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really desperatly need help, dont know weather to terminate pregnancy

Ok, so I know there are other websites out there more targeted to this sort of thing, but I am so amazed by all the support I have had over the years from the members of cc and i have come to realise everything is intertwined anyway.  I wish it were a little more anonymous, but right now screw it Im really upset and could do with some opinions and help.

I am unexpetantly pregnant with our second child.  our daughter who is now 3, was  a complete shock to the system, i was 22 and had been dating my boyfriend (who was from the other side of the world from me) for 3 months before I fell pregnant.  I was on the pill but probably had taken it incorrectly - missed a day or two- without really being overly concerned about the consequences until I had to face them.  It was a huge decision, weather to keep the baby or abort.  I didnt know if my boyfriend would stick around either way.  I eventually decided I would rather be a single mother than have an abortion.  the pregnancy was horrible, my boyfriend and i fought every day due to him freaking out about having a baby, i cried several times a day and was never sure if and when he might leave me.

amazingly we have stuck together and actually got married this feb.  3 months later I am pregnant again.  Once again, its my fault, I took the risk, thinking I would leave it in fates hands and we could deal with it if it happend.  i thought my husband felt the same way.  Mis communication, turns out he is in no way ready and its actually the LAST thing he wants.  So once again, I am in this situation.  I cant deal with another unhappy, guilt filled and uncertain pregnancy like I did with our daughter.  I admit, we are in no financial state to have another child and the future is nothing but uncertain. we had just started to get on our feet after our first child and now this is going to take us back to square one.

(not to mention today i tried to go for my usual run and had to end up walking home.  then this morning i stepped on the scales and have put ON two pounds, despite a careful diet for the last 4weeks.!F!!)

At the same time, I just dont know if at 26, married, already a mother I can justify termination.

Im really sorry about this huge sensitive post, but I seriously have nobody to talk to about this and would really appreciate some advice

terminating a pregnancy is an intensely personal thing-- and already having one child puts you in the position of knowing what you are getting yourself into, rather it being a forcing you to have a child position type thing.

please pm me.

Hi, I apologize if this post wasn't meant for me, but I read it and I would like to respond. I guess all I really want to say is that you can do anything you put your mind to. Although you may not be where you wanted to be before having a second child, in my mind a child is a blessing, and you are fortunate enough to have this oppurtunity of influencing a life, being a Mom (again ). My Mom had me when she was 21, my sister at 23 (or 24 im not exactly sure) and my brother when she was 29 or 30. She raised all of us on her own, without any help at all from our fathers. 

She admits it was hard, but she worked hard and (not to toot my own horn) we are all pretty awesome people. 

I think this baby was put in your life for a reason, and terminating the pregnancy for what feels to me like a kind of silly reason (upsetting your husband) seems really extreme. 

I wish you the best of luck. Have a great day :)

don't let anyone tell you what to do.  you know what you can and can't handle, and you know yourself and your family.

under the circumstances, i doubt you'd be asking the question at all if you didn't have good reasons to believe that termination is the best option.  don't do it just to please the husband.  but if you know that it's what you need to do, don't have a baby out of a sense of guilt or decorum.  "because i think i should" isn't a good enough reason to bring another baby into the world.

think about what's best for you and for the kid you already have; you'll know what you need to do.

I, of course, feel just the opposite as PG.  I doubt that you would be asking this question if the thought of aborting your baby wasn't a seriously troubling issue for you.  Given that you already have a child, and have a history of depression perhaps, and also must contend with a less than supporting husband; either choice must be very daunting for you.  There is another choice.  One that isn't so, shall we say, permanent.  I do know personally six children that were adopted through LDS Family Services.  They came home with their adoptive parents directly from the hospital.  Their birth mothers personally chose them as parents through profiles made through the service.  Though difficult for the birth mothers, I have also heard that there can be great satisfaction.  There is also that safety net of a "I changed my mind" time period.  There will be no changing your mind if you should choose to terminate.  There are MANY instances of serious depression issues following an abortion- which it seems that you will probably have to deal with no matter what your decision is. Your child IS wanted.  Your child isn't just another baby. 

Two of my pregnancies were difficult emotionally and physically.  It is hard to gather the strength the buckle up and get on with it.  We women are strong, though. The greatest moments of happiness that I have ever felt were felt during acts of sacrifice on my part.  We were born to serve others, that is where we will find the sweetest fulfillment.  Good luck to you!

although i will probably never come close to understanding the situation in which you are in, i can offer this. think about eighteen and a half years from now, when you're watching this child walk at their graduation. do you think you're going to say to yourself "gosh, i wish i would've terminated that pregnancy when i had the chance."?

 no matter how good or bad a situation is, it will change, and although things are seeming a little hopeless now, they will not be forever. children are truly the greatest gift in the world.

ps. if this hasnt swayed you, PLEASE seriously consider adoption. this child deserves a chance.

