A Diet of Forgiveness
By Diane Petrella, MSW
If you repeatedly overeat despite your best efforts, you may be using food to cope with underlying feelings of anger and resentment. While eating may seem to be a temporary fix, it perpetuates a self-destructive problem. To find a permanent solution, add a diet of forgiveness to your weight release program.
Forgiveness is Powerful
Opening to forgiveness frees you from energy draining thoughts and feelings that can prevent weight loss progress. By feeding yourself forgiving thoughts, you release the impulse to use food to manage feelings of shame, guilt, and resentment towards others. You literally lighten your mind and body with a calming energy that sets you free.
Forgiving Others
When you open to forgiveness, you purify your mind and body with loving energy. This helps you to love and respect your body because you become a more loving and respectful person. When you harbor resentment towards those who may have hurt you in the past, it’s as if you take out on your body the hurt and neglect you experienced earlier in your life. Research has shown a link between obesity and childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse. By releasing the pain associated with childhood trauma, and liberating yourself through forgiveness, you no longer need food to self-medicate.
Forgiving Yourself
Your body has a consciousness of its own and it really does respond to your every thought and feeling. By apologizing to your body for ways you may have abused it, you communicate genuine affection. It may seem strange to think of talking to your body, but you actually talk to your body all the time anyway. Think of all the times you tell yourself that you “hate” your body, or are “ashamed” of it. To release this pattern, apologize and let it go. When you have abused or neglected your body, either by your words or actions, simply say to your body, “I’m sorry”. This isn’t a hand-wringing, people pleasing kind of apology. And it’s not about inducing guilt. It’s about freedom from guilt and taking responsibility.
Likewise, when you make a slip in your weight release plan, forgive yourself and let it go. The difference between successfully releasing weight or not, is often due to a self-loving and accepting attitude. Set-backs need not interrupt your motivation. When you respond with self-love and self-compassion, you no longer are “weighed down” by self-blame. Your weight release efforts then become effortless.
How to Forgive
Forgiveness doesn’t always come naturally, especially in this often vengeful world. But the fact is it's a gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re excusing bad behavior. What it does is release your toxic attachment to the behavior and to the person responsible.
Forgiveness is taught in most spiritual traditions. I personally use a forgiveness process based on the Hawaiian practice called Ho’oponopono. This process is useful when you have neglected your body in any way. Simply repeat to yourself, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you for all you do for me.” The soothing energy of these words is uplifting and opens the pathway for you to forgive yourself.
When upset with others who may have hurt you, use the following forgiveness process. Begin with a release affirmation, such as, “I release these feelings (or, this anger, etc.,) into the arms of Divine Love”, or simply, “I release these feelings”. Then add, “…and I open to the healing power of forgiveness.”
Your thoughts....
How do you forgive those who have wronged you?
Diane Petrella, MSW is a psychotherapist and life coach. She offers her clients a spiritual approach to weight loss and helps them develop a loving, respectful relationship with their bodies. Receive a free copy of Diane’s Seven Easy & Effortless Weight Loss Secrets by signing up for her monthly e-newsletter, Living Lightly, for spiritual insights and tips to release weight with confidence and love. To contact Diane directly visit her website at www.dianepetrella.com.
Comments
I really enjoyed this post. It really speaks to me, because overeating is usually the downfall of my diet, my mood, and my day.
I think I could learn from this.
Thank you for the article. I've found this to be true for myself. Once I started working on my anger, I started being able to lose weight. When I relapse into overeating, I can see clearly that it has to do with anger. Handling it effectively has helped me to keep weight off and get on with my life. I get to be the person I know myself to be.
This article comes at a perfect timing..... im trying to work on forgiving both of my parents for things of the past and present ...an even harder one ...forgiving the man who abused my mother throughout my childhood..not saying that I want a relationship with him but that I want to be able to let go of the resentment and anger towards him and anger towards the situation as a whole......i no forgiving all of these people would take a great wieght off my shoulders..its just hard still having those people in your life when they continue to disappoint you. I guess it will have to be a never-ending cycle of forgiveness...
When I was in college I ate so much to cope with emotions that I gained 100lbs in 4 years.... food can be such a dangerous tool.
Without a doubt the most helpful article posted yet. I am a fan of Deepak Chopra, and these are exactly the metaphpysical tenets he advocates. I have been listening to him quite a bit lately, and having this article show up on Calorie Count for me to read simply substantiates that nothing is coincidental. Thank you so much. My father was verbally abusive, virtually stripping me of any self-esteem. I began overeating in grade school b/c of the "walking on eggshell" environment at home. I have released my hurt and anger, but still have to remind myself to love myself and be good to my body. I need to affirm those emotions more frequently.
