Different Strokes / Different Folks

i am expanding on a point raised by ainedb in another thread - specifically the posts that were OT regarding...

"Yeah, good for those people who don't have kids and have the time to stay at the gym for hours every day. But for the rest of us in the REAL world, we are lucky to get healthy meals and maybe an hour of cardio or strength training 3-5 days a week."

and the retort

"Just because your "real world" involves a pile of children doesn't mean that it's not someone else's right to be happy in a "real world" without them. It's all a matter of choice, and you shouldn't fault them for choosing differently than you did."

it seems to be a touchy thing for a few people here (people that are just as valuable to this online community as the next person)

whenever someone digs on another for having no kids (and by proxy apparently, no life) my brain short circuits. ainedb's retort is about what i would have said, except with less cursing. in real life i have had to remind people that just because i have no kids Does Not Mean I Have No Life.

most of my days leave me exhausted. more exhausted than a lot of mothers and fathers i know. i have very full days without kids. i eat very healthy (90 percent of the time) and have no time to cook. i am often ironing my slacks while my car warms up in the morning. i can't watch television through the week and i play a video game every month or two... something parents i know seem to find time for every day.

so, you are blaming the fact that you have a family for your time constraint? get real. there are loads of women and men in the gyms and on the tracks that have kids - no need to lash out at someone who appears to have more time than you. for example, my last doctor who was a DOCTOR and had a doctor husband and four kids (4) and ran marathons and found time to make quilts and do needlepoint. she had the same amount of hours in her day as everyone else.

honestly, do people think that having no kids really means you have more hours in the day or absolutely nothing to do? i see single moms in the gym all the time with no complaints... and oddly for every one of those i know, i know a married lady with kids that 'has no time' and figures if i 'had kids i would understand'. my single gal pal with three kids (3)? she understands - and she thinks you are lazy.

my single dad pal does it well. junior is in soccer at the Y, so dad works out during his practice. works well for both of them.

the way i look at it, if you are devoted to a healthy life, you just do it. simple as that. it's not hard, it's not short-changing one thing for another, it's not even selfish. if you are not devoted, or are questioning yourself, or disappointed with yourself - you make excuses and lash out at others. like single people. or fit people. or smart people. or someone who is not exactly like you.

my suggestion? just do it. i use that slogan of nike a lot. lol. just do it. don't whine. getting active will help you blow off some of that steam. and i don't mean a 30 minute pilates stint while teletubbies is on either - i mean load the kiddies into a running stroller and haul ass. i mean use the daycare provided at the gym (you have kids and dual income yet can't afford a gym? bull.). when papa gets home go for a 5k run. hire a babysitter if you have to - but please don't blame others.

everyone is different! didn't we all learn that in school?!

oops. i ranted.

I'm going to come down on both sides of the fence on this one.

1). You're right, people with kids shouldn't be looking down their noses at people without them like their lives are somehow worth less than theirs. That's totally dumb. It's also stupid to say you don't have time to eat right. You have time to eat, don't you? THEN EAT SOMETHING THAT'S NOT CRAP!

BUT

2) As a former single parent ($0 child support) who went to college full time and worked 25 hours a week, I have to laugh at your assessment of time. I only had a couple of hours a day to spend with my son those years, and it wasn't going to be dumping him off at the gym day care!

I think your doctor friend is an unfair example. Yes, she is short on time but I bet she isn't short on money. Many people don't have either.

I was very active those years, so I do see what you're saying. My activity was 10 hours of waitressing and walks with kid in the stroller, so yeah I managed. I always have been a good eater and always at a good weight naturally (until I hit 30 and now it's a damn struggle every day)

I feel your pain. So many times when I was working I was always the one who had to work on weekends, people told me... well you don't have any family you have the time to or I would be the one working holidays... yes that includes Easter and Christmas because I did not have kids. Or I would work overtime.... I missed my own going away party when I left for Europe because I did not have any kids and I could sacrifice the time... I had told work about this months in advance and planned it, but those with kids will always trump a single.

I respect those that have children, but you know sometimes I really wish that I was treated like more than half of a person by people with children. Just because I don't have children doesn't make me less of a person.

