My doctor told me to increase my calories- mental anguish has followed. Help?

I suppose I just need somewhere to vent, as I don't want to burden the people in my daily life with my mentality over food.

For several months now I had been having stomach issues and I finally went to my doctor.  He diagnosed me with "Stress and Diet Induced IBS".  The month before I saw him, I weighed in at 119 at my gyno.  At his office I weighed 109.

He began questioning my caloric intake, which I told him... because I am a horrible liar, and when I fib it is written all over my face.  I'm 5'2", and he informed me that I needed to up my calories to as much as 1,800 a day and to stop losing weight.  He did bloodwork out of concern and is making me come back in 6 weeks (this was 2 weeks ago... so, I have a month)

The problem is, I can NOT bring myself to eat that much.  I limit myself ridiculously; if I hit 1,100 calories in a day I panic.  My appointment with him was less than two weeks ago, and I am down to 107.  I intend to continue to lose weight... the only problem is, I don't know when I'm stopping.  My goal weight was 115.  I'm still not happy.

I guess what I'm asking is, does anybody know what will happen when I go to my doctor and weigh less than before, even after he informed me to eat more? He saw the distress on my face when he told me to eat more.  I nearly cried.  I can't do it, but I don't want some uprooting event to happen just because he feels I don't weigh enough.  I do not want to gain weight.  My weight is the only thing I can control in life right now.

Should I just not even go back? I am so panicked and no one in my life seems to understand.  I hope you all don't mind my rambling... I needed to let loose.

EDIT to reply to everyone at once:

Thank you all for your kindness and responses, I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner but life has just been chaotic.

I will probably go ahead and go back to my doctor.  He wants to run more bloodwork (my sugar levels are apparently wacky) and I guess I will let him say whatever it is that he feels like he needs to say to me.

As for speaking to family members- all I get is mocking.  "You're too skinny."  "You don't eat"  "You're a rabbit"  or some other jokes regarding my minimal eating.  It pisses me off, actually, and if they're going to resort to snide remarks I just will not confide in them any longer.

As for "starvation" mode- is it really all that bad? I mean, what could possibly happen?  The only side effect I've had lately is that I get dizzy when I stand up too quickly or get up from laying down.  Otherwise, I actually feel sicker when I eat too much over my 8-900.  Such as tonight.  I know I sound ignorant, and I apologize.  I suppose I am a bit ignorant.

And- seriously?  A medical professional suggesting smoking?  GTFO.  I'm not concerned with my IBS.  I don't care.  I'd rather not poop than get CANCER.

I know that avoiding the problem will not make it go away.  But it makes it less painful.

mel_e_mel, I'm anguished over maintaining my current weight.  The IBS I can handle.  But to maintain or- god forbid- GAIN weight just freaks me out.  I don't know what I would do if it happened.  The ten pounds in one month thing... I don't know where that came from.  It has slowed down, on July 5th it will be 2 months and I am currently 107. So that's only 12 pounds in two months... It could be worse?

Thank you all again.  I will take your advice and return to my doctor.  I don't know if I can stop doing what I'm doing though.  Watching the numbers on the scale drop is just... it's addicting.  I get high off seeing a pound more gone.

...and as I typed that, I realized how scary it sounds.

You're doctor is right dear, you should be eating more. You said you panic if you even hit 1,100 and even that's below the lowest limit of 1200. Even if you were overweight and need to lose weight, you would need more. I know it's stressful, but I can see a troubling pattern here: You're still not happy with you're weight, you don't eat enough to sustain your body's functions, and you associated your weight loss and eating with control. Those are things that you will usually find in someone with an eating disorder. I know you're weight isn't dangerously low now, but it could end up like that. You need to stop for your health. You might need help to do that. And you're wrong, you can do it. I had an ED, I remember bawling my eyes out everytime someone made me eat more than I wanted to, but I got through it and I live a much happier life right now. To answer your final question, yes, you should go back. Avoiding doctors because they know something is wrong should just tell you that something IS wrong with what you're doing. It's their job to keep you healthy.

Please go back! I had an ED and a lot of had to do with having IBS problems, which spiraled into restricting, which spiraled into being severely underweight, and losing so many things/people in my life that were important to me. Freaking out about eating so few calories is a definite sign of developing an ED, and a lot of your post really worries me. I really see myself in your post, and I would NEVER wish for anyone to go down the road I went down. I know you don't want to burden family/friends with this, but please talk to someone that can help you start eating a 'normal' amount. I know it's scary, but you don't want to live like this forever, and there are so, so many better things to focus your time on than calories. You can even speak with your doctor about this, and I'm sure they could help set you up with someone to speak with. Also, feel free to PM me anytime. Good luck to you!

You sound like me.. Freaking out over going over that 1100-1200 calorie mark. But please go back to see your doctor!! It's important to get all the help you can when you have a midset like that, as that borders on (if it isn't already) an Eating Disorder. Believ eme I know I've suffered/suffer from ED's for over two years now.

