deleted thread

i dont want to look at this any more so i've deleted what i've written, there isnt an issue anymore so i'd really rahter not be reminded about it everytime i look at this site.

i'd appreciate so much if a moderator could delete it fully

thank you.

Maybe a friend of his sent him the link as a joke... "Hey dude check this out, should I IM her?"  Maybe he knew her.  Maybe he was bored and seeing what kind of people actually put themselves on dating websites.  If he hasn't corresponded with her, then I wouldn't worry about it.  I got bored one day and scrolled through the list of adds on craigslist.com for people wanting hook ups.  It was really funny actually... I got quite a laugh out of some things people said.  In the end, it was harmless.

Are you sure it just wasn't a pop up or he could have just been linked to it by mistake, like he clicked something and it linked it there instead....that is a strong possibility. I have been linked to some weird stuff sometimes.

Ask him about it. If you don't you will just beat yourself up about it.

I definitely think you need to talk to him. Maybe you misunderstand the situation. Then again, maybe not. Either way, he's the one to talk to.

Man, if my husband used my computer he would be boggled at some of the things I look at. It's my opinion that you're overreacting. It's one woman, so it might have been a popup - it wasn't like he was browsing the site. But anyhow, I go to all kinds of weird sites; many as links from forums; sometimes because I'm bored and am entertained by some people's dating profiles; all kinds of reasons - none of them with the intent of actually looking for a date. I'm married, and happily so.

You're clearly freaked out so definitely ask him about it - I would approach it with "ok so I'm freaking out a little because this profile came up when I was looking for "blah" and I need you to calm me down a bit". Honestly though, I reckon if he was trying to hide something from you, he would have covered his tracks way better - clearing his cashe for a start.

he has used the search part of the website to look up women aged from twenty to twenty six. to me, that rules out the idea of it just being a pop up and makes it more like he's actually looking.

i can imagine a pop up to come up for a website, but for him to search on it and select a profile from the list is a step further than i am comfortable with.

i should add, i dont have any problems with him looking at porn, those women are just things to look at, but this woman is someone he could actually get in contact with and sleep with.

i've done the exact same thing as dcy, just out of curiosity. it most certainly didn't mean i was about to go sleep with some random person off there. and WOW some of the posts are bizarre and entertaining. 

BUT, i think you should definitely say something. you weren't snooping, it's not your fault you came across it. i think you should confront him, just don't start making accusations or come at him in an angry way. just be like "look, i was on the computer and this popped up...what's going on?" if he gets all defensive and angry, he's probably hiding something.

Original Post by jules817:

 if he gets all defensive and angry, he's probably hiding something.

Or, alternate hypothesis, he's pissed about the lack of privacy he has on what is admittedly HIS computer.

Which is what I'd do be, in his place in this situation.

Ultimately it comes down to you and how you are going to react to this.  Are you feeling secure enough in your relationship to let this go or will slowly eat away at your trust in him.  I'd say, if it were me, that maybe he was just playing with the computer.  I do that all the time by plannine exotic vacations at 5-star resorts and the like.  However, if it will in fact eat at you and get progressively worse and worse, then I think you should be up front with him.  Tell him that you were not snooping and that you came upon this by accident and ask him if there's something you should talk about.  If he say no I was just playing with the computer then let it go.

it really could be nothing...talk to him, but expect it to be nothing...he could be chatting...just flirty type...maybe getting off a bit, but more like erotic writing then a plan to actually hook up...talk to him...don't assume the worst.'

Lots of adult chat rooms double as dating sites...

You are not going to like this... but the same thing happened to me years ago.. We were engaged (newly) and it was my computer.  All this stuff was ALWAYS in the history.  I asked him about it and he said that he thought those ads were funny and that is why he looked (and why he had his own profile apparently) I dropped it and one day accidentally found his ad (again in the history) with pictures of his manhood attached.  we had been engaged for 3 months, and that next morning I came home to find him in bed with a married woman.  I called my sister, and had all my furniture and everything out within 4 hours.  I never looked back or listened to his crys of "it is not what it looks like"  I let him keep the mattress, but he had it on the floor and had an empty house.  I put my stuff in storage and lived with my sister for 2 weeks until I found a new place.  I am now engaged again and so so so happy I found out.. things happen for a reason. 

sorry that is depressing, and hopefully there is nothing going on, but trust your gut.

I think you're reading too much into it......my bf and me look up all sorts of stuff and we have gone into sites like that to see if there is anyone in there that we know!....there's no harm in it.

Looking/chatting isn't touching.

Sometimes it is something, sometimes not.

I would talk to him.

Hell, my BF and I met through craigslist because he was looking at the ads because he found them funny! Then he got to mine and it wasn't so funny, just intriguing.

More than likely, he was just curious. Being curious is not a bad thing, unless it gets out of hand. Talk to him, see what his side is to this, and then explain how it made you feel. Good luck!

Original Post by dcyounts:

I got bored one day and scrolled through the list of adds on craigslist.com for people wanting hook ups.  It was really funny actually... I got quite a laugh out of some things people said.  In the end, it was harmless.

