-> I Am Depressed & Need Encouragement

i weighed myself this evening at the gym and i gained 2 kilos... && not even a week ago, i was 2 kilos less.... hah..... im feeling very depressed....i feel so hopeless, disappointed, and suicidal.....

i want to blame it on my PMS - water retention thing, but... well... im not really having my PMS. i "started" on monday, but it's sooo little, ive been using "pantyliners". it's really that little... not heavy at all...  so i dont' know if i can reallly blame this 2 kilos on my PMS.... cuz i believe (i heard) the more water retention you get (the more you bloat) the heavier your period will be...    && in my case, since im not having a heavy period at all, i shouldn't be bloating that much right...

regarding my daily calorie intake, it's been above 1200, even though i tried not to, but i have never binged. it has never been over 2000.. pretty sure... and according to this site's daily calorie intake for me, im around 2000-2200... 

what's wrong with me?

please leave caring comments for me, since im extremely worried && depressed about this...  it may not sound like a big deal for some of you guys out there, but for me, this is really taking control over my emotions... help...

you need to speak to your parents... or you need to seek some professional help...

Sooji - I've bloated badly and had a light period and I've bloated not so badly and had a heavy one - so I don't think what you heard is true.  So the 2 kgs may just be water.

I read your first post and I agree with stlgirl - you do need some  caring help - a councillor at school, your parents if you are close to them, another adult who you are close too - sometimes (speaking from experience here) just talking about it can help alleviate the horrible feelings a bit.

I hope you feel better soon.

*hugs*

sooji, I am proud of you for re-posting.
Some people just feel more then other people.  I am a very senisitive person and sometimes I absorb others people's emotions.  It can be really hard sometimes to cope with the feelings you are going through.
You really need to talk to a real person.  We can only help you so much on the internet.  Is there a help line where you are?  Please google the kids help line or a similar hot line that can provide help and comfort for you.

Water retention leaves the normal way water leaves your body, not in your actual period. I sometimes don't loose my water weight until a day or so after my period is over. I can sometimes gain as much as 5-10lbs (around 2-4kg) of water weight before my TOTM.

I know how you feel about being controlled by your emotions. I'm working on loosing 50lbs that I gained after highschool, I'm a little more then half way there, and through out the day i will feel differently about how i look. One minute i feel happy and really like i'm starting to be skinny again. The next minute I feel like a fat cow. I know i'm not really a fat cow. (even when I was 215 i wasn't really that fat. Look at the pictures on my profile.) But I can't help how my emotions swing throughout the day. Some times I will have days at a time where I'm down and days at a time where i feel up. I just have to remember how far I have come and that I am always progressing forward. Even if it is in a 2 steps forward,  1 step back, kind of way.

Find some support, it really helps. I'm glad I have such great friends.

To address the question about bloating....

your water retention during TTOM is not related to the amount of flow

in fact, water retention at any time of the month is directly related to keeping your body within a fairly narrow range of balance (electrolyte balance, hormone balance, etc)

Anytime the molucules in your body start to become 'too concentrated' your body will retain water to restore balance

Like if you eat something salty, for example.  Your body can't accomodate more than so much salt, and your kidneys can only process salt at a certain speed.  So to give your body more time to process the salt, it retains more water and 'dilutes' your body.

About your weight increase of 5 lbs.  You said you haven't binged.  So that's a positive thing to be proud of right there.  And you might know this, but... in order to gain 5 lbs of fat, you'd have to eat an extra 17,500 calories.   !!!   So we know you didn't do that.  So we know that you haven't gained 5 lbs of fat.

About feeling depressed and suicidal... you seem like a bright girl.  And yes, you're entitled to how you feel.  I hope you recognize that wanting to kill yourself is probably not a helpful thought for you.

I don't know if you have access to mental health care in indonesia...  Maybe not.  But if there's a school counselor or an adult that you trust that you can talk to about it... please do.

And since you seem very bright, I thought I'd share a link to these signs of distorted thinking.  When you feel so awful, it's hard to recognize that all these negative thoughts AREN'T REALLY YOU.  Sometimes, looking at how we can distort our thinking helps us snap out of it.

But true depression isn't something that most people can snap out of.  That's why it's important to find someone who can listen and help you sort things out.

It seriously could just be waterweight/food, the other night i weighed myself and it said 132!!!! I have never weighed that much and it was up 7 lbs from my weight the previous morning, 36 hours later i am back at 125 :)

........... i really do hope it's just water..... ahhh.... i odn't have anyone im close with, and we currently don't have a counselor at our school. but rightnow, i really am not looking for someone to tell me i need mental help.