You should be happy you notice and that someone else did, who wants what's best for you. And Also KNOWS what's best. For you and your health and life in general.

You really need to increase your caloric intake, as for your IBS I might suggest an unorthodox fix, try smoking 2-3 cigarettes a day, as a healthcare professional I normally discourage tobacco use but I have seen this treatment be Very effective in some patients.........

what did you all not understand about the phrase "unorthodox fix" this poor girl stated in the SECOND line of her post that it was the PAIN and DISCOMFORT of her IBS that was  keeping her from eating to the caloric level required by her Dr..  I'm just trying to relieve her pain and you guys act like i'm trying to poison her.........a couple a cigarettes a day for a few weeks won't hurt her in the long run but short term it "COULD" relieve her pain which was the point i was trying to make. Obviously I don't want her to become a chronic tobacco user?? I mean I wouldn't wish that "STINKING HELL" on anyone ( i grew up surounded by smokers). So, I'm so VERY sorry for trying to offer some comfort and pain relief to this poor girl, just doing what i've been trained to do, so get over yourselves actually read what i posted and THINK before you type.

Original Post by stayinthenight:

 I can't do it, but I don't want some uprooting event to happen just because he feels I don't weigh enough. 

Should I just not even go back?

Look at it this way.  If you don't go back to your doctor the 'uprooting event' that's staring you in the face is a nasty spiral of untreated ill-health,  misery and possibly a lot, lot worse.  If you go back to the doctor and you're still getting thinner then you at least stand the chance of getting some treatment. If no-one in your life seems to understand it's probably because you've moved away from rational, normal behaviour and into territory totally outside their experience.   It's very frightening for a layperson to watch someone do what you're doing to yourself.  Whereas your doctor is not only trained to understand and difficult to shock but can also offer practical help.

Avoiding the problem won't make it go away.  Once you accept you have a problem you can start to get better.  Best of luck

Why are you anguished over eating more? Is it because you're afraid of your IBS getting worse, or because you're afraid of maintaining your current weight?

Ten pounds is a lot to lose in one month, especially when you are in a normal BMI range in the first place. Your doctor's concern is valid. If the pattern continues, you will require hospitalization in two months or less.

Do not skip your next appointment - your doctor is actually looking out for you; do you know how many people don't have anyone doing that for them? Most folks are on their own. This doctor is trying to help you. Don't throw that away. And eating below starvation levels - below 1200 calories - on a regular basis will only send your stomach/bowel functions into further decline. Do you want your health to get worse? Trust me, you really, really don't. "Controlling" your weight won't make the rest of your problems any better - you're going to make them worse.

Original Post by davidthenurse:

You really need to increase your caloric intake, as for your IBS I might suggest an unorthodox fix, try smoking 2-3 cigarettes a day, as a healthcare professional I normally discourage tobacco use but I have seen this treatment be Very effective in some patients.........

wtf?

Original Post by davidthenurse:

You really need to increase your caloric intake, as for your IBS I might suggest an unorthodox fix, try smoking 2-3 cigarettes a day, as a healthcare professional I normally discourage tobacco use but I have seen this treatment be Very effective in some patients.........

 Are you kidding me?

Original Post by fayeonherway:

Original Post by davidthenurse:

You really need to increase your caloric intake, as for your IBS I might suggest an unorthodox fix, try smoking 2-3 cigarettes a day, as a healthcare professional I normally discourage tobacco use but I have seen this treatment be Very effective in some patients.........

 Are you kidding me?

I guess if you started smoking then you would develop respiratory problems, etc. and then would focus on that instead of the IBS? Cancer>IBS? Maybe if I go buy a pack my stomach problems will be solved!! :::runs to store:::

... well, cigarettes sometimes help if you have the kind of IBS where you absolutely can't "go" and are in pain because of it. I've used this home remedy before - but all it takes is one cigarette if you are a non-smoker. And prescription miralax is much safer, and works just as well. But if you don't have access to a doctor/medicine, one cigarette (or even half of one) is an option. We're talking like once per week here, if that.

But the OP was not complaining about her IBS, or seeking unsolicited advice on how to deal with IBS. She is afraid to gain weight, or even to maintain her weight, although she is already very thin. So, it's an out-of-context WTF.

Original Post by mel_e_mel:

... well, cigarettes sometimes help if you have the kind of IBS where you absolutely can't "go" and are in pain because of it. I've used this home remedy before - but all it takes is one cigarette if you are a non-smoker. And prescription miralax is much safer, and works just as well. But if you don't have access to a doctor/medicine, one cigarette (or even half of one) is an option. We're talking like once per week here, if that.

But the OP was not complaining about her IBS, or seeking unsolicited advice on how to deal with IBS. She is afraid to gain weight, or even to maintain her weight, although she is already very thin. So, it's an out-of-context WTF.

 Exactly!

