Dining out, and weight maintainance after restoration.

This is going to sound totally ridiculous, but here goes.

I'm on maintainance after a long time of gaining. I have to eat about 3000 calories to maintain, it seems. However, tonight is my Dad's birthday. They're going out to dinner. I want to go, but I suddenly feel really anxious.

It is like that, in gaining, I didn't really seem to mind. If I went a bit high, who cared? I needed to gain the weight. But now I'm stable at a healthy BMI and I really don't want to have to gain anymore. Except I also want to eat out normally.

But I'm not sure if I recall what eating out normally is anymore. Do I still eat my other meals/snacks and then just... go for it, at dinner? Or should I be eating lighter? Does it matter? Is this my eating disorder impacting on me? I don't eat out all the time, so it's not like I do this every night. I just realise that if I do indulge later on there's actually a possibility I might gain weight. And I'd rather not.

Ugh. I feel ridiculous for asking this, which should probably be a good sign that it is my eating disorder speaking.

What do you do when you go out to eat if you do not go out often and are not dieting?

Im have been maintaining the last couple of months and during that time I have eaten out a couple of times. Usually I just eat normally all day but maybe a small bit lighter throughout the day and then think of the meal out as my dinner. It takes 3500 calories over your maintanence calories to gain 1lb of fat so I would just enjoy your meal and try not to worry about it.

Even if you aren't on a diet to gain or lose, it's still a good idea to choose a healthy option at the restaurant; what I mean is you don't have to get the menu option that you know is fried and slathered in butter, but you also don't have to get the lowest calorie side salad as a meal, either. Choose a healthy medium. What I do is choose a healthy (but enjoyable) main course and then have a not so healthy side like fries or share a dessert with someone. For the rest of the day, maybe you could try eating smaller snacks instead but leave your meals alone. Although, it is only ONE dinner- one day over your cal intake is not going to matter much.

like the previous poster just said, it takes about 3500 of calories above your maintenance level before you will gain weight. To eat that much during one night out with your family seems quite unlikely - 3500 calories is a lot of food!! If you are concerned, just eat what you enjoy and feel like eating, but don take seconds, keep the portions reasonable.

In two weeks I'm going on a long weekend to Greece, with all inclusive food and drink - I'm not concerned. I'm learning to eat smaller and more reasonable portions, so I am confident that I won't overeat like I used to. When I'm back home again I will just "get back on the wagon" and start counting calories again.

Just relax and enjoy your evening out

Honestly? When you get there, just eat what you WANT. Easier said than done, I know..but try to gauge how hungry you feel, what you crave..and throughout the day, I don't think not eating your snacks and etc is a good idea. Definitely don't deny yourself them just because there's the chance you might go a bit over later..seriously, this is just one night. I very much doubt you'll gain anything from it. Choose something really yummy sounding or something you normally love, and stop when full. =) Good luck and enjoy the dinner!

Before a relapse when I was at a healthy weight this was something that I really started to work on because I do see food as also a social thing and I wanted to be able to enjoy parties. A few thoughts and things that I found helpful. First everyone once an awhile indulges and this is ok. A persons weight will not sky rocket from the occasional extra piece of cake at a birthday. People without eating issues do this and if you look at the every day person there weight does not vary to extremes from this. I would encourage you to eat as planned through the day to not set yourself up for either getting too hungry or the ed voice to start coming in again. Most restaurants offer a wide variety and though you can't calculate exact you can use this time to estimate. What do you usually have for dinner and then try to think of that when ordering so proteins/fats/carbss. I know for myself that the more I ate out and saw that my body didn't make huge changes the anxiety lessened. I even began to enjoy though this part takes time. These are the little pleasures in life that one deserves to enjoy. Do you know where you may go cause as a start it may help to preplan? You can do this and I hope you push through and can enjoy.

