just holding yourself back out of terror that you may in fact meet some happiness

thanks fidget , your words are true , i wasted the best part of a month now fretting about ip when it was there, i thought hey i can do yhis at home , and now its not there ive been thinking oh know perhaps i cant. yhanks for giving me hope believing in me, and setting me straight , i need a firm hand from someone like you . i need to believe in myself and do whats gotta be done thanks h x thinking of you and your poorly foot h x

thanks... i think iv destroyed my leg :*(

procrastionation is the greatest thief of time. your time.

we all forget the real terror we face (faced) at critically low weights. i remember being on the track one night, in the dark after finishing a run. i honestly thought i would die alone there on that track that night. death was a real possibility. i remember being so afraid yet unable to stop.

i have no doubt that you have faced such terror helen. dont let a few measley 2-300 cals frighten you. you have faced far worse. you have felt greater fear. the disorder is a liar. eat those 300. prove that nothing much will happen. you wont blow up as you think you will.

you will feel less cold. have more energy to smile. you will find your intense hunger easing. you are doing great. put your head down and give the ed the 2 fingers... God knows its taken enough from you the last 14 odd years

Oh Helen, my dear (and now my facebook friend! :P)

Please please please don't use this as an excuse to prolong getting better. I agree with fidget (and everyone else from this thread) - you don't really have any reason at this point to be low on calories, because you've been saying for ages how terrified you are at the enormity of your own hunger. Take advantage of it, get better- your body is crying out for it.

We all really care about you, and want you to get better- ip or not.

thanks everyone h x

just wanted to add another reason im not up to 2500 is my nutritionist havnt put me up to it yet i have been trying to go by her as i dont trust myself , but like you all say i was thinking i needed this, i am gonna ask her h x