Original Post by dziewcyna:

I feel your pain. So many times when I was working I was always the one who had to work on weekends, people told me... well you don't have any family you have the time to or I would be the one working holidays... yes that includes Easter and Christmas because I did not have kids. Or I would work overtime.... I missed my own going away party when I left for Europe because I did not have any kids and I could sacrifice the time... I had told work about this months in advance and planned it, but those with kids will always trump a single.

That's dumb, too. My son is older now and doesn't need my constant attention. My friend has two little girls. She called me the other day when I was taking a nap and got all snotty with me "OH your life is so hard"

Well butthole, I have already gone through what you are and didn't nap for 10 years so bite me.

Oh, Spiro, that is my favorite saying!!!!  And if I had a dime for everytime I've said it, I would be mega rich.   I find this thread very interesting and I have no children so I've gone through many of the same things I'm seeing here as far as having to work the holidays or overtime, etc, because I didnt have a "family" to get home to.  Well, I hate to tell all the ignorant employers out there but Yeah, I have a family.  Parents, siblings, nephews, nieces, and they all wanted me to be at the family gatherings even though I wasn't bringing any other little ones with me....

see spiro, you have a pretty balanced opinion on the topic though~ that is something i wish more people had! i should mention that my sister spots our old doctor often with her kids (they don't do the nanny thing, so money doesn't really enter the equation, but i know what you mean) and my favorite was the time she saw her during a benefit marathon with two kids on bikes, one in the stroller (with a load of other mommy and kid stuff) and the newborn strapped to her in a snuggly! i mean wow! so she would be a supermom? heh.

man, i wish i had had the knack of waitressing when i was in college... i don't think i would have had the weight gain i had. most of my former or current waitress friends are slim from all the bustle and walking ya.

dziewcyna wow. you said it best with your last paragraph. being treated like a half-person. i know exactly what you mean. i am glad my employer (and last employer) had a very balanced idea of workers households. in the engineering field there is shameless nepotism - but even though there is a very family oriented feel to my workplace, i am never treated like i have no life. parents work overtime and are expected to be at work just like child-less people as luck would have it.

and ya, most child-less people have families, i agree. extended families are sometimes even more demanding than actual ones~

Well I guess I'm not a typical person- first I'm married and have 2 children (grown up now and other their own for the most part) but when they were little I was fortunate to be able to stay home with them for a few months of their lives at least.  I did work part time as a fire dept dispatcher when my oldest was little - my husband was a firefighter at this dept and they would schedule my shifts and his opposite so we would pass the baby off while one was leaving work and the other coming on.  We did this with the younger one too until I had to go to work full time.  Being in the fire dept there was no such thing as "Holidays"  If hubby wasn't working Christmas I was it was like that for close to 6 yrs when the girls were young.  We never had a true holiday on an actual holiday day.  We really never had any traditions. Sometimes our holiday fell on the day before or day after.  - but anyway I got fat because I was just plain lazy and didn't work out.  I did join a gym for a little while before I got preggers with the 2nd and made it a point to get to the gym but then just quit.  I wish I had kept up with it looking back now.  I should hve made it a point to make time for me.  Having kids or even before kids I was pretty much lazy.  I'd much rather sit and watch tv than anything else and since the invention of the internet OMG-- forget about working out!!

I don't think singles have any more spare time than folks with kids.  We all have 24 hours a day its how we choose to use those hours that matters.  Learning how to manage our time is everyones challenge IMHO. 

I just wrote in my journal today that I didn't know what I'm gonna do with my time now that I lost my part time job- not having to work on the weekends is foreign to me - so my challenge now is finding someting to do all day to keep me from eating!!

I can't imagine what it would be like to have kids, but I know what it's like to have no time.  I decided to start working out during the busiest semester of my college career (organic chem 2, the lab that went with it, physics 2, two bio classes AND studying for the MCAT....hurts to even think about it).  But I set aside an hour every day that I could go to the gym and run or whatever.  You'd think it would make things harder, but it was great for relieving stress.  It's hard to have an emotional breakdown on a treadmill, lol.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I start med school.  My mom said I shouldn't even bother with a gym membership because I'll be so busy; instead, I plan on dragging myself out of bed and working out before class starts.  Lots of people with kids and jobs do it, and I can do it, too.

I think if it's something you really care about, you can find time for it.

