Is it depression?

Sometimes, I am irritable all day long, unable to help myself (and oh, I try, for my kids), then find myself crying in the bathroom sometime in the afternoon or evening, feeling worthless or guilty or angry, usually a mixture of the three.  Or I can be feeling pretty good, and have a sudden downturn.  The next day, I may or may not be feeling happier.  Sometimes, I have actually scratched myself with my fingernails, or hit something to the point of pain, to help myself calm down.  Is this depression, or just mood swings, or just me being self-centered and wanting everything my way and being a "drama queen"?

This certainly sounds like depression to me. For your sake and that of your kids, please get some help! Professional guidance and assistance has made depression a mild issue that I manage, like any chronic illness. It doesnt get in the way of my living life to its fullest and enjoying every one of its experiences.

honestly? it sounds like a really bad case of bipolar disorder. i've got it. since you have kids [no, ESPECiALLY since you have kids] GO SEE A DR! you don't want it to get out of control. my bipolar got so out of control i've been hospitalized 4times for attempted suicide because the mood swings got so bad. & it gave me an ED on top of it.

if you ever need to talk, feel free to msg me.

Can you  get bipolar disorder at 32?  Honestly, sometimes I feel crazy, like my feelings don't make sense, sometimes like I am watching myself go through it.  Its like the mood swings with pregnancy, but more severe.

I have had depressive bouts since jr high, even was on something like Zoloft for a few months eight years or so ago, and what made the difference there was quitting my job and starting to exercise more.

I've been exercising regularly for 2 weeks now, though, eating better, losing weight, and I had a really bad episode last night, where I locked myself in the bathroom to cry where no one could see me and scratched my legs with my fingernails just to feel - I don't know - control?  Real?  Not enough to bleed, but it left marks, and it is scary that I feel this way.  Sometimes there is something that happens that seems to set it off, but maybe I get set off because I am already feeling a little that way.

Yes, I am going to go see the doctor.  I just have to get my husband to watch the kids, because this is one doctor's appointment I don't want them going to!  And to do that, I have to explain to him why, and he kinda dismisses these feelings when I have had them before.  He's seen the scratches, and got this horribly concerned and sad expression on his face, but made me feel like he thought I was just throwing a tantrum or somethign.  I don't know, maybe I'm reading stuff into his expression that isn't there, but he makes me feel like he thinks I should just stop feeling this way. 

I don't see myself attempting suicide.  I've thought about it for the first time in my life these past few months, like you think about how to shoplift something when you never really would.

I feel for you, hun. But let's step back and look at this objectively: If you have to ask strangers on a web forum about this, you should be seeing a doctor ASAP. It doesn't matter what your kids think, it doesn't matter what your husband thinks, this is about you and your well-being. Take a deep breath, envision peacefulness and zen, matter of factly explain to your husband that you need him to look after the kids for XYZ hours, and head to that doctor.

Stay well. xo.

You definitely have something...it's not normal at all to scratch yourself. I don't know what you have - whether it's depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, psychosis, etc. - but you have something. Hopefully a psychiatrist will be able to diagnose you correctly and put you on medication. 

Hey there. I don't know about bi-polar, but I've suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It doesn't discriminate, trust me. I'm sixteen now. My first suicide attempt was age 13. Just as long is my history of self-injury and restriction which I won't elaborate on. I've gotten so much better since then. Most people don't know, though I am concidered pretty quiet. There are ways to cope. You have a husband who obviously loves you very much, and he can help. However, don't start getting freaked out about it, (some of the answers on here seem very hasty, though they're trying to help, and that's a point in itself) you could easilly just be having mood swings due to hormonal changes, or it could be only minor depression you'll soon pass. The brain has some pretty strange instincts (being a woman, and, I assume, learning about calorie counting, you've figured that out). If it's something more, you can deal with it. Might feel strange talking to a kid but my offer is open too. There are always people aound, I'm learning this myself. Keep a sunny outlook as much as possible, do some things you enjoy, give yourself time to think and see how you feel.

The symptoms you mentioned (irritability, compulsive crying, the apparent need to self-harm to "bring yourself down) could be depression, or they could be the downside of a bipolar cycle (I'm familiar with both). The problem with mental health problems such as these is that they don't have any unique symptoms that rule out all other possibilities. A large part of determining what's wrong with you will be seeing how you respond to certain kinds of treatment.

Yes, it is more likely that someone's bipolar disorder would emerge in their twenties, but there are always outliers. Also keep in mind that mental disorders run along a spectrum, and that two or more can present themselves simultaneously (for example, a person may have cyclothymia, which is a low-grade sort of bipolar disorder, with a major depressive episode on top of it).

There are also a lot of physiological problems that mimic depression or bipolar disorder. A responsible doctor (preferably a psychiatrist AND physiologist—a psychiatrist who knows about mental problems and a regular doc to do tests) will run a bunch of tests to make sure your horomones and things are at normal levels. Hypothyroidism, for example, looks a lot like depression, and it's very common.

There are different stages of suicidal thoughts. There is rumination (just thinking about it), desire (no longer wanting to live), intent (no longer having the will to live), and action. It sounds like you're entering the first stage. It won't necessarily lead to the second through fourth, but if you're uncomfortable with those pervasive thoughts, see a doctor (again, preferably a psychiatrist. Other than his passing out Zoloft, this is kind of out the realm of your family doctor). Even if it's not severe, it's not normal for you.