Thank you for this post! I really needed the reminder. After being on maintenance for three years I recently put on a few pounds and have been struggling to get them off. I couldn't seem to stay clear of foods that I haven't eaten in years and over eating them to boot. I just realized that this over indulgence, self destructive behavior, was brought on with an emotional stress that brought up old resentment that had not been dealt with. I had not succumbed to emotional stresses like this before and was thinking it must be something else. Reading this opened my eyes to the old, unresolved, long ago buried, resentment. How wonderfully we are created!
I am learning every day that weight is not just a physical hinderance. It is caused, maintained, and propelled by emotions! Love the post!!!!!!!
As I type through the tears of reality, this post hit home for me. This is the post that spoke to me. Thank you CC!!!
Forgiving those who have hurt me, especially when they might not be apologetic, is challenging. But, holding the resentment means giving them more power over me than I'm willing to let them have. After all, living well is the best revenge. It's not an overnight process, but if I can get to a place where I'm not angry anymore, then I'm free.
As for forgiving myself, I'm human and to resent myself is to resent my God given existence.
I have definitley been here. Approx 2 years ago I was eating and gaining weight and staying depressed. I had to go to the doctor and they put me on lexapro and ativan and it really helped me not be so depressed and stressed and mainly it stopped me from over eating. That was the main syptom of depression was eating because I thought it made me feel better. Now 2 years later I am off of the medicine and I am not depressed I have actually lost 25 pounds and I am happier than I have ever been.
My overeating comes from trying to rid myself of feelings of fear that come from deep insecurities. I grew up severely emotionally abused as the scapegoat in an alcoholic family. I have actively engaged in therapy and self-help, and I know on an intellectual level that I am smart and capable. But those fears and insecurities still creap in. Then I eat or drink. It all goes away for a while...
Another thought... forgiveness is hard when those who hurt you are still locked in their own self-destructive patterns and are still being hurtful.
hey Diane,
thanx for the article, that sure is a reminder. I do read such motivational books a lot and try practising the same.....BUT at times I do fall off the wagon and eat unncessary..of course not too much..but need to remind me of the weight loss goal and then it works...but have not really achieved the results wanted...may b still way to go...
But thnx for the post again..such reminders are a MUST!!
Original Post by: julibrinkerMy overeating comes from trying to rid myself of feelings of fear that come from deep insecurities. I grew up severely emotionally abused as the scapegoat in an alcoholic family. I have actively engaged in therapy and self-help, and I know on an intellectual level that I am smart and capable. But those fears and insecurities still creap in. Then I eat or drink. It all goes away for a while...
Another thought... forgiveness is hard when those who hurt you are still locked in their own self-destructive patterns and are still being hurtful.
That is exactly what I said about forgiving people who are still actively in your life and they are not taking the steps to work on themselves. Thats the issue that I have especially with my mom... I am trying to work on myself...heal my wounds...and I feel that she is not trying hard enough to be a better person...she is not truly happy which encourages her bitterness and anger and jealousy... things that I do not want to be around but seriously..can you really cut off your mom??...catch 22..... but at the same time you dont deserve to be around people that will hinder your growth and development... something i think about every day...................
Original Post by: ahowa007
i think we need to start a forum just on that topic..
I do too. It is important to learn how to deal with ongoing abuse and forgiveness... I go back and forth...
But I am brand new at this so I don't know how to start or find a forum. I will follow to a new forum if you just tell me where to go-
----> community tab at the top of the page
--> click on forums tab
---> health and support category
--> at the top there is a link that you can click that says new forum :)
Thank you for all your lovely comments! I'm so pleased this article has been helpful.
And thank you, ahowa007 for mentioning a forum - how synchronistic - as I just started a Spiritual Weight Loss Group on Calorie Count.
I'm having difficulty adding the link here, but please go to my CC profile and sign up there to begin the conversation!
(I'll try to add the link later here...)
Love and Peace,
Diane
Forgiving myself was definitely the first step in permanent weight loss for me. You've gotta get rid of all the mental "junk" before you can work on your body. Ironic, considering that junk is what destroyed your body in the first place. People who think weight loss (or gain) is purely physical are destined to fail.
Great article.
Very helpful article, thank you very much. I truly believe this is where I struggle and like others, need help with forgiving what was done with parents that are so self consumed, they aren't aware, nor do they have an idea of the hurt, abuse and neglect they gave daily. I am thinking I should probably read this daily to help get going in the right direction. Have been wanting to lose weight for over ten years and to date have not had success. Again, thank you for posting this incredibly helpful article!!
