Delusional Perceptions

Today I was watching a documentary on overweight men and women and they were showing the typical full body photos of them in their underwear.  One women was said to have needed a large amount of weight, atleast 50 more pounds than I intended on losing, and when I was looking at her I was baffled that she needed to lose that much.  I thought to myself "Our bodies are identical, is that how much weight I need to be losing?" 

Thats when I looked in the mirror, I mean really looked in the mirror and realized that I have a completely skewed perception of my body.  What I see in when I close my eyes and imagine myself is completely different from whats in the mirror.  Does anyone else have this twisted perception of yourself?  What do you do to help being so hard on yourself? 

I struggle with this everyday! It's awful. People tell me I look good, but I can't stop picking apart my imperfections.

I feel enormous! I don;t even know what is reality and what is in my head anymore. I don't know how to interpret what I see in the mirror.

I would love some advice on this as well.

Find a realistic idea of what would bring you peace.

I think when we are young it is so easy to get a skewed perception of ourselves.  And we carry it into adulthood.  After puberty I always thought I was fat, even though I was average if not at times skinny.  Looking back at pictures where my clavicle is jutting out I have to laugh at myself.

You cant compare though.  That is where you will get lost.  That is what my teenage self did and it was a distortion. Even if it looks like your body, what is good for her, and what is good for you may be different.  Your bones, your muscle, all may be different

One of the best things I ever did for my body image was see a nutrionist.  They measured my bodyfat, and it turned out a healthy BMI for my build was 186lbs (25%) (I'm 5'7, large frame, and female).  Never ever would I have thought that.  I thought I needed to weigh 120.  Turned out my lean body mass (bones, tissue, fluid) alone was 140lbs.  So all that frustration and self hatred, was just a distortion- what I thought was right, what I had compared myself to.

There is a book called Love Your Body by Louise Hay- it is full of affirmations and loving each part of yourself bit by bit (even things like your liver).  If you cant love your body, then how can you ever care for it and make it healthy? If you are always at odds with it, then you wont be able to work with it.... My opinion anyway.

You are beautiful right now <3

Thank you, that was just what I needed.

It's nice to get such beautful and inspirational words from someone who doesn't even know you! wow..

It just breaks my heart that so many women struggle with these issues. Life is short. It's cliche, but we really should be living in the moment. There are so many more important things than what we look like on the outside. It is impossible to remove ourselves completely from societal pressure. But, your advice of accepting and loving your body is one step in the right direction.

I'm 5'10 and 160 pounds. I am constantly feeling that I need to lose weight, though I think this may be where my body has naturally settled.

Thank you for your kind words.

I think a lot of the issues surrounding body-image stem from confidence and happiness.  A confident, happy, self-assured person will feel good at any weight and in any skin.   Someone who is the opposite will always feel self-conscious & struggle to feel good about themselves at any size. 

So as well as getting a realistic idea of what is a suitable weight for you, having a healthy diet and taking regular exercise....  I'd also encourage you to look outward.   Deliberately find other things in your life that give you satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment.  Set yourself challenges that maybe stretch what you're comfortable with.  The more you can appreciate yourself and surprise yourself as a person the less important the 'wrapping' becomes.   The most admirable, attractive and lovely people I know are not necessarily skinny or even classically beautiful.... but they generate something very special that ultimately comes from feeling good about themselves. 

Even though I know I look (and feel) so much better than I used to because I am almost 30 pounds lighter, I still focus on my flaws. I suppose it is because I am used to picking on myself in my fatter days - just a habit that I've carried with me.  Deep down I know I look so much better (healthier if you are happier with that term), but I can't help but nit pick about stupid little things that no one else even would notice. 
How silly we humans can be! :)

It is amazing how in a community like Hollywood, I would be considered practically obese! A size 8! Oh my god, how fat! Yet in a normal world, I am healthy and I look good! Crazy, crazy, crazy.

