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....I don't understand why this is bothering you so much.  She hasn't made any obvious overtures that she wants her ex back.  In fact, is it possible that she was trying to be friends with her ex since she's already friends with the family and that's why she called? And to be honest, you sound a more crazy than she does, going on about her being a "slut" and stuff, and how you're going to humilate her at a family function.  You would seriously ruining this newly married couple's party just so you could have your say about a woman who was invited by the family?  I dunno, I think you need to stay out of this and let your husband handle it.  If he can't stand up to his family and friends about her, then maybe he's not as upset about this as you think?

Unlike #1, I completely empathize with where you are coming from.  I must agree, however, that you stay out of it.  Just accept the fact that you might run into her now and then, and deal with it.  Who knows, maybe this next occasion will push your husband over the edge and he'll finally stand up for himself. 

Best of luck, you've got a nasty situation on your hands.  Kill 'em with kindness.

I say take the high road.  At this family function, put all your attention toward the hubby.  Be the loving wife that (I assume) you are.  Ignore the ex completely.  You and hubby need to just pretend she's not even there.  This ex will see how happy you guys are together.  Plain and simple, that's all you need to do.

p.s. I think that ahead of time, you and the hubby should agree to both completely ignore her.  If she is around, or joins the same group, both of you need to just excuse yourselves and go to another area of the party.

You will come off looking alot better if you make her look like the hanger-on who can't let go, instead of making yourself look like the insecure wife.

Shake it off. Be happy, charming and absolutely non-plussed at her presence. Bad sign that she still has the power to hurt either of you.

She is as the buzzing of flies in your life. Her presence, while annoying, has no more effect on your relationship than an excessively obnoxious fifth cousin.

Own it, girl. Own your power. Don't give her one ounce of it.

Disagree, BTW with ignoring her. Even that gives her juice that she doesn't deserve. :)

I agree with the above posts.  Having limited knowledge of the situation, and only your point of view to form an opinion from, it seems as though you are over-reacting.  While she has no right to infringe upon your relationship with your husband via email or otherwise, it would behoove you to keep your distance from this woman.  If your husband does not deal with her appropriately, it will only make you look like the "Psycho" in the situation if you confront her. 

Your B-I-L's wedding isn't about YOU. It's about him and his new wife.  Honor yourself by honoring their day.  Do not make yourself look like a stark-raving fool by letting her grip you in her fist of drama.  Rise above it and as Cassrd05 stated...Kill 'em with kindness.

Honestly?  What's done is done.  She's already invited for whatever reason.  Don't demand anything.  It's not your right and not your party.  It sounds like your hubby has already explained how he feels about this girl, and she was invited anyway. 

What do I think you should do?  I think this is going to be a dramatic party and you both shouldn't go.  That's right.  Do not go.  Why?  For the reasons you listed above.  This is a family/friends party...where you will be in front of many people you care about potentially getting yourself and hubby into a situation you don't want to be in and living with the consequences.  It's that simple.  No need to cause drama.  Just make up an excuse not to go, and give your best regards.  Will there be drama with this choice?  Probably.  But, his family should know why, and accept this as a consequence of them inviting her.  Big thing about this is don't make this a big deal.  Why?  Because it's just a flippin party. 

Good luck.

The best revenge is living well.  Go and be a perfect "lady."  Stay as far away from her as possible, and stick to your husband's side.  You and your husband should talk about it ahead of time to make sure you both have the same expectations - that you will be polite but avoid her.

In any family there are sure to be awkward moments and a mixing of people who don't really like each other.  It can be survived if you have a little class and self confidence.  It can turn nasty if you don't.

Trust me, you'll come off looking a lot better than she will.

Original Post by peaches0405:

I say take the high road.  At this family function, put all your attention toward the hubby.  Be the loving wife that (I assume) you are.  Ignore the ex completely.  You and hubby need to just pretend she's not even there.  This ex will see how happy you guys are together.  Plain and simple, that's all you need to do.

p.s. I think that ahead of time, you and the hubby should agree to both completely ignore her.  If she is around, or joins the same group, both of you need to just excuse yourselves and go to another area of the party.

