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I'm sorry you feel bad, because I know how that can feel.  I weighed a buttload the end of last year -- relatively speaking.  I was up to 136! And I felt so uncomfortable in my body and clothes.  So I decided to lose some weight, and now I'm 15 lbs. lighter.  Yes, it took a long time, but everyday I feel better about myself.

Now lots of people will say you are not disgusting at 5'6" and 145 lbs.  I know you are not disgusting, but I also know it's how you feel about yourself.  Losing 2 lbs a week is definitely possible, but given the ED history, wouldn't it be nice to just lose a pound a week?  That might keep it from getting too obsessive for you.  

Calm down, work out a healthy plan combining exercise and calorie intake, and start working towards losing the weight.  Good on you for not having weighed in 2 years!  That's an amazing accomplishment.  

I get how you feel too. Even if my weight goes up 5 pounds it goes to my stomach and it looks horrible (to me). Right now I need to lose 5 pounds to get back to where it was. I am at a healthy weight but I just don't like the way it looks. I am now back to calorie counting until I get back to that good weight. If you do it the right way, it may seem like a long time but it will be over before you know it....

It's a marathon, not a sprint

pretty much all my life ive thought i was fat and heavy,and im alot bigger now, i look back and wonder what on earth i was thinking! I used to be a lovely size and would give anything now to be like that again so i know how it feels and its hard not to comare yourself to someone smaller than you...BUT even if you think your discusting your probably not in everyone elses eyes, and crash dietying REALLy will make you worse off. A few months ago i lost 1st in about 3 weeks and then lateud which was a disaster because now i cant seem to lose anything!

Overall i agree losing it slowly is by far the best way to do it,at least then at the end of each week you can feel happy about loosing your goal amount, whereas when you crash diet not only do you feel awful all the time for being hungry but when you hit the plateu and lose nothing for weeks at a time it is REALLY hard not to go crazy and give up!

thank you so much everyone, honestly reading all your comments helped calm me down.  I feel so alone in this- but I know there is tons of support here for me and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read my post and try and help me see things more positively even though I'm a complete stranger.  I love CC and all the people here, it's so comforting, this is where I go when things get tough.  I am going to tryyy and lose it slowly but it is tempting to just do things the unhealthy way.  I know I will be worse off in the end if I take that route though.  Today was pretty good, I had lots of protein and veggies.  The only bad things I ate were a few thin slices of breaded eggplant and some saltines.  I already feel a little better though just from eating good for one day.  I'm so appreciative that I have you guys here on CC to help me, and thanks again everyone :]

just somethin to think about

if u get to 120...will it make u happy? what makes u think that, and how can u be sure to maintain it this time?

you see, u really cannot overcome an ed urself. u admitted ur body image is not good...em, hello, ur calling urself 'disgusting' at 5ft 6 and 9st......something really needs sorting out here im worried ur on a slippery slope again and havent heeded past experiences

good luck x