Disappointed...

Last night, I really poured out all of my feelings and worries on here.  I've never revealed so much before, and it was so hard for me.  I really wanted advice and feedback.  I wasn't trying to upset or offend anyone.  I have been at school since 5 this morning and just got home from my hour+ commute.  I was hoping to read what everyone wrote, but I see that my post has been deleted.  I wish it hadn't because I could truly use the support.  I don't know who deleted it or what to do, but if you are reading this, could you please allow it to be back up?  Either way, I thank everyone who responded, and I am just sorry I can't see what you wrote.  To whoever deleted it, I am sorry if it bothered you, but that was not my intention at all.

Your post was against CC posting guidelines.

Aka you had clearly no intention on getting better and you triggered some people.

Thanks for letting me know.  I figured it was something like that, but I honestly didn't post for that intention.  I would never want to hurt anyone.  I put everyone before myself and care about everyone so much more than myself, even people who I don't know.  I just wanted to get out my feelings and find people to talk to because I have no one, and it's really hard to get better when you have no one and don't care what happens to yourself either way.  I come here as a last resort because I know people get mad about certain posts, so I am just going to try my best not to post anymore.  I am truly sorry if you were one of the people who I triggered.  I honestly never meant for that.

you triggered me. i was quite harsh in my response in the earlier post. i know you are not a malicious person, nor do you set out to upset ppl. but the fact is you have been given tonnes of advice and support here.

you have support if you do the right thing - which is up your calories and stop exercising and put on some weight. the fact is : you are doing none of these things and so i think you need to look outside calorie count and find a real team of ppl, whom you can confide in and trust. but here is not good for you right now. and its not good for us either.

sorry to be blunt but it seems like you wont listen any other way

This forum absolutely cannot be your last resort.

Unfortunately, my response to your initial post is gone too.

So, I will reiterate -- you need real live human beings, not avatars on a website that is tailored for lightweight chit chat on healthy living in our modern world.

You are revealing all here because there is no risk that you will have to be accountable. You run because you want to stay detached and numb.

Fidget has said it, you can get support here once you are in recovery.

Go see your doctor and if you don't like your existing doctor, get a new one, but see a doctor. Get a therapist and nutritionist.