You will come off looking alot better if you make her look like the hanger-on who can't let go, instead of making yourself look like the insecure wife.

This would be another great option!!  Just make sure you can control yourself and your actions.  If you feel you can't control yourself, don't go. 

Disagree, BTW with ignoring her. Even that gives her juice that she doesn't deserve. :)

I think that depends.....if the OP can bring herself to be cordial to the ex, then cool....but if she can't bring herself to say something nice (which sounds like the case here), it's better to not say anything at all and simply walk away.

Sucky as this sounds, people are allowed to have their own friends. If the brother hangs out with her, then THEY might be friends. Not exactly the most tactful of siblings, but whatever.

I say just ignore the female. Don't even acknowledge that she exists. She is nothing to you or your man anymore, so don't Give her the power to come into your sphere! make a production of walking away/out of the room when chica comes by.

Oh, tell the family that you aren't happy about her being there and that you'll be civil for the brother's sake, but she doen't deserve anything beyond that.

Bottom line: ex is a loser - she lost the man. Ms is the winner, she got the man. Man is the winner he got someone he could trust and was saved from a bad marriage to said loser.

Mspw & her Man could even feel grateful to loser ex, because without her shenanigans they wouldn't have found one another - that should give them both the chops to be courteous :D

Ignoring chica does not equal being civil to chica.

If you are going to say you will be civil, then be civil, IMO. Don't talk the talk unless you are prepared to walk it. :)

If you mistreat her it's only going to show her that her ex ended up with a b*tch or ignorant woman. That isn't going to make her feel bad at all. I suggest you just stay clear of her but be a lady. This party is not about you, but for the family. Don't ruin it for your own personal reasons, not only would it make you look bad, but you may be unfavorable to the people that the party is for. What happens between your husband and her is ultimately up to him and it seems like he doesn't want anything to do with her so let him set the line out himself instead of putting your nose into it. I can understand why you are angry that this woman hurt the man you love..but that's it she hurt him, not you and it seems like he got over it the moment he got with you. So let it rest and let it die if anyone wants to keep it alive it should be your hubby not you.

I am highly offended though how you keep referring to the weight. Do you not realize what kind of site you are on? A lot of women who aren't stick thin are going to take that offensive and you were totally over the line about saying you hoped she turned anorexic...I am a past sufferer of an ED and that is not something to even joke about. It's a serious illness and shouldn't even be mentioned in a situation like this or wished upon your worst enemy.

You have a few choices: You and your hubby can just not go altogether to avoid her, You can go and just be in your own seperate ways and just enjoy yourselves, or you can be a b*tch and ruin a rather joyous evening for a family who probably won't want such conflict at their party. It's ultimately up to you, but the sweetest revenge is to forget the past and act like you aren't affected and act like you are having a damn good time with or without her their to ruin it for you. Good Luck.

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It wasn't so much the weight comment, but the anorexia thing, that offended me. Pretty much though yeah it's a little ignorant that the family invited her, but there's some reason they like her. Glad to know you guys won't be around if she is there.

I agree it is a bit callous of the family, but I still think the larger question is where is your man getting these feelings from? Why is he allowing anything this woman does to bother him one way or the other? Why would he even consider being driven away from his own family's function, under any circumstances?

The opposite of love is indifference, not hate.

Original Post by mspw:

This isn't about how I'm upset about how I'm be treated.  I do not feel victimized or threatened in any way by this ex.  I feel protective of my husband whose family seems not to place much relevance on my husband's heart.  It was just 2 weeks ago he told his mother how upsetting it would be to be around her.  Now this.  I just think its a shame.

 It is a shame that his mother made that choice, and I can understand your feelings.  I would be protective of my husband as well.  Good luck with all of this. 

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