At the Doctor's Office

Hopefully, this "game" will go better than my last one.

You are a doctor (even though it's called "doctor's office", it can also be a therapist, counsellor, etc), responding to the previous poster's problem or question. Your replies can be humourous, absolutely unrealistic, or serious - it's up to you.

After writing your reply, you take on the role of the patient, and ask the next doctor a question.

First question: I have 14 days to lose 50% of my bodyweight. Please, how do I do this?

Have your arms, legs and 50% of your colon removed.-  I'll have to refer you to a specialist .  What insurance do you have or will this be cash pay?

I get "itchy" skin so bad that the day after I get the itch - I'll have a bruise from my scratching- not broken skin just bruises. What is causing this- yes I try not to scratch it LOL

Sounds like contact dermatitis. As your doctor I recommend making an oatmeal paste and spreading it all over your naked body as you stand in a hot kettle of warm milk and brown sugar. An additional remedy; add raisins or blueberries.

I get unbearable headaches every time the dishes need to be cleaned or the floor mopped. What could cause that?

 

You may be suffering from an acute case of "cinder-ella-itis". The cure: a healthy dose of hardworking, household-cleaning, fuzzy woodland creatures, known as the "snow white" treatment. Also, whistling while you work has been found to supplement this procedure and increase productivity and overall satisfaction.

I can't sleep at night; I get this terrible urge to multiply large numbers in my head, and the same goes for long division! Counting sheep only makes things worse, trust me. What should I do, doc?

Sounds like a severe case of dyscalcula and the only cure is dating either an accountant  or Count Dracula - Count dracula currently has a waiting list of maybe 10, 11,12, 13,14 ,... days waiting list.

After each of my children my shoe size grew but my bra size shrank Do I dare get pregnant again and risk becoming a Pirate Clown - you know sunken chest and big feet??

Hm... this could be a case of masectopedia, and can only be improved with diet and exercise.  If that doesn't help, I know a good orthopedic surgeon who could give you breast implants.

After I work out I feel this intense pain in several parts of my body.  How do I prevent this?

Try filling the water bottle you take to the gym with you with vodka. If that doesn't work, we'll try a prescription.

Doctor, can you prescribe me those pills right there?