Water weight can make you fluctuate anywhere from 3 to 10 pounds during a weeks time. This is why it isn't healthy to weigh daily unless you are trying to watch for these fluctuations. You should weigh once a week during the same time and after each routine. For example, weigh every Wednesday when you first wake up and have gone to the bathroom without any clothes on and do this consistently. This will show you your actual stabilization of weight over an average and can avoid those frustrating fluctuations. If you drink late at night then it can affect your morning weight or what you had sodium wise the day before. These are all factors that could contribute to this gain. I do not feel that it is fat gain for you because you have not eaten that much to gain fat. It is probably just water weight and with it being TTOM for you then that adds to it as well. I hope that you do understand this and do not become that depressed over it. You are a recovering ED from your profile and I think it is great that you are seeking support. You need ongoing support with this so I do hope that you find someone you can talk to about your nutrition so you do not fall back into the ED lifestyle. It isn't healthy and you can sustain some serious damages and even death with an ED. Good luck and if you need to talk you can always message me or pm me.

Sooji-I had major problems with depression my freshman year of college because I had no one to talk to or hang out with. That all changed when i found my current roommate, she is now one of my best friends. After i found her i found other friends who I could talk to. Having people to confide in and have them confide in you is VERY helpful for emotional stability. Just put yourself out there when you are depressed. Shutting yourself away from other people either by hiding in your room (like i did my freshman year) or walling yourself off emotionally only makes it worse.

sooji - you said in your original post that you are depressed and suicidal.  you were asking for advice.  Our advice to you has been to get some professional help with your depression...if you aren't willing to listen, then I'm not sure how much we can help you.

I know you don't want to hear that you need some mental health help but people are telling you this because they care...Feeling depressed/suicidal because of weight gain is a huge concern. There must be someone you could talk to for support. Online we can only do so much, it is up to you to take action. People are bound to have weight fluctuation, it is normal. I suggest to keep exercising and eating properly and eventually that 2 kilos will come off. It could even come off quicker because it's possibly water weight. Just don't worry! There are far more important things in life to worry about.

i know, but look..... 5 pounds... it's still really shocking for me...... (call me crazy if u dare) because i actually look slimmer than before in the mirror... but then the frikkin scale is ripping me into pieces..... if it's not water weight, i don't know what i`ll do..........

Aren't you happy that you feel you look better when you look in the mirror? I don't understand why people get caught up on a number. If you see a difference and notice a difference in how your clothes fit then that is reason to be happy with yourself. If you're working out a lot you could be also be gaining muscle.

I have been feeling real crapy about my weigh loss and gain too. this past week I started my diet 9/3 again which is the 3rd time i,m starting over.I weighed myself tue 150 . I haven't been this big for awile I started off well a month ago lost about 8 pounds and I have gained it all back, I do pretty well but then the weekend comes and I lose control .  It gets soooo hard to lose weight the older you get ,most of my friends like to go out on Friday and have some drinks and when you start that your food choices are usually bad. Good luck on your weight loss Your'e headed in the right direction.and remember what sarah_b said dont get too caught up on the # if your clothers fit better that should tell you that you are losing.

Have you been exercising more recently? I know one time I thought I had lost around 5 lbs but I had actually gained 2lbs. But my clothes were looser. This is because I had gained more muscle weight then I had lost in fat weight. One pound of muscle is only 1/7th the size of a pound of fat.

this means, it would take 7 lbs of muscle to take up the area of one pound of fat.

Yeah it sounds like muscle. Its a good thing, don't sweat it. Muscle burns fat faster too.

 

If you look thiner in the mirror then you are. No worries.

 

PS: Talk to a parent of guardian about your thoughts over something trivial like putting on 5 lbs and not knowing the source. It isn't good to get depressed and emotional before you even know what it is.  

I bet you look just purdy. :)

Don't give up!!

<33

::: nomoreexcuses :::

-> thank you for ur caring post... it really encouraged me... thank you...thank you....thank you... also, i thank you for reassuring me that my weight gain wasn't really a "weight gain," and that it could be just water retention... =)

i get really depressed too sometimes, but you cant let it bring you down... talking to someone, anyone, a friend, a friends mom who you may be close with, anyone you may be close with will really make you feel a lot better, i know for me i didn't want anyone to know how i used to feel...but i did have one really close and really good friend, i could tell her anything and she wouldnt think of me any different, if you could find someone like that, that would be perfect, also if you ever need anyone to talk to you could also talk to me... i will listen...