Rule 1A: take care of yourself.  Bottom line is no matter who is or isn't under your roof, you need to take time to take care of YOU.  No one else will.

when i was in college there was a girl who would drop her kids off at the college daycare, hit the gym for a bit, then come to class. she was a little sweaty, but clean and not gross or anything.

i wonder what my old doctor and her hubby did during med school to stay fit... and get adequate sleep... surely there will be others there in the same boat killerqueen with some tips :)

Time is an issue for everyone, whether you have kids, or not.  I always had more time to train, when I didn't have children, but at some point, when my oldest daughter was born, and I was responsible for raising her alone, I made the choice to dedicate that time to her, and not the gym.  Took a second job, went back to grad school, and made the conscious effort, to make a better life for her, at the expense of all that free time I used to fill with working out(and sleeping...lol).  I'll never use my daughters or my family as an excuse for not working out.  I am simply not at a point yet(give me one more month), where I am ready to give up that time with them, to exercise.  Once I get a few more pounds off me, and I am ready to start weight training again, I will sit down, look at my schedule, and find a way to make it happen.  Whether it's join a local 24 hour gym, and hit it at midnight, or 4am, it's something I will chose to do, for myself, and for my family.

It's funny, I'm always looking at my single work friend who has no children and wondering why she has no time for anything.  Now, I work with her, so I know that her day is NOT exhausting.  Obviously different people have different amounts of stress with work or school.  I don't know how med students get through.  It's gotta be an age factor.  Anyway, I work full time, have 2 children (3 and 12) and take one class every 6 weeks towards my doctorate.  I get to the gym at least 5 times a week.  We go as a family and my kids LOVE the playrooms there.  My son just turned 12, so he is able to use the equipment now and he enjoys that as well.

I am sorry that parents have put down those of you without children.  That's just not very nice.  I think the bottom line is if you want to make something happen, you do it.

someone tweaked your defense button!

its about priorities and goals. you have different ones.  doesn't make you any better, or worse.  children are both mentally and physically taxing and demanding - 24/7 - 7 days a week. and you won't know that feeling until you have them. period. you might not like that idea, but its the truth.  think of children as a 24/7 weighted vest you wear around -- because if they are not physically with you, they are still mentally with you.  you are no longer the same person because of all this added weight (maybe even physical weight from even having them!)...and unless you have money or testicles of STEEL, you won't have the energy to do it all, all the time like that Dr. you mentioned.  first, most people are not Dr's...it takes brains and guts...so she does it all because shes probably always done it...also she probably has support and money.  don't even get me started on the big 3-0 when your body starts to stop doing what you want it too.

children humble the biggest and baddest A typers that exist.  so the ones that complain -- probably got a bit humbled, and use time as their reason, when really its about priorities.  shes got no time for the gym because its time for "herself" -- and when you become a mother, you tend to take care of yourself last. shes got dinner, soccer practice, homework, projects, house cleaning and if she works -- god love her soul...blah blah blah. 

good parenting is hard to balance with also taking time for yourself.

so next time a mother complains about no time for the gym to you -- try telling her that she needs to take time for herself because it will make her feel better -- instead of getting your panties wadded so far up your butt you make a rant post on a fitness forum.

2 cents from a single mother of a 6 year old.

"and you won't know that feeling until you have them. period."

ya. thats nice. it's pretty much what we are talking about - a slightly warped sense of others lives.

it is not that a mother complains of no time at the gym - everyone complains about all kinds of things they are entitled to complain about - it is when parents get all self righteous and begin to judge others. you say, in a nutshell that single people have no right to assume anything about that which they do not know - in turn, the same applies to those with kids.

it would seem that parents who make having kids out to be to exhausting and mentally taxing must have led the life of riley beforehand and had no idea what they were getting into, hence child-rearing being a major shock to the system. then of course there are parents who find raising kids a breeze, and it hardly cramps their style.

takes all kinds i guess eh~

hehe, nice post!

i am with u. being in my 30s now, i am in a situation where most of my friends have kids.

some-fortunately not all- tend to use kids as an excuse for anything. are they late for a meeting? i wold understand if i has kids! do they neglect something? it is because of the kids, etc.

and there are people who-such as the doctor-find time for important things, and do not try to find these excuses.

i suppose it is actually better for the kids to have parents who are fit anyway.

