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Desperate - Has anyone overcome bulimia?

I have been bulimic a good part of my life -

I did go a few years without being bulimic but gained an enormous amount of weight - So I then reverted back to old habits -- The only thing is the bulimia is not working for me anymore and I just keep gaining and gaining --- I hate myself when I resort to this horrible and depressing way of life - but it seems as though my mind is so ingrained with the fact that if I eat something that I shouldn't ------ I need to get rid of it -- so -- I just continue to binge and purge -- I can't get it though my thick head that if you eat a little something that's fattening to let it go and try to do better -

Sometimes it's just a mere thought or something someone says that triggers a binge

I am having a really hard time getting a different mind set -

I imagine anyone that has been bulimic can relate.

I would appreciate any advise - I feel so miserable.

Thanks!

Sharon

You need to seek out professional help.  Deep-seeded eating disorders cannot be overcome on your own.  Seriously, get help.

Hi, My name is Crystal and I'm 16.

This summer I developed anorexic qualities, I would eat only 300 cals then exercise for hours and lose about 2-3 ppounds a day.i don't know how long you've been going through this but even after only a month I keep thinking maybe I should go back to eating nothing and running for hours just to reach satisfaction.I know that it isn't exactly the same situation but I think I am finally am on the right track.

You honestly just have to tell yourself that your health is more important than your weight.I feel as if I am finally on the right track and I have only been eating well for a week.Initally I have gained about 5 pounds but I feel more alive then ever. I eat about 2000 cals a day( since I exercise over an hour) and I have been able to maintain. I have even lost a pound already!

I guess all I want to tell you is don't be afraid to take control, it won't happen in a day but I think to have an eating disorder comes from someone determined, all you need to do is focus ur determination to being healthy.

 

im sorry i blabbed. but if u ever need to vent, ill be glad to listen!

Hi Sharon,

I have been struggling with Bulimia on and off for about 4 years.  I haven't purged in a long time now, and I am on the way to recovery.  The biggest issue for me was figuring out WHY I was bulimic.  I mean, sure I wanted to be skinny, and I had/have body image issues, and I need to be in control ect.  But, what started it for me?  I really had to sit down and think.

I have been seeing a professional about my bulimia, and she really helped me get to the bottom of it.  It is really really important to talk to someone who is trained in dealing with issues like this.  Having someone objectively listen to you, and work with you can do wonders.     For me it was breaking up with an ex-boyfriend.  He has just broken up with me, and I felt "out of control", and I was already insecure about my weight.  My mother was abusive towards me, and being bulimic was a way to punish myself/take control. I also have the support of my Hubby.  I have been married for almost 2 years now, and one of the most difficult issues that I struggled with was how was I going to tell him about my "secret"!?  I felt angry at myself for being bulimic and not controlling myself, and I felt shame as well.  It was hard to open up, but it made a world of difference.

You need to open up so someone about this.  I know that is the LAST thing you want to do.  Believe me, I know.  But, you can't do this by yourself!  It is soooo hard!  But, you know that.

You need to break this cycle.  Open up to someone you really care about, and see a professional.  It takes time to heal, but it can be done!!  :)

Hi, s_mathews.

Below is an answer I wrote a couple of months back. I hope it helps you.  It's post # 44

http://www.calorie-count.com/forums/post/page /2/30573.html

In a nutshell, the answer is - get some help, please.  It's truly, truly difficult to do this on your own.  I know.  I am probably the most "don't tell ME I need help!" person I ever met, but I was wrong.

The other thing is - there is an Out!  You can get over it!  It's all in my post, but it took me a couple of years to get completely over the obsessive food thoughts.  That was the hardest.  The behavior itself got better and better over time as the thoughts went away, and as I learned behavior modifications to deal with the feelings that caused them.   I know that sounds like a long time, but it took much longer for the behavior to form, so if you don't start, the time will never come.  And I'm no poster child, and started recovery with a bad attitude, so it may take you a lot less - I hope it does.

