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really desperatly need help, dont know weather to terminate pregnancy

Ok, so I know there are other websites out there more targeted to this sort of thing, but I am so amazed by all the support I have had over the years from the members of cc and i have come to realise everything is intertwined anyway.  I wish it were a little more anonymous, but right now screw it Im really upset and could do with some opinions and help.

I am unexpetantly pregnant with our second child.  our daughter who is now 3, was  a complete shock to the system, i was 22 and had been dating my boyfriend (who was from the other side of the world from me) for 3 months before I fell pregnant.  I was on the pill but probably had taken it incorrectly - missed a day or two- without really being overly concerned about the consequences until I had to face them.  It was a huge decision, weather to keep the baby or abort.  I didnt know if my boyfriend would stick around either way.  I eventually decided I would rather be a single mother than have an abortion.  the pregnancy was horrible, my boyfriend and i fought every day due to him freaking out about having a baby, i cried several times a day and was never sure if and when he might leave me.

amazingly we have stuck together and actually got married this feb.  3 months later I am pregnant again.  Once again, its my fault, I took the risk, thinking I would leave it in fates hands and we could deal with it if it happend.  i thought my husband felt the same way.  Mis communication, turns out he is in no way ready and its actually the LAST thing he wants.  So once again, I am in this situation.  I cant deal with another unhappy, guilt filled and uncertain pregnancy like I did with our daughter.  I admit, we are in no financial state to have another child and the future is nothing but uncertain. we had just started to get on our feet after our first child and now this is going to take us back to square one.

(not to mention today i tried to go for my usual run and had to end up walking home.  then this morning i stepped on the scales and have put ON two pounds, despite a careful diet for the last 4weeks.!F!!)

At the same time, I just dont know if at 26, married, already a mother I can justify termination.

Im really sorry about this huge sensitive post, but I seriously have nobody to talk to about this and would really appreciate some advice

Original Post by kbella24:

sree, you said that "maybe she should believe in god."  How else is a person supposed to take that statement?  Whether or not she believes in god is not going to help her make a decision in this case (the decision is already made...and I didn't see god involved in it).  In any case, the idea that believing in god makes a decision either easier or better is silly.

Not really silly....ask any practicing Christian how they make difficult decisions and they will tell you that we ask ourselves, "What would Jesus do?"

WWJD

:)

Original Post by watergirl:

SHOULD carries a lot of baggage - its a four-letter word - to me it conveys a certain sense of...superiority? if i ever catch myself using it, i quickly reassess. what works for me, works for me, but farbeit from me to assume i know what works for someone else. my ego doesnt roll that way.

i find it offensive in most all non-objective black-and-white context.

 SHOULD is a six-letter word.  Just sayin' :)

Original Post by kookykatlady:

Original Post by kbella24:

sree, you said that "maybe she should believe in god."  How else is a person supposed to take that statement?  Whether or not she believes in god is not going to help her make a decision in this case (the decision is already made...and I didn't see god involved in it).  In any case, the idea that believing in god makes a decision either easier or better is silly.

Not really silly....ask any practicing Christian how they make difficult decisions and they will tell you that we ask ourselves, "What would Jesus do?"

WWJD

:)

And that only works for Christians.  Also, I said, that it doesn't make a decision any easier or better.  For a Christian it might be easier to do the WWJD thing, but it doesn't make your decision any better.  Besides, the OP may or may not be Christian, so how does asking WWJD have anything to do with it? 

In any case, my beef was with her saying that the OP "should" believe in god.

would /= should

Original Post by sree321:

tani is obviously looking for information or she wouldn't have put this HUGE issue out there on this forum.  I made my comments take them or leave them.  I don't really care.

i'm not sure that particular tidbit qualifies as "information." 

as far as the word "should" - i don't even like it when i use it on myself, let alone when someone else tells me what i "should" do.  in fact, one thing i know for sure is that if i tell myself "I should do this," it's almost guaranteed that i won't do this.

Original Post by watergirl:

SHOULD carries a lot of baggage - its a four-letter word - to me it conveys a certain sense of...superiority? if i ever catch myself using it, i quickly reassess. what works for me, works for me, but farbeit from me to assume i know what works for someone else. my ego doesnt roll that way.

i find it offensive in most all non-objective black-and-white context.

 That's YOUR opinion.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by sree321:

pgeorgian - maybe she should believe in God - my children are a gift from God - you must not have any children.

because it's not possible to be an atheist and a parent?  you don't get out much, do you?

btw, i never meant to suggest that you're not entitled to express your opinion, only that your reasons may not be relevant to everyone.  and if anyone ever catches me telling someone else what they "should believe," please promptly kick my ass.

 I'm in the real world everyday!!!!!!!!!

Original Post by sree321:

Original Post by watergirl:

SHOULD carries a lot of baggage - its a four-letter word - to me it conveys a certain sense of...superiority? if i ever catch myself using it, i quickly reassess. what works for me, works for me, but farbeit from me to assume i know what works for someone else. my ego doesnt roll that way.

i find it offensive in most all non-objective black-and-white context.

 That's YOUR opinion.

ummm yeah...duh? thanks for pointing that out? what would i do? post YOUR opinion?

oh and heres another one of MY opinions: you completely FAIL at cramming YOUR opinion down MY throat. haha

Original Post by sree321:

Original Post by watergirl:

SHOULD carries a lot of baggage - its a four-letter word - to me it conveys a certain sense of...superiority? if i ever catch myself using it, i quickly reassess. what works for me, works for me, but farbeit from me to assume i know what works for someone else. my ego doesnt roll that way.

i find it offensive in most all non-objective black-and-white context.

 That's YOUR opinion.

And your opinion is what, exactly?  That you can just go around telling everyone what they should do?  That what works best for you should also work for everyone else?  I am really curious why you think it is okay to tell people what to do.

pgeorgian is a sorry, sad individual - MAY GOD HELP YOU!

Original Post by sree321:

pgeorgian is a sorry, sad individual - MAY GOD HELP YOU!

Wow, what a nice way of insulting someone through the back door.  Do you really think that by following up your rude comment with "May God Help You" makes it okay?

Edited to add:  Also, do you have any idea how self-righteous you sound?

Original Post by kbella24:

Original Post by sree321:

pgeorgian is a sorry, sad individual - MAY GOD HELP YOU!

Wow, what a nice way of insulting someone through the back door.  Do you really think that by following up your rude comment with "May God Help You" makes it okay?

Edited to add:  Also, do you have any idea how self-righteous you sound?

kbella - how sad you must be also

Original Post by kbella24:

Original Post by sree321:

pgeorgian is a sorry, sad individual - MAY GOD HELP YOU!

Wow, what a nice way of insulting someone through the back door.  Do you really think that by following up your rude comment with "May God Help You" makes it okay?

Edited to add:  Also, do you have any idea how self-righteous you sound?

 yes - why do you care?