I try to tell myself (like my mother has always told me), that years from now I will look back and realize just how good I actually looked and I'll regret that I let my weight issues hold me back.  So anytime I feel insecure about it, I just think of my mama's advice. :)

A couple months ago on what not to wear there was a woman who had lost lots of weight but couldn't see past her old body image.  Stacy & Clinton drew her (had her stand against a wall and drew her outline) so she actually saw how much smaller she was then what was in her mind (or what she used to be).

I always thought that was such a great thing.  Maybe using a large piece of paper and doing something similar (I imagine most people won't draw on their walls) might help.

I've always been thin (maybe up or down a few lbs) but always have had low self exteme and poor body image.  My current life style keeps me busy enough not to notice it so much.  I have good days and bad...like everyone else...

But what ever you think your outside maybe you are a beautiful inside and that does reflect outward. 

Sorry, my post didn't come through for whatever reason. I have the same problem though. Lost about 75 pounds 5 years ago and have managed to keep it off, for the most part. I still see my old self in the mirror and find myself constantly comparing myself to other women. I ask my husband sometimes "do I look about like her" ... he often gets frustrated saying ... "you're about half her size." He thinks I have a problem, I guess maybe it's a female thing. I don't have good advice for you since I tend to be dealing with the same issue, but I can tell you this: You are not alone my friend!

Want to know who messed with mine? My stupid doctor!

I am serious on all levels.

It was only 2 months after I gave birth to my daughter and I weighed in at 168 which is obese for a person that is 5'2. She told me that I needed to weigh 118 pounds. I got to that in a year and as a result I have flappy extra skin on my belly. She also told me to get down to 110, I only reached 114 and than my weight went up again. When I saw her in March my weight was 122 and she said that I need to lose weight and if I gain anymore she will not see me anymore.

My husband tells me that I am beautiful the way that I am. According to my scale I weigh 121.6 as of today which is typically two pounds heavier than my doctors office. He actually says that I can put on some weight, but I cannot allow myself to do that. Esp since he said that while we were dating I was chubby (140 - 150 lbs) my weight went up because we went out a lot to eat... Now I know to pick better foods when I am out.

oddball88, you need a new doctor.  Now.  You're at a healthy weight for your height.  I'm an inch shorter than you, and my goal weight is 119.  If you gain more weight she won't see you anymore?  The hell?  What kind of doctor would say something like that?

Im unable to tell if she was joking or not. She is this old women that sounds like she was from Poland when she was younger. She has no place to talk though, like she is shorter than me and overweight for sure.

I would get a new doctor but since I live on base and we only have a year left here I can deal with it. The other doctor is a male and I do not really care for him at all either.

I’ve had this problem my whole life.  Only for me, what I “see” in my head AND in the mirror is not what I actually look like.  It’s not what I see in pictures of myself.  When I was a teenager, I thought I was hideously overweight when I wasn’t.  As I aged I gained a lot of weight in my 20’s and once I actually became truly obese I didn’t really see it for years.  I had no idea just how overweight I had become.

I still have a problem with it to this day.  What I see in my head is an idealized version of myself.  I have no delusions that I’m “thin”, but there was definitely denial going on about just how overweight I truly am.   And it’s part defense mechanism as well.  It’s so depressing for me to see photographs of myself!  If I saw what I see in pictures in the mirror every day, I’d never leave my house.

So now that I have an idea of where I am, am weighing myself regularly, etc., I no longer allow photos to be taken and that actually has helped me a lot!  No more stress about horrible pics of me showing up on facebook.  Lol. 

I’ve learned to live with it, accept that I don’t have a true vision of myself and instead I focus on my health, eating better and exercising. 

I don’t have any words of wisdom on not being so hard on yourself, unfortunately.  I’m right there with you.

I also didn't realize how heavy I had become ... until I lost it and then still feel like I'm heavy.

My doctor didn't tell me I need to lose, in fact, I was told that I am right in the middle or average of women my age ... but I recently went in for a body fat test and they had to enter my weight and a goal weight ... they put me at 20 lbs lighter.

Very frustrating!!