 I've looked through the hook up ads a few times, they're hilarious.  Especially for the married couples looking for a third person.  I send links to my boyfriend though, I don't hide it.  So I guess to the OP, if you feel wary enough just having found this, I'd ask him about it.  Seems shady to me.

Well if he looks at porn, theres a good chance it was a pop-up ad. And the age range thing doesn't mean a thing, cause usually the pop-ups are specific to your age and region. Ask him about it if you like, but not in an accusing way. Just like 'I really don't believe theres anything going on, and I know I'm probably being silly, but can you explain this?". Or, just let it go.

Actually, if it were me, I'd probably wait it out and do some snooping...see if anything else comes up in the history, but thats just me ;-P

Honestly, if he were sneaking around he;d be careful about hiding stuff like that. Web history is so easy to get rid of and I don't think you would have found any evidence.

i've decided to leave it for a while at least, i cant find a way ask him and like sarah_11235 said if anything else comes up then i'll say something. i dont want to snoop, i dont think thats fair, but i also dont want to make a big deal out of what could be, and probably is nothing.

i feel better to have got your responses. today i felt miserable but after spending time with him i feel no doubt in how much he loves me and realise that my being off with him is more likely to make him leave than stay [though he wouldnt just leave me for something as little as that]. i am aware that if it was anything less than harmless he would have deleted his history, he's not a silly man.  the way i feel about him hasnt been affected at all other than little thoughts here and there but none of these thoughts are in relation to how much i love him. i still feel very lucky, maybe just a bit insecure

thanks everyone x

 

I'm not computer savvy or anything, but I'm pretty sure "pop-up's" will not show up in a search engine or the web address bar, neither will links you click ect. He had to have actually typed in the website manually.. for it to show up as she was typing in a site. ( I could be wrong)

You may be overreacting, maybe not. Personally if someone were to get on my computer, they would probably be scared to death with all the weirdo crap I look up and look at, seriously. I too have looked at the freaky dating ads on like craigslist ect. for a laugh, they really are funny.

Personally, I would bring it up and say exactly what happened how you were typing something in and it showed up... So really it's not like you were snooping or anything. I would DEFINITELY NOT accuse or be hysterical about it when you bring it up. You really don't have enough info at this point to act like that. Like I said my boyfriends could look on my pc and see all kinds of freaky stuff...which in all honesty is harmless.

just my 2 cents

Edit: 1 boyfriend here, not plural.. *typo*

What sarah said is right on...the same thing happened to me and my husband, actually.  I saw an XXX dating site in my history (for our area and my husband's age group) and interrogated my husband.  I was skeptical until he showed me how the pop-ups come at you on certain XXX sites.  They somehow have your area and age group already figured out!  Besides, if bf was up to something he would've erased his history (unless he's incredibly PC-challenged).

Your computer has an IP address that anyone can see.  It basically is similar to a routing number on your checks.  Advertisements can be programmed to read your IP and then provide you with information regarding your city.  I've had pop-ups before that said "Meet girls in Matthews today!"  and of course, I have an IP that is shared between Charlotte and Matthews, NC.

Original Post by anndjoe:

I think you're reading too much into it......my bf and me look up all sorts of stuff and we have gone into sites like that to see if there is anyone in there that we know!....there's no harm in it.

Looking/chatting isn't touching.

Looking/chatting isn't touching, but it still crosses boundaries of trust. There is a such thing as emotional cheating--even if he's viewing this as one would porn, interacting sexually with anyone online, even if you aren't physically going to ever do anything with this person, is still considered cheating to most.

If he's just looking because he finds it amusing/hilarious, that's one thing. If he's looking because it gets him off, depending on her stance on porn and such adds, he can still be crossing a line of trust with her. If he's actively chatting with these women, and having conversations that are a bit more than friendly, that is viewed as cheating to some. And sometimes chatting leads to meeting in person.

So eh. To each his own. She definitely just needs to talk to him about it, as that's the only thing she can really do to calm herself down. If he's looking at then for reasons other than amusement, there's a problem and they need to address it.

Original Post by armandleg:

Original Post by anndjoe:

I think you're reading too much into it......my bf and me look up all sorts of stuff and we have gone into sites like that to see if there is anyone in there that we know!....there's no harm in it.

Looking/chatting isn't touching.

Looking/chatting isn't touching, but it still crosses boundaries of trust. There is a such thing as emotional cheating--even if he's viewing this as one would porn, interacting sexually with anyone online, even if you aren't physically going to ever do anything with this person, is still considered cheating to most.

If he's just looking because he finds it amusing/hilarious, that's one thing. If he's looking because it gets him off, depending on her stance on porn and such adds, he can still be crossing a line of trust with her. If he's actively chatting with these women, and having conversations that are a bit more than friendly, that is viewed as cheating to some. And sometimes chatting leads to meeting in person.

So eh. To each his own. She definitely just needs to talk to him about it, as that's the only thing she can really do to calm herself down. If he's looking at then for reasons other than amusement, there's a problem and they need to address it.

 I speak to who I want, and my bf speaks to who he wants, I trust him and him me, just because they speak to another woman doesn't make them a cheat.

I must have missed where the OP said that he had entered into conversation of a more than friendly nature with a woman on the site.