Is it difficult for you to discuss your weight loss goals around heavier people?

I have never really been overweight, just trying before I reach sixty in March to finally stabilize at the weight I feel and look best at. I haven't really fluctuated more than ten or twenty pounds my entire adult life.

That said, whenever I am around a relative or friend who is serously overweight I feel a little guilty saying No, I don't really want any ice cream or just a small piece of cake please as I am really working on this plan.

Any one else?

I have even shown some of them the site, registered them, etc. but they don't seem interested and it isn't my place to comment any further.

Yeah, I sometimes feel a bit guilty, so generally I've found it's just easier not to talk about my weight-loss plans.  I'm already quite a bit smaller than many of my friends (although I'm still the "fat one" in my skinny family, lol), but I don't want to seem at all self-righteous because I'm losing weight. So, if I decline goodies, I just say "no thanks" and leave it at that.  If I'm pressed, I just say, "I had a huge breakfast/lunch/dinner, and I'm still stuffed, sorry!."  Then I just hope my stomach doesn't growl and give me away!

I try not to dish out free advice, because I hate it when others do it to me, but if someone notices that I've lost weight and asks how I did it, I might never shut up! Or, if the discussion turns to weight loss and everyone is giving their opinion, I feel free to chime in.

I hate talking about weight-loss with real people. That's why I turn to an online forum.  Talking about weight-loss inevitably gets me the response of "oh, you don't need to lose weight" and I'm always thinking "hey, its not your body, just because I carry it well, don't tell me what to do", etc.  Its also just a sensative subject, so I tend to steer clear.

I don't think it's necessary or all that polite to talk about weight-loss.   It's such a personal topic that, even if you don't mean to be offensive, you can easily end up hitting a nerve.  At best you can look like you're fishing for compliments.   It's like when a magazine has some drop-dead-gorgeous filthy-rich celeb whining that she's never really been happy with the size of her bottom!!!!  (Oh the poor diddums.... )

I'm with the other poster who suggests the straight 'no thanks' response to cakes and so forth.   Don't complain, don't explain.....

i'm ok with the refusing of items that are detrimental to my lifestyle no matter who is around, but my closest friend is on one of those docotor regulated diets where she only consumes 800 calories a day.   this is her second time on the diet. lost a lot of weight the first time, but once maintenace time came she did not maintain. i REALLY want to share my progress with her, but i know that her progress this time is going much slower that before, so i don't share.

i really wish i could get her to just eat healthy. heck i'd even be willing to charge her just half of what the doctor is charging. LOL

Original Post by tyrdrop:

I hate talking about weight-loss with real people. That's why I turn to an online forum.  Talking about weight-loss inevitably gets me the response of "oh, you don't need to lose weight" and I'm always thinking "hey, its not your body, just because I carry it well, don't tell me what to do", etc.  Its also just a sensative subject, so I tend to steer clear.

Yeah.  I agree.  I'm sick of people saying that, "you don't need to lose weight."  I mean, at my heaviest, I was 158 pounds.  Seventeen and close to 160?  That's TERRIBLE.  I'm not saying I'm much better now, but that's the point, ne?  I mean, at 146 I could seriously stand to lose more than a few.  The real thing is... I mean, a some of my friends/family are heavy.  I feel so... just RUDE saying things like, "no, I don't eat cake," or, "I'm trying to watch my weight," so I end up saying,  "I'm not hungry..." even though I'm STARVING.  It just seems mean.  I mean, look.  A lot of them would kill to look like me.  But just because I'm in better shape than them doesn't mean I'm perfect either.  Most of us will never be perfect, but it doesn't mean we should let ourselves go.  I don't want to end up 50 and having a gastric bypass... which is where I see a lot of my relatives heading.  It's very sad.  I just want to look out for myself now, and y'know, the dropping clothes sizes are motivation in itself.

I have some heavier friends...I was where they are at now. I used to find it hard, but that's cuz one of them really did not want me to look good cuz it made her look worse. Once I ditched her, though, I don't have problems with talking about it. I just always remind where I started from, and always offer to help them in any way I can (if they comment on themselves).

As someone who is seriously overweight, I can say that it doesn't bother me when other people talk about their weight.  A general unhappiness with one's current weight/health is the same.

For instance, my very best friend is teeny tiny (5' 100 lbs) but always complains about her "muffin-top" and flabby belly.   There is no way that I'm going to get upset at her just because she's thin and I'm not.     

My point is - we all have our row to hoe and my being seriously overweight has nothing to do with you or your weight goals.

But then, I'm an ultra-progressive fat girl on a mission so you should probably ignore me.  :)

Good luck.

i do a little bit because i don't want to "insult" them but i have to do what i need to do for me. one of my friends is in the same category as me, meaning we both want/need to lose weight but seriously if i hang around her too much she will have me gaining more weight! we go to lunch together every week and seriously, if i don't bring up somewhere healthier then we would never go. i invite her to workout with me and she doesn't want to do that but i can't worry about what she does too much, i just have to worry about myself cause i refuse to gain every single lb i've lost back and be in the same boat i was at the beginning of the year. i hope that i am in some ways a motivation to her but she has to decide on her own

i think i have the opposite problem.  most of my friends are pretty slim (though not all are fit), and around them it doesn't occur to me to talk about weight.  but when i get around people who are overweight or obese, i have to bite my tongue, because everything that comes to mind seems to relate to diet and/or exercise (and i don't mean "diet" in the restrictive sense; i just mean food). 