i sort of think that people with kids-who have to, for example, do more planning before they decide they want to go to paris for a weekend - can be sort of jealous because us, child-free people, have a different lifestyle (but trust me, we have other things too.. to each their own. i would not badmouth anyone who has kids for having them, and say "your life is, oh, so nice and easy" or something, so i do not like it when people with kids say so about people like me, but it does not hurt - my conscience is clear,. i havent done no wrong:)

yep, had a colleague who tended to leave early because he had a small child and wanted to be with him and his mother. i ubderstood him but disliked the fact that he did not work as much as me, was lucky he decided to leave for another company that offered him more time for his family

this is exactly what i did. the colleague said his kid is "growing bigger" - i just told him my parents are "growing smaller" (they are aging gracefully though!:). got nasty looks by him, but the situation luckily resolved as he decided to leave shortly after

Original Post by spookychick:

"and you won't know that feeling until you have them. period."

ya. thats nice. it's pretty much what we are talking about - a slightly warped sense of others lives.

 

You guys have many valid points in this thread, but I have to tell you that this is true.

My sister used to come down on me all the time when my son was younger and she was single. Not only did she feel like you guys in the this thread, she was actually very obnoxious about it. Hehe well now she has two kids and finally I asked her about the crap she used to give me. "So what do you think now?"

"OH MY GOD I'm so sorry I had no idea"  What's even funnier is she'll call me crying about how I just don't understand what it's like for her I seriously just have to laugh. She's lucky I love her and her family so much.

man this is one heck of a post! My two cents: 90% of my clients have kids, they just find the time to workout, even if it is a half an hour they still get results and take care of there bodies. Some of my clients struggle everyday with getting to the gym, i remind them that they have to take the time for themselves and if they want to be around to see there grand kids grow up, they have to do something now. I have four girls, and I always found 30-45 minutes to workout, now that I have two teens things are easier but I find myself still struggling to workout,AND I WORK IN THE GYM! my days start at 5 am and end at 730 pm, so if i can do it anybody can. it doesn't have to be at the gym do an aerobics tape at home, with some push ups and sit ups, you just have to want to do it.

I understand taking care of our children is priority number one but taking care of yourself should be right behind that, unless you don't care to see your children grow up and be successful, or for them to have to stop working to take care of you, because you didn't bother to.

its pretty haughty and presumptuous to sit back and compare one mother to another based on the notion that she doesn't make the time to get herself to the gym like the other mothers do. who the hell do you think you are? princess of fitness?

this argument is not only arrogant and retarded, it should be moot because it was started by a childless person.

no one should judge you for being childless, good for you! i would never suggest to you that a mother works harder (though i some cases she might!), and i find it arrogant of any mother that suggests you don't work your ass off for what you want like she does because she has kids (even though it might be true)....but the plain fact of the matter is you don't live in the shoes of ANY of these women you talk about.

in good news: my son sat in the kid room for an hour while i kicked my butt off in a kickboxing class. :) a class, btw, i couldn't have attended until he was old enough to sit in there unsupervised. but i'm okay with that...

You know hindsight is 20/20 so here are some things I wish I had done to make time to workout while my kids were growing up

First put them in a stroller and take em for a walk and as they started to walk let them walk. 

When my kids were little there was no such thing as DDR - I think ATari was the only "game machine"  but I'm sure Wii and whatever other gamer things have stuff for kids and parents alike to do - that DDR sounds like a lot of fun

I did use to purchase VCR tapes of childrens games and songs that we girls would do that was fun -- I'm talking those stupid "head and shoulders knees and toes" games  I also had a Denise Austin tape that had a 20 minute section for the whole family to do together.

Wish I had taken the kids to the pool and actually got in the big pool with them - instead of just sittling there feeling too fat to dare wear a swimsuit!

I wish I would have involved them in sports and maybe volunteered to be a coach -- then I could have worked out there too. if not a coach maybe just an assti coach or helper - heck even just practiced with them. 

I remember playing "superman" with the little one - you know balancing them on your feet while you are laying on the floor --

These are some of all the little things that I think anyone can find a few minutes a day to do - 

We do have to schedule time for ourselves whether we are parents or not.  I know I used to get up at 4:30 every morning so I could get my workout in once I started to get serious with the taking care of me.  Its like everyone has said making this a priority not an after thought IMHO.