I never thought I'd get rid of the thoughts, but it's been over 18 years and truly, truly (I'm not just saying this) they did go away for me for good.  I still remember thinking "I'll never be normal!  Will I have to fight with food for the rest of my life???"  I'm happy to say that the answer is no.  

While I was never bulimic, I was anorexic and then that morphed into binge eating. 

I battled with it for two years without telling a soul... I was at my wits end with my life and the course I was taking, so I finally told a friend. And that turned into a few friends and then a month later turned into me getting professional help. I saw my counselor for two years... and her help and encouragement were a godsend.

I have been recoved for about two years now, and I, and the others who posted, are proof you can overcome this! I never thought I would be normal again either... and now I can look back and see that I was wrong.

It seems like you really want change, and that is the first step in taking back your life. Bravo for that!!! You can do it, it will be baby steps, but soon you'll look back and feel great about what you accomplished.

Oh! Also check out Shrink Yourself. I heard it's a great book on overcoming eating issues.

Thanks so much for the support and advise!

I thought it might help if I give you a little history of my struggle.

This is really going to be a hard one for me - This is embarrassing to say - but I have been bulimic off and on for 40 years ---- definitely more on than off --- I started when I was 16 years old - I had a weight problem and got tired of being made fun of - everyone else in my family was thin - and all my friends were thin - I was the only fatty -- So I started purging - Back then I had never even heard of such a thing as bulimia - sometimes I feel like I invented it. The few times here and there that I have tried to quit I gained quite a bit of weight - -

At 16 - I first started with purging - when I saw this worked and that I could eat all the fattening food I loved and just eliminate it and not gain weight - I got hooked - Well I didn't stop there - since I love food I started binging and purging - People always commented on how much I could eat and not gain a pound - And keep in mind I am 4'10" (I use to be 4'11" but I have shrunk an inch or so) - so I am short and a very small frame. For years and years my normal weight was around 92 and since I am short I was not skinny at all - just normal - In fact by the charts 92 pounds was the normal weight for my height - But the only way to maintain this was to continue this horrible vice.

As the years went by I started feeling convicted and really wanted to be free of this - When I tried to quit the bulimia I really started putting on weight - Not too long ago a client from out of town came into the office and made a comment about me to one of my co-workers (they didn't know that I was in earshot) my co-worker said "yea she has really packed it on - she has become quite hefty." I was so embarrassed!! I hate seeing people that I haven't seen for awhile - you can always tell by the shocked look on their face - they just scan you up and down - amazed at all the weight you have gained. The last time they saw me I weighed in the 90's and now I weigh 149. So since they have seen me I have gained between 50 or 60 pounds -- The thing is on someone as short as me you can almost take that 50 pounds and double it to 100 and thats what my appearance looks like it has gained.  I have gained all this in the last 5 years - - so it's quite a shock to people that you don't see very often - you just dread running into anyone that you know.

I had been tried every diet on the market - I have fasted - My co-workers have witnessed my diet efforts with no success - - I don't even want to imagine what is said behind my back - but it is quite embarrassing -- The sickness of this all is at work I will turn down a small piece of cake and then stop on the way home at the bakery, buy a cake, and eat half of it that evening - I am so much an emotional eater -- For me it just takes a thought and I am off - The crazy thing is if there in nothing in the house to eat - I will eat a box of stale crackers if I have to ---

I know this is not going to be an easy problem to get over - All my years of fighting this prove that. I wish I could find a diet that would work for me - I know the problem is far deeper than a diet - - I have bought every diet book on the market - - I have tried just about every diet there is - I will lose some weight and then gain it back double -

I am really hoping that I will be able to be cured of this problem. I am going to check out the books that were suggested.  It really helps to be able to share this with others that have had the same problem.

Thanks for the support!!!!

