diet diet diet, anorexia, anorexia, anorexia.

Okay, sorry for this rant, but its finally really got to me.
Basically, I guess I've finally accepted that i have some form of an eating disorder, more like anorexia than bulimia.

I keep trying to stop it, but I go to an all girls' boarding school, and most of my friends are pretty skinny, but everywhere I go, its 'fatty!' 'omg you're eating so much you're gonna get fat!' 'I'm so fat'... etc, etc, as you can imagine.

And then we go to meals, and I'm having a some lettuce or whatever, and one of my really good friends goes 'I'm on a diet, I'm not gonna eat', and she just plays with the food on her plate, then my other friend tells her we're not leaving the table til she eat something, so she points at me and goes 'you're not telling her to eat!' and she's like 'but look she's eating lettuce'... so anyways, she eats some of her meal.

But its still 'I'm on a diet' blah blah blah.
And then today, we were sitting talking, and the girl who 'wasn't gonna eat' goes 'I wish I was anorexic, then it would be really easy to not eat'... and I'm like 'No, you don't want to be anorexic, really.' and she's like 'how do you get anorexic', at which point another one of my friends [whom also dealt with strange eating in the past] went on to talk about some boy she read about who'd got anorexia, I left the room as she started.

But I'm just sooo frustrated about this whole situation. I mean, everywhere I go I just have these skinny people telling me they're fat and on diets, and it just makes this voice inside my head even louder, telling me I'm better than them if I just don't eat...

And I didn't know who to tell, so I thought I'd post it here....

If I get any replies, or if anyone bothered to read that, thanks.

Resist resist resist!!

Find fabulous feminists.
Outreach online occasionally.

Frustrate fickle friends-
Love life liberally.

Seek sensible support.
Choose compassionate counseling.

Stay Strong & Sane!

(Eventually, things do get better. You all grow up and finish school, and the one who managed to keep her head wins. Good luck, sweetheart.)

thanks ...
But i just want to stand up and yell at them and shout and be like 'YOU DO NOT WANT AN EATING DISORDER THEY TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE AND THEY MAKE YOU UNHAPPY AND OBSSESSED'
ds;hfkshfk

OMG, you poor thing I would be confused and unhappy if I were surrounded by all that unhealthiness. Something to consider, you might like being skinny now but what you're doing is setting yourself up for yo-yo weight gain and loss, osteoporosis, tooth loss, hair loss and  possible heart attack as well. Not to mention it's just a nuts way of life. You must have a gym teacher on site, speak to him/her about a healthy way of eating and exercising that will keep you fit and physically/emotionally healthy. You don't have to look emaciated and starving to be fit, pretty and full of health.

Good luck to you...

they think its some sort of joke or game.
and the scary thing is for me it started out as a mind game to prove something to myself, now, I'm not ematiated or anything, but I'm techinically only a little underweight, but what it does to my mind kills me.

Don't worry about their well-being. They aren't your problem.

Find help to stop and reverse those nasty messages you hear in your head. It is not too late, you can go back to a normal relationship with food and weight. If it's a girls' school, they certainly have dealt with this in the past: they'll know how to guide you.

Fix yourself up, get healthy and strong and sane, and whatever they do is their problem, not yours. Sure, if it's someone you really care about, share your concerns and try to help - but don't let it compromise your own well-being. Most of the ones who are saying stupid shit about these things won't actually go on to develop eating disorders anyway - they're just being dumb - and those who do, well, yelling at them wouldn't have prevented that anyway. You need to take care of yourself, that is your biggest priority - work on developing self-love, self-acceptance, and quieting those destructive internal messages that you have on constant replay.

Let them do their little rant about I'm on a diet, I'm not gonna eat and all that other bull crap they are saying.

You know better, you are reading on cc what is healthy and what is not. Let them do harm to their bodies if they so badly want to or, since they are your friends, try teaching them about proper nutrition and how what they are doing is affecting their bodies.

Maybe it's enough to shock them out of this horrible attitude.

Do your own thing, it's your life and your health and eat that lettuce including the toppings that come with It.

Thanks guys.
The one who 'wants to be anorexic' wants to be a nutrionist when she is older... so I don't think teaching her what I know about nutrition will help much, she knows most of it already!

Thanks again...!

Pretty bad someone wants Anorexia, since it isn't an easy way to get over. It takes many months and alot of confidence to get over an eating disdorder. Infact, if your friend says she "wishes she was anorexic", then theres something wrong. Since, if you strave, your body isn't going to grow into the right body and be a figure of a child.

she doesn't seem to know a whole lot about nutrition if she says you can "get" anorexia, like it's some kind of virus you contract or something.

 I know just how you feel though.. This girl and I became friends this year because of our mutual task of counting-calories >< sad, I know. anyway, I told her my whole story and how I'm eating twice as much as I used to and blah blah blah, and nothing is sinking in for her.. she'll come to me and tell me "all I had today was a granola bar" but doesn't respond to ANY of my advice, whatsoever! it's SO frustrating because she doesn't wanna listen, and it's worse that I had the past I did because she seems to think that kind of behavior is okay just because I did it, even though my life is TOTALLY different now. ugh. :/ feels good to vent!