I'd say go for a healthy-ish choice that you will enjoy. dont pick something because its healthy, but rather because its healthy and you like it. dont go for something ridiculously unhealthy unless you know you'll enjoy every bit of it! And since you're not gaining anymore, theres no need to force yourself to finish, or continue eating when you feel stuffed. Eat untill you're comfortable!

see how you feel after your meal about dessert. if you're really full, dont go for it. If you'd like to have dessert, especially since its your dads birthday and the others will probably go for some, remember to leave some room for it. But dont forget that you're not obligated to have any just because its customary - just go for how you feel i guess!

so basically, dont go crazy - but make choices that'll allow you to enjoy it!

You counted the calories to gain the weight. It seems you have to do that to gain weight, maintain it, or lose it.

My suggestion is just go out and have a nice dinner it is only one day. Yes, eat your regular meals and snacks..just count them and then for the dinner count those into your 3,000 calories. Just like any other day. If you do go over it, eh, one day won't kill you and it will come off in a matter of time. It won't permanently stay. Trust me, Sweetie. You'll be ok. :)

3, 500 calories over maintenance will make you gain. One day isn't going to do it.

i think "normal" people don't really think about it at all, but once you have/have had an ED we are no longer "normal" we can't erase months or years of counting and obsessing, we know the calorie counts, we know the portion sizes, and we can't change that. what we can do is TRY to enjoy food again, just look at the menu and the descriptions of the food. picture yourself eating them, if you like it then order it. once it comes feel your stomach, your level of hunger and don't feel compelled to eat it all but don't feel afraid to either, if you are hungry then eat. a calorie from a food that doesn't taste good is a wasted calorie, if that carrot stick was not palatable then it was a waste, because maybe a banana would have hit the spot even though it was higher in calories. so, what i'm saying is, when you eat, make it count. don't think of every calorie, or the consequences of your eating. when people are "normal" it all balances out in the end. the next day you might be less hungry if you overeat tonight, even without counting your body would let you know. so, when people are not focused on their weight it seems that they can intuitively adjust their intake based on how they are feeling. that being said, try to have some balance. if you order a hamburger with cheese, then opt out of the fries and get a salad or something light. if you know you want fries and a hamburger then maybe eat half that night and take the rest home and order a side salad to accompany it. but don't skip out on what you want altogether just eat mindfully. i hope this helps :) i know it can be hard and i get anxiety when i'm going somewhere new and don't know what to expect but just try to enjoy the time with your dad and celebrate him!! 

So... How did it go? :)

hey ellie. i know this is late but i thought i'd reply anyway, for next time you're going out to eat. 

i think most 'normal' 19 year olds would (i'm thinking about my friends here)... eat what they wanted all day before, and then go and eat whatever sounded good off of the menu, too.

if it was me, i'd try and pick something moderately healthy 80% of the time (e.g. avoiding anything deep fried or whatever) but if it's a special occasion, or you just fancy your 20%, go for it! 

you may be weight restored but you are still in recovery from your eating disorder so i think it's important that you don't feel you have to 'restrict' or deprive yourself in any way. remember you are NOT DIETING so you shouldn't really feel like there are any strict rules or boundaries surrounding food. the reason we go to restaurants is to enjoy a special meal, company, surroundings.. relax and have fun, it's nice to try and soak up some of the conversation, the decour, and so on, and it also detracts from any anxiety that might arise relating to the actual food. 

is there anyone you know who has a healthy, balanced approach to food that you'd aspire to be like? for me, my brother is a pretty good example. he's 21 and just eats what he wants, but tries to be healthy and knows when to stop. he has such a relaxed attitude towards eating so when i'm with him it totally rubs off on me - i find it so much easier to relax a bit and follow his lead. if i was going out to eat and felt anxious, i'd just try and ask myself what he would do and it makes me feel relaxed and calm about it again, as though i was with him. maybe you have a friend, or relative, or your sister(?) who might make you feel like that too.

but i hope it went well! i went to wagamama yesterday :)

It went well and I used my head. I nibbled at my mum's starter though they didn't really have many I liked, so I didn't have one myself. Main, I had soy glazed sesame tuna (rare!) on thick flat rice noodles with mixed vegetables, and then I had some carrot cake. Thanks, by the by. :]