Sharon

Sharon,

I am a recovered bulimic. I struggled all through my teens and early 20s because I never felt as beautiful as my friends. I never felt like I was good enough, and when I tried to stop purging I gained weight and felt like a failure. I went to therapy, got on anti-depressant/anxiety medication, and have not relapsed in over a year. I learned the source of my problem was not my weight at all, but what I felt I would have if I controlled it. In my mind, being thinner was a means of being loved by other people, which is not true. All my feeling of worthlessness and the need for love and acceptance stemmed from my traumatic childhood. Once I admitted that what happened to me was not my fault, everything started to make sense. I realized that I control my own life, not my past, not my bulimia, and that I spent too much time hurting myself and being miserable. I am now the happiest I've ever been. I'm losing weight safely, and focusing on making my body stronger. I feel I owe myself a healthy body to make up for all the pain I caused it.

I hope you and the others who know they need to stop purging get help. If any of you even need to talk I am here, and trust me, I understand.

I have been bulimic for 25 years.  I have only been in true recovery for a short while.  I was anorexic at 12/13 and I am37 now.  Of course I was embarassed that I have had this "teen" issues most of my life, but hey it's much more than that.. It takes what it takes.   I am tired of being miserable and tired and I knew that I have unresolved issues , with the help of therapy and support  that I have to really have to face.   YOu are not alone. Paxil was very effective. Prozac is okay and I use it because I have thoughts of wanting to be a mother.  Don't think I had issues just with that!!!!

 

anyhow, I am so glad this forum is here and I dont' feel ashamed anymore. It's not just me. I am in support groups where I know women who have been in recovery for over 10 years. That means alot to me.

I have struggled with anorexia and bulimia since I was 14.  I am 32 now, so I guess that translates to 18 years.   When I was a teenager I was anorexic and then when I did eat something tiny, like an apple, I would immeidately purge.    I was caught with diet pills in high school and sent to a shrink who didn't do me any good.   Through college and most of my 20's I purged up to 6 times a day.   I have pretty much gotten control of my problem with much help from my husband.   I do go through periods where I relapse (yesterday was a bad day), but normally I go months without purging now.  

It sounds like there are a lot of us here ready to support you and each other.

I could cry for you.  Hang in the hun.  I am 22 and have been bulimic for most of my life as well.  Go buy a book called Life Without Ed by Jenni Schafier and Thom Rutledge.  You may know Jenni if you listen to country music.  She struggled with an eating disorder and has recovered.  I absolutely love the book and hope that it helps save my life.

    The fact that this disease can be deadly became very real to me this year and I am currently seeing a therapist and a nutritionist.  Neither of them are pressuring me to do more than I can handle and they're still accepting of me when I don't report back to them each week with perfect scores.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't be ashamed either.  My mom was anorexic before I was born.  Back then they didn't really understand the disease but now it is well understood and believe me when I say it is NEVER REALLY ABOUT LOOSING WEIGHT. It's about control and there is almost always a history of trauma in our past. I hope this helps.  If you really want help and think that you can't live without your eating disorder but don't know that you can live without it, check out MercyMinistries.org

Hi there!

I have been bulimic for 10 years. I know exactly how you feel and I wish I could do something to help you.

The thing you should be really happy about is that you know something is wrong and - reading between the lines- you want to stop it.

 I did a lot of work myself, but I was seeing a psychologist specialized on EDs and she really did help.

Please go get some help...EDs are psychological conditions and you need help to find out when and why.  I agree with felicity, bulimia has to do a lot with control.

While seeing the specialist, I found out that I developed bulimia because of an incident that happened when I was 10 years old. 

Overcoming bulimia is not impossible, but it is difficult.  Except from a psychologist you could also see a nutritionist to help you understand why you have to eat,how to do it in a healthy and controlled way and most important not to be affraid of food. 

Last but not least...try hard (I know it is really difficult) to forget about your weight right now.  Focus on finding out why you are bulimic and how to become happy again.  Cause even if you were extremely thin, you still wouldn't be happy or feel better.

I wish you all the best

Thank you everyone for the encouragement.

