Dieting for two!

I had a doctor's appointment last night and I found out that I've lost 5 pounds since beginning my diet 2 1/2 weeks ago.  So I'm very exited and feeling super motivated.

I'm categorized as 'slightly overweight' with a bmi at 25.7.  My doctor is pleased, but she actually warned me about my husband whom she saw in the waiting room.  He is 5'11" and 292.5 lbs.  His bmi is 40.7.  I'm not an idiot.  I know that he's very overweight, but not until talking to my dr. about him have I been this scared.  He's got genetics working against him as well.  His father is 6'2" and 375lbs! 

I talked to him and got him to 'put himself in my hands' for food, but I'm worried.  He doesn't want to diet.  He loves sweets and fatty foods, and even though I sent him off with what is basically a big feed bag of healthy stuff this morning, he's admitted to buying a gas station breakfast burrito and a krispy kreme doughnut already today.

Does anyone have any motivational advice for him, or me?  Its hard enough dieting when you want to, I don't know how to bring him around to my way of thinking.  I don't want to try to control him or force him either.  I love my husband.  I just want him to live a long life with me.

You can't make your husband want to diet, and chance are, until he's ready to take weight loss seriously, he'll cheat and go eat garbage someplace else.

You can try talking to him, tell him how worried you are about him and how you want a future with him, but in the end, it's up to him.

So, your job is to make low-cal, good food that he enjoys.

I'd start with that :)

The only way I can get myself to eat properly for most of my meals is to get something that feels like a treat, but is low in calories. Healthy only goes so far as a motivator, especially when junky things are close at hand (like at the gas station).

I love hard boiled eggs, and yogurt shakes, and cottage cheese.....but there were always reasons why those were not good (eggs high in cholesterol & fat, yogurt shakes are expensive, cottage cheese gets tired quickly for me). So, I said eggs were occasional, and forked over the $ for the shakes. It's a start. Once I get comfortable with my eating levels, I'll move on to more adventurous things.

And a suggestion....try making your own breakfast burritos, maybe even using tofu instead of eggs (I swear, it can actually taste pretty good, and I don't like soy very much).

Oh, and sometimes temptation just needs to be completely avoided....like paying for the gas at the pump, and not going inside for anything. If he goes in for, say, coffee, perhaps getting a nice travel mug and filling it up before he goes would be useful.

Thank you.  That is very helpful.  I already make some meals in advance.  I'll try making up some fast food style items as well.  I think that you're on to something with the gas station theory.  He works construction, and buys a 2 liter of pop at the gas station every morning.  I'll just start keeping 2 liter bottles of something like lightly sweetened lemon water or iced herbal tea for him instead.

I'm having the same issue with my boyfriend. He has gained over 30lbs in the past six months and since he is only 5'6" it's VERY noticable! I'm having enough trouble getting myself into gear that it is hard to help him at the same time. Fortunately for me, he WANTS to lose the weight. What we are trying is cutting our meals by 1/3. If we eat out we take 1/3 of what we would usually eat and leave it on the plate. not 1/3 of the portion the restraunt gives you but 1/3 of what you normally eat. That is a good way to start for people who are significantly overweight. And if you cook at home make the plate for him, don't bring all the food to the table. If he wants more he has to make an effort to get it. IT could also help! Hope this helps!

Yes.  He is very lazy.   I'll use that as an advantage! :)

Do you have a hard time discussing his weight without his self esteem taking a hit?  Just curious.  I feel like I'm really on strange ground between reassuring him that he's attractive and convincing him that he's on the path to heart disease.

I think people have to be ready to make lifestyle choices on their own. I've tried so hard to help both of my parents, overweight friends and roommates for years. Only when they see how crappy they feel and look, do they finally realize they have to make a change. By living healthily and feeling great, he'll know you will have the advice for him when he comes to you for it. I've actually never been able to force anyone to lose weight or eat healthily. It's all what they feel ready for and what changes they feel confident making in their lives. And for the most part, I think people are really not educated about nutrition and health in general, so if you make small comments, like I'm going to eat these vegetables for their antioxidants, vitamin A, magnesium, zinc, and low calorie qualities, he'll slowly become more educated. And then maybe he'll realize that it's worth it and its not a huge overnight changes, it's about little changes over a period of time.

Honestly I can't help you in that area! My boyfriend is very confident and he knows when he has lost control of his weight! His big issue is exercising, he hates the gym. I don't like to go alone and he won't go with me so it's always a battle. But if I tell him that he's getting a little big and that I'm worried about him he doesn't get too upset. He just agrees with me and knows I love him no matter what size he is.

I personally don't think lemon water or green tea is gonna cut it for the husband. People that drink pop are usually hooked ... or they just LIKE it and it's not that easy for them to substitute. OF COURSE, I'm talking about when it's someone else whose trying to get them to change/stop. THEY have to WANT to do it for THEMESELVES. Also, stopping at the gas station becomes a habit, a part of the routine -- again, THEY have to make the choice to stop.

BOTTOM LINE: You cannot tell ANYONE that they need to diet. Nagging them is only going to cause resentment and hurt feelings. Would YOU like it if someone was trying to convince you to lose weight? I think not. I think the BEST way do go about it is to take care of YOURSELF and lose your own weight -- show them by EXAMPLE. Of course, that never worked for my famliy, but I went the whole "hassle" them route and it NEVER worked and I realized how rude it was of me anyway.

I have been where your husband is.  Two years ago my wife wanted us to eat healthier.  I pretended to go along but was cheating all the time.  Recently it caught up with me.  I started having chest pains.  It scared the ebbie-jebbies out of me.  I went to see a nurse practioner who ruled out heart problems but suggested more blood test that came back with failing scores on everything.  The worst was the glucose levels.  I was borderline diabetes 2.  That woke me up big time.  Nothing I want put in my mouth is worth facing diabetes testing, the loss of my feet or going blind.  Share my story with your husband but having been the best cheater ever, don't expect him to change because of what you say or anyone else.  It took serious chest pains to get my attention.  (BTW the chest pains have nothing to do with my real problems but they were what got me to go to the nurse practioner who discovered the threats to my health.)  We aren't always so lucky to have a minor problem alert us to bigger ones.

Thank you everyone for the advice.  And thank you for sharing your story shaknquaker.  I hope that he can decide to make changes before he develops problems.  I'm happy for you that you've made changes for yourself.

I guess I'll just try to stock only good tasting, healthy stuff in the house and hope that everything will be ok for him.  I'll see if I can talk him into getting some tests done next time he goes to the doctor.

Also, thanks for reminding me not to be a nag about this.  Its hard not to be when you love someone.

I helped my partner go from 185 to 112 she is 5'6"

There are so many things to eat these days fat free tortillas,

egg beaters, fat free cheese slices (not borden or kraft

shredded) kraft slices, fat free refried beans, enova oil the list

is endless beef jerky, dill pickels take extra time in the store

and don't give up I lost 50lbs myself and It Is Well Worth It.

Make him these meals and eat them together give him as much as he wants in the beggining as long as it's fat free low sugar

then wean him down. Be careful with the fat free sourCream

one can be full of carbs while the other only has a few.

Watch your lables and invest in spices chili powder theres

a 100 or more put them on chicken and grill or bake.

If you want more tips ask me. I really wish you the most luck.