so depressed

I've been on a diet 4 years ago, but at that time i was not fat. i just tried to maintain. but these past two years, i've been gaining weight. at first i did not bother me, at lately i've been avoiding social events and trying on clothes on stores. what really hit me tonight is that my mother told me to lose weight, which she had never said before. I mean i've been exercising and watching my calorie intake, though i binge once a week. i believe that the culprit is my food intake. anyway i just want to vent this out, i'm just really really sad and losing hope and really having a hard time with this battle. I hope to start anew.

Don't be depressed or sad.  You've gained a little weight, that's all, and it happens to a lot of us.   You're still the same person with the same qualities and, even if your clothes need to be a little bigger, so what?  Doesn't mean you should hide away and stop socialising.  Love yourself as you are now but work to get where you want to be.

When you start afresh, don't be tempted to go for a very low calorie intake because that makes it more likely you'll overeat/binge at some stage.  If you aim a little higher as your daily average but can be consistent then you'll find it easier.   Similarly, if you opt for more wholefoods that contain plenty of nourishment (fruit, veg, wholegrains etc.) and lots of variety then you'll find you feel happier and more satisfied on less food.  That also makes weight-control easier.  To make sure you're not eating more than you think, keep your CC food log as accurately as you can.  Weigh & measure portions rather than guessing. 

Very best of luck

The only reason to be depressed is if you eat small frequent meals with plenty of protein, intensely weight train at least 3x per week and do interval cardio exercise and still gain weight  When it comes to getting results from exercise it comes down to effort and intensity; without these two factors, don't expect any lasting results. Good luck.