When you see your doctor, explain things by comparing your current state to your baseline: "I've always felt/thought of things/handled things like this, but now it is like this, and I know there is something wrong." Psychiatrists diagnose based on specifications in a book called the DSM, and if your case isn't "bad" enough they might not give you a label like "bipolar" (which is good!). But they can still treat you at sub-clinical levels, so don't give up on them. You're doing a great job by reducing your stress and exercising. Medication or cognitive behavioral therapy might help bring the rest of the way out of your dark spell.

GOOD LUCK!

I think in addition to seeking the advice of a doctor you should also look at your life ... are you happy? Are you stressed? Are there things that you could change that would make you more happy? Often we feel like we don't have control over the circumstances of our lives, but really we do. I don't think that would completely address what you are going through, but it might help.

sounds like bipolar

see your dr asap

and yes, depression including manic depression/bipolar can occur no matter what age u r

good luck

Definitely see a doc. I know the feelings you're describing, I have been feeling them recently too and I recently just reached out for help for them as well. So you can do it, and let's try and look for that light at the end of the tunnel!! Best of luck, you're in my thoughts! :)

There were some questions that popped into my head as soon as I read your post. 1st, how old are your children? Post-partum? 2nd, have you had any trouble with your menstrual cycle? Does your mood fluctuate at a specific time of month, or week? Does almost anything and everything "get you going"? Are you on birth control? The questions stem from my own personal experience.. FYI, I am 31 almost 32. I had my first child almost 2 years ago. Before I got pregnant, I went off birth control and started noticing my mood changes. They would be varied and would come at anytime. I thought I had made the connection to hormones. I was on "the pill" for so long that I believed my body didn't know itself. The mood swings continued through pregnancy and of course, related them to me being pregnant. After I had my son, my moods didn't change, in fact worse. I felt similar to you, minus the scratching. I possessed an anger that I was not familiar with. With the support of my husband, I went to the Dr and she told me that I most likely suffered from PMDD. She prescribed me medication.. I soon felt better. The dr told me that I could have had this prior to my pregnancy, but that me being on birth control probably helped control it. Depression could definitely be the issue, but I would definitely seek a doctor's advice to make sure you are correctly diagnosed. Good luck to you!

I did see my dr., and she has prescribed some depression medication.  I am also going to look into seeing a counselor.

My children are 2 and 5, probably the most frustrating ages (of course I would say that, I am feeling frustrated!).  I am on the pill, and my last episode did correspond with my period, which also seemed a little worse than usual.  I've been really light with very little cramping since my last child, but this one was a tad heavier and bit more cramping.  I haven't been keeping a journal, so I don't know about the others, but there was a month or two where it happened several times during the month.  I do feel like my mood is swinging violently.  Today I feel on top of the world.  But my dr. didn't think, at this point, that it is bipolar because I am not impulsive.

wow, i am very surprised people are jumping to bipolar.  that is some serious stuff.  i am not bi polar,  i am prone to depressive episoders and i have an anxiety disorder, i am learning to control, or deal with with out meds,  and recovering from anorexia.  i have had times of banging my head agienst the wall,  cutting my arms,  screaming, crying fits....but wow i am not bipolar,  sometimes the world just gets to be too much.  it might not even be something big to someone else or you might not even be able to identify what went wrong...i apear to have a !perfect life!  see your doc,  get meds if needed but it does not mean you have an unsolvable condition or you will have it forever.  i only had one anxiety attack in the last 12 months...............that i can deal with!

i would really urge you to ask your GP to refer you to a counellor asap, for a few reasons

1- i believe personally it is vital, more than meds, for anyone feeling this low to speak to a professional to get your head around wats going on

2-they can tell u if it is just u feeling the pressure of 2 young kids and not handling it well, or it is to do with ur BP or if it is bipolar or genuine depression

3-above all, YOU will no whats up, no more in limbo feeling guilty..and u can move on up from there

btw it sounds like ur a great mom to ur kids, now do this for U 

Congratulations for seeing a doctor - I know it can be hard to open up about these things sometimes.

I have experienced severe depression and just wanted to say, there is a way through this. I thought I would feel the way I did for the rest of my life, but I was so wrong. I found medications that worked for me, I see my doctor regularly and I was in therapy. I also worked through things in my own time - keeping a journal, talking to friends, trying to do something every day and not just cry/sleep. With this combination I recovered - it took maybe a year for me to feel like I was completely happy and stable, but that's where I am now. You can do this too

I think you did the right thing by seeing a Doctor. BiPolar is a very extreme diagnosis. I'm curious as to what your doctor thought. Was he/she thinking it was mild depression? Depressions is very common. I am not a doctor, but I did study psychology in college, my mother has suffered from severe depression, and my sister and i both were diagnosed with PMDD. Hopefully some counseling will help; maybe it is something that is minor OR maybe not. Whatever you do, I would highly suggest you keep a journal of your moods, outbursts, and your thoughts. That alone, might help, making you aware of of yourself. Being a woman, having hormones and emotions, and a hectic life are difficult to deal with sometimes. Things will get better!!