Depression during recovery.

So, alongside my ED, I've suffered from depression for a good many years now thanks to constant bullying in and out of the home from about the age of 11. While I admit things don't get as bad as they used to (no longer on medication, no longer SI-ing, no longer being admitted to hospitals...) I have anxiety issues as well that tend to make themselves more prominent when I am depressed, too - hyperventilating, uncontrollable crying/screaming at the smallest detail, you... get the idea. I would go to my parents or sister for comfort in these matters if it weren't for the fact they are in large part three of the -causes- of my depression and anxiety. I still get very, very low days. Today is an example of one of them, but that's not my point. The trouble is that when I do become depressed - WHAM. I lose my appetite and my drive to do anything. I ultimately become very lazy and want to hide under my duvet instead of eating or interacting with people.

Now, you can see what can't add up, here. Depression = loss of appetite and lethargy = usually, I end up going to sleep for 3-4 hours or do not move from my bed for 3-4 hours. But that extra sleep = loss of eating hours + loss of appetite from depression = this does NOT help me gain weight.  I always try to make my meals larger or denser on the days I do end up unhappy but I am usually still so much without an appetite that it's still pretty awkward. I definately won't allow myself to binge. I used to have way too much trouble with emotional eating that took me a LONG time to get over. Getting back into that habit will ruin me.

This is a bit more of a rant than anything, I know. I'm kind of pissed because I had this really fun seeming day ahead of me this morning and now it's gone to pot because of my family and how they treat me; constantly being depreciated isn't helpful when you're (a) trying to overcome self-esteem and appearance issues and (b) already pretty persuaded you're a sack of crap. I don't really have any means of relaxing that don't cost money (swimming), won't be closed at this time of day (... swimming), that I haven't done already to try and clear my head (gone for a walk, listening to music, read), or that won't burn lots of calories while I do it (swimming, going for another walk, exercise).

If anything, does anyone have any suggestions for "therapies" to my depression? With the anxiety I have over my ED alone it's been difficult, and now having my family treating me like crud more and more often is... putting a spanner in the works.

Is there anything else you are obsessed with besides your eating disorder?  For example I'am Really obsessed with the army....So I go on to youtube and search everything and anything having to do with the army, Middle east, and Israel, it's nostalgic for me.  So If you have any good memories try searching them on youtube It helps me.

I try drawing.  Ha.  Im really bad and Left Handed but When I take my time I actually draw a decent picture, I tried taking Ideas from Rennaiscance Paintings such as:  The Garden Of earthly delights by Jerome Heronomus Bosch.

when worst come to worst you can always add me on MSN Messenger:  thebledx3@hotmail.com

*And You seem like a resonable Non-sack of crap, Im Serious*

I know how hard it is to suffer depression.  I have been in that bed for hours on end.  I have avoided people to the point where I wouldn't enter a break room at work, if anyone was there.  Meetings were crushing.

I have issues with my mother and to a lesser extent with my sister.  The funny thing is I don't think they have a clue abt this.  Other than a couple of isolated blow ups, we've always been a tight knit family.  We all live in different cities, so there isn't added pressure.  Phone calls are fine.  But it's the dreams at night that make me realize that they are a key part of my anxiety. 

I'm fortunate enough to be taking a couple of meds for this.  They have helped tremendously, but of course there are cycles. 

Hang in there, with the knowledge that you are NOT alone.  Take a short walk or just go outside for fresh air.  Little by little you may take on a little more activity. 

Hey

Yes I know something that's better than any drug and allot of therapies that could help, a book that's changed my life and the lives of millions of other people around the world, it's a book that teaches you how your mind works and how to choose your thoughts, the book's called 'YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE' like learning any new thing it takes time but if you do as the book says you'll learn to think the thoughts you want to think and be able to attract anything you want into your life, remember to be patient and keep practicing what the book says, I've brought the book for many of my friends and it's also changed their lives.

 

Thankyou all for your advice so far. (: I feel better than I did a couple of days ago, thankfully. I used to draw and paint quite a lot but do so less often, now. Walking has always been a therapy for me, but I've tried to cut back because I get obsessive with my exercise sometimes (yes, even walking :x). I've been very weighed down with wanting my freedom from numbers but wanting back my metabolism too - that being the ONLY thing holding me back from just eating freely - not being able to find a balance, and having to cope with the treatment I get from my parents and sister alongside. But, I've realised it's pathetic I'm being controlled by -numbers- and -food-, and I have to push through my rougher moments to overcome that or I won't get anywhere.

The sun's been out the past couple of days. That alone's made me feel better. (: