Dining Friends? or Dining Foes?

For someone who needs to lose weight, I've always found it a bit daunting whenever a good friend asks me to grab dinner out.

I'm in my mid-20s and this is how ppl my age tend to socialize... we work all day and when we get home we don't want to cook.  So we call a friend or two and settle into a big meal and sit and chat about the latest gossip.

I've tried to stay away from this kind of behavior because I can't trust myself to not order what I want when everyone else around me is not really watching what they eat.  It's not their fault that I order what I do-- but I find it so easy to slip and make a bad choice.

Recently I've told a friend that we should start doing activities other than eating when we meet up-- like taking a walk or jogging or seeing a show.  ANYTHING.  She's like ok, but a month later she never contacts me about anything other than dining out, and that's quite a lot.  I've had to say no to her every time, yet I feel really bad about it.  I've suggested other activities, but she's always busy.

Does anyone else have problems like this?  I feel as if the normal social thing to do is to go out and eat and/or drink with friends-- exactly what I'm trying to avoid.

Any suggestions?  Any stories you want to share?

My friend and I usually always end up going out to eat, but we will also go window shopping and end up walking off whatever we eat.

Yeah I can relate to this, this is how you socialize with people. It's always: let's grab lunch! Lets have dinner after work! Socializing revolves around food and there's really no way around it. It's really annoying too when you are trying to watch your weight. I don't have a solution for ya since I'm struggling with the same thing but what I've been doing at each meal is drink tons of water and focus on the conversation and enjoying time spent with friends instead of obsessing about the food. Then we would also do something after eating, like shopping or watch movie or go clubbing, dancing. Also I would go to the gym on days I know I would eat out.

Yep - my hubby and I enjoy eating out. It's one of our favorite shared pasttimes. In fact, we eat out at least twice a week, often three times. We don't go to chain restaurants on principle; we prefer to try out new restaurants and finer dining, although there is one pub we hit every single week because... well, it's like going to Cheers where everyone knows your name. :-)

It does not have to be a disaster, nor does it have to be something you give up completely. Life would be joyless without our friends, you know? Socializing is just as important to our good health - our mental health - as is a good diet. And, food is truly meant to be shared with those we love. The two are inextricably entwined since our mom held us as babies and lovingly breast-fed or bottle-fed us. Trying to keep eating and socializing apart is... unnatural, IMO.

A few strategies:

1) Don't starve all day to save up calories. You will just end up having no restraint.

2) Research the menu beforehand, and make your decisions while your stomach is full.

3) Be picky and ask for dressing on the side, substitution of french fries for veggies, etc.

4) Have either the appetizer OR the dessert, not both.

5) Don't eat the bread - unless it is served warm and was freshly baked that day... then it's a treat and worth the calories!

6) Practice portion control: bag up half of it to take home.

7) Order an appetizer as your meal - already a smaller portion.

8) Eat slowly. Talk a lot between bites! Cherish every bite since you're paying for it. :-)

One restaurant meal per week is not going to set your diet off tremendously. Consider it your "cheat" or "refeed" day.

Hope that helps - enjoy!

Great strategies for effective eating out:

Plus, stay away from cream sauces and go for tomato based sauces.  Always, substitute fried foods for steamed/fresh veggies, definately get salad dressing on the side, if the restaurant has a free appetizer, I would request not to have one or limit it to one serving - Plus, researching the menu beforehand is great.  I search a lot of online databases and they offer menus with their caloric content online.  I love it - Good luck dining out - it really truely can be a great experience.  Perhaps, choose restuarants that have a diet menu or calorie counted menu.  I know Applebee's, Chili's and other restuarants do... 

This is a new frustration for me as well.  All socializing seems to center around eating out.  I am lucky that my friends and family are supportive (I have lost 30 lbs) but it's more difficult when out with couples. 

Mostly it's mental preparation, if my dining companions don't see me waffleing over odering desert or some massive calorie loaded meal, they don't seem to 'help me treat myself.'  If i am firm that i want a salad and no desert, they don't question it.   Also, about half the time when they call to eat out, i say 'i've already eaten but would love to hang out' and then scarf something heathly and filling like an egg white/broccoli omlette and small salad.  I get to be social and they seem less apt to tease me for not eating.

Also, I have to make decisons about what i want in life.  It's not that i deny myself the beef and cheese burrito queso style at Tumbleweed, but that i would rather have the 6oz steak with plain veggies and rice.  Its half the calories and 'whole' foods.  I don't want the life i had that came with making 'queso' style choices.

It's hard, but i would rather run 6 miles a day because i like how it feels, not because i had two peices of cheesecake because i let someone else tell me 'i can have it' when i know it's just not right for me.

I totally agree with Tallulah.  I used to tell myself, "someday I will have the three-cheese cream sauce amazing Applebees pasta" and "someday I will order tons of waffles AND bacon AND hashbrowns AND eggs when I go out to breakfast".  I came to the realization lately that while I love those foods, I have made a lifestyle change and have committed to it forever, not just a few weeks or months.  Do I scan the menu at the foods I used to order?  Sometimes.  But most of the time I know what I'm ordering before hand - chicken salad with light vinegarette dressing at Applebees or two eggs, wheat toast no butter, and fruit at Perkins.  I have learned to look foreward to these healthier dishes and still view them as treats.  And I feel soooo much better knowing what I could have ate and what I chose to eat. 

Hope all goes well, and don't forget your friends! :)

One great thing I keep reading in fitness magazines is to ask to have half your meal packed to go before it is even served to you. that way you dont fell tempted to eat the whole thing because it TASTES SO GOOD!!

If I'm going out I don't tell people I'm with that I'm dieting - if I don't order food or if I oder something light I'll just say I'm not that hungry, or I'm "in the mood" for  a salad.

It seems like when I DO mention I'm watching what I eat sometimes people are like - " Shucks you're not that all that big  - you don't need to diet - here. have some of this..."  They are actually trying to be nice by trying to say I'm not all that fat, and I know they mean well, but having people TELL you its "OK" to sabotage your diet (which I probably feel like doing right at that moment anyway) is really hard to resist!!  I figure I'll tell 'em what I did AFTER I'm where I want to be.

There is no reason why you can't learn to eat out sensibly.  If you are worried about making bad choices, pick a restaurant and look up the food online first.  Make your sensible choices while you are at home, and more strong willed.  Then, when you get to the restaurant, stick to the choices you have already made no matter what friends order.

Food plays a big part in social activities, whether it be the casual lunch with a coworker, or a birthday/holiday celebration, or a date with a significant other.  It's really hard to eat healthily at restaurants, especially when your friends are eating fattening/greasy foods and you're just picking at your salad (and then they make fun of you or look at you strangely).  Over time, it can lead to social ostracization. 

What usually works for me is eating half of my entree (unless the food is heathily prepared and/or the portions are small) and skipping the dessert (would you rather eat a 500-cal dessert or go home and eat your regular 100-cal dessert?).  Of course, if you don't dine out often, it's okay to 'splurge' (aka eat normally) once in a while.  Personally, I think it ruins the mood if I see a person at a restaurant just eating a lonely little salad (unless it's a specialty salad).

We are in our 20's...the thing to do when you want to meet up with someone is either for drinks or SOME sort of meal. Just make sure to eat healthy options...grilled chicken or fish, salads, non-cream based soups, etc.

Guys I've posted on this too...i have no answers, just try to eat salads with everything on the side!

but then u have to contend with all the comments....

*sigh

I wish I could give you some good advice...but i'm in the same boat. My friend, all she wants to do is go out to eat and I can never say no to her. I've brought up other activities but no...she wants to eat. She's also obese...

This can be frustrating..... I suggest you eat at home before you leave and just order drink or simple gargen salad when you get there... I know this might come across as rude but once they realize that you are very serious about the diet, they will be OK.. Besides, the main point of going out is to socialize and have a good time.

Also, you will save a lot of money which you can use to reward yourself on loosing weight !!!

Whats worst is u go out and try to eat well, buy ordering a sald but the bread or the chips come out. and they go, "o come one you have to have some too!!"

gr!

i have the same issue. the other tips folks posted are great, especially jenmcc's list. i'd add that it helps if you split a small/healthy dish with your friend - saves money & splits the calories if you can share something. my husband and i do this all the time. also, i often say Ok to dinner invitations with the proviso that i've already eaten or i had a late lunch, but i'll join in for the fun. then i'm not expected to eat a meal & no one comments if i just order hot tea or a diet soda. it's a little awkward, and there's still the temptation to snack on chips & salsa or bread or to order something - that's just a matter of having some self-discipline & sometimes i'm OK, unfortunately other times i'll snack.

Folks have shared some great tips - which I'm going to try too.  Here's one more:

Watch what you drink. I know when I go out with the girls, everyone seems to drink martinis.  I do love those martinis that are more like desserts (like espresso or chocolate martinis...yum!), but those calories are better spent elsewhere.  Of course water is best, but if you want to drink alcohol, here are some tips: a traditional martini isn't too bad if you can handle it (it's mostly vodka - I can't handle that!).  A glass of wine is good too.  Avoid creamy drinks (like White Russians, anything with Bailey's, and pina coladas) and fruity drinks (like margeritas, daiquiris, or things with juice as a mixer).  If you must have a mixer, use diet coke or club soda.  Vanilla vodka and diet sprite is like cream soda.  Cherry or raspberry vodka is good with diet coke.

Here's an interesting link about calories in drinks. http://www.westchestergov.com/stopdwi/calorie s.htm The only problem is that is doesn't tell you what the serving sizes are, but you can get an idea.  I'm guessing the serving sizes are for traditional sized drinks (5-6 ounces including the ice!) - not for the huge portions you see everywhere nowadays.

I always ask myself "could I get this somewhere else?".  If it is just a piece of bread or a basket of chips at the table I think about how if I don't eat it now I bet I'll have another chance to later and I am not really missing out on anything.  Of course, if it is a great sounding piece of chocolate dessert that is just screaming my name at a non chain place I'll get but I'll feel glad I did since it was worth it.  By now I know how many calories there are in a chip(though I inflate the numbers in my head just a bit to scare myself off) and that works to keep me in line.

And like everyone elese said, speciality salads with dressing on the side (dip your fork in)  look like a meal.   Avoid cheese/sauces/pastas while out since they tend to be way too much.  Veggies replace sides. 

 And I always eat my protein since I am paying for it but I'll try to leave some of the bun or tortilla since that's another 200 easy.  It just looks like you got full but instead of having a 1/4 of a sandwich left screaming "eat me", you really have no desire to eat a plain little bun. 

And of course, the diet standard:  "water with lemon please"

edited for spelling

Eating out lately has driven me insane!! We have weekly cheer dinners and they always order PASTA for us. Of course, I always go for the salad and fruit served with it instead, but this week we're being "treated" to P.F. Chang's. This created a dilemma for me about what I can eat there without feeling awful about it later. So I looked up the nutrition, and decided on Buddha's Feast vegetarian plate, NOT BOWL, and opted for the much better for you steamed version. This ranges anywhere from 160 cal a serving to somewhere around 300 for the whole thing! So I have a feeling I won't have major guilt. Thankfully.