Original Post by fightinginsanity:

I, of course, feel just the opposite as PG. 

you disagree that she should do what she believes is best for herself and her family?  huh.

i'll never understand why people feel entitled to tell others what they should do in these situations.

adoption?!!!

what?!  There is no way in hell im going to go through 9months of pregnancy and then give my baby away.  Im not a teenager, Im a married woman, a mother,  a responsible, nurturing woman who is capeable of raising a child.  Im not trailor trash, and im not a kid.

i am suggesting using termination as a kind of birth control for a modern woman.  I know that sounds AWFUL, but is it realy that different than the morning after pill of which I have taken?  I certainly woulnt advocate abortion as a form of birth control, and believe you me we wil be taking much stricter measures to make sure it doesnt come to this ever ever again.  but it has, and now im not sure what to do.

Im not sure how to make you understand my sitation and the rediculousness of adopting out.

by the way, "we women are born to serve" WTF?!

tani, you might have had more unbiased responses if you'd posted in the lounge rather than in pregnancy & parenting.  i think the general opinion in this forum is that pregnancies are always a good thing.

it's your body; it's your choice.  don't let anyone guilt you into anything.

Original Post by tani24:

by the way, "we women are born to serve" WTF?!

LDS family services.  LDS = latter day saints.  i doubt that fightinginsanity had much choice in her pregnancies.

We humans were born to serve.  Women are human- so... yes, women are born to serve. 

I think that it is very harsh to assume that every woman who has given up a child is either trailer trash or a kid.  I think that birth mothers who selflessly sacrifice their physical and emotional selves to bring a child into somebody else's lives are generally very mature, strong women.  I was merely pointing out there is a viable alternative to killing a baby when somebody has admittedly been careless enough to allow his/her undesired conception. 

"i'll never understand why people feel entitled to tell others what they should do in these situations."  Isn't that generally what one expects when posting for advice on a public forum?  No one was telling her what do, just giving her their point of view, which was asked for.  Everybody's opinion is just as valid as yours, PG. 

Original Post by fightinginsanity:

"i'll never understand why people feel entitled to tell others what they should do in these situations."  Isn't that generally what one expects when posting for advice on a public forum?  No one was telling her what do, just giving her their point of view, which was asked for.  Everybody's opinion is just as valid as yours, PG. 

asking for advice is not the same as asking to be told what to do.  and--yes--you did do that.

edited to add: i haven't shared my opinion.  you wouldn't like it if i did.

"LDS family services.  LDS = latter day saints.  i doubt that fightinginsanity had much choice in her pregnancies."

PG-

Now you are just being silly and uninformed.  However, since you chose to make such an assumption about me, here is one about you. 

You have not and cannot have children.  You have felt the desire to have one.  Ever hear of the saying "misery loves company"?  You are a huge proponent of abortion and limiting the number of children born in this world.  You haunt the parenting forum making derogatory statements about women desiring babies. 

Children are a blessed and wonderful addition to the lives of parents who want them.  The OP probably already knows this, having experienced it first hand.  The mommies that have answered on this thread trying to encourage her to keep her baby are doing so out of love, for BOTH the mother and her baby.  We are as entitled to our opinion as those with the oposing view point. 

Original Post by fightinginsanity:

Children are a blessed and wonderful addition to the lives of parents who want them.  The OP probably already knows this, having experienced it first hand.  The mommies that have answered on this thread trying to encourage her to keep her baby are doing so out of love, for BOTH the mother and her baby.  We are as entitled to our opinion as those with the oposing view point. 

EXACTLY.  she knows.  she knows her life; she knows her body; she knows her family.  and she knows what she needs to do.

I don't know what she needs to do, but she does.

(i'm going to ignore all your assumptions about me, because they're so wrong they don't need to be acknowledged.  although i guess i'm flattered that you've been following my life closely enough to have developed a theory about me (especially since i haven't a clue who you are), you're way off base.  i don't "haunt the parenting forum," but when i catch a post from a woman who's ambivalent, i know what she's going to come up against, and--yes--i like to let her know that she does, in fact, get to choose.)

woa woa woa Im sorry guys, I didnt mean this to become a pro life vrs pro choice debate.  I just figured, there may have been someone out there in a similar situation.  i find it hard to believe that every pregnancy, (even married and parents already) is desired and would have liked to hear from anyone else experiencing or having had experienced the same doubts and what they did and how they feel about it.

I have never been to the lounge,  but perhaps that would have been more appropriate.