wildeyedjokersx,  I know that right now what you need is more than the simple words of advice and support we can give you here.  I know that because, I know for a fact what karen_o told you about the life your setting yourself up for is true.  Of course I WISH I'd known that at 16 when I was hospitalized and diagnosed for anorexia at 16.    When I was 13 and graduating jr high we were being measured and weighed for our caps and gowns when a friend of mine (quite a LARGE friend) said there was NO WAY I could weigh 113 (as the nurse told me) that I was as big as she is.  SO I do know how your friends habits can help influence the start of it.  Well, I took one look at my friend and although loved her DID NOT want to be that big.  You say you need to lose SOME weight......but are you 100% sure of that....what is your BMI?  At 5'3" and 113 lbs I was far from fat but didn't realise it.  3 years later when I was diagnosed I was At 5'3" 79 lbs and still CONVINCED I was HUGE.  Baby, PLEASE PLEASE, go by your BMI and such.  Then if you really need to lose weight follow their rules here.  I have bounced up quite a bit....I DO NEED TO BE HERE...but I use this site to keep me grounded.  To NOT slip back into old habits.  At 35 I'm still battling something that started at 13.    Another thing I'd like to mention that someone here did........You CAN stunt your growth..It's not fictional it's fact.....I did.  X-rays the doctor did of my bones at 21 (still learning to eat) showed I should have been about 5'6" to 5'8".  Today I am 5'3" the same as I was when I started down my very dangerous path.  But as I was saying, I know none of this seems to help you right now...To you it feels like nice, sweet advice but that it doesn't really apply to your situation or to you.  Honey, TRY! TRY! so hard to really think about it and listen to the great people in this forum.  And if that don't help......as much as your going to hate me for saying this...I know...find a way to see the doctor.  Talk to your parents, or an aunt, or SOMEONE besides your peers and get to someone that can help you.  God bless you sweetie and if you EVER need someone who's been there to talk to my email is on my profile page. 

thanks shelbysmomma.
I'm 17, so I've pretty much stopped growing. I'm 5'5 and weigh around 51kg, so i guess my bmi is 18.5... which is just healthy i think.
I just look really big i think.
Its all really really confusing, and I saw this psychiatrist person last year,but not for my food issues, but as i am at this all girls school, she sees lots of girls with eating disorders, so she started asking about my food, and then she weighed me in my cltohes and shoes, and i broke down and said i never wanted to go back there.... and technically i'm still at a healthy weight, so there's not much i can do.

The world is obsessed with dieting and weight loss no matter what weight you're at. It is dangerous to be in that enviroment where the skinny girls are complaining of being fat and swapping dieting tips esp. when you don't want to be involved in it or fall back into that (horrible) way of life.

You really just have to stay self confidence and do what you're doing FOR YOU and ignore the standards of people around you.

Chances are they're too caught up in their own bodies to really notice yours anyway. ^^; 

thanks for all you guys' replies and advice.

wow i can relate soo much to your post! i think this is wayy too common for girls our age.. i'm assuming you are similar in age to me- i'm 18 and a senior in high school.. its frustrating because the amount of girls who make comments about what theyre eating etc.. made me feel for soo long that what i was experiencing was just normal for girls my age.. and it blinded me from seeing that maybe i actually do have a problem. i still find it hard to believe that i'm obsessing more than the people around me- it makes me feel illegitimate for thinking i have a problem.. really just try to realize that they are doing this all for attention.. people who ACTUALLY have problems do NOT talk about it that much!! i would NEVERR tell people that i wasn't planning to eat lunch.. i feel soo uncomfortable if anyone points out that i'm not eating much, like it makes me really embarrassed and i want them to just kinda go away. so you should just raelize that these girls aren't going through what you're going through, they don't actually think they're fat, and they just want attention. i think the slang is "wanorexia" for people who eat very little in public but go home and eat very normal amounts of food.. a lot of your friends prob skip lunch in large groups to be dramatic but go home and eat a normal sized lunch.. just rememebr that they're probably putting on a show and it should i no way effect how you see yourself

hey hun! it sounds like you are already at a healthy (even on the low-side) weight with a bmi of 18.5. PLEASE do not worry about losing any weight! Just focus on what your body NEEDS!!! Eat healthy, exercise, and indulge every once in a while! I have been struggling with VERY disordered eating for the past couple years, and let me tell you, it's not worth it to fall into this dangerous trap. I would give ANYTHING to look the way I did at my HIGHEST weight (when my BMI was about 21... a few points ABOVE yours!) Take a look at my pictures. At my thinnest, my eyes lacked luster, my face looked old, and I just look UNHEALTHY. At my healthier, higher weight, I had curves that the boys LOVED, I wasn't always tired, and I had LIFE!!!!!!! I am working so hard at getting back to that place. PLEASE do whatever you can to not fall into the dangerous cycle of eating disorders. If you need to, seek advice through a counselor! Message me if you want to talk! *hugs!*

I agree with beautifuldisaster311 in that plenty of those girls you are talking about do just that: whine how they never eat at school, then go home and eat normally. I don't understand why they would do this as it's pretty stupid, but... hey, highschool is full of weird crap.

I know it's tough, hun. I gave in to the "must-be-skinny" lifestyle, which led to anorexia. My relationship with food will probably never be normal, but the relationship with myself has improved a lot since I've been in recovery.

You are a growing teen and need to be eating more than lettuce at lunch. Lettuce is good for you, but you need more nutrients than it has to offer for a complete meal. Try adding some grilled chicken strips on, with some other veggies.

If you think you look "big," try gaining some muscle by lifting weights. Your weight won't change much, but with the muscle gain you should lose fat, giving you a really nice, toned look. If you have any more questions or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to message me. :)

Little word of advice... At 13 I weighed in at about 75 pounds and I was 5'8"..

I'm now 36 and by the time that I was 19 I  was so sick that I had a heart attack when I was only 28 weeks pregnant. Luckily both of us lived even though my little girl suffered for my desire to be thin. She is now 16 and so small because of her premature birth that she is only 4'11" and 78 pounds. AND SHE EATS ALL DAY LONG!!!!! So you aren't hurting yourself but maybe your babies to come. Please take good care of yourself and let all the others be fools if they choose to do so.

God Bless you little one.