Thank you all for your kindness and responses, I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner but life has just been chaotic.

I will probably go ahead and go back to my doctor.  He wants to run more bloodwork (my sugar levels are apparently wacky) and I guess I will let him say whatever it is that he feels like he needs to say to me.

As for speaking to family members- all I get is mocking.  "You're too skinny."  "You don't eat"  "You're a rabbit"  or some other jokes regarding my minimal eating.  It pisses me off, actually, and if they're going to resort to snide remarks I just will not confide in them any longer.

As for "starvation" mode- is it really all that bad? I mean, what could possibly happen?  The only side effect I've had lately is that I get dizzy when I stand up too quickly or get up from laying down.  Otherwise, I actually feel sicker when I eat too much over my 8-900.  Such as tonight.  I know I sound ignorant, and I apologize.  I suppose I am a bit ignorant.

And- seriously?  A medical professional suggesting smoking?  GTFO.  I'm not concerned with my IBS.  I don't care.  I'd rather not poop than get CANCER.

I know that avoiding the problem will not make it go away.  But it makes it less painful.

mel_e_mel, I'm anguished over maintaining my current weight.  The IBS I can handle.  But to maintain or- god forbid- GAIN weight just freaks me out.  I don't know what I would do if it happened.  The ten pounds in one month thing... I don't know where that came from.  It has slowed down, on July 5th it will be 2 months and I am currently 107. So that's only 12 pounds in two months... It could be worse?

Thank you all again.  I will take your advice and return to my doctor.  I don't know if I can stop doing what I'm doing though.  Watching the numbers on the scale drop is just... it's addicting.  I get high off seeing a pound more gone.

...and as I typed that, I realized how scary it sounds.

(I'm going to edit this into the entry, as well. A mass-reply, if you will)

Original Post by stayinthenight:

Thank you all for your kindness and responses, I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner but life has just been chaotic.

I will probably go ahead and go back to my doctor.  He wants to run more bloodwork (my sugar levels are apparently wacky) and I guess I will let him say whatever it is that he feels like he needs to say to me.

As for speaking to family members- all I get is mocking.  "You're too skinny."  "You don't eat"  "You're a rabbit"  or some other jokes regarding my minimal eating.  It pisses me off, actually, and if they're going to resort to snide remarks I just will not confide in them any longer.

As for "starvation" mode- is it really all that bad? I mean, what could possibly happen?  The only side effect I've had lately is that I get dizzy when I stand up too quickly or get up from laying down.  Otherwise, I actually feel sicker when I eat too much over my 8-900.  Such as tonight.  I know I sound ignorant, and I apologize.  I suppose I am a bit ignorant.

And- seriously?  A medical professional suggesting smoking?  GTFO.  I'm not concerned with my IBS.  I don't care.  I'd rather not poop than get CANCER.

I know that avoiding the problem will not make it go away.  But it makes it less painful.

mel_e_mel, I'm anguished over maintaining my current weight.  The IBS I can handle.  But to maintain or- god forbid- GAIN weight just freaks me out.  I don't know what I would do if it happened.  The ten pounds in one month thing... I don't know where that came from.  It has slowed down, on July 5th it will be 2 months and I am currently 107. So that's only 12 pounds in two months... It could be worse?

Thank you all again.  I will take your advice and return to my doctor.  I don't know if I can stop doing what I'm doing though.  Watching the numbers on the scale drop is just... it's addicting.  I get high off seeing a pound more gone.

...and as I typed that, I realized how scary it sounds.

(I'm going to edit this into the entry, as well. A mass-reply, if you will)

Starvation mode is when your body realizes it's not getting enough calories, so you lose weight lower and your metabolism goes wayyyy down. I have experienced this, and it is definitely real. At first when I was restricting I thought it was a load of crap, but then I became used to eating ---- (not posting it in case it is triggering for anyone) and when I started eating 1200 calories I gained some weight. While I was exercising. That's starvation mode! 

And about speaking to someone, I'm sorry your family isn't more understanding. If you don't fee comfortable confiding in them, what about a close friend or even your physician? Or a psychologist/psychiatrist? There are many which specialize in EDs and helping you establish a positive relationship with food and I highly recommend meeting with someone before you lose more weight and truly damage yourself. I was told "when you lose your body, you lose your mind" and once you start losing more weight the obsession only furthers and you won't realize that what you are doing is so dangerous. 

Good luck to you, feel free to message me anytime. I know too much about this :-(.

stayinthenight, your family probably jokes / is sarcastic because they have no other mechanism to cope with what is happening. My family is also like that; you need to get better for yourself, not them.

Eating at 8-900 calories will destroy your metabolism for years to come. And your body is currently eating its own muscles and organs to survive - you need 1200 calories a day to support organ and brain function.

What in your life is not in your control? And how will making scale numbers go down help that?

Please consider focusing your energies on things other then your weight. School, friends, whatever.