PG, I thank you for your posts and support for what seems to be the evil of the day.

for everyone else who is trying to convince me to keep the baby, i completely understand and I would probably do the same.

but its different when its you thats going through it and you have little support from husband.  who, by the way, doesnt think abortion is the right thing to do, but he would be relieved if i chose it.

please, everyone has a right to their opinions, every woman should have a right to chose, and she isnt evil if she does not make the same choice you would.

enough with the cruel digs.  fightinginsanity, that was horrible what you wrote about pg.

"asking for advice is not the same as asking to be told what to do.  and--yes--you did do that.

edited to add: i haven't shared my opinion.  you wouldn't like it if i did."

Nobody here has presumed to tell her what to do.  Your opinion is obvious, I'm not sure how you can say that you haven't shared it.  Then again, you are not famous for giving others the respect that you try to demand for yourself. 

But alas, I must wait until tomorrow to check in again.  I have chubby toddler arms waiting to wrap themselves around my neck and slobbery kisses to expect from the child that I was very surprised to find myself pregnant with last year- after being a bit too careless with the birth control!

"fightinginsanity, that was horrible what you wrote about pg."  Yes, it was.  Sorry, I have taken and seen others take an awful lot of digs from her; she tends not to bring out the best in me. 

Original Post by tani24:

enough with the cruel digs.  fightinginsanity, that was horrible what you wrote about pg.

don't you worry about me, sweetie

i made my choices, too, and i have NO regrets.

Original Post by fightinginsanity:

"fightinginsanity, that was horrible what you wrote about pg."  Yes, it was.  Sorry, I have taken and seen others take an awful lot of digs from her; she tends not to bring out the best in me. 

so your bad behaviour is my fault.  thanks for clarifying that.

just out of curiosity, is this a new "secret" identity for you?  because according to your profile, you've only been a member for three weeks and you've only posted seven times, in four threads.  one of those threads i've never been in; another was posted by my good buddy CD, and i was supporting her right to choose (whether or not to have a baby shower rather than a baby.  i guess that's a moral issue, too?).

who are you really?

Original Post by fightinginsanity:

I, of course, feel just the opposite as PG.  I doubt that you would be asking this question if the thought of aborting your baby wasn't a seriously troubling issue for you.  Given that you already have a child, and have a history of depression perhaps, and also must contend with a less than supporting husband; either choice must be very daunting for you.  There is another choice.  One that isn't so, shall we say, permanent.  I do know personally six children that were adopted through LDS Family Services.  They came home with their adoptive parents directly from the hospital.  Their birth mothers personally chose them as parents through profiles made through the service.  Though difficult for the birth mothers, I have also heard that there can be great satisfaction.  There is also that safety net of a "I changed my mind" time period.  There will be no changing your mind if you should choose to terminate.  There are MANY instances of serious depression issues following an abortion- which it seems that you will probably have to deal with no matter what your decision is. Your child IS wanted.  Your child isn't just another baby.

That's a great post!  I lost one of my bffs after her abortion.  (She believed it was nothing more than just "a clump of cells" and months later she saw a picture of a baby en utero at the same number of weeks and it looked just like a baby.)  My friend (Tricia) committed suicide.  The world lost 2 people within weeks of each other. 

Please, look at your daughter and ask yourself how your life would be without her in it...that little one growing inside of you is just as precious and wanted (and to me, you are truly BLESSED to be healthy enough to mother your own children).  It's a miracle, really and creating life is THE most beautiful thing any human can accomplish.

God bless you and your children.

I am with PG, this is completely your choice.

I will say this, I know many women who have had abortions.  I know two women who chose abortion after they already had children.  Both of them feel it was the right thing for them to do. 

Also if you are under 63 days from your last period, planned parenthood has mifepristone which is the abortion pill which blocks progesterone and causes a medical miscarriage.

Planned Parenthood has a lot of good unbiased information on their website.

Original Post by kookykatlady:

That's a great post!  I lost one of my bffs after her abortion.  (She believed it was nothing more than just "a clump of cells" and months later she saw a picture of a baby en utero at the same number of weeks and it looked just like a baby.)  My friend (Tricia) committed suicide.  The world lost 2 people within weeks of each other. 

Please, look at your daughter and ask yourself how your life would be without her in it...that little one growing inside of you is just as precious and wanted (and to me, you are truly BLESSED to be healthy enough to mother your own children).  It's a miracle, really and creating life is THE most beautiful thing any human can accomplish.

God bless you and your children.

Ugh. You already know the OP is considering abortion as one of her options, so doling out stories/advice like this is totally inconsiderate and cruel.

I would like to think in this day and age women have the right to choose what happens to their bodies and to their futures.