When I KNOW people are dieting, its hard for me to talk about weight loss even though I've lost 175 pounds. I think that's where it's from, is that I achieved my goal. I want to inspire and inform people I see thinking that muffins and ceasar salad is healthy, but I don't feel it's my place to discuss. So instead I feel like it's my little "hidden secret".

It is a very personal topic. Some people are more interested in talking about it than others. But if they're spouting off about it, then I don't see why not...?

it's definitely a little difficult for me. especially since i am losing my weight for vanity reasons, not health ones. everyone always tells me "you don't need to lose any weight!" which makes it pretty hard to talk to people about it. i usually just keep it to myself and try to eat "normally" around people at work, etc. my fiance is the only person i talk to about my weight loss goals. sometimes i do turn down foods around overweight people, but it's their choice to accept those foods and further harm their health, so as far as i'm concerned i am choosing to be healthy and i shouldn't feel bad or guilty about it. i don't deserve to and neither do you!

People know I'm dieting...but I don't discuss my weight or this and that with them. I personally keep it to myself. If I tell anyone it's my fiance' who would rather not hear it. Haha. But, sometimes you just feel like talking. ;)

Original Post by silentdeadlyrose:

 If I tell anyone it's my fiance' who would rather not hear it. Haha. But, sometimes you just feel like talking. ;)

 My husband, patient wonderful man that his is, has to be so sick of me.  I'm just so excited! about health! and I talk about it with childlike wonderment.  He just keeps telling me that he's proud of me and he gives me high-fives and stuff but I'm sure he's thinking "Woman!  Stop it!"  :)

Haha I know what you mean! When I first found CC I would always jibber jabber to my boyfriend about how many calories I want to eat a day and how many calories foods have and blah blah blah. After about a week he was ready to punch me in the face hahaha.

hmmm... interesting. I don't know a lot of obese or severly overweight people... 99% of my family and friends are slim. But my co-worker is obese and she talks here and there about her weight so I feel comfortable talking with her... she never gets offended... at most shes proud of me. However I do know one guy who is really overweight and i've been kinda talking to him about my journey and he seemed very shocked with the facts and wanted to change and he cut out pop.. but unfortunately still not motivated enough to do some serious work. But I don't have a problem trying to motivate people I know. Sometimes people need that push or support. When it comes to sweets... I either just say No im good or... I have a tiny bit... just say trying to cut down on sugar... anyone should be able to respect that.

I'm another one who has a hard time discussing it with anyone.  I do have one friend who's overweight and also trying to lose, but I don't talk about it a whole lot with her because her idea of weight loss is having an ED.  But yeah, with people in general I find it difficult and I don't really even like it when people say "Oh you look like you've lost weight!"  It's nice to hear a compliment, and to hear that people can tell, but it's also kind of awkward.

it's one of those things you can discuss if they ask.  i think so anyway

The OP said she feels guilty for asking for a small peice of cake? I don't really understand why this is a problem, isn't this how thin people stay thin?  Is it supposed to be some big secret that watching what you eat is helpful for weight control? Are we fat people supposed to be under the impression that thin folks can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce, and have that somehow be helpful to us??

I am of catholic background, and even I would not be so suseptible to guilt that this is something I would worry about.

However there is a BIG difference between politely saying no thanks to treats, and commenting to someone you think needs to lose weight that there is a website that could help them...um that would be under the None of your Business category, unless they brought it up first. Personally I would be really offended if someone spontaneously remarked that they have/know something to help me lose weight....in fact that has happened in the past. I remember one older lady commenting to me in a clothing store line-up that I should lose weight now, because it only gets harder as you get older. That was SO rude, and I was left speechless because it was so out of the blue... I am still pissed about it 20 years later lol

My overweight uncle always heckles me about my weight loss. He is overweight and that didn't change after he went vegan, and the rest of my family compliments me on my weightloss, so when it coms up.. he asks me "so, where do you get all the protein from?" Of course meat is included, which he gets upset over. Then he claims that it's unhealthy to eat a moderately low carb diet because carbs are brain food (while this could be true, I eat 150-200g of carbs a day, which is plenty)...

I just try to stay away from the topic unless they bring it up themselves.

Original Post by victoriagirl:

However there is a BIG difference between politely saying no thanks to treats, and commenting to someone you think needs to lose weight that there is a website that could help them...um that would be under the None of your Business category, unless they brought it up first. Personally I would be really offended if someone spontaneously remarked that they have/know something to help me lose weight....in fact that has happened in the past. I remember one older lady commenting to me in a clothing store line-up that I should lose weight now, because it only gets harder as you get older. That was SO rude, and I was left speechless because it was so out of the blue... I am still pissed about it 20 years later lol

 

I totally agree here.   There was a thread around here awhile ago about a cute little girl who wanted to approach an overweight woman she sees at the grocery store to tell her the good news about diet and exercise.   That's a good way to get a mouthful of knuckle sammich.