Depressed. Literally. i think

I have benn dieting continuously for about 2 years now, making a little progress, but nothing I'm thrilled about. Anyway, that is beside the point. I am writing in hopes of finding some support outside of the dieting world. I think i may seriously be depressed. I have never felt so terrible in my entire life. I want to cry most of the time. I can't pull myself out of it either, because I can't get myself up to go workout (which I know will make me feel better). Meanwhile I am afraid to cry because I don't want my flat mate to know and I don't want to get puffy eyes. I Have even ajusted my diet to the point that i am eating more fats and trying to include all of my b vitamins. I don't really want to got to a doctor because I don't want antidepresents to be suggested and I don't want to talk to friends about it because I feel too vulnerable. I know there's not much any of you can say, but possibly someone could relate, or tell me how they overcame depression. I don't know....any words of wisdom???

I know how you feel cass
You just dont feel like living. I didnt want to die at all I just hated everything about me and no matter how good my life seemed to others, i hated it. I now look back and remember how low I was. I'd be low for weeks, have a happy day and spiral down again. I thought I had a permanet proble, I had a loving boyfriend, went to uni, am slim and eat healthy (tho I am not healthy, I am sick, and a little obsessed with food) had graet opportunities, but i just could see that. I too didnt want to do anything. And i get puffy eyes! (My excuse was my contact lenses, or I'd been for a run and got a bug in there)
I too adjusted my diet but it did very little.
What did help was a chance of pace. I finally had a week off and went to a holiday home where I could control my life. I let myself live and tried to love myself. I remember before i'd cry to my boyf about how I hated myself. Now I dont love myself, but I do little things to make me proud of myself. I am learning to bake.

What I suggest is you talk to people. Do things, get out there. Have a change of pace. You may have to wait a while. At first even a two week break didnt de-stress me. But later a 1 week one did the trick.

I had nothing i liked to do, so I coudlnt do that. But what I did is less of what I didnt like to do. i found things to keep me busy - scrapbooking, organising dinners etc.

I do not think i will never feel low again. But I was having a cycle of bad for 2 weeks, a few days good, and low again. I was crying a few times daily. Once I had the break tho, i ate healthy and re-balanced. And now as I said, I focus on my strengths and what I can do. I still have off days and its tempting to fall into a dtich of despair at times, but you just gotta keep going. Life it worth it, honest. Its hard to see the light, and it may take months, I'm sorry. Best thing to do is try and de-stress. easy to say hard to do. Nothing helped me de-stress. Not exercise, or reading etc as I'd worry that i was wasting time. I stopped wearing a watch and wrote lists of thigns to do so I woudlnt forget and get stressed. I plan my days and feel in control again.

I hope this helps. I'd be happy to keep talking to you.
I suggest you talk to friends, but say it in a different awy. SAy youre bored or a bit down, or feeling a little anti-social and woudl they mind helping. Get out for just one night and forget your worries!!

First of all, you should get some kind of help.  I was diagnosed with depression two years ago and thought it was the end of the world.  I didn't like the diagnosis or taking the medication.  After talking with some friends, I found out that I was not the only one feeling this way or taking meds.  My doctor suggested that I exercise at least 5 days a week and increase my fish oils, vitamin c, and vitamin b and a multivitamin.  So after a year of taking the vitamins and supplements and the antidepressent, I decided that I should exercise.  I started eating right ( more fruits and vegetables, really watching what I was eating) and walked about two miles a day.  I have been doing that for 6 months and I feel great.  I am still doing all the vitamins and supplements, but I took myself off the anti depressents last month and still feel pretty good.  I haven't told my doctor that I took myself off, but I will when I see her next.   I have worked very closely with my OB/GYN on this whole thing because some of this is hormonal.  I am not sure how old you are or if you have kids, but being a woman, your hormones could be off.  I had a saliva test done that tells you about all the different hormones.  I think you should start walking a little bit and see your doctor.  I  know you don't want to but it will make you feel a lot better.  Trust me, I didn't want to do all that either, but I also knew that I couldn't go around feeling the way that I did.  You can do this.  Honest, there are more people out there that take some sort of medication for depression or anxiety.  I thought I was the only one until I talked with some people.  I hope this helped some.  I would be happy to keep talking to you also.

Hi,

I understand your reservations about anti depressants. WHen i was prescribed them I didn't fill the prescription for 3 weeks as I was so against the idea.

I don't think I exagerate when I say they saved my life. They will not solve the underlying problems if you have clinicla depression but they will give you that little edge so you feel good enough to get out of bed, face the world and makes the changes that you need to to cope.

I still have bouts of depression now but only needed the pills for 8 months. It was a gradual process and in ways it still is as I am vulnerable to falling down again but I recognise the symptoms now before it gets too bad. The fact that you recognise the changes in yourself is a really good sign, a good friend actually pointed it out to me when I was suffering.