I wish I could say that I am doing better - some days I do - but most days - not.

I am going to get online and order the book you suggested, Life Without ED.

I did order one of the other book that was recommended - I haven't finished it yet - but so far it has not helped me to overcome this.

 

I really don't feel like I am unloved by my family - I mostly just feel hate disgust with myself for being the way I am.

What started out as a teenage way to lose weight has developed into a way of life - that I absolutely hate!!

I am really praying that I can overcome this - it has certainly overcome me - and I just feel miserable -

I pretty much do okay all day long while I'm at work - but when I get home in the evening - I just lose control - I guess because I don't have accusing eyes watching me - But even if I did I would find away to eat.

Well, I think I will get online and look for that book.

Thanks so much everyone for the support and advise - It is so nice to have someone to talk this over with that won't be judging or condemning me.

Sharon

OVERCOME!

Okay, so I am bulimia free since August 1st of this year.  I was to the point where I would binge and purge everyday for years.  I have gone cold turkey and am proud that I have now learned that only hardwork is going to get me to my goal.  I fell unbelievable now and am very healthy.  It took up until a few weeks ago for me to actually lose any weight.  In fact, that is the hardest part of "going clean".... not losing.  But, I am not doing it the right way and would love to hear when you have gone 1 month being clean! 

 

I haven't purged once since Jan 7th this year, after 20+ yrs of being an OVERWEIGHT bulimic (245lbs at my heaviest!). I worked out I was averaging 500-600cals a day (and purging most of that) so have spent most of my life in starvation mode. My bulimia maintained my weight. I stupidly thought it was preventing me gaining. I too went cold turkey & hid the scales for 4wks and ate clean, fresh food. I lost 7lbs that first 4wks. I couldnt' believe that I could EAT and lose weight. It was a revelation.

Now of course I'm stuck trying to fix my screwed up metabolism. I ate maintenence for 4-5mths, then restricted right back. I lost 2lbs, then nothing for 6-7wks. So now I'm eating my BMR cals (1535) for 3mths on my dietitian/nutritionists advice. I eat fresh, unprocessed foods, and drink plenty of water each day, and they couldn't tell me to change what I was eating as I was already eating what I 'should' be to lose the weight- except I'm not. So hopefully eating this steady amount of cals for that period of time will get my body back on track? Only time will tell I guess?

Hi All,

Sorry that I have not written for over a year.

My life has been pretty stressful in the last year. My mother had a partial colostomy in the spring of 2007 - last November (2007) she underwent surgery to have the colostomy reversal - during the surgery the surgeon cut her internally which was not discovered until the next day - so she then had to undergo another major surgery to repair the damages - she nearly died - At this time my mother was 80 years old and the trauma of the two back to back surgeries sent her into shingles - along with the beginning of dementia - She was in the hospital for awhile and then a nursing home - she is now back at home - I am living with her but I have my own 9 hour a day job - so i have a care giver stay with my mother while I am at work - I have to tell you sometimes my stress level is so high that I am just totally beside myself - The stress along with the additional 15 pounds I have gained on an already  overweight body - well - sometimes I think I am going to have a heart attack - Please do not get me wrong - I am extremely grateful that my mother is well enough to be home - it is an absolute answer to prayer!! The problem is the way that I cope with stress -

Tragically - I am an emotional eater - Binge eating is what I do for comfort - but that comfort is only momentary - Because then comes the binging, the guilt, the miserably overweight body and the poor health that gets out of breath walking up the basement stairs - So what I do for a little comfort has major penalties -

The last time I wrote something on this post I weighed 149 - I now weigh 164 - How depressing I have gained 15 pounds in a years time - And of course I have not overcome the bulimia - which as you can see doesn't work because I just keep gaining and gaining -

I have been doing a lot of praying about it and I am hoping for a miracle! God is having mercy on me and I am trying to take it a moment at a time

Sorry it's been so long since I have written

Thanks for the support!

