Depressed && Scared.

I started to lose weight around Christmas. So far I have lost 20 lbs but nowI am gaining again. I can't Gain! My Life at home && school is just getting worse. I am sad alot. suicidal alot lately && school is just slipping out of my hands, I used to make straight A's. Now I cant even concentrate. I hate what life has done to me. Made me fat. Ugly. && Stupid. && then on top of all that i finally spoke up about my stepdad sexually abusing in the past && now my mom hates me && I am scared my stepdad will do something to me if he doesn't get arrested. I am just scared. I want to runaway. away from my house problems life. I won't be forced to eat. work. or deal. I'll just live my own world. idk what i am going to do...

I had a look at the pictures in your profile.  I see a slim, very pretty girl.  If you used to make straight A's then you are far from stupid.  And you are also very brave.  Speaking out is the best thing you could have done.  Now people can help you.

I don't know that calorie count has anything to offer you at this point, aside from enabling you to learn about good nutrition at an early age.

Good Luck to a beautiful, smart, courageous girl.

Im sorry you are going through such a rough patch. Things will get better. You are beautiful and smart and don't you dare tell yourself any different. You did the right thing speaking out. Maybe focus some of your bad energy into running or something.. or take some frustration out on a punching bag.

Hold onto some positive thoughts.. and don't runaway or do anything drastic. Things will look up sometime, I promise. Dont give into the depression!

If your stepdad threatens you in any way or attempts to hurt you get yourself straight to the police.

Good Luck hun, chin up.

Sarah <3

Its Just not that easy. I can't fight.

today I ate so much already. i feel so fat && stupid. I have no self control anymore.

Heh, im a 16 year old guy , and personally i think you fine. your not fat at all.  i feel bad for you and your personal issues, im sorry i cant help you much there... except to encourage you to stay strong. However, dont let anyone call you fat or ugly, because your not. i too suffered from body image problems and it made me lose too much weight to the point where i was close to the danger zone. Dont let the public image of perfection blind you, since half of those girls are underweight and close to death, i know the feeling of losing control. Its not fun to feel bloated and feel teribble about eating, trust me ive been there. remeber you have to beat the little discouraging voice in your head and try to keep your spirits up.

cusonat, You're pics look totally cool!  You are very cute and thin - don't worry about that!  As for the rest of the crap in your life, do you have an adult you really like and trust in your life, like a teacher, counselor or a freinds' parent?  You might be able to confide in them when things are really bad and they may be able to help you with your stepdad.

There is so many beautiful things in the world, including you!  Keep your spirits up, find the good!  You will succeed in this world - make it happen with positive thinking - no more bad thoughts about yourself.  One rule of thumb, for every bad thought that crosses your mind about anything, think of three good things about you and the world around you.

Hi cusonat

I agree with everyone else, you are not fat or ugly, but no matter what you look like (or think you look like) you should not be feeling the way you do.  I would highly, highly recommend talking to a counsellor or doctor (if you are not already) about all of this because it sounds very much like you are depressed.  And there are things to help you with this!  I was having similar thoughts as you last year but I got medical help and now I am able to concentrate on school and actually feel happy.  You DO NOT have to feel the way you do!  Please, help yourself by telling a doctor about this.  You are not worthless and you are not hopeless.  It can get better, trust me.

     i did it. i talked to the police. i am so scared so lost. i just want to die!

why would you want that? You did the right thing by talking to them. Hopefully they will hear you and then it will all be better. 

Because just dieing && forgetting it would be so much easier at this point in time.

Honey I hear you... thats how I felt for a long long time....  only it was my dad that molested me....   I never told anyone ....    I always believed that if you molest your daughter than it would be kinder to kill her.. studies show that it is one of the most excruciatingly painful of all human experiences.

Believe me when I tell you that it gets better...   but it takes a lot of time and effort...  you need to get some professional help...   I am praying for you honey..

cusonat, please go here: http://www.rainn.org/ And please call the hotline number to talk to someone:  1.800.656.HOPE

The people at RAINN have experience and will help you sort things out. Another option is for you to call Child Protective Services in your area, even though you've already talked to the police (and good for you for doing so; that was absolutely the right thing to do), but I strongly suggest you call RAINN first. They can give you guidance.

i tried calling RAINN. I can't talk. I go blank && hangup.

I just can't do anything right. I hate this.

Today the police went to talk to my Stepdad && Mom.

They denied he did anything. They couldn't arrest him. I am scared.

REALLY Scared

cusonat, so instead of you talking a lot, try saying this: "Please talk to me; I'm scared." Dial the number again. That is six words. Six words. You can say those six words. Please try again.

Or just stay on the line...   I couldnt say a word for decades..  but you need someone to help you.. you deserve help..  athena is right...  just tell them to not leave you alone....

I cant I just can't.

 I am too chicken. Obviously.

no, say you don't dare, you don't want to, but not you can't.
Because you CAN. And you SHOULD

I Tried. && Hung Up. I Just Can't Do it. Period.

I don't know what to say. && in reality they can't help.

So there is no point.

I'll still be scared&& alone.

You are not alone. What about the girl in the picture with you? You look like you share a connection with her. You're not alone. You're talking to us, so I know you can do it. There are so many beautiful things in this world. There is One I know Who made those beautiful things and can make your life beautiful as well. He can take away the pain and make you whole again. Seek Him out. He wont let you down if You need His help. If you need help finding Him, I can help you find a place to start.

The Girl in the picture is my Dads girlfriends daughter. I can't talk to her. I try but I just feel I bring her down. idk.

As far as the beautiful things. I want to find them. Dwell on them but it doesn't come easy for me at all.

Is God This one you are talking about? If So, I have tried. I have asked for salvation. Admitted my sins. Asked for his help && pray to him alot. Yet I still don't feel like he is listening.

I am just scared of everything. The meaning of life has slipped through my fingers. School is going down-hill. My home && mental state is very screwed up. i just sometimes want to runaway.