Can't say I have any new advice to give you, but I think that the advice others were giving (being more involved with your external life, thinking about future goals, etc) are helpful.  I know that everyone around me sees me as skinny and beautiful, but I've always thought of myself on the chunky side (except when I'm having an ego attack).  It actually bothers me that people see skinny as beautiful, and it's interesting to think that a normal person with a healthy BMI is seen as fat in Hollywood.  I'm afraid of getting sucked into that image and completely losing sight of the things that really make me happy, like horseback riding and painting.  I think that you probably suffer from focusing on the small things, like me.  It's definitely hard to reconcile the image in the mirror with the one in your head!

I do the same thing.  The person I see in my head is NOT the person I see in the mirror.  I kept trying to tell myself "oh, c'mon, you don't really eat that much!  This is crazy that you weigh so much!"  So, despite my objections, I started writting down (then logging after I found this site) everything I eat.  While it has had a positive impact, I still have a LONG way to go - and I've discovered I really WAS eating "that much."  I still don't particularly care for the person in the mirror but each step brings me closer to becoming the person I see in my mind.  Why are they different, this mirror person & this mind person?  I don't know but my theory is the person I see in my mind - well, that's who I really am:  my personality, my inner self, my soul, my spirit - whatever you want to call it.  It's what makes me ME.  All I can do is continue to work toward the goal of having my mirror image & my inner self meet - and then I hope to actually BE a mirror image of my inner self!  It's a journey - heck, it's an adventure!

Yeah, I definitely do that.

The difference between how you look and how you think you look could be enough to destroy a person.

I'm the same. I have good days and bad ones. Sometimes I think I look like a huge fat cow, and other times I think I don't look to bad (not bikini ready, but maybe just 'extra curvy').

So, I'm not really sure how to perceive myself.

I there with all of you.

I gained the weight after some health problems cropped up.   And I just didn't even realize I had gained it.... till my favorite dress ripped trying to get it on.    So I finally had to accept that I had gained weight. 

But with all the surgeries, and hormone treatments, steroids, and other weight gain side effect medications.  I though once we go over the humps and got my body regulated again it would get better.  So I did nothing about it.   I just accepted that I was chunky.

Until the last time I went to the ER in Septemeber 08.   I learned I weighed 214 lbs,  and I was back on crutches and barely leaving the house.   I decided that it wasn't just going to go away.   and the whole thing made me terribly depressed.

So I go on CC and started.   I've lost 40 lbs and still think I look like a moose.  

It's like your brain has trouble keeping up with the changes.    if any one has any idea on how a person could just look in a mirror and actualy see them as they are.   Please share.

(Edited for typos.)

Weight and how it looks is really quite subjective.  As GI Jane said if one is confident it shows and a person can look quite good at any weight.  So we see a beautiful woman who is heavier than the socialy acceptible norm and we identify with her.  But then we are told by media and even critical friends and family that we are too heavy. 

Of course good health plays a role.  So we and our doctors turn to BMI and weight charts to help determine our health.  But while based on concrete data - you have to ask yourself, is 1 lbs really the differene between "overweight" and "normal weight"?  Does 1 lbs or 3 really make you all that much less healthy? 

There is such a huge range of possible body types.  Since perception and even science is imperfect, it is really hard to pin down what is really a "good" weight or size for ourselves. 

I wish it were easier.  I wish there was a chart that could tell me "your thigh should be X size and you should wear X size".  At least that would be a definate goal.  Something concrete and finite to work towards. 

Then there is the exercise factor.  BMI and weight charts don't tell you a thing about how fit you are.  So if you are unfit and yet in the middle of the charts you can percieve yourself as being overweight even though you really just dont have much muscle. 

I am rambling - sorry!

I tend to have the opposite problem.  When I look in the mirror I see someone who is way SKINNIER than I actually am.  Its only when I look at pictures of myself or videos that I realize just how big I am.   I still am really shy though around people because being young and severely obese is rough.  Sometimes I realize how big I am when I get into my classroom at school and realize that everyone is almost half my size.