Sharon

 

Hi Sharon. :] I'm sorry to hear you're still fighting, but then - you're still fighting! You've not given up on yourself and that's what matters. I'm so sorry about your mother, that's horrible that she had to go through that and I hope she is as well as she can be. Taking on the care of a loved one is incredibly challenging and I admire you for doing that.

But remember, too, your health matters. When you have those stressful moments, is it plausible for you to sit in the garden for a while - even with your mother as company, if needs be? Do you like to draw, paint, sew? Something creative and calming? If all else fails treat yourself to non-food related treats and presents: a home pedicure, or a scented bath, or a face pack. That sort of thing!

Look to sorting out your emotional triggers before doing anything like cutting calories to lose. You can make healthy exchanges, certainly, and a good rule of thumb is half your plate to contain fruit or veg, a quarter of it with complex carbohydrate like brown rice, wholegrains, potatoes, and a quarter containing protein.

At work, do you have breaks? If so, you could try going for walks on them and stretching your legs. Getting that extra easy activity in, too, may help you shift a little weight without even trying.

Anticipate your emotions. I used to emotionally eat, too, and I found that realising what was setting me off helped me prepare for an oncoming binge. Then, instead of going for food, I'd write down how I felt on some paper or I'd draw, I'd paint, maybe I'd dance around in my room for a bit - anything to keep me busy. A short walk, a bubble bath, calling a friend or a relative. If you can get your hands moving, your body moving, and stay clear of foods, you may find that urge to binge passes entirely. Furthermore, coming back to writing things down: writing your emotions out helps you understand them when you read them back.

If you can, keep trigger foods you know you turn to in particular in moments of emotion, stress, sadness, out of your house if you have to go to that extreme (unless you have them there for your mother, too). Usual suspects are things like biscuits, cakes, sugary cereals, ice cream, and peanut butter. But really, anything you know in particular you grab at at those times, try and keep them out until you feel you're at a stage you can reintroduce them without fear of overindulgence.

That said, make sure you don't deprive yourself of any foods. A good balance of moderation in your diet should mean that you shouldn't feel as though you're "missing out" on anything - which should then stave off irrational binges on foods you've otherwise told yourself you can't have. Never say never to a food unless you've an allergy or intolerance.

You're doing right in taking it a step at a time. Again - make sure you're thinking about you. As well as taking up hobbies or relaxation aids, do you have a local community group you could become a part of if you've the free time? Or possibly even a local Overeaters Anonymous, or a similar specific support group if you'd feel willing to go to one of those? Anything that might help you. If you've access to a doctor, too, you can always rely on asking them for help and advice. CC is a brilliant tool, but that is what it is - a tool, not a replacement for a doctor or friends and family you can reach out to directly. Not to say it's still not amazingly helpful. :D

Either way, good luck, and keep fighting!

I have to have help, too.  My husband and son know, but it doesn't help me that they know.  I don't believe people can help me.  I don't believe in doctors.  I don't believe I can get out of this.  It's been 26 years that I've been bulimic.  I've never been overweight.  I only wanted to be as healthy as I can.  So I eat stuff that isn't healthy, then binge on it, and then throw it up.  My teeth are messed up big time.  I just don't want to go to hell for being a glutton.  Jesus is about to come and I've not done anything to show for my life but binge and purge, binge and purge.  I had so much potential, but I've wasted it.  I'm a failure and I hate myself.

Purging, even just once, can kill you. It can result in an electrolyte imbalance that will throw off your heart and cause cardiac arrest. You also put yourself at risk of tooth decay due to stomach acid eroding enamel, dehydration, amenorrhea - or loss of period, arrhythmias and scarring of your hands. It can also lead to the tearing of the esophagus, and the stomach.

Please, if anyone reading this has a problem with purging, you need to get yourself to a doctor as soon as you possibly can or else to talk to someone in person like a family member or otherwise. But CC cannot help you on this matter if you actively continue to purge. Only a doctor can.

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