I know it can be hard to admit to friends how you feel, I know I always dread the blanket response of 'but it's all ok' or 'don't be silly' and such things, they are trying to help but can make you feel worse. A doctor will not be subjective in this way and may be able to really help you and suggest alternatives to tablets if you really don't want to take them. If you can't do that then speak to people on here, speak to me and the others who have responded it's easier to come to terms with things the more you express them.

On a practical note, try to get soem fresh air every day and try to get out and do something fun and active, even just a short walk. And if you can't face that don't beat yourself up about it. Depression is an illness, you would not blame someone who was suffering from the sypmtoms of flu.

You're not alone in the world and this is a controlable problem which you can beat. My thoughts are with you.

Yesterday I cried in public at college and I'm a man. :(

i have hypothyroidism (which has some of the same symptoms as depression) as well as depression.  Been struggling with it for years.  Its pretty much under control now, but it was a looong journey.  i can tell you from experience, that the medicine really helps, and i have little to no side effects.  I think that the most important thing to do is to find a therepist that has a lot of experience working with patients that are  depressed.  Explain to him/her your apprehension about taking the medication and see what they think about it.  I know i worked with a therepist for 6 months before we tried pills.  It was the right thing to do.. for me.   We still had weekly or biweekly meetings, however, and thats what helped me the most.  The pills supress the depression but they dont work through the causes for you. Working with a therepist helped me to identify the roots of my illness as well work through them with a non-biased non-affiliated party.  My GP wanted to start me on pills with out even talking to a therepist, which i really dont think would have helped.  If you do decide to take antidepressants, please seek the assistance of a therepist as well.

anti-depressants aren't such a bad thing.  Think of it this way.....if you had cancer, would you just try to "will" it away?  No, you'd go to the doctor to get medicinal help. 

Well, the same applies to depression.  It's a chemical thing that is happening in your brain.  You can't always will it away.  it's a medical thing, so go get medical help.  Take it from me.  I'm on anti-depressants and I'm a totally different person.  I'm happy, I have more energy, and life just seems so much better.  I don't feel like crying every day anymore....

Just think about it, ok?

Thank you everyone for being so supposrtive. It's nice to hear from people that have felt similarly and overcame it.

Hi Cass - If you can stand one more story, here is mine.  In 1999 my 18 year old daughter and I were in a major hit and run car accident and we were injured pretty bad. I was driving the car.  About 6 months later I was diagnosed with depression. I was at the doctors and I saw a poster on the wall that said, "If you have 3 or more of these symptoms, you might be depressed."

Here are the symptoms that were listed:

• Persistent sadness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness or hopelessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities, including sex
• Difficulty concentrating and complaints of poor memory
• Worsening of co-existing chronic disease, such as rheumatoid arthritis or diabetes
• Insomnia or oversleeping (I was sleeping 14 - 16 hours every day)
• Weight gain or loss
• Fatigue, lack of energy
• Anxiety, agitation, irritability
• Thoughts of suicide or death
• Slow speech; slow movements
• Headache, stomachache, and digestive problems

When my doctor came in the room, I was crying, and I told him I had all the symptoms on the poster except thoughts of suicide. He prescribed a mild antidepressant.  I was so embarrassed that I didn't tell anyone except of course my hubby and 2 adult children.  A few weeks later when I went back to the doctor he increased the dosage because the symptoms were not going away. Eventually he had to send me to a Psychiatrist.  Which was very difficult for me to deal with. I went through two more types of antidepressants before my Psychiatrist and I found one that worked for me. I am on 225mg of Effexor everyday.

After a while, I got over my embarrassment and had started talking to people about what I was going through because everyone said that I seemed so different and so much happier. Come to find out, depression runs in my family, my own father was on antidepressants and I didn't even know. I also found out that my cousin and two nieces were on antidepressants but no one wanted to "be found out". Here it is 2007 and I am very grateful to my doctor, psychiatrist, and yes I am grateful for my medicine. I can know look back, objectively, and see how down I truly had become.

I never miss an opportunity to discuss depression with others and it is amazing how many people admit that they too are on antidepressants. Depression is an illness just like; diabetes, high cholesterol, cancer, or any other illness or disease. We treat all these diseases with medicine so why not depression. Some people are fortunate enough to be able to stop their antidepressants after a while which is great. I know however that I will need them the rest of my life and that is okay with me because I do not want to go back to the person I was.

My doctors believe that the car accident is what brought on my depression. I believe I had mild depression and the accident made it worse. Before the car accident I was a very moody person.  Friends would describe me as nice but moody.

So all this to say, depression is not something to be embarrassed or ashamed of and it shouldn't be feared either. As one of the others said, "There is light at the end of the tunnel", sometimes we just need help to see it.

I hope this has helped you somehow.

Karen Diebolt