Hi,
Here is the link to Calorie Count's newest group, Spiritual Weight Loss with Diane Petrella, MSW. Best wishes to you all.
Mary
My friend Debbie says that, "Forgiveness is giving up all desire to punish." Wow, reading this column and remembering that statement is powerful as I realize I haven't fully forgiven myself for past food choices. I have made the decision to love my body. It is my choice to do it, and I will ask Source (God-if you will) to help me love her. If a friend had made the food mistakes I have made, I would forgive them quickly and fully. Yet, I struggle with self-forgiveness. My weight keeps me from full intimacy, and I will pray to become ready for that. For today, I will love my body, even though she is still rather large. She is worth it. It's time to integrate body, mind and spirit once and for all. Truly, FOR ALL.
Beth
Original Post by: ahowa007
is ativan a wieghtloss drug? i think i have heard of it.
Ativan is a medication to relieve anxiety.
To julibrinker, ahowa007 and others who are having difficulty forgiving those who continue to hurt you.
Yes, it is difficult. But not impossible. Here are some suggestions:
1. Practice compassionate detachment: Realize that when someone is doing battle with you, it is their own inner battle they are really fighting. It is not about you. Do the best you can to not take it personally.
2. Realize that everyone is doing the best they can from the level of awareness that they have.
3. Set appropriate boundaries. This may include limiting time spent with someone, keeping certain issues off-limits, leaving a situation that becomes abusive.
4. When you think of this person and you feel anger or resentment, practice saying this to yourself: "I bless this anger and I let it go. I send you (the person) light and love"
I hope these suggestions are helpful.
Warmly,
Diane
I started to lose wieght only after I started to deal with all the crap I was carrying around with me. Dealing with all this stuff was and continues to be hard but well worth it. I have lost over 100lbs I have gained some of it back but I continue to work it out and love by self it is all a process.
Thats great! a lot of people forget that underlying issues can cause you to gain wieght or have difficult relationships and be depressed.
Diane,
Thanks for the feedback and thank you for providing useful and specific tools to deal with forgiving those who are still hurting us. I have joined your spiritual weightloss group (under a new screen name- formerly julibrinker), and I have copied your suggestions above for easy reference.
juli
I totally agree! Forgiveness is so powerful!
I once read " to not forgive is like eating rat poison and expecting the rats to die!"--Sonia Ricotti
Holding grudges against anyone especially yourself will poison your life. We only have control of ourselves... No one else! So take charge of your own existence and seize every moment.
Pounds will come and go. Money will come and go. Problems will come and go.
Time... time is a different animal entirely seconds, minutes, hours, lost, wasted, killed, can never return.
If you are working the whole time your children are growing and all the sudden you realize you have no idea what the person you "raised" is like as a person at all. You understand.
Time is a gift given to you to give you the time you need to have the time of you life
just last night, i ate in anger. i was very disappointed in my sister. i didn't overeat, but i did "eat in anger." even today, the day after, i'm still disappointed. the disappointment chair links to every disappointment i feel toward my sister and my family; an endless loop.
all that to say, i'll take this article to heart. i'
today in my cc journal i wrote down some things i'm grateful for. i intend to do this every day.
i come from a hypercritical, phys abusive home. i learned to bask in self pity in the womb. i've had success in the past when i've meditated, or chanted. it's clearly time for me to return to spiritual practices that free me from my self defeating behaviors.
on a positive note (smile), i adore calorie count. and i learn so much from all of your comments; and the articles often touch my heart, deeply.
i'm very grateful to the coworker who introduced me to this site. i'm loving the fact that i finally understand how food nourishes my body. I belive my life has been permanently changed by this web site. I want to see those green boxes on the analysis page light up. i can "visualize" those green boxes. Just imagining those boxes keeps me on track.
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I have learned that over eating can related to feelings of anxiety and depression.
Inattentiveness may also lead to the tendency to overeat. Before, I would reward my good habits of exercise with bad habits with overeating and deserts. I have now learned to stop all that. I have done that by first, dealing with the inattentiveness. That has given me an ability to sat focused on nutrition. Secondly, I have learned to take my food seriously and concentrate on eating only nutritious food. I have adopted a vegan diet because it is the most nutritious, I believe. I has learned to enjoy taking my time buying and preparing food. I have learned to enjoy buy and eat only healthy fresh food.
My improved eating habits have paid off. I have lost 80lbs and am at the weight I was as an 18 year old. Fitting into those high school jeans is a deep